"Can't sleep?"
"No."
Even over the soft rain of the sound machine that Chaewon had brought from Eunchae's room, she could hear the lawyer sigh. Yunjin wouldn't point out the fact that Chaewon wasn't sleeping either, and that they needed to get up in a little bit now that Eunchae was snoring with both dogs curled into her sides on the floor. Telling the kid she shouldn't sleep with them in bed was hard, but Chaewon had to foresight to know if they didn't Eunchae would wake up as soon as they tried to slip out.
Their room was still a mess, various pieces of makeup and lotion littering the floor totaled around when Yunjin had dragged the vanity. The furniture itself was still crooked and where Yunjin had pushed it out of the way so she could open the door. No one had the energy to pick up. The rest of the night was kind of nice, Chaewon's dad made cookies and they laid some out for Santa and watched movies. Sakura had to go home early, the babies weren't used to being out so late, but she slipped a bag full of gifts under the tree and gave Yunjin a tight hug before she left. They definitely would be chatting about what happened tonight sometime in the future, just not now, Yunjin was too tired for that.
"I'm done with them. I mean it."
"I know baby."
"I'm blocking their numbers and that's it, I don't want to hear from them ever again. I'm not getting tested, I'm not even going to go to their funerals. I'm done."
"If that's your decision, I'll support you." Chaewon gave her this sad smile, leaning over to press a kiss on her cheek. "I'll tell Eunchae to leave you alone tomorrow if you need space."
"No," Yunjin shook her head, "It's Christmas. I'm feeling better, I'm just-"
"Yunjin, if you're upset you don't have to pretend that you're fine. I know you really wanted things to work out."
Yunjin fell quiet for a minute. "I'm upset."
"Okay, and how can I help you feel better?"
"Just- just cuddle me."
"I can definitely do that." Chaewon smiled, wrapping her arms around Yunjin's waist pulling her back flush against her. It wasn't often Yunjin was the little spoon, sure Chaewon was all for back hugs but usually it was the detective that either was the big spook or cuddled upon. It was kind of nice, Eunchae's fish night light allowed Yunjin to see Chaewon's face when she turned around to snuggle into her shoulder. Their legs tangled as Chaewon brushed a strand of hair out of Yunjin's face.
"Eunchae wasn't scared, right?" Yunjin asked. The thought dawned on her all at once. Her little episode was embarrassing, she made a fool out of herself in front of Sakura, Chaewon's family, and especially Chaewon and Eunchae. "I just lost my cool, I-"
"Why do you always think about everyone else instead of yourself?" Chaewon cut her off, disbelief tainting her voice. "Babe, I have never seen you lose your cool like that. Sure, I've seen you cry a few times but that wasn't normal for you. You're hurting and you're talking about if Eunchae was scared, unbelievable."
"I just- I don't want her to be scared of me."
"It would take a lot for her to be scared of you. The fact that she's sleeping on the floor not hiding away right now is a good sign that she isn't too affected." Chaewon leaned down and placed a kiss on Yunjin's forehead, "How are you feeling."
Yunjin went quiet for a minute. How was she feeling? Not good, that's for sure. She was angry, so angry she could barely sit still her hands itching to do something. But Chaewon would kill her if she messed up her hair again, so she just took to gently playing with Chaewon's. Grumpy stretched out next to her, rolling on his back and extending his paws. "Hurt."
"Yeah?"
"I feel like I was played. They were never great parents,"
"Understatement of the century."
"No, like I mean before all this. We weren't ever super close but I think I just wanted them to love me. And it's never really gone away. Then Eunha passed and I felt like I lost everything all over again." Yunjin went quiet. "I feel stupid right now."
"You're not stupid."
"I keep replaying the same thing in my head. Everything that's happened to you is your fault. That can't be true. Right?" Yunjin let her fingers dance around through Chaewon's hair.
"No. It's not. If you really want to put blame somewhere it's them. It's on them. Even if they didn't agree with you, they should've tried to understand, or something. Don't listen to what they say, they're wrong." Chaewon whispered, "I mean it. Please don't let this be one of those things that you let eat at you. You're such a good person Yunjin, I love you so much. And you've been through a lot, but you tried your best through all of it."
For once, Yunjin felt comforted by that. She believed that. "Okay."
"I do have something to ask you too," Chaewon hummed, "The other day my dad dropped the tree, you got scared."
"I did." She couldn't explain it. It was just loud and she was already a bit on edge with Chaewon's mom sitting right there next to her, the moment it sounded through their apartment she couldn't breathe.
"Are you doing okay?" Chaewon asked her this often. It was more nice than annoying most of the time. She was just trying to check in with her. Yunjin liked to try and do the same.
"Yeah," Yunjin shrugged, "I just don't like loud noises too much. It makes me feel like I'm back in the moment. I sound crazy."
"No, I get it." Chaewon went quiet for a minute, "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No, I'm just going to keep getting help. Hopefully it'll just go away."
