The drive to Alexandria's hometown was a lengthy one. But when Alexandria arrived, a sad smile made its way to her face as she was flooded with nostalgia.
As she drove through the suburbs of the small town of Greenville in Illinois, she was overcome with a sense of familiarity. The town was nothing special, one of the oldest towns in the state of Illinois, but it was the town that she grew up in. She recognised the houses, the buildings. They were exactly how she remembered them.
The Sinclair girl came from the place and yet while the town stayed the exact same, she could not say the same for herself.
When Alexandria drove up to her old house, she wasn't surprised to see that a 'for sale' sign was still posted outside on the overgrown and unmaintained lawn. After all, who would want to buy a house someone was killed in? Didn't matter the logistics or the reasoning behind it. Didn't change that someone died by another's hand. In a small town, just word alone was more than enough.
Alexandria parked right outside on the curb and when she exited her car, she paused as she looked over it. She used to see that house every single day, but now she hadn't seen it in almost a full year.
She scanned her surroundings to find no one around. It was midday so the majority of people were either at school or work. Alexandria went around to the side of the house to see the array of different potted plants that had all wilted and died. But she lifted a specific potted plant to find that her old house key was still lying under it. She had to leave a spare one for Lukas because the boy was prone to forgetting his own.
After acquiring the key, she went back around to the front door and unlocked it. Slowly, she pushed the door open to see that the house was bare to the bone. It had been neglected and had been collecting nothing but dust and small insects.
She explored her old home and noted the small details of the building. She saw how in the living room, specific parts of the carpet had indents from having furniture over it and saw how the kitchen countertops had old scratches from when her mother used to bake.
It made Alexandria laugh lightly as she remembered when she was young, she used to always ask her mother to help when she was baking something. She remembered that she could barely see over the countertop but insisted to her mother that she was big enough to help.
But she also remembered the bad memories. When Alexandria looked further into the living room, her focus shifted to the fireplace. Her mind wandered far enough until she could hear the nauseating crack of bone echo in her mind. The moment that started it all. But she quickly snapped herself out of it. With a deep breath, she peeled her eyes away from the room.
Eventually, Alexandria went upstairs to the other rooms. Each room, empty and bare like the floor below. But as she went to her brother's room, she pushed the door open and leaned against the frame like she had done many times before. She remembered when Lukas started to enter his angsty teen phase and she made it her mission to annoy the life out of him like any good older sibling does.
Alexandria went further into the room to see that there was nothing except his bed and his desk. She moved to his closet and saw that it resembled what the rest of his room had looked like. However, something caught her attention. She spotted something small on the very top shelf.
Alexandria grabbed the ledge of the wood and pulled herself up with ease. She quickly grabbed the small object and dropped back down onto the ground.
Her gaze softened when she got a good look at what she had found. A small, brown teddy bear with a little red bow around its neck. Alexandria recognised it immediately and dragged out a sigh. It was Lukas' old teddy bear from when he was just a toddler. It was originally her's but was passed down to Lukas after she insisted she had grown too old for stuffed toys.
She realised that Lukas probably discarded the teddy bear when he too had grown out of it. Just decided to chuck it in his closet and forgot about it the next day.
The teddy bear was covered in dirt and dust and was in need of a desperate cleaning. But Alexandria couldn't help but smile at the small plush. She held onto it tightly as she moved to the final bedroom. Her own.
As she thought back on it, she realised that it wasn't really that long ago that she lived in the room she now stood in. It wasn't long ago that the walls were littered with different posters, shelves were decorated with little trinkets and the wardrobe was filled to the brim with clothes. It wasn't that long ago, and yet it felt like a whole different lifetime to her.
Alexandria moved to sit by her old window and she looked out into the quiet neighbourhood. She remembered sitting by the window whenever she got sick of sitting at her desk for hours on end. She remembered the times she snuck in and out of her window to go hang out with friends at two in the morning.
The Sinclair sat by the window, old teddy bear in her lap as she reminisced on silly memories. It made her heart long for the simpler times, but Alexandria knew that she couldn't linger any longer.
With a deep sigh, Alexandria got up from her spot and left the room. As she walked back down the steps, the wood creaked under her shoes. Alexandria took in the small details of the house one last time before she exited out the door. She knew that there was nothing left for her there.
