Allie
I open my eyes to the ceiling. Oddly enough, I feel someone on my chest, holding onto me for dear life. My head hurts and I'm naked. I trail my eyes to see that North is the one sleeping on me - then it hits me. We had sex last night. My eyes widen and a small anxiety attack hits me like a train. I cheated on Alix. I had sex with my ex and she basically works here; really good undeniable sex.
"North." I said softly.
She doesn't budge. She's basically dead on me, snoring lightly. I shouldn't wake her and I don't want to get into a conversation about us having sex. I don't want to make it too awkward. I slowly move away from North, edging off the bed carefully so I won't wake her. Her hands eventually slide off my body and hit the bed. She's wrapped in the sheets and now alone. I can't believe we actually went through with this.
I step around only to see that her robe is on the ground and so is my joggers and bra. I also spot my lavender strap-on, on the ground. It's curved and rigid in all the right places and soft. It's the right amount of feminine. My small red bottle of lube is next to it, standing straight up. We had a wild night.
I have work, a hangover and an explanation to give to Alix. I can just lie to her, but something in me isn't even letting me get away with that idea. I don't want to see her today. I can't. She'll be too busy with practice today anyway, it's the day before the game.
Shit. The day before the game! I can't tell her.
--
I slide my black sweatshirt sleeves up my arms. It's actually cold in my office for once. My grey sweatpants are helping with that though. My hair is down and I'm sure I look like a nervous wreck in the face. My phone vibrates in my pocket. It's only been a few hours since I left home. My first real appointment (not a walk in) isn't scheduled until another forty five minutes.
I quickly answer my phone without looking at the caller ID. I didn't even realize it until the cold screen of the phone actually hit my ear and I unconsciously spoke.
"Hello?" I said quietly.
"Allie." North said.
I bite my lip and keep quiet. I don't know what to say. Hopefully she didn't actually hear my first hello and hangs up.
"Allie you know we need to talk ..." She said softly.
I sighed heavily. "I don't know what happened last night."
"I know and ... we can just forget it ever happened. I should've never let you get that far. I was so out of it, I'm sorry." She said.
I scoffed. "We can't just forget that North. I was pile driving you with a strap-on alright, there's no forgetting that."
"Jesus Christ, you didn't have to say it like that Allie," She said. "You're making it sound like we're horny rabbits."
"How do I even begin to explain this to Alix? I can't even see her because my insides are falling apart," I said. "I can't avoid her forever. Tomorrow's the game and today is the day before the game!"
"Well what do you feel like doing?" She asked.
I look around my office. I feel like killing myself, that's what I feel like doing. She's never going to forgive me. She didn't trust me at first and now I know why. I proved her point and I don't deserve her.
"Allie?"
I snap out of my racing thoughts.
"What?" I said.
"Are you going to tell her the truth?" She asked.
"I-I don't know. I feel like I should. She deserves to know. It's not fair to her." I answered.
"That is the right thing to do ... but I just want you to be aware of the consequences." She said.
"Yes, North. I'm very aware that I'm basically going to lose her for good." I said sarcastically.
In a sad soft tone she said, "I'm sorry. I should probably pack all my things back up and just leave. I'll deal with not having an office."
"North stop, you don't have to leave. You know I need you around and not only for your money. That probably sounds really bad." I said.
"Allie once you tell her you had sex with me out of all girls, she's not going to want me there. That's if she even sticks around." She argued.
"Then I won't tell her it's you. I'll say it was a random girl." I said, not realizing the brilliant idea I just threw out into the open.
"That could work!" She said. "Even though ..."
"It's not your fault, it's mine. I was drunk and not thinking about her because I was upset. You were totally trashed." I said trying to convince her.
She sighed. "I feel like a homewrecker. Allie, I'm a homewrecker."
"You're not a homewrecker North. A homewrecker is someone who does it purposely. You didn't do it purposely." I argued.
"I don't think you remember me making the first move," She said. "It makes it a lot worse."
"It didn't mean anything, right? Not a big deal." I said calmly.
"Oh. Yeah. How silly of me." She said.
I catch the change of tone in her voice. I realize where I completely messed up. I guess it did mean something - to her or maybe I just said as if it really didn't happen? North is so confusing. Yesterday night it honestly felt like she loved me or something. I can't deny the fact that our sex was dangerously hot. We remained in sync throughout the whole thing. That shouldn't even surprise me because she was my only sex partner at one point.
I decide to ignore her sarcasm. I'll question it another time.
"It's settled then. I just won't tell her I hooked up with you," I said. "I hope you can handle a guilty conscious."
She scoffed. "You're the one I'm worried about."
"I'll be okay, I think ..." I said.
She cleared her throat before saying, "Just call me if anything happens or you need to talk, okay?"
"Yeah," I responded. "Does this make me a bad person?"
"A bad person because you cheated on your girlfriend? or a bad person because you don't regret it?" She said.
"How do you know I don't regret it?" I asked, shocked that she would even assume such a thing.