"Yunjin, things just don't go away. Especially things like this." Chaewon sighed, "What do you want to do for New Years then?"
"Huh? I don't know. Why did you get invited somewhere? I can just watch Eunchae if you want to go and enjoy yourself."
"No, but thank you for the offer. I'm thinking there's going to be a lot of fireworks, are you going to be able to handle the noise? I don't want to see you cry because it's too much, I hate seeing you cry."
"Maybe I can just play some music through my headphones and chill in our room?"
"I don't know. I'll think of something. Okay?"
"Okay." Yunjin mused.
"Are you sleepy?"
"A little." Yunjin murmured, "Talk to me about our wedding."
"Well, I know you want a small wedding and that's what I want too. So we can rent out a cute little hall for a night and invite our friends and my family, and even some of Eunchae's friends because I know you don't like to stay out too late."
"I do-"
"No you don't. It's okay." Chaewon giggled, "I was thinking Eunchae could be our flower girl, and maybe even Kyujin. They'd look so cute in the fluffy dresses. And my dad is going to walk me down the aisle and then I'll wait. Then you're going to come down the aisle and everyone is gonna think I'm the one to start crying first, but no it's going to be you because you're a sap. Then we're gonna say our vows and mine are going to be so good, and yours is gonna be 'I love you. Let's love each other forever.' But that's okay cause that's so you. And then we'll kiss as Sakura starts sobbing because she's dramatic and then we'll be Mrs. and Mrs.- actually what are doing about that.
Yunjin thought for a moment, "I kind of want to take your name."
"You do?"
"Yeah. I don't want to be reminded of everything every time I hear our names."
"We could always hyphenate." Chaewon suggested, "Make a new name to start our life together."
"I don't know."
"Let's think about it."
"And then we dance the night away, or until nine thirty and you get tired. Then Eunchae sleeps over Kyujin's and we have some fun. Then the next morning we go and pick her up and the three of us go on a honeymoon."
"You want to bring Eunchae?" Yunjin was a bit surprised by that. It was never a doubt in her mind that she wanted to bring Eunchae, but she wasn't too sure how Chaewon would feel about that. Leaving the kid alone, well she wouldn't be alone she'd probably be with Kyujin or Sakura, just didn't sit right with her.
"Why would we not?" Chaewon shrugged, "I want to go to Japan, see the cherry blossoms with her. I don't know if we need to talk to her case worker, or if that's even doable, but still-"
"When we get married, will you become Eunchae's mom too?"
"Huh? Babe, I don't know if you noticed but it's the three of us in this together."
"No, I know that. But would you get your fostering license and officially become her foster mother with me?"
"I'd love to do that." Yunjin could hear the smile in Chaewon's voice. "I've been meaning to talk to you about this, but what if we tried adopting her."
"Wouldn't that be difficult?" It would be a lie to say the thought hasn't crossed her mind a few times. The lingering fear that Eunchae could just be taken from them at some point dated to swallow Yunjin whole sometimes, life without Eunchae- she couldn't imagine it.
"I was thinking that as well but I started talking to one of the family affairs and for us I actually think it would be quite easy. Eunchae's mom's parental rights have been terminated because of what she was convicted of; child abuse and neglect, and in the severity of what it was for Eunchae there was no way she was ever going to get custody back. So right now Eunchae is in the sole custody of the state, but we can start the adoption process and be granted custody officially."
"Really?"
"Mhmm. We could talk to Mina about it, see if that's what she would like to do."
"She's six, I don't think she understands."
"I don't think so either." Chaewon shrugged, "But when I first was adopted my parents came over to meet us and we had a really good week together before they asked us. If I was just sent over here, I don't know how I would feel. Even if she's probably going to say yes when we explain that's how she can stay with us forever, it's still nice to talk to her about it."
"You're right."
"I can't wait to marry you."
"Me too." She meant it.
...
"Yunjin wake up!"
"Five more minutes."
"Santa came!"
"My name is Yunjin."
"Not you, Santa."
Finally Yunjin cracked an eye open, her soul leaving her body for a second when she saw Eunchae's eyes two inches away from her own. She jumped, but regained her composure groaning and stuffing her face back into the pillow. This time tiny hands went and grasped Yunjin's arm, pulling gently. " Mommy lets go!"
With a groan Yunjin sat up, letting Eunchae take her by the hand into the living room where everyone was already awake sitting around the tree. First thing Yunjin noticed is that there were more presents than the ones her and Chaewon set out last night, which either meant Chaewon bought more presents without telling her or her parents bought some and didn't tell her. Both seemed equally possible.
