Its humbling, to think you are at the worst moments.
Only for it to get worse.
There is something so raw about being so vulnerable and destroyed that changes your perspective.
It is almost like learning how to breathe again.
And yet, we never know to do from there.
Some people might, but normally we don't.
and that's okay.
it is okay.
It will be okay.
-
I can't believe these rehearsals aren't over yet. how many times do I have to go through this with them, I just want go to sleep.
Me: can you move to the left a bit more cause we can't see him for that bit...yeah yeah, like that, one more time.
They are having a comeback soon and I am making the choreo for them
there were 20 different people all working and in the room with us.
I could feel my phone buzzing and looked at it, oh taehyung?
that's weird we haven't spoken in a while.
I ignored it.
then he called again.
this isn't normal.
I picked it up
me: hey, im in dance rehearsals with Enhyphen for their comeback teaching them choreo, so could you -
taehyung: there will be photos .
me: what?
I turned to the person near the speakers and shouted " turn off the music"
taehyung: there will be photos. of us. in Paris...
me: I though you would only meet in indoor places, what's going on?
he explained the entire story to me and I slowly went quiet.
me: when are you next back?
taehyung: I think 6 days time?
me: I will get you an earlier flight for tomorrow morning and don't even think about saying no.
Taehyung: But the Celine show -
Me: You are in luck because they want to cancel it because of the protests and riots. it is not an option. there will be more guards and I will get people for online protection and security. we will get the lawyers onto the people who released the photos and videos. I will see you as soon as you land.
I hung up on him and ran upstairs, leaving everyone in the rehearsal room in complete confusion.
in the lift I texted their manager " tell them to keep practising whatever I taught them so far and for them to move onto their next schedules"
my and other staff members spent hours on this and preparing a response both in terms of a formal statement, online promotions, working with YG ent and so on.
Even then, once it was all done I stayed there until the next day, dealing with things online and people calling and the legal team and the PR team. I saw staff members go home to sleep and get changed, and then saw them come back again.
once he landed I got a text from his security team that there were on their way to the office.
Once he arrived, he was escorted straight up to my office, when I had cleared the entire floor.
We all spoke with the legal and PR team for it bit, then with his security team.
after that was done, they all left and it was just me and him.
taehyung: I don't even know what to say
me: same
taehyung: its kind of funny because we knew what was going on
me: oh did you?
taehyung: yeah
me: last time too? when I was in New York ?
taehyung: yeah, actually
me: are you fucking joking me?
the air in the room went cold and he looked confused
taehyung: what?
me: I paid millions out of my own money last time to get that guy to not release those photos. I got into a fake PR relationship to cover your ass. a contract that is causing me and him the craziest emotional distress cause we do not get along and everyone is fucking testing our patience.
taehyung: I never asked you to do all those things? the company could have dealt with it!!
me: YOU literally called me, begging and pleading me to do something. Oh and the company? they said "fuck it, we won't pay that much". so I paid the money , for YOU. because you called me, begging and pleading for me too help you stay hidden.
taehyung: I -
me: did you know? about a week or so ago , before those photos of me and James walking out of the cinema dropped, we were having screaming matches so bad, that a staff member leaked claims that I had "anger issues". that I then I had to deal with right after . and we were driving each other so crazy we both went MIA. he went back to London for a bit and I was in Japan for a few days.
taehyung: when? I literally came to see you, and yoona was here
me: yeah they didn't come. I left my phone , computer, laptop everything.
taehyung: oh , I -
me: yeah its always "I" or "me and her" , you were literally signing albums too. like wtf? every single time I have your back, every single time and I will do it again, but do you ever consider how much you make it difficult for us? or even me, just me? I have known you since I was crazy young, and every time I look after you, when do you take the time to look after how your actions impact me? when? even when we were talking and we were arguing, I was the one who apologised and Made the effort, every single time.
taehyung: eunha , I -
me: you know what, get out. or even better, im going to go home.
taehyung: this isn't even my fault, they invaded our privacy!
me: you are right they did, but I cannot cover for you when you are signing albums or dropping hints left right and centre that you are dating. If you are dating, own it! date like you want to! don't come begging me to cover for you or to protect your privacy. because guess what, it is not privacy when it is public knowledge or acknowledged fact.
taehyung: you are going home because you can't be bothered for this? really?
I stopped dead in my tracks as I was walking out.
me: are you being serious? I have spent the last 48 hours here! in this building. from those 48 hours, only 8 hours were spent on Enhyphen and NewJeans. The rest were on your album, your schedule, plans, details and YOUR EXPOSED DATE. everyone went home but me. because I have your back and always will. so excuse me, I am going home and I am sick of your bullshit.
Taehyung: but that's just how it is, you know that!
me: no it is not how it is! get it together! oh and by the way, you can work on your album with someone else. go to YG, SM, JYP, Cube for all I care.
