After that moment, Greyson and I immediately went home. While walking, tears just suddenly fell on my cheeks. No one was talking. And I knew that Greyson's not that naive to not feel my sobs. I tried not to look at him. I felt shy and embarrassed but I couldn't hide my sadness.
Everything was eating me alive. My thoughts and my grief were holding my neck tight, making it harder for me to breathe. I put my hands by the pockets of my sweaters because I felt kind of cold. The silence made it worse.
Well, until Greyson put his hand on my back and onto my arms. I was astounded by the way he made me feel. It was just a simple gesture but now, I feel so much better. When his skin touched mine, I knew that I wasn't alone after all. On this rough journey, I knew I had him to guide and protect me. I knew he'd be there to not only comfort me, but also to join me on this woe.
When we got home, it was already 10 in the evening. I didn't notice how fast the time ran. "You should go home now because it's already late you know." I said while slipping off my beanie and placing it where the coats were. "Do you want me to ask someone to drive you home?" I asked.
"I texted my mom. She said that I could stay for the night." He said and I thought, did I invite you on a sleepover?! "And I, as well, don't have anyone to be with at home. Mom and dad are staying at my grandfather's because he's sick at the moment. Tanner is studying far away. You know that." He laughed. "And Alexa is I don't know, partying maybe? Typical her."
"Oh okay. No problem!" I said. Next to that was that I got my phone and texted Clio to say that Greyson's staying. And she said that my grandparents agreed.
"So. Are you sleepy already?" I asked while I went to the kitchen to get some chips. I have no plans in sleeping but honestly, I don't want to see my parents yet.
"Not really." He said, while sitting on the couch.
"Come upstairs, I'm showing you where you'll sleep." I said, while gesturing the way upstairs.
"Oh okay, sure." He said and ran to me immediately.
It was kind of awkward to be with a guy all alone in a house. I felt really conscious. Not that I'm scared of Greyson okay? It's just, I've never been this close to a person who's on the opposite sex. And by close, I meant, our attitudes don't oppose each other.
I don't know, back in Manchester, I never really had a close guy friend. Everyone is scared to talk to me and I never had the idea why. I'm really nice once you know me more. Well, that's according to Paris. I'm not really sure. I don't know myself.
I opened the door next to Clio's room which was the guest room and gave him the keys to its bathroom. "Well, is this okay to you?" I asked.
"Of course, of course." He stuttered a bit but I didn't mind.
"Alright then." I declared. I didn't know what to say or what to do or how to act. "My room's just across yours so just knock if you want something." I smiled.
"Okay. Uhh, thanks." He said. By the tone of his voice, I knew that he found it quite odd as well. I don't blae him for that because I am naturally awkward.
I rushed into my room and closed the door. I sat on the edge of my bed, not knowing what to do. Weariness hasn't hit me yet so I decided to just watch some lame stuff on tv.
Basically, I just used the television so that I have a something else to hear because to be honest, I'm scared. I know that Greyson's just across my room but it feels different to know that neither my grandparents are here.
I grabbed my notebook and pen and started scribbling stuff. After a moment, I heard a knock on the door. "Coming!" I softly yelled.
The moment I opened the door, Greyson was standing there, wearing his shorts and hoodie, looking...scared?
"What's up?" I said. "Need anything?"
"Can I uhh...stay in your room for a little while? Just a while. I swear I won't sleep here." He asked.
"Sure, of course." I let him in and closed the door before me. He sat on my piano bench and I turned to him. "You're scared, aren't you?" I smirked.
"I'm not! I just wanted to talk to someone because I had nothing to do." He refused.
"Oh, okay." I said in a sarcastic tone. "So what do you want to talk about?"
I sat on my bed and continued writing. I've been trying to write this book of mine, which I'm not planning to publish or anything. Just a hobby that has grown into me. I've written 2 books but I never let anyone read it. I keep it to ymself bcause I'm not really sure if anyone's interested to read my imaginations turned into words.
"I don't know. You tell me." I said. To be honest, I wasn't in the mood to talk since I really enjoy silence. Being a bibliophile that I am, I like to cherish every moment of quietness. But since this is Greyson, I guess I'll try to entertain him as my visitor.
"I'm really curious about what people think about this. I don't know, just a random thought of mine. It would be love-"
"Just say it." I interrupted and laughed at the same time.
"What comes into your mind when you hear the word love?" He said and I bursted into laughters.