She laughed. "Well, you just told me and ... it wasn't bad sex. At least it wasn't bad, right?"
"It doesn't justify the fact that I cheated." I said dryly.
"Nothing is going to justify that. You fucked up. We fucked up, but if you're going to cheat on someone might as well have great cheating sex." She said.
"That sounds horrible," I said. "That sounds like something the old me would say. As a matter of fact, this is only something the old me would do."
"Allie you haven't changed. Just because you're tied down for once doesn't mean you'll automatically change. You just need more practice - with relationships." She said.
I laughed. "After this I don't think I want another relationship. Ever."
"Just some advice for whenever you break the bad news, watch your wording because you're practically the worst with them." She said.
"That's not what you were saying last night." I said.
She chuckled shortly. "And if we're going to forget this happened, you'll have to drop the jokes."
I shrugged a shoulder. "Probably won't happen."
"I'm betting on that outcome." She said.
"Alright, I have to get ready for my appointment with a client. I'll see you later? Maybe?" I said.
She hesitantly responded, "If it won't be too ... weird."
"Only if we make it weird. People have sex accidentally all the time. Again, it never happened." I said reminding her.
"Duh, it never happened." She repeated.
"I'll catch you later."
"Bye."
She hangs up before I do. I slowly drop my arm back down and drop my phone into my pocket. There's no way in hell we're going to be able to pretend that we didn't do anything. I know my jokes are going to slip somehow. I'm always seeking the opportunity to make them. It's nice to know she isn't awkward about it and that she liked it. North will be able to pretend and push it away well. She's hard to read and understand.
Hopefully this appointment will take my mind off things. I can't bare another minute of thinking about this; Alix's endless possible reactions. When will I even get the chance to tell her? It's never the right time to dump this type of shit on anyone. What if I can't tell her and freeze up? It'll just remain as my dirty little secret that happens to involve North.
I guess it wouldn't matter if she does actually leave and we break up, but it still hurts me. I've never known what a guilty conscious was until now.
--
I'm walking the pathway to my building. It's dark out and the orange colored street lights are on. The normal group of guys who stand outside by the apartment are lounging around, probably giving the evil eye to everyone they see.
It's a little chilly, but it doesn't really matter now. I stood at work longer than I should, but I made extra money. Now my mind is back to it's thunderstorm of agonizing thoughts. As I'm getting close to my building, I notice a girl standing there along side the the group of guys. It's a little dark, but I see her just looking around. She looks completely out of place.
I'm shook to the core when I notice that it's Alix standing there awkwardly in her team jacket, black yoga pants and a brown Russian ear hat. Her outfit is so random looking, so cute. She's so cute. I want to somehow slip past her and pretend I didn't see her sticking out like a sore thumb. The plan was to avoid her. Of course she would show up when I don't want to see her.
"Alix? Alix, what're you doing here?" I said quickly approaching her.
"Babe!" She shouted excitedly, stepping toward me. "I went up to the apartment, but you weren't there. I figured you were still at work."
"Yeah, I was at work. What're you doing here Alix? At this time, by yourself." I said.
"It's only nine and Tiffany dropped me off a few minutes ago. I'm spending the night at her place tonight - well the whole team is." She said.
I nod my head, unsure of what to say. Her cheeks and nose are red from the wind.
"The game is tomorrow though ... I'm surprised your mother let you out."
She shrugged. "Just taking advantage of it. I wanted to see you since you didn't stop by practice today ... are you still mad?"
"What? No, no of course not. I just needed to be at work today." I said.
"Oh. Well are we going up to your place?" She asked.
I want to say no and tell her to go to her team slumber party. I was hoping she wouldn't even ask.
I nodded. "Sure."
"Are you okay?" She asked. "You're acting different. I know this week has been tough on both of us, but ..."
I responded quickly, "It's definitely been a hard and shitty week. I'm just a little tired, okay? Let's go up before you catch something out here."
She nods and grabs my left hand. I hold it by natural reaction, but even this feels wrong. I lead her into the building with me. The large lounge like space is surprisingly empty and the elevator door is just opening.
When we get inside my apartment, I immediately glance down the hallway over at North's office. The door is open, the lights are off, she's not here. Alix doesn't hesitate to walk past me and up the hallway to my room. I watch as she eventually turns the corner and disappears from my sight. I turn back to the front door and lock my rusty locks.
I begin to walk up the hallway. I can faintly hear Alix moving around in the room. I also see that my light is on.
I get there and stop at my doorway to see Alix is in a matching set of bra and underwear sitting on my bed and her clothes are on the ground. Her hair is tossed over on her right shoulder and she's gazing at me. I also notice that my room is clean. The bed has been made and North's robe and my clothes are no where to be found. The strap-on and the lube have also disappeared.
"You look like you need a good break from everything." Alix said.
I bring my eyes back to her. Her skin looks like it's glowing. She looks a little slimmer and I'm not surprised because of how hard she's been practicing. Only a small piece of my brain is registering that she's sitting inches away from me half naked and basically telling me she want's to have sex.
I nodded. "I do."