Taehyung: seriously!
me: I am not doing it! I am sick of this bullshit where I am running around picking up pieces of shit that you are dumping left right and centre.
taehyung: so who is doing my album?
I thought for a second.
me: Min hee jin. I will swap New Jeans' project for yours.
taehyung: am I that replaceable?
me: no one is replaceable. but, my patience is short and I don't have time for this anymore. I truly do not have the time patience and health for it.
he scoffed
me:i will send a formal report and response about the expose situation to your email and your managers. I will deal with it. and us for what just happened, I am sorry it has come to this. truly. I hope you see better days.
I went home straight after that.
I didn't speak to anyone, didn't call anyone.
I just went home, changed and went straight to bed.
The next day was just hell, I was bombarded by everyone and anyone.
I spent all day sat in my office chair and people came in and out and I dealt with every single crisis and question.
I was there from 6AM to 7PM just going through files, emails, questions, enquiries, heads of departments confirming things, contracts.
then it got to 7pm and I got to my last email that was confirming the booking of the actress who will be in Jungkook's Music Video. we had to book whoever it is in advance to make sure nothing gets added to their schedule and it is confirmed and in line with Jungkooks schedule. I wasn't really a part of his album preparations other than giving him a few songs and going to America with him when he was recording because I had meetings at the same time there...
but when I opened the email and scrolled down to see who was chosen.
annoyance hit my brain and quickly switched to confusion and the feeling of betrayal.
why would they choose her?
I called his manager and the album preparation teams to ask who choose her and reached out to her team. I didn't make it known to them what my opinion was at all. every single person told me he , himself, choose her.
what -
I looked at the time, then checked his schedule on our online platform. it says he is in the rehearsal room.
I called him a few times and he didn't pick up.
I called his manager and he said that Jungkook wants to prioritise memorising the Choreo.
Why is he blowing me off? he has never done that and no one ever blows me off?wtf?
I got out of my chair for the first Time in 3 hours and stumbling before remembering how to walk again. I went down to the rehearsal room
I entered and paused their rehearsals. the cameras turned off
me: hi, can I borrow Jungkook for a about 15 minutes .
he couldn't avoid it now
not In front of everyone.
its uncalled for, for me to come downstairs and get someone myself, especially in moments like this where such a crazy scandal is happening.
he followed me to another dance room, all of which are soundproof.
me: you choose her? really?
Jungkook: I thought I was the one who could choose who suits the comeback...?
Me: well they recommend a few people and you choose from them , for who suits the concept the most...the others are all my friends or ppl I get along w ...you choose the one person that I don't...
jungkook: ...
Me: its just a bit...like why...there were 13 other choices dude.
jungkook: I don't know...she works well for the concept
Me: so did 3 of the others...objectively, she wouldn't even be my first choice...
jungkook: and...
why is he so cold right now?
what happened
Me: did I do something?
jungkook: what?
Me: did I do something for you to be acting like this?
jungkook: no no, im just tired and I want to finish rehearsals and go home.
I could tell he was lying
Me: it's just a bit of a weird move for you to make...but do know want?!?!?! I don't care anymore. I just don't care.
I walked out and slammed the door.
only a few trainees in the hallway saw. but they all scurried off to their practises.
the days after were groggy.
I was meant to go with Jungkook to America, where he would have filmed his MV and done some interviews. but I didn't want to. I couldn't be bothered too. and everyone knew something was up between us.
today is a Friday. He is meant to come back and I have a publicity stunt with James.
I have already headed out and am meant to meet James in a cafe.
the car pulled up and I saw him waiting inside. I got out of the car and acted like I didn't see the gigantic cameras ten metres away or the everyday people who saw me and pulled their cameras out.
I walked into the cafe, which was empty except for him and a random family of 3.
he gave me a drink and hugged me. we sat in a corner and talked about random stuff whilst photos were taken. I kept eyeing the family 3, the parents let the baby out of the pushchair and let her walk around. she started going towards the counter, then looked at me straight in the eye.
oh god, please don't come here, I am meant to leave for an appointment in a minute.
she kept walking towards me as the mum watched.
she came straight up to my table and reached for my phone.
I let her take it and smiled at her.
she was wearing a cute floral dress and had pink bows in her hair.
I felt a string pull at my heart.
she put the phone down and walked around the table towards me.
James was holding my hand, but when the baby tried to get onto the seat, he let go and we both instinctively went to make sure she doesn't fall.
the mum got up at this point and apologised for bothering us.
I said it was fine and James just smiled, he can't speak Korean to her.
the baby started playing with my and point out of the window to all the people and cameras.
I started playing along with her.
about 5 minutes went by as we did this, then the baby put her arms out. asking me to pick her up. I asked the mum if I could and she said yes.
I picked her up and she started blabbing to me. I couldn't tell what she was saying. I walked around the cafe with her.
I sat back down after ten minutes and she was still talking to me , unintelligible but there was something being said.
then she starting playing around with my bracelet.
