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We aren't broken because we can't be fixed. We are broken because we chose to remain broken, scarred and injured.
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If you can understand what I wrote in this chapter, then there's nothing you can't understand because even the writer doesn't understand what she wrote.
Because, you're actually not meant to understand it and it'll give you a little glimpse on Dara and Dami's life.
The song for this chapter is ‘Escapism Remix’ by Bloody Civilian, Fave and Tay iwar.
Read on.
DARA'S POV
Who was Darasimi Olaniyi?
That was a question I always asked myself because I hoped that one day, I would find the real answer and stop lying to myself.
Because that's what everyone does, lying.
They tell the truth and end it with a little lie. I'm sure I don't even know what the truth sounds like anymore and maybe that's why I can't even seem to tell myself the truth anymore.
Lies had eaten so deep into my life and the truth felt like a weird statement. Lying was so much better than saying the truth because the truth came with so much pain but lies were the only thing that seemed to care about everyone's feelings.
So maybe I think I knew who Darasimi Olaniyi was. She was a girl who grew up listening to lies and realized that no one cared about her anymore, except lies.
And she didn't care, because that was obviously a lie too.
"Dara! I missed you so much! How is your family?!" Amira asked as she jumped on my body.
It was resumption and this was the first time I was coming out of the house since the holiday. My brother had visited me at my aunt's house almost every day but till now, I haven't seen my mom or heard her voice yet Dami kept telling me that everything was fine.
Which was another lie.
He had asked me to come to school today if I wanted to but I shouldn't pack my clothes became he wasn't taking me home today.
I had asked him the reason why and he said that some renovations and decorations were done at our house and until they were done, I wouldn't be able to come home.
Obviously, that was another lie.
"I missed you too my darling! How is everyone?!" I squealed.
"They're good! And why didn't you come with Dami? He was in school earlier than you did." Amira asked as she took my school bag from my hand.
"He didn't want to wait for me so I came alone." I lied smoothly. She pulled my hands and we dropped our bags and walked to the assembly.
— — —
I had missed the assembly because I was late. The assembly was almost over and Amira had missed it with me too because I asked her to wait for me till I got to school.
We just got in line and decided to walk with the rest of our classmates to the class. Miriam had been going on and on about how her she spent her holiday at her grandmother's house and how she would never spend it there again.
Another lie.
She was going to spend her Christmas every year at her Grandmother's house till her Grandmother dies and I knew Miriam loved her so much that she wouldn't pray for her death.
I walked over to my desk and when I opened it, I found a letter that was placed neatly under my desk. I already knew it was a letter from my secret admirer who I knew nothing about and I didn't care. I was tired of his messages already.
I stared at the message and I admired the look. It looked like an old love letter which reminded me of the movie Bridgerton.
To Lady Danielle Olaniyi from Lord H.B.
Those words were written in the most beautiful cursive I had seen and it made me think that maybe the guy who was sending me this letters was an ugly guy.
Because most times, ugly guys had the most beautiful handwritings.
I tried to open the letter and I found something like an old stamp near the letter and his initials were boldly printed on the stamp.
H.B.
I gently peeled off the stamp and I brought out the letter and it smelt like so natural and had a woody scent. The edges were a bit burnt and the paper was a faded shade of brown.
—You're stronger than you imagine and that's your power. Don't limit yourself to just your thoughts. You can do this my love.
That message must've meant something else but it gave me motivation to do something different today.
I had decided that I was going to go to my house.
When school had closed, I ran towards Amir and begged so I could follow him and go home because my driver wasn't feeling too well and Dami was going to stay in school longer.
He bought my lie and the driver dropped me at the front of my gate. I knocked on the gate and waited for the gate man to open the door but when I heard no response, I opened the gate by myself and entered.
I looked around the house and I couldn't find any domestic workers or any body helping to renovate our house.
Of course, Dami was lying.
I walked into the house and the smell of incense hit me from the door. I never really liked the incense candles and wax but my Dad made it compulsory because he said the scents were used to drive bad spirits away.
I dropped my bag on the cushion and I was about to go into my room when I heard her voice.
She was singing Dansaki by Lara George. The last time I heard her sing that song was when I was little and I had won a Bible Scholars competition, the first time we had an accident while driving.
The song was blasting on full volume from the speakers in our car. I was seated on my mom's laps at the front seat with her while my siblings were seated at the back seat.