"Maybe I can help you with that?" She said.
I shrugged. "You can try."
She taps the bed lightly, still staring at me. My legs move on their own. Alix gets up on her knees and moves down the bed to meet me there. My knees eventually push against the bed. She gently cups my face and rubs my cheeks with her thumbs. Her body presses against me. I don't bother to stare at her directly in the face. Instead I just look down at her boobs sitting in her bra.
I look away from them quickly realizing that, that's how I got pulled in with North. I'm not sure where to look now. This feels awkward. I made it awkward for myself.
"Babe are you sure you're alright?" Alix asked.
I look up into her eyes. My mouth parts a little, but nothing comes out. Any other day I would be thrilled to have her here half naked in my bed.
"I'm fine." I said finally.
She shook her head. "You're not. Something's up."
I managed to come up with something quick.
"The game is tomorrow. I'm nervous and scared - for you. For us."
A look of relief takes over her face. She smiles that soft smile, the one she gives me all the time. The one that calms me down and pulls me out of reality.
"The game is tomorrow. Right now, we're going to live for tonight. Let's make it count." She said.
I nod my head. My eyes can't grow any wider than this. My gut is crippled and my hands are begging for her. She's right despite my horrible doing. Maybe it's okay if I save my shitty news for another time, maybe it's okay if I just don't tell her at all and just forget about it. It was an honest mistake.
I grab her waist and lean into her lips. She kisses me back instantly and brushes my hair behind my sagging droopy ears. Her body is so hot and silky. Her tongue greets mine. It almost feels like it knows what I've done as it stabs around my tongue furiously. She really wants me tonight. It would be such a shame to ruin what's about happen.
My hands slide down her waist and travel to her backside. I grab both of her butt cheeks and lift them getting a better grip. She moans into my mouth and I surrender, returning the favor. I smell the vanilla wash on her skin, my favorite smell. Her hands drop from my face. She grabs my sweatshirt and lifts it slowly trying to prolong our kiss.
I pull away and help her. My sweatshirt hits my neck and pops off my head, to the floor. She pulls me back by my nude bra straps and proceeds to demolish my mouth some more. I've never experienced her like this; taking control and dominating me. Unless I've become the submissive one.
She stops kissing me randomly. We were just getting started.
"Allie, seriously. I can feel it in the way you're kissing me. What's wrong?" She said.
I sighed out of frustration. "I guess I'm just not all there tonight. I'm exhausted, my hands hurt, I'm a little hungry ..."
She folded her arms. "Then why don't you just say that instead of making me feel stupid?"
"Because you look so sexy and I want too, I just can't. I really just want to be alone, but I don't want you to leave." I said.
She shakes her head in confusion. She looks pissed. She falls back down onto her butt with her arms still folded. I can't even look at her properly without wanting to fall to my knees and confess to her that in this exact spot she's sitting in is where I pounded the life out the North. She was senseless in the middle of the bed, gasping and shrieking for me not to stop. I listened.
I whispered, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Next time, just tell me instead of trying to force yourself. I don't want you to have forced sex with me." She said.
I nod and sit down at the edge of the bed. I look down at my hands and massage them. They hurt. It feels good to be home even though my unexpected guest is staring at me, a little annoyed.
"I'm guessing work was hard on your hands today?" She said softly.
"Yeah. I was there for a while." I answered.
She cleared her throat. "Tiffany won't be here until midnight to pick me back up so ..."
I turn my head to her. She's fidgeting with her hands too. I know how awkward it is getting rejected attempting to have sex.
"Anything else you would rather do?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I didn't have a back up plan so I'm not sure what else there to do. Do you have anything to eat?"
"Yeah, I should. Are you hungry?" I said.
"A little," She replied. "You're coming to the game tomorrow right?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there."
"Do you think North can come?" She asked.
"North? You want North there?" I asked, thrown off by her weird request.
"Well yeah ... she's a friend. Plus, it would take then tension off you and my Mom for a bit. I just want things to go smoothly tomorrow." She said.
"I mean I can ask her. She's a really busy person, ya' know? Don't be surprised if I walk in there alone." I said.
She smiled. "Thank you."
"I should probably get started on your food," I said getting up from the bed. "I wouldn't want to wait till' last minute to feed you."
She nods her head and develops a sad puppy expression. I'm trying my hardest not to get swayed by it. She looks so cute. My faithful girlfriend only tries her hardest to make me happy.
"Why don't you come with me?" I suggested.
Her face lights up and she slides herself down the bed. I extend my hands to help her and she grabs them setting her bare feet on the ground. I pull my hands away from hers and hold her head to give her a kiss on her forehead. She immediately clings to me and doesn't let go. She's making it so hard for me to be honest.
If I were to tell her the truth I know she would let go instantly. She would probably yell and scream at me and tell me she hates me. She would run to Tiffany and somehow word would get out that the player didn't change one bit, that I'm still a dog. Alix would never trust me again. I doubt she would even speak to me. She would leave me behind and move to California without a doubt.
That's probably the least I deserve.