I took it off and put it on her wrist, way too oversized but I wrapped it around her twice and it looked perfect.
one of the security guards walked in and said "we need to leave, the crowds have blocked the whole block and the train stations are forced to close because of the crowds. There is a police escort waiting outside for us."
I smiled , nodded and picked the baby up again
me" she should keep the bracelet, it can be a cute start to her Chrome Hearts collection! But it's gold so don't let her wear it everywhere in case of thieves."
the parents asked for photos, the guards said no but I said yes. they got their photos and James took them of me and the family.
we left after that
in the car, James looked at me in silence for a while before saying "its weird"
me: what?
James: what happened in there, almost makes me think you have a heart
Me: ha -
James: no but seriously
Me: I have a heart, I just follow my brain instead.
James: it will be like that forever for us, won't it
me: what do you mean?
James: busy schedule, running around constantly, only few seconds of pure human interactions and good intentions.
Me: yup...
James: shit
Me: I know .
James: oh god and once it gets to marriage and falling in love we won't even have a say in the matter
Me: I will, you won't!
James: what?
Me: you kiss your parents ass! desperately too! I do what I want! but don't worry I am not even getting married
James: no?
Me:nah - unecessary
James: fair enough. was this our last photoshoot?
Me: yeah the contract signing is tomorrow, remember? dude we are literally on our way to collect our stuff
James: oh damn! I have lost track of time!
Me: you will finally be free!
James: so will you!
Me: I hate this flight though, its like 13 hours
James: time for me to catch up on sleep.
Me: for me it will be emails
James: that's so sad
Me:literally
James: hey is it true you and jungkook are arguing?
Me: what?
James: oh I heard about it from one of my guards who was gossiping with my assistant.
Me: news spreads fast far.
James:so?
Me: I can neither confirm nor deny
he laughed before looking at me as I wrote some messages to a friend.
Me:what?
James: I will actually miss this. I know we were horrible to each other for a long time, but I think we have come far.
I looked up and smiled
Me: we have...that fight we had in my office was horrible
James: yeah , hahaha
Me: so what now?
James: what do you mean?
Me: what becomes of us? no more contact apart from occasional board meetings or business meetings?
James: no, let's not become one of those people...let me take you out to dinner.
Me: what?
James: our flight is at midnight and its only the afternoon right now!
Me: no I mean -
James: I can pick you up at your house or the office or wherever you are, and I will take you to man favourite restaurant.
Me: I mean -
James: one last time? it will be fun
Me: okay , sure. I don't see why not.
James: cool, then we can drive straight to the airport from there.
Me: im probably going to wear something casual...also I can get the reporters there earlier than we arrive so they get the walking shots
James: no, no! no reporters. just a genuine dinner between us two.
I stopped typing and looked up
Me: oh okay, I see. sure, I guess
James: they can film us at the airport.
we got through the day normally and I went to pick up my stuff at home, as in my luggage. I had another trip straight from London.
James picked me up from my house and our guards drove behind us in a separate van.
I didn't expect him drive us himself...but oh well. I didn't even know he had his license or that it was accepted here.
we drove to the restaurant, to which he made sure we were in a private room.
we went in and ordered food, I spent half the time thinking about my upcoming schedules, not really paying attention to what he was saying.
he just went on and on about some show he started watching and I kept nodding whilst looking at him, but spacing out.
once we left , we went straight to the airport and past the reporters.
after finally landing at 9am, London time. we were driven straight to my parents house, where we refreshed and got changed for the ceremony signing event.
He came out and he was wearing a simple Navy suit.
We drove there and got out the car together. we smiled and greeted those needed to be greeted. then we went into the room where the contract was finally signed and the company was bought by our parents. my shoulders felt lighter and my mind was at ease.
After the signing ceremony, everyone went to a restaurant to eat.
But my team cut out of it. We did our part, I did my part and now I am free.
Us and our parents were in a room , privately, for a split second.
Me: I am sure my lawyers and PR team have reached out to you about how the breakup will play out in the media. But we will just say that it was a "general distancing due to differing interests and that we remain good friends". the statement should go out any second now and I am sorry but I can't come to the restaurant, I have a few appointments I can't miss.
he was quiet about the whole thing and my parents kept nodding and saying that its fine. His parents seemed indifferent, because they finally signed the contract.
I left straight after that and drove to the airport where I got on another flight to LA.
by the time I landed, the whole statement and media reaction had happened.
I had changed into something more casual and as soon as I stepped out the press bombarded the security team in attempts to reach me. I had strong shades and a mask on so they wouldn't overreact to anything I did. But the whole thing was so stressful for no reason
As soon as I was in the car, yoona showed me the general reaction from everyone.
Most people thought it was a definite PR relationship that our parents forced us into.Others called me a money-hungry slut, greedy, insatiable capitalist. but I did not care at all.
"its finally over... I dont care what they say"
yoona: what now?
me:oh god... I don't know.