The drive home was silent, but it wasn’t a bad silence. It was more of a peaceful silence. I was assured everything was going to be okay. I had my head rested on the glass window, feeling my heavy eyes threatening to close shut. It took about five minutes until we were parked up inside Katy’s drive.
We entered her house in another silence, but as soon as I heard the front door close behind her, I hurried back into her arms. After a quick cuddle, Katy draped her arm over my shoulder and we walked into the living room. I sat across from Katy with my legs crossed, getting ready to tell her my reason for arguing with her those weeks ago.
“Before you start,” Katy spoke as she took my hand in hers, “I just, I want to say how sorry I am for making you feel like this. I was hurt, just finding a way to forget everything that happened between us that day. I promise you I never wanted this to happen. I just needed space to clear my head, that’s all.”
I do get what Katy’s saying. The past seventeen days were awful, not being able to talk to Katy or go and get in her bed at night if I couldn’t sleep. It’s made me realise that the plan I had wouldn’t have worked anyway.
“I understand.” I sighed, taking a breath before I continued to tell her why I did what I did. “I can explain to you why I said those things, and I promise you that I didn’t mean any of it.” I gave her hand a slight squeeze. “You’re going to think I’m an absolute idiot when I tell you.”
Katy shook her head, “I won’t.”
Bless her. She’d do anything to try and make me feel better.
I laughed a little, “Oh you will.”
“Tell me.”
I nodded my head and cleared my throat, “Well, you know when I uh…called you mom?”
That upset look returned in Katy’s eyes, it’s supposed to be a good thing remembering your child calling you mom for the first time, but not in Katy’s case. What came after I called it her makes it an upsetting memory.
“Mhm.” She replied confidently.
“I was confused after I had said it. I guess I felt guilty.” I shrugged.
Katy looked quite confused, she was rubbing my hand slowly in between hers. “Guilty? Why would you feel guilty?”
“I felt guilty at the fact there’s a woman on the other side of America who I already address by that name. I can’t hurt her after everything she’s done for me. She didn’t have to raise me, but she did. Anyway, I thought in my mind that I had made a mistake calling you mom, and I was angry at myself for saying it. At that point, I took my anger out on you. That’s why I said you would always be ‘just Katy’. I was insensitive, and I’m sorry.” My voice was quieter than before, but I knew that I had to tell Katy the absolute truth, even if it made me feel as awful as I did when I did it.
“I understand that, come here.” Katy leant forward with her arms open for a hug, but I leant back and pulled away.
“I’m not done. None of that excuses the horrible things I said to you, but I can explain that too.”
She placed her arms back in her lap and nodded for me to continue.
“The look on your face when I called you mom, you looked so happy. Then I went and tore it all away from you and I hated myself for it. I didn’t want you thinking I was going to wake up the next morning calling you mom so I made it quite clear that it was a mistake…so that you didn’t expect me to. When we were on the stairs and, a-and I saw how upset you where, I knew it was all my fault. I couldn’t hurt you like that again.” I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver and my eyes fill up with tears.
“Hey hey, shh.” Katy whispered as she began to one again stroke my hand comfortingly.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, “I went out for lunch with Oliver didn’t I?”
“The next day, yeah.”
“Well, we were talking about it and he told me that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, clearly knowing that I hadn’t meant to hurt you that night.”
Katy was slowly nodding her head as she followed my words, “Okay, I understand that.”
“What he said kind of stuck in my head, the whole ’sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind’ thing. Anyway, I thought that if I was cruel to you, it would be me being kind to you, because eventually you would grow to hate me and then I wouldn’t ever be able to hurt you again like I did.” I admitted.
Her mouth opened a little bit, I knew she got my plan.
“That’s why you argued with me when you came home, those things you said to me… you wanted me to hate you?” The last couple words came out in a bit of a laugh.
Katy laughed, just like Oliver did when I had told him.
“I didn’t want you to hate me, I guess I felt it was just something I needed to do.”
She shook her head, “Oh Sammie.”
Katy engulfed me in a tight hug, laughing lightly into my hair. I felt better that this conversation had gone down without an argument.
“Sammie you’re such an…” Katy stopped mid-sentence.
