I had dropped Sammie off at school at around nine the next morning, before returning back home and making some sort of attempt to do a bit of cleaning. I’m one of those people who can’t stand things being untidy. I’m organized and prepared for everything. I picked up a kitchen cloth, dampened it and sprayed surface cleanser onto the kitchen worktops, then used the cloth to wipe it all off. I took this time to think about things. Feelings.
Oliver had stayed the night again last night. He was upstairs at the minute showering and getting changed. The weird thing was…it didn’t feel weird. Infact, him being here a lot now and being there for me and Sammie made everything perfect. This time a couple of months ago I sat in a recording studio dwelling on my ended relationship with John, arguing with myself If the decision we had both agreed, which was to end our relationship, was the right one. It annoyed me, aggravated me so much to an extent I would end up driving over to Shannon’s house at silly hours in the morning just so I didn’t have to sleep alone with my thoughts. That’s what Shannon’s there for. She’s my rock. I can honestly say I don’t know where I would be without that woman.
I dropped the cloth back into the sink and looked down at my now wet hands. I realised my focus was mainly on the finger next to my pinkie on my left hand. I just stared at the place where my wedding ring used to be, something that I used to do when I felt depressed or was just in one of them moods. I hadn’t felt like that these past couple of months though. I haven’t felt like I’ve needed to see or speak to Russell; I haven’t even thought about him at all. When I saw him in the store a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t feel an ounce of pain as I saw him stood with his slut. And this time, as I stare down at my manicured fingers, I feel nothing. I don’t care…
I should have stopped caring the minute he texted me telling me he wanted to divorce me, I know that, but I also know that I’m human. And part of being human is grieving. I grieved for months on end, cried myself to sleep at nights, clutched onto the necklace that he’d bought me for my birthday and watched as my tears dropped onto the palms of my hands. Then when I was with John, it settled down a bit, but it still hurt. I thought I loved John, but it’s now that I realise the comparisons between John and Oliver. The way he touches me, so gentle and careful, where as John’s guitar hands were rough and could be forceful sometimes. Oliver gives me these smiles, and it’s like they are his way of assuring me during a bad situation that everything is going to be fine. I will always believe it, because for some reason I have one hundred percent trust in him. It wasn’t like that with John, I didn’t trust him one hundred percent. There were times when I would call him and he’d ignore me, not even respond until a couple of days later…making me wonder where exactly he was at that point.
Everytime Oliver touches me, it’s like a million fireworks are being set off inside me. It was like this when we were teenagers, yet I never once felt like this with John.
When I was with John, at times, my mind still wandered back to Russell, even though I knew I shouldn’t have, but not once has it since I’ve been spending time with Oliver. He makes me feel special, and safe. I feel protection when I’m in his arms, and it’s like no one or nothing can hurt me. I loved him once, maybe I could love him again.
A smile formed on my lips as I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist from behind me. I felt protected again.
“You look beautiful.” Oliver whispered into my ear.
I blushed uncontrollably and leant my head back on his shoulder, letting out a happy sigh. The past two nights we had spent together had just been perfect. Perfect in a way you couldn’t imagine, but I didn’t know what this was between us both. The one thing we hadn’t talked about was what we were labeling this, that’s if we were even putting a label on it. All I knew, was that I didn’t want him to leave me.
“I want to stay like this forever.” I said with my eyes closed, breathing in his scent off his shirt.
“That would be pretty good, wouldn’t it? But unfortunately I have work at ten so you’ve only got me for approximately another-” he lifted up his wrist and looked at his watch, “nine and a half minutes.”
“That’s not long enough,” I moaned, turning on my heels to face him.
His green eyes sparkled down at me as I stayed tucked up in his arms, my arms now making their way to his neck; my fingers running through his soft, damp, messy, blonde hair. I lent even closer to him, feeling his now minty breath, where he had just brushed his teeth, breathing onto my lips. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the feel of the warmth of his body touching mine, until I felt his warm lips gently touch mine, lingering there for a few seconds before leaving with a quiet smooching sound.
I opened my eyes to the sight of him smiling, his heart melting smile that gave me goosebumps every time I saw it. I looked at the way the corners of his mouth made two tiny dimples when he smiled. The shape of his pink lips, so perfect and identical to our little girl’s. They shared the exact same smile.
“You and Sammie have the same smile,” I grinned, touching his closed lips with the tip of my finger. “That makes it my favorite smile.”
The grin he wore got bigger, but as his eyes met with the clock on my kitchen wall, it dropped completely. A sigh escaped his lips.
“I have to go,” he whispered, pulling me closer into him.
“Be late,” I pecked his lips once, “Or say you’re sick,” And pecked them again, “Tell them you’ve got a family emergency,” And again.
Oliver kissed my cheek and looked at me apologetically, “any other day I would, but I have an important meeting today.”
“Oh, I guess I can let you leave then.”
I pulled him in for another hug, digging my head into the crook of his neck and leaving a soft kiss on his slightly visible chest.
“See you soon darling,” Oliver said into my hair.
We both pulled away and I waved him off from the front door, watching him reverse out of my drive and give me one last perfect smile before he disappeared onto the road.