I threw a pillow to him and said, "You are so corny Chance. I never thought you were wondering about that. I mean, being a manly man that everyone thought about you, never have I imagined that you have a super soft spot." I said, still laughing.
"I hate you. I was just curious okay!" He defended. "But seriously though, what do you think about it?"
I stopped myself from laughing and tried to think about it. "You won't believe it but I have never been in love. Maybe infatuated, yes. I remember having a crush on this Adrian back at 5th grade." I said.
He rolled his eyes and said, "There goes her flashback stories again. I was only asking about what you thought about love." He complained.
"Oh cmon! You wanted to talk right?" I said, glaring at him.
"Okay okay, go on." He laughed and I made a face on him.
"So." I said while shoving chips on my mouth. "He was a saxophonist in our school's orchestra and I really found it amazing. He had a raven black hair and brown eyes. The thing I liked about him was his gentleness. He was really kind to everyone. But above that, he only had a few friends. So when I had the guts to-" I noticed that Greyson wasn't listening so I threw another pillow on him. "Are you listening?!"
"Yeah, I am. I am." He said.
"Okay, good." I said. I was distracted by the look on Greyson's eyes. "Where was I again?"
He laughed and said, "You had the guts to blah blah blah." He mocked the way I talk and I just shot him a look.
"Oh. When I had the guts to talk to him, I grabbed the chance. We became really good friends. Our friendship was tight that I never wanted to build a wall on it by just saying that fact that I liked him. So I never did." I explained.
"If that happens to you again...I mean, liking a friend. Would you tell him?" He asked.
"I don't know. Maybe not. That would be embarrassing. Specially when I know that he doesn't like me back." I answered while getting my brush by the coffee table.
"But what if you feel like he likes you as well...Would you admit to him what you feel?" He asked once again.
"Maybe. I guess. Probably." I said.
He stopped asking questions already. Suddenly, I heard the sound of our car's engine.
They're here.
"Greyson, they are here. Go to the guests' room now and sleep!" I said, pushing him outside my room. I don't want my parents to see him in my room. My mom will kill me! Not that I'm scared that she'll see something that's undesirable between I and Greyson. It's just that, she overthinks things way too much. I don't want Greyson to build a bad impression on my mom okay.
"But why?" He asked.
"No more questions, okay? Go to sleep now." I commanded, while pushing him to his room. "Good night, sweet dreams, don't let the bed bugs bite!" I said quickly and ran into my room, turned off the lights and sleep.
I heard footsteps coming near. I heard a sound of a wheelchair as well. I am guessing that's my father. Honestly, I don't want to see him just yet.
I heard my father speak but I had a hard time on understanding him. Well you see, the tumor on his brain was located between his temporal and frontal lobe. His movement, intelligence, reasoning, behavior, memory, decision making, mood, speech, hearing, vision and emotions are all affected. I know, it's miserable.
Hearing him like this breaks my heart. What more if I see him and his lonesome self? I am not ready for any of this.
My thoughts disappeared when my door swung open. I heard three ladies and my dad. I'm guessing one of those belong to my mom.
I tried my best to pretend that I'm asleep. But my whole body was shaking. But still, I insisted to close my eyes.
"Can you leave us alone for a while?" I heard my mom said to the two. I guess they are my dad's nurses.
"Daddy, look at our little angel sleeping." She said while running her fingers on my hair.
My father spoke but I didn't understand it at all.
"I know, she's so beautiful, right? It has only been months since she moved here but she has already grown into woman." My mom said.
I wanted to open my eyes to see the both of them but I was so scared. Mixed feelings started to crumple inside my chest. Memories of I and my father flashed before my eyes. The weekends where in we stay by the garden to play chess and how we used to play tennis during his free day. I miss it. My heart sank. The fact that I might not do it ever again just breaks my heart into pieces.
And above the fear of seeing my dad was my excitement to see my mother. I know that I never was a good daughter to her but if only she knew how much I love her. Even though I am still not moved on about how they lied to me, I love her still. It didn't make me loathe her. But that happening made it harder for me trust anyone. She's my mother, I know. I am sorry if I'm being so harsh. It's just, I feel like they stabbed me straight to my heart.
After a while, I felt my father's wrinkled hand brush onto my cheek. I didn't notice that a tear fell from my eye. There were chats onto my ears but I didn't mind that because I was tired. I was tired of thinking about the reality which made me love sleep twice as much as before. It's like a way to rest our minds from this world that we live in.
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thoughts? hehehe. votes and comments are always appreciated! thank you for reading :)
~ krissy x