“Idiot?” I finished off what she was going to say, giggling a little bit. “I told you.”
I pulled back and looked up at her, she was smirking down at me but that look had returned. That amazing look. The look I thought I would never see again.
“I could never hate you darling, not ever.”
I sighed at how ridiculous I had been. This whole thing had just been completely stupid, but then it got taken so out of hand by the both of us.
“I know that, I should have known that then. And as if I thought I could live with you hating me! These past three weeks we’ve barely spoken or anything and look how that changed me.”
“It’s been the same for me. I couldn’t concentrate at work, everyone knew something was up.”
“I’m sorry Katy.”
Katy cupped my face with her hands, “Me too baby.”
“I love you so much.”
“And I love you too.”
We hugged it out for about the next twenty minutes. My head on Katy’s shoulder as we laid together on the couch. I missed this so much.
As we just laid there, I thought to myself about mine and Katy’s relationship and the things she’d told me a couple of weeks ago. I told her she wasn’t there for me, but she hit back and listed just a few of many things she’d done for me. So basically, she did raise me.
I remember me and Katy doing everything together. A couple of years ago, when she was married to Russell, they both took me with them to London. We had lunch with Barbra, that’s Russell’s mom, and I guess it was like we were all a family. That was before I even knew the secret. I got along with Russell’s mom quite well actually, I wonder if she knew who I really was.
“Kate?”
She was gently running her fingers through my hair.
“Mhm?”
“Did Russell’s mom know? You know, about me really being your daughter.”
“Yeah, she did. I told her a couple of weeks after I’d told Russ. I wasn’t planning on it, but I was in London and something had happened, Russell wasn’t there and she was always someone I trusted with everything. Still to this day. So I told her. We talked for hours about it.”
“What had happened?”
Katy sighed, “I was just a little upset that’s all. Me and mom had had a few…differences.”
“Differences?”
She sat up a little bit, “Remember when you asked to go to that concert the other year with your friends?”
I thought back to what she was on about. I remember going to a couple of concerts, but I do remember the first one I went to led to me and Katy arguing. I don’t remember why though.
“Yeah..”
“Mom told me that you’d asked to go and she said yeah, but I thought you were too young to be going to a concert on your own so I told mom you weren’t going. She reminded me that she made the decisions involving you, not me. We ended up getting into a full blown argument about it all.” Katy told me. “It was just me being my protective self and worrying about you.”
“You’re my mom, that’s what mom’s do. They worry, get stressed and argue with their children.” I began laughing. “Sounds just about right for us two.”
“It does doesn’t it?” She laughed along. “But you’re my baby, I don’t think I could live if anything happened to you. Am I too over-protective?”
I widened my eyes and nodded, “yes!” We both giggled a little bit at my answer, but I knew that I would want Katy any other way.
[Later on]
Katy had been in the studio for the past couple of hours, where as I enjoyed the remainder of the day off school. I was outside with my Ipod on the docking station, just feeling the heat of the sun burn the fronts of my legs. My skin was so fair that I tanned pretty quickly, or more like burned, yet I was never usually out in the sun long enough for me to tan, so I was still quite white.
I had my Ray bans and my bikini on as I sunbathed around the pool. It was peaceful actually. It wasn’t that I never liked sunbathing, I just find it boring. Lying there doing nothing. So I decided to read through a magazine Katy had brought back from the studio last night. I laughed a little bit as the headline read ‘K-Pez and R-Patz a couple?’
Jeez, did these magazines really have nothing else to write about?
I scanned through the main article about it on page eight, laughing the majority of the way through it at how much lies they had wrote in there. Apparently, according to SHOUT magazine, ‘Katy was seen leaving Rob’s house at around 1 o clock today’ they had no pictures to support that of course, how could they? And if that was true, which it clearly wasn’t because Katy had picked me up from school today at 12 o clock and had only left for the recording studio with Shannon at around two, how does Katy leaving Rob’s house show that she was dating him? Press and their stupid lies once again.
Then something else caught my eye. On the second half of the page, in bold writing, ‘Katy and Rob were spotted crashing a wedding rehearsal last week.’
I furrowed my eyebrows and continued to read through bits of the passage underneath.