Alexandria walked down the porch of the house with her head hung low and teddy bear in hand. She made sure to place her black cap back on before she grabbed her car keys out of her pocket to unlock her car. But before Alexandria could take a step off the sidewalk, she heard a voice.
"Alex?" the voice called out, a voice that Alexandria hadn't heard in a while.
Alexandria shot her head to the source of the voice to see her old best friend, wearing her work uniform with a tote bag slung over her shoulder. "Maddie?" she called back in disbelief.
Madelyn Adachi. Alexandria's best friend in her old high school. One was rarely seen without the other. Madelyn was often seen as the more cheerful, outgoing one while Alexandria was the hotheaded one who got into fights. Complete opposites, but friends nonetheless.
Madelyn lit up at the sight of the Sinclair girl and came running towards her to engulf her in a quick hug. As Madelyn pulled back, a wide smile tugged at her lips. "I haven't seen you in ages! What're you doing here?"
Alexandria awkwardly laughed as she stepped back. "Just visiting. Was curious what the house looked like now, so I dropped by," she answered and Madelyn nodded.
"How've you been?" Madelyn asked.
Alexandria opened her mouth but stammered on her words. She cleared her throat as her eyes darted around the girl. "I've been alright, how about you?"
"Same... I was worried about you. When you left, you just sort of cut contact after a bit," Madelyn spoke cautiously, she was aware of the events that happened almost a year ago and didn't want to overstep.
"Sorry... I was going through a rough time. It was a dick move on my part," she apologised sincerely and Madelyn just nodded as she understood the pain she went through.
"Don't worry about it. I understand, really," she reassured her and glanced down at her watch. "I wish I could stay and catch up, but I gotta get home. Did you wanna come over? My mom would love to see you," Madelyn beamed as she remembered how her mom was always fond of Alexandria.
Alexandria shook her head. "I actually gotta get going. Maybe another time, though," she declined politely.
"That's fine. Well, I'll see you. Promise to keep in touch this time?" Madelyn nudged her shoulder expectantly.
Alexandria faltered at the suggestion. "Yeah..."
The two exchanged their farewells but before Madelyn could get too far, Alexandria reached out and gently grabbed her wrist to stop her.
"Hm? What's u–"
"Forget we saw each other. I was never here."
~ * ~
Alexandria parked her car next to the graveyard, but while she turned off the vehicle and removed the key, she hesitated to leave.
Her hands stayed planted at the top of the wheel, her eyes trained on the dashboard. The silence was deafening. She wondered why she was so scared of a couple of tombstones. Not like they could hurt her. Hurt her more than they already have.
Alexandria took a deep breath and decided to just bite the bullet. She grabbed the small bouquet of flowers that she bought and quickly got out of the car. A chill travelled down the Sinclair's spine as she looked past her car and out into the cemetery.
She buried her hands deep in her pockets and slowly walked inside the cemetery. She stuck to the marked paths as she travelled further and eventually came upon her family.
Four tombstones, lined side by side. Her mother's, her father's, her brother's and finally her aunt's.
Her eyes drifted to the one on the far left. Her mother's. It was obvious that it had been there for many years. Years of weathering had caused the stone to darken, the carving to fade just a little.
Guilt and shame settled in her body as she wondered what her mother would think of her. What would she make of the person she had become? What would she think of the things her only daughter had done? Alexandria sighed and placed the bouquet in the middle before standing back quietly.
A sick thought went through her mind as she stared at the tombstones of her entire family. A thought that there should've been another one. Another tombstone with her name engraved on it. But she brushed off the thought as quickly as it entered her mind.
"Hi, mom, dad, Aunt Eleanor... Lukas. It's been a while since I last visited. For some it's been the first time I've ever visited," Alexandria began, speaking out into empty air. "Mom, dad... I started at a new school. A school for supernatural kids. They've been trying to help me adjust and everything but... a lot has happened since then..." her voice trailed off as she glanced over to the last two tombstones, her brother's and her aunt's. Alexandria crouched down in front of Lukas' and reached a hand out. "I'm... so sorry I couldn't protect you that day. I played that day, that moment, so many times in my head after it happened, wondering what I could've done to stop it. Wishing that I was faster, stronger. I'm sorry that it wasn't enough," she whispered and let her hand fall back as she looked over to her aunt's tombstone. "Thank you for all that you did for me and Lukas. I never got to thank you and that will always be something that I regret," Alexandria sniffled and wiped away the tears that had fallen down her face.
The Sinclair went to stand and looked between all four tombstones. She took a deep breath to try and compose herself but she felt a familiar sensation in her chest. One that felt like walls closing in around her heart. Slowly creeping, closer and closer, but never meeting in the middle.
Alexandria brought her hands over her face and rubbed her eyes furiously with the fabric of her sleeves till her skin burned. She couldn't change the past and it was about time that she got her own head out of it. She knew she needed to accept that all her family members died in tragic accidents and events that were out of her control. She knew she needed to accept that she did everything she could to prevent it all from happening but unfortunately, there were just forces beyond her power.
When she calmed down a bit, she ran her hands through her hair and let them fall to her sides. "I've done a lot of things that I'm ashamed of... and I know you wouldn't be proud of either if you were all still here," Alexandria hung her head low in shame and paused as she took a shaky breath. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything and that I want to make things right. I hope that the next time I visit, I'll be someone that I'm proud of," she finished her tone now more firm.
Alexandria was determined to make things right. As she finally got it off her chest, the sensation in it started to ease. Alexandria had spent so long seeking different outlets for her anger and revenge that for the first time, she actually felt like she got the closure she needed, or at least something close to it.
Alexandria sat in front of the tombstones and started to talk about random things. Random events in her life that her family missed out on. Ones where she made new friends, became a leader. Ones with a blooming romance. Small details of her new life that she had always wanted to share with her family, but couldn't.
And when she was finally able to leave, she left with her head held a little higher.
~ * ~
Another long drive later, and Alexandria was driving up to the school in the late hours of the night. She left her car further down and decided to walk back the rest of the way. A way to clear her mind. Alexandria was grateful that it was late, so she could avoid everyone as she had one person in mind that she wanted to see.
As she walked up to the front doors, she found the person she wanted to see. Hope sat at the front steps of the school, in the exact same spot Alexandria last saw her.
Hope seemed to be lost in thought as she looked down at the ground with her shoulders slumped but the sound of Alexandria's footsteps brought her back to reality. As she raised her head, she met Alexandria's gaze and a smile formed on her lips.
"You're back," Hope said as she pushed herself to stand.
"I promised I'd be back," Alexandria grinned as she continued to walk up to the steps.
Hope just sighed and went up to the girl to hug her. "I missed you," Hope murmured as her arms went around her neck and she buried her head under her chin.
Alexandria happily reciprocated it but was worried when she could practically feel the tension in her body. She rubbed a hand soothingly up and down her back as she pulled back slightly to look down at Hope. "I missed you, too. I was only gone for two days. What happened?" she asked curiously but her eyes drifted to the Christmas decorations on the front door. Hope loosened her hold but stayed close to Alexandria. "It's literally October, why are there Christmas lights up?"
Hope almost winced at the question and groaned as she remembered the very festive-filled day she had battling yet another monster. "Long story, I'll catch you up later..." Hope told her as she looked back to Alexandria. Her hands travelled down Alexandria's arms till they reached her hands. "How'd it go?" she asked as she started to unconsciously play with Alexandria's hands.
Alexandria nodded and her lips formed a line. "It was good. I... turns out I really needed it. I'm glad I went while I could," she said honestly and deeply sighed as she could finally feel the tiredness start to get to her. Alexandria hadn't had even a wink's worth of sleep in days.
"That's good. I'm happy for you..." Hope's voice trailed off as she noticed the sleepiness in the Sinclair's eyes and started to tug her back to the school. "Come on, it's late."
Alexandria let herself be dragged but voiced her concern, "Are you sure that's a good idea? I haven't exactly been welcomed back," she muttered warily as she thought that people wouldn't be happy with Hope's suggestion.
Hope just shook her head. "That is a problem for future us. You have been driving for hours on end and even vampires need sleep every once in a while," she insisted and continued to drag the brunette into the school.
Alexandria laughed lightly and rolled her eyes playfully at her. "Fine."