Dad had complained to Mom about the music in the car and she refused to reduce the music. He tried to put off the music and Mom was trying to stop him when he swerved—
"Darasimi, what are you doing here?!"
I turned back to see Dami walking towards me with his school bag in his hand as he flinged it on the chair.
"You'll pick up your bag and quietly follow me now and I'd drop you at auntie's house before Mom hears—"
"I'm not going anywhere." I replied him as I folded my arms.
"No, Darasimi. You will listen to me and go to auntie's house this minute!" He said as he walked over to where I dropped my bag and picked it up. "I promise, I'll bring you here on Saturday to see her." He added, handing over my bag to me.
"I'm not a baby, Dami! You don't get to control my life and lie to me whenever you want!" I screamed as I stomped my foot on the floor.
"You're just stupid and childish! I don't blame you!" He yelled as he walked over to my side and picked me up from the floor angrily.
"Dami, put me down please!" I yelled as he walked towards the door and I wriggled my body and tried to come down.
"Kini n ṣẹlẹ nibi?" [What's going on here?] Mom asked as Dami dropped me and I landed on the couch. I turned around and stood up quickly to tell him something but when I saw Mom, all my words got stuck in my throat.
I found my mom seated on a wheel chair, standing near the stairs with a bandage and a plaster on her face. Her lower lip was brusied badly and I wondered how she was able to still talk.
"M-mom?" I asked in disbelief. It was so painful to call her Mom because she looked nothing like my Mom at this point. I closed my eyes and immediately I closed them, I saw her on the floor, lifeless with blood dripping from the stairs.
I could hear Damilola screaming and throwing punches at him as Mom begged Dami to stop while she was on the floor. I could see Dami walk over to her side and pick her up from the floor as I sat down there and watched him pour himself a glass of Vodka and put on the television.
I could see Dami walk into the parlor and ask me to follow him and when he had dropped Mom at the hospital, he dumped me at auntie's house.
I could see it with my eyes close and I knew I was just hallucinating, because I was. It actually never happened became she slipped from the stairs and got injured.
"Omo mi, come here,” she beckoned, her hands wide open. [My child]
I tried to move to her side but I stayed glued to the spot. She was at the edge of the stairs, the exact place where I saw her fall from and I was scared that maybe she would fall off—
God forbid.
"You won't come and greet your mommy?" She asked again with a smile on her face as I ran towards her and gave her a hug.
"I missed you, my love," I whispered as I buried my head in her neck.
"I missed you more, my princess," she told me. "Don't worry, it'll soon be over and you won't have to feel this way again." She assured me.
I moved away from the hug as I held her palms in mine and I was so scared that I would hurt her so I held her very gently.
"I-i'm so sorry that you had to go t-through—" I hiccuped. "You should be careful when walking down the stairs next time, Mom," I told her as I wiped the tears that fell off my eyes.
"Maybe she shouldn't be in this house again because there shouldn't ever be a next time," Dami said as I turned to look at him. "I mean, you can't be too careful around a man who would deliberately push his wife down the stairs!" Dami yelled.
"James—"
"Mommy, don't James me please. He's the reason why you're always in this condition and its so obvious that the bastard doesn't even care about you one bit!" Dami yelled.
"He's still your father, no matter what. You all shouldn't get involved in our issues." Mom told Dami with a smile on our face.
"Dad didn't push Mom off the stairs. She slipped from the stairs, didn't she?" I asked rhetorically.
"You were there, Darasimi. You saw how he pushed her off the stairs and watched her bleed—"
"No, Dami. She fell off the stairs and he was going to pick her up when you stopped him and began to hit your father. He didn't do anything —"
"He once tried to kill you, Darasimi yet you keep making excuses for that monster. This isn't his first time of hitting Mom yet you still defend him." Dami cried out with frustration evident in his voice.
"He didn't try to kill me, Damilola. He was drunk and most of the time he did all those shit in the past, he was drunk!" I replied him. I could see the frustration on his face, from the way his veins at his head popped out to the way lines formed at the sides of his head. He looked like he was going to explode any minute from now.
"Darasimi, he once poured hot oil on mom's leg because she cooked food for us during Ramadan. He wasn't drunk that day and I can't remember seeing any alcohol at home —"
"I'm getting a divorce. I've told our family lawyer and he has started processing the documents," Mom told us as Dami's eyes widened.