‘A source says that ‘Katy and Rob just sat quietly at the back of the church as the wedding rehearsal went on. They both sat with their hoods up behind a pair of glasses, just looking around the church and watching what was going on.’ Watch out Kristen Stewart’
Why would they sit at the back of a church? I just shook my head and threw the magazine under the sun lounge. The song playing out of my Ipod now was Take Care by Drake ft. Rihanna. I lay flat on my stomach, attempting to now tan the backs of my legs, resting my head on my hands and singing, or should I say rapping, along to the song.
“What’s a life with no fun please don’t be so ashamed, I’ve had mine you’ve had yours we both know. We know.” This definitely had to be my favourite song of Drake’s. “But they won’t get you like I will, my only wish is I die real, ‘cos that truth hurts, and those lies heal but you can’t sleep thinking that he lies still-”
“Gotta get you on a track with Katy girl.”
I felt my whole body jump at the unexpected voice come from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Shannon smirking down at me with a can of Dr. Pepper in one hand. I felt my cheeks flush red knowing she has just heard me attempting to rap along to Drake. Someone really had to stop Shannon letting herself in.
“You shouldn’t creep up on people like that,”
I put my head back down, seeing the magazine I was just reading through the gap in the sun lounge. I looked back up and saw Shannon walking back inside singing. “Pushing me away so I give her space, ah, dealing with a heart that I didn’t break. I will care for you, I’ll be there for you, I keep thinking you just don’t know. Try to run from that say you’re done with that, on your face girl it just don’t show.”
I giggled to myself at a tone deaf Shannon. Bless her.
“Shannon?” I called over to her.
She spun around on her heal and stopped singing. “Yeah?”
“Is Katy dating Rob Pattinson?”
Shannon smiled, laughing a little bit at my question.
“No, I’m not.”
I heard the reply but Shannon’s lips didn’t seem to move. That’s when I saw Katy appear from the kitchen, a mouthful of her now bitten apple in her mouth.
Oh, so maybe Shannon didn’t let herself in.
I greeted Katy with a smile and picked up the magazine off the floor. “I didn’t think you were. I just read something in a magazine.”
She dropped onto the end of my lounge and looked down at the magazine. “I see I’ve made it to the headlines.” She rolled her eyes. “You know not to read what the press say. They’re di-.” Katy quickly stopped herself from swearing and replaced the word dick with, “Idiots!”
I nodded before opening up to page eight. My finger pointed at the section about the wedding rehearsals.
“That’s just lies too isn’t it?”
Katy cocked her head to the side and read through a bit of the writing. After a couple of seconds, she shook her head.
“No, that ones actually true. Me and Rob were there.”
I tried to think of possible reasons why Katy and Rob would be watching a wedding rehearsal. I thought of nothing.
“Why?” I asked her. “You’re not getting married are you? Or you’re already married and not telling me,” I joked, raising an eyebrow up at Katy.
She widened her eyes a little, “No I’m definitely not married!” We both laughed it off for a moment before she bit into her apple, taking another mouthful. “You were Christened there. I just wanted to see how it had changed.” she shrugged.
I put my hand over my heart and pulled a cute ‘Aw’ face. Katy just sat smiling at me, looking at me as if to say ‘shut up’. She knew that I hated it when she did this to me, so I lent closer to her and began playfully pinching her cheeks.
“Aren’t you the cutest person ever?” I asked in an immature voice, the way you would speak to a two year old. “Crashing someone’s wedding just to look at the place you Christened your daughter. How adorable!” I carried on.
Katy just shot me a smirk. She pulled back and got onto her feet, placing her apple to her lips and taking a bite. “I see why you hate that so much now.”
I raised my eyebrows, “annoying isn’t it?”
“Mhm.”
Shannon was sat on a lounge laughing at us both. She’d clearly raided Katy’s kitchen as she was eating a bag of Cheeto’s and a bar of Galaxy chocolate.
“I had something to tell you Sammie but I can’t think what it was now.” Katy stopped in her tracks and looked up at the sky, trying to think of what she was going to say. “Oh my god, what was it?”
“She’s pregnant.” Shannon butted in, looking at me with all seriousness.
My eyes widened.
My heart stopped.
