Chapter 24
Ian
It took eight days for Violet to be well enough to leave the hospital. Suarez or Layla, how she demand we call her now, has also been released.
In these eight days a lot has changed in my life and I know these changes are for the better.
I realized so much about myself that it amazes me. Like the fact that I am completely and utterly obsessed and in love with Violet and that I want to have my ring on her finger and have more children with her.
Also the fact that the past doesn't matter anymore and that she and my children are all I'll ever need.
And that I would do anything for their happiness and their safety and comfort and that is why I went and had Daniel watch her while I worked my magic and did something a bit hasty.
Which is why now, I hold onto Violet's arm as she crutches herself into our home.
Our home. Doesn't that sound fucking amazing?
She looks around, then at me and I love the expression on her beautiful face.
Shock.
"What—Why did you do this?" She asks, letting go of my hand and taking in the view through the glass windows in the living room. Even though it is a two story home, it is rather small and cozy, decorated with amazing wooden walls, table tops and glass windows to enjoy the view of the coast.
It also has an amazing backyard that I already had decorated to match the rustic simplicity of the rest of our home.
"I talked to Nova and Ava. They agreed I should buy something smaller for the two of us, since they will be," I pause, hating the words. "...Moving out soon. They both will study at Riverside, so this is perfect. It's really close." I look around and smile. "When I saw it, I immediately thought of you." She looks back at me, trying to hold back her huge smile.
"But they were raised in that house. This is too much." I walk closer to her, not liking the fact that she has to hold herself up on those things. I put them on the floor and pull her body against mine, giving her the support she may need. I wrap my arms around her waist.
"They think this would be a lovely place to raise our other children." She bites her lip, looking away from me. I kiss her neck. "And no it's not too much. It's a small, beautiful home. I think it would be just great for the two of us." She laughs putting her hands on top of mine.
"So I'm going to live with you?" I kiss her shoulder.
"Yep." I answer smugly.
"And you already talked to Daniel about this?" She says, turning her neck to look at me.
"Yep. I mean, we are still in Los Angeles, just a few minutes away from him." Her eyes widen, but she composes herself.
"I have no word in this, do I?" I chuckle and shake my head.
"No, you don't...unless after our talk tonight you change your mind." She turns in my arms, clumsily. I hold onto her waist to make sure she doesn't fall.
That cast on her leg has been quite the adjustment, for her I mean. I always want my hands on her so this is the perfect excuse.
I'm a bastard, aren't I? A bastard in love with this perfect woman.
"You really think that our talk tonight could stop me from loving you?" I smile before giving her a sweet kiss.
"You shouldn't have loved me after what I did to you in that hotel room...I'm a lucky bastard." There's the word again. She shakes her head, her hands coming to hold my face and her thumbs grazing my lips the way I love.
I don't know how I survived three months without her.
"We don't need to talk about that." She whispers, studying my face. I nod, kissing her fingertips.
"Yeah, we do." We both turn around hearing the door open.
"Do not tell me you guys got all sappy and didn't check out the rest of the house." Mike says. I go to help him, but he shakes his head, using his arms to wheel himself in.
I fucking hate how he won't let anyone push his chair for him. Even when he had just woken up, weak and disoriented...he didn't let anyone help him.
Carl had to wrestle with him to take him to the bathroom, the man insisting he didn't have to use it.
I wish it could be me in that wheel chair. It will always haunt me the way Mike woke up, asking why the fuck his legs were numb and why he couldn't move them.
It fucking tears me apart.
I wait by the door, watching as Nova and Ava take their bags from Mike's car. I take in the driver and wince.
The worst of all is that Mike's passion is driving, fixing up cars. He has to come up with ways to do all of that now with his condition. He won't admit it, but he's been dreading the fact that he has a driver now. Someone to do what he loves for him.
"It's a lot to take in." Violet says, bending over to kiss his head. He tilts his head back and she keeps the position for his lips to reach her cheek. She winces.
"I am much shorter than you now and you shouldn't be bending over...Sorry." I see the pain flash in her eyes; she's feeling his pain. She smiles a tight, smile and gives his head another kiss.
"You don't have to apologize. I will bend over for your kisses." She says with a wink, making him smile. I also smile taking in