"Alhamdullilah! Mom, I'm so proud of you!" Dami yelled as he walked towards Mom and engulfed her in a hug.
I just sat down by the stairs, looking at the both of them with tears in my eyes.
I was supposed to be happy that my mother was moving on because I always wanted her hapiness but this didn't look like happiness. It looked more like madness to me.
"If he promises that he's going to change, would that change your mind?" I asked her with tears in my eyes.
"C-change—"
Everywhere was silent and we could all hear the ticking of the clock. My mom's face was back to normal and she wasn't smiling. There was something I could tell, she was confused, just like I was.
"Mom, please don't divorce him. He's going to change," I whispered with teary eyes. She used her thumb to clean my tears and gave me a small kiss on my forehead.
"You're still young. You don't know what you want, Darasimi," she responded as Dami pulled me closer.
"Your daughter is right. Maybe you should give him another chance."
I recognized that voice to be the voice of my Grandmother. She never liked my mother and for her to talk calmly to her, it meant she was apologetic.
"Allah has blessed you both with five children so no matter what, this marriage will stand. God is speaking through Za'ahira and we should all listen to her." She added, calling me by my Islamic name as she walked towards where I was.
"He hit me and pushed me down the stairs and that's not the first time he's doing that," she yelled with tears in her eyes.
I could remember listening to music in my room when I heard a crash. I ran towards the door of my room and was about to run down the stairs when I saw my father push my mother down the stairs.
There were bruises all over her body and that was not the first time. My brother was in a Tuxedo and he picked her up from the floor with blood dripping from her mouth.
Dad walked over to where they were and flinged a small vase at them. My brother dropped Mom on the floor and gave my father a blow that knocked him out. He picked up the vase from the floor and hit it continually on my father's body until Mom called out to him.
He actually did push her down the stairs, but he was drunk.
"For the sake of your children, Bukola please do this for them—"
"And that's the reason why I will go ahead with the divorce, iya mi. I had three miscarriages because of this man and Darasimi was born prematurely. I almost lost her too because I kept giving him chances yet he's still the evil man that he chooses to be!" Mom said. I could see tears dripping down her eyes as they touched the blood near her lips. [ mother]
"O yẹ ki o ma sọ gbogbo nkan wọnyi niwaju awọn ọmọde kekere. Please Dami, both of you should go into your rooms." [You shouldn't be saying all these in front of small children]. Grandma said as she moved the tasbir between her fingers.
"Maṣe lọ nibikibi, Dami ati Dara. Stay here and know every single thing your father has done to me since we got married!" [Don't go anywhere, Dami and Dara] Mom warned as she adjuster herself on her wheel chair.
"Busola, maṣe ṣe nkan ti iwọ yoo banujẹ." Grandma pleaded with my Mom as my Mom shook her head. [Busola, don't do something that you will regret]
"Rara! All the wealth your father has today was willed to me by my late Father and that's why your father married me!" Mom said. "And he has confirmed that on many occasions when he was drunk to stupor!—" [Not at all]
"Bukola—"
"He poisoned me when I was pregnant with you, Darasimi because the scan showed that you were a girl—"
"Enough! I'm tired of all the lies and the blames!" I yelled as I stood up from the floor and moved closer to Grandma. "I'm so sure you can't say all these rubbish if Dad is here,"
"He went for therapy, omo mi," Grandma said. [My child]
"He wants to be better for you, Mom. Dad is hurting and maybe that's why he's trying to hurt you too but he's changing." I pleaded. "You need to truly forgive him for all he has done,"
"One more bullshit from your mouth and I'll slap you till you fall asleep, Darasimi! I won't watch you encourage Mom in this madness!" Dami yelled as he walked over to Mom's side. "You need rest, so I'll take you to your room," he told her as he wheeled her to her room.
My legs felt so heavy and it felt like I couldn't carry them until I could feel them drop to the ground.
"You did the right thing, Za'ahira. May God bless you and reward you."
I did the right thing. That was all that mattered.
Darasimi is so very wrong for encouraging her mother to stay in an Abusive Marriage but that's how 40% of the children born from abusive marriages are.
This is what Dami goes through every time— seeing his father physically abuse his Mom and he couldn't do anything but I'm glad that he gave him some punches.
And Dara, I don't even what to say about her. This chapter explains should explain Dara's character to you and you all are going to see her display this character more.
Good morning.