My body stopped inhaling and exhaling oxygen.
“No she’s not.”
Shannon nodded, “Yes she is.”
I shot up from my chair, making my way over to Katy to examine her. There was no weight gain, in fact, she looked in better shape than she did a couple of months ago. I looked up at her. Katy looked back with raised eyebrows, clearly trying to read my expression.
“Congrats Sammie, you’re gonna be a big sis!” Then Shannon furrowed her eyebrows a little confused, “Or an aunt…” She waved her hand in front of her, “Eh, whatever you want to call yourself.”
“But, but.” I stuttered, trying to get out my words in this completely shocking moment.
Katy hadn’t once spoken, she’d just let Shannon do all the talking. How could they just come out with something so huge like that? Not even a warning, just a straight forward answer. There was no sitting down and giving me a short speech first. Shan just threw it at me and I didn’t know how to take it. I didn’t want to seem selfish but…I’m Katy’s baby. I didn’t like this one bit.
“H-how?! W-who?! W-when?! You can’t be!” I was now waving my hands around like an idiot, trying to take this in.
Was John the dad? Maybe it was Rob, but Katy was single…with her career at the minute how the hell was she supposed to raise a baby single-handedly? Not yet. Why now? This was such a wrong time for the pair of us. Our relationship was just getting there. Now this.
I looked at Shannon, she had a book covering half of her face, just her eyes poking out of the top looking up at me. Then Katy, she just stood looking at me, her eyes flickering between me and Shannon. I didn’t know what to make of her facial expression at the minute.
“You’re lying,” I spoke, looking over at Shannon.
“I’m not, look.” Shannon began rooting through her black Prada bag next to her, pulling out a black and white photo of what looked to be a baby scan.
I just stood in completely shock, staring at this photo in Shannon’s hand. There was the proof. Katy was pregnant.
“Told you.”
I looked back up at Katy, then my eyes trailed down to her flat stomach. I hated how she hadn’t even bothered to speak. There were so many better ways she could have done this.
I gulped hard, “Congratulations.” My voice was cold. I pushed past her and made my way into the kitchen, taking out a glass from the cupboard and filling it up with ice cold water.
I could feel the presence of people behind me so I just tried to act like normal, but Katy needed to know how I felt. Communication was one thing we lacked sometimes, and that’s the problem. That’s what gets us into situations like the other week.
What was I supposed to say to her? Katy, I don’t want you to have a baby because I want you to myself. I don’t think now is the right time. How could you have a baby when we’re still working on our relationship? You do realise you’re single? There’s no way you can raise a baby on your own.
I spun around with the cold glass of water still in my hand. The sun coming through the window was in my eyes, almost blinding me, so I stepped to the side away from it. Katy stood beside Shannon, holding the scan picture of her baby in her hand.
“Sammie are you alright?” Shannon asked, showing confusion in her voice.
Why wasn’t Katy speaking? It was starting to annoy me.
“I’m fine.” I turned around to place the water on the counter.
For the first time since Shannon had told me, Katy spoke up. “Sammie I-”
I span back around on my heels and stared at Katy with an irritated look. “Actually no,” I started off. “I’m not alright.”
Katy walked over to me, putting her free hand on my arm. “First of all, why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let Shannon do it? Especially like that. You could’ve give me some sort of warning that you were about to come out with something as big as that.”
Katy smiled a little. “Sammie listen to me-”
What the hell? Why was she smiling? I was clearly upset about this.
“Me and you, we’re only just getting things sorted. I understand that you probably haven’t told me sooner because things weren’t good between us, but do you really think now is a good time?”
She let out a small laugh, “Sammie-”
I cut her off again, she probably thought I was over-reacting. I wasn’t shouting at her, I was just showing a great deal of upset in my voice.
“-Are you ready for another child? I mean, you have me…I’m still a baby aren’t I? And you’re on your own. I mean, yeah, Shannon and the rest of us will be here but you’re not in a relationship so it’s going to be harder. Then what if I don’t get to see you as much? You’ll have this baby so you’ll be giving it your full attention, so where does that leave me?” I brought my hand to my head before carrying on my babbling. “I’m not trying to be selfish. I just know how much I’m going to miss you when this baby comes. You’ll get to show off your ‘first child’ to the world and I’ll be watching on the side lines. I won’t be your baby anymore, and I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
Katy laughed and shook her head, “Calm down, I-”
“I’m sorry. I guess, in a way…I am happy for you…kinda, eugh I don’t know. I’m confused right now. Shannon just shot it at me like-”
I was stopped mid-sentence by Katy’s warm hand covering my mouth. She was grinning at me and holding up the baby scan with her other hand.
“Shannon’s an idiot.” Katy laughed.
My eyes flickered to a laughing Shannon. I didn’t understand what was going on.
“Hey!” She yelled through laughter, “I didn’t know we would get that reaction off her.”
“Look at the picture.” Katy told me.
I did as she said. The black and white picture she was holding up showed a picture of a tiny baby, but something quickly caught my eye. At the top of the photo, in block white letters read ‘Michelle Woodward. DOB: 05/12/1982.’
My eyebrows creased as I looked back up at an amused Katy. She removed her hand from my mouth.
“Michelle Woodward?” I questioned.
“Michelle is my cousin. That’s her scan picture, not Katy’s.” Shannon butted in.
Katy placed both hands at either sides of my shoulders, “Shan was messing with you darling.”
I felt like a whole weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My face broke out into a huge grin. “So, you’re not pregnant?”
“No! Am I hell!”
The whole room was then filled with Shannon’s laughs. I swear I could have killed her right now.
“Thank God,” I looked over at Shannon, “I’m going to kill you Woodward.” I smirked.
Shannon held her arms up in defence and picked up an orange from the fruit bowl, before making her way back outside.
So that’s why Katy didn’t say anything. It was just Shannon being her mischievous self and lying.
“And you’ll always be my baby Sammie, no matter how old you are or how ever many children I have.” Katy touched my chin with her finger.
I gave her a smile back, crinkling my nose just like she does. Seriously though, I will definitely have to pound on Shannon later on.
“I was in shock I guess. I know one day I’m going to have to share you with another child, but at the minute you’re my mommy, nobody else’s.” I said sweetly to her.
She looked back at me with that same look she did when I called her mom on the stairs. Katy looked like she was about to burst into tears at any moment. She placed both of her hands on either side of my cheeks and kissed my forehead, “You’re mommy.” Katy repeated. “I like the sound of that. And I promise you’ll be the first baby I show off to the world.”
I raised my eyebrows, “Pinkie swear?”
“Pinkie swear.” Katy linked her pinkie in mine. “In time. I don’t know when just yet, but one day everyone will know, and I’ll be flaunting you off to everybody in the world. I’ll be letting them know that I created you and that you’re mine,” she mimicked my words from earlier on, “nobody else’s.”
“Good. And when you do get pregnant…in the future…please make sure you tell me a little different to how Shannon blurted it at me today.” I giggled.
“Oh I will,” Katy laughed with me, looking out the window at her sunbathing best friend and shaking her head. “I’ll make sure I ask your permission before I decid to get pregnant.” She joked.
I nodded along, “I would like that.”
Katy planted another soft kiss on my forehead and turned to walk away. For some reason, right now, my thoughts were really clear. I looked at Katy as she walked away, debating with myself in my head whether there was something I needed to do. And there was.
I quickly stopped her, “Katy.”
Her black hair bounced as she jumped back around on the spot, “yeah?” she smiled.
I made my way over to her and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, digging my head into her neck. There was no hesitation, she just instantly hugged me back.
This was the moment.
The perfect moment.
It was the moment we had both been waiting for and I knew it was right.
I took a deep breath, gave Katy another tight squeeze as we hugged and opened my mouth to talk.
“I love you, mom.”
Katy’s chest no longer moved up and down. I could feel her heart beating twice as fast through her leather jacket. She didn’t say anything. Maybe she thought I’d made a mistake, so I looked up at her and gave her an assuring grin. “I mean it. I love you, mom.”
The most happiest look I have ever seen just took over Katy’s face. A smile. Her blue eyes sparkled with tears, but she hugged me back and kissed my nose, lingering there for a couple of seconds longer.
“I love you too angel.” Were the sweet whispers that came from her mouth as a single tear rolled down her cheek.