[Flashback]
I gripped tightly onto the both of his hands, catching the tears on my sweater as they were constantly falling from my red, swollen eyes. This was the worst part of it all…saying goodbye. Every single time I had to do this, my heart would just break. Completely shatter. His family stood close by, watching as we exchanged sweet words and ready to comfort me when Oliver had left. Again. For the third time already this year. Maybe this was me being selfish, but why did he have to leave? I wanted him to stay here with me forever.
“Come back to me,” I sniffled, “When you’re out there, fighting, just think of me waiting for you at home and remember that I need you to come back to me.” He wiped the tears from underneath my eyes, “I beg you to come back to me,” I whispered.
The amount of soldiers I would hear about on the TV dying whilst fighting for our country just seemed to be increasing all the time. The thought of Oliver, my Oliver, being one of them just pained me so much. Sometimes I couldn’t deal with the pain it would hurt that much.
He pressed his forehead again mine, “That’s all I’ll be thinking about. Me and you. You’ll be back in my arms before you know it.”
That’s what I always wanted to believe, that he would be okay and come back to me alive. That’s what I prayed for every single night, without fail, before I went to bed. Maybe it was my faith that kept me strong enough to go through this all the time; my relationship with the Lord.
“I miss you already and you’re right here.” I sobbed, giving his hands another squeeze.
“This time will fly by, okay? And exactly two months from now, I want to come out of those doors over there,” he gestured to the doors opposite us with his head that he would be leaving through in just a couple of minutes, “and I want to see you stood right here waiting for me looking as beautiful as ever.”
I giggled cutely at his choice of words. I blushed, but not once did I tear my eyes away from his.
“Can you do that for me?” He asked.
I nodded confidently. Of course I would be here when he got back. I wanted to be the first person he sees when he steps off his plane home.
“I will do anything for you.” I replied.
‘All US soldiers on flight 875 to gate 8, this is the last call.’ A voice said through the tannoy.
We both sighed, but I still managed to force out a small smile for him. The boy I loved more than anything in this world. I didn’t care if I was only eighteen. He kissed my hands, before dropping them back to my sides and beginning to slowly back away from me, his eyes still not leaving mine. Oliver straightened up the beret on his head, then gave me, and the rest of his family, a confident salut.
“I love you darling!” He shouted over.
I nodded my head, knowing he meant what he said, but not managing to get any words out in this moment as I choked on my tears. The supporting arms of his mother wrapped over my shoulder whilst I stood sobbing into my hands.
“I love you too.” I called back over.
I kept my eyes glued to him, watching him hand over his passport and I.D to the woman outside his gate. Oliver was handed back his passport, and he threw his bag over his shoulder as he approached the doors that I couldn’t wait to see him walk back out of in two months time. All last eye contact was made, a final wink off him was given to me before he disappeared through the doors and onto his plane. Gone for another two months.
[Samantha’s POV]
I lifted up my bag and replaced it back on my shoulder. The heat was burning down onto my skin and the droplets of sweat ran down my forehead. I quickly wiped it with the back of my hand. The distance from my school to Katy’s house was only a ten minute walk, but the sun had been shining all day and I could literally feel myself melting.
As I approached Katy’s mansion, the Range Rover that was parked in her drive this morning was gone, meaning Oliver must have gone home. I pushed open the front door and hung my bag on the hook behind the door.
“Mom you home?” I called out, waiting a couple of seconds for a reply.
Katy’s head popped around the door of the front room; she wore a huge smile on her face. I instantly felt that feeling she had right now.
“I’ll never get tired of hearing you call me that you know,”
I hung my bag on the hook by the door and followed Katy into the front room. She had her laptop open, along with her notebook and her diary.
“Do you ever stop writing?” I asked.
Katy shook her head and flicked her black hair over her shoulder, “Nope, probably not,”
I sat on the end of the sofa, not knowing whether I should confide in Katy what I’d had on my mind all day. The fact I hadn’t seen Ste in almost five weeks now really said something on it’s own. The last I spoke to him was about five days ago.
Katy was typing something on her laptop. I just sat and watched her fingers on the keys, my mind wandering in and out of my thoughts at the same time. I noticed her fingers come to an automatic stop, then her head turned to face me.
“You’re quiet,” She narrowed her eyes a little whilst studying my face. “And I know that look.”
I cleared my throat, “What look?”
Katy pushed the laptop a little across the table and turned her whole body to face me, crossing her legs in the process.
“I’m going to go for a wild guess and say this has something to do with that good looking seventeen year old in Santa Barbara?”
When I say she knows me better than anyone, I truly truly mean it. Somehow, she can just read my thoughts from the look on my face. I would say I don’t know how she does it, but there are times when I too can just read her like a book.
I nodded my head and sighed, “I haven’t seen him in five weeks.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
“Yeah, but it was about five days ago.”
Katy thought for a minute, “and what did he say to you?”
“That he’s just got a job working for his uncle, but he’d come over in the next couple of weeks.”
“Right well, why don’t you just wait until you see him and see how things play out.” She suggested.
“Yeah you’re right.” I lent forwards and gave Katy an unexpected hug. She laughed at first but quickly hugged back. “Thank you,”
“Any time angel, any time.”
Just as I pulled away to get up, Katy grabbed hold of my hand and pulled the laptop back on her knee. She opened Word and looked at me with questioning eyes.
"Wanna start writing our statement for KatyPerry.com? I’ve been meaning to do it for a good couple of days now, but I want it to be both of our words."
I gave the hand Katy was holding a tight squeeze.
"Yeah, let’s do it."