Eunchae was so excited, this small goofy smile on her lips as she looked at all the presents. The past two weeks Yunjin could tell Eunchae was a bit doubtful Santa would come, asking Yunjin if she told him where she moved to and how long it took letters to arrive at the North Pole. Eunchae hadn't even given either of them a Christmas list when they asked, saying if he gave her a note saying she knew where she was now and if she was on the naughty or nice list would be good enough for her. It was sad, but also so distracting for Yunjin who had no idea what to buy for her. Her phone pinged,
Joohyun
Hey Chaejin, Santa must've accidentally dropped these off at the wrong place. They're addressed to Eunchae ;)
[8:32AM]
Joohyun
[Image attached]
[8:32AM]
A photo of a pretty sizable amount of presents sat, and Yunjin groaned. She had a feeling they were going to do something like this ever since Joohyun asked what Eunchae liked and if she needed clothes. Three more text messages rolled in, one from each of the parents saying there were more presents at their houses. Dorks.
Eunchae settled on her lap as Chaewon's dad started passing around presents. When the first one addressed to her was given to her the entire family stopped, Yunjin knew exactly what this was- she had wrapped it herself. A medium sized box with penguin wrapping paper and a huge bow. Sure the wrapping job wasn't good by any means, crumpled and a bit wonky, Yunjin tried really hard. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Chaewon hold up her phone recording everything, still dressed in red Christmas pajamas and her hair in a messy ponytail.
"Read the label bud." Yunjin instructed, pointing to the tag that was stuck to the front.
"...to Eun..Eunchae" Eunchae squinted. Maybe Yunjin should have just read it for her, "from..santa. Santa?!" Eunchae looked back up at Yunjin, who just nodded in encouragement before she went to rip the corner of it pausing.
"What's that?" Yunjin asked, a smile painting her lips as Eunchae paused. The kid slowly tore back more paper, eyes widening. A picture of a mint green and blue switch was printed onto the cover along with a sad looking...raccoon? Yunjin had no idea what that thing was. Honestly she thought it looked kind of cute and Eunchae liked animals so she picked that one up instead of the regular ugly blue and red one.
"A switch!"
"What? Santa got you a switch!" Chaewon gasped, a wide smile on her face as Eunchae held up the box to show her. "You must've been really good this year!"
"Can we play with this now?"
"Now?" Yunjin laughed, "Let's finish opening presents and then we can take it out and set it up."
Eunchae got a few new plushies, mostly various sea creatures that Yunjin and Chaewon had thought she'd like, tickets to the aquarium, books, a few games to go with the switch, and a lot of new clothes. Chaewon's parents had also taken to spoiling her by buying her books and a few games for Chaewon's Xbox. While Eunchae showed her appreciation for all the stuff, Yunjin could just tell she wanted to take the switch out and play with it as soon as she could. Eunchae was a bit spoiled, but she never acted like it and she deserved it.
Everyone else got gifts as well, Chaewon bought her a new padded jacket saying her leather one wouldn't keep her warm and that she was going to get sick. Yunjin had bought her the blender Chaewon had talked to her about a month ago, a really random gift but still. At first she was thinking about buying her some lingerie, but if Chaewon opened that in front of her parents and Eunchae, she might die. But Chaewon apparently didn't share her foresight, snatching a bag out of Yunjin's hands, whispering that she needed to open it up when they were alone. Yunjin had bought Chaewon's parents a fancy ornament and they bought her a cute little photo album and Polaroid camera.
The biggest surprise came when Eunchae handed her a small blue bag, and did the same for Chaewon. What's this? But Eunchae looked excited and so she opened it and immediately came across a letter with her name etched on it in big messy letters along with a penguin sticker. She opened it and let her eyes trail across the barely legible writing.
HI YunJin! MeerY chismast! I hoop u have A gud chIstmast! I lUV u! Becos oF U i have A bed, and Doggys. IM sory for being loOud and SlEeping in ur bed, I'll try tO be beter.
I luv U!
Chae :)
Inside was a small stuffed dog, a Shiba Inu if she remembered correctly. She took the small plushie out and held it in her hands, it was definitely cute made in that sort of kawaii style that was popular these days and a circular body. Chaewon had a raccoon stuffie in a similar style. A smile washed over Yunjin's feature, "What's this?"
"I bought these when I went with Kyujin to Daiso. Do you like it?"
"I love it!"
"I used my switch money for them because I wanted you to have something from me. Now you can bring them to work like I bring Peng to school!" As much as Yunjin wanted to argue and say she wouldn't, she caved nodding in agreement.
Christmas progressed like that, easy and carefree. Her phone rang once, a call from her Mom but she blocked the number and turned off her phone. She honestly didn't care what it was anymore. She was done, for real this time. She helped Eunchae set up her switch and the two of them booted up Animal Crossing, designing Eunchae's character. Chaewon and her parents made some food, their laughter echoing out of the kitchen. She'd call Sakura later, see how the babies were enjoying Christmas more than the mall Santa the twins had started crying as soon as they were handed over. The past few Christmas she spent working going over Sakura's for dinner because the woman would make her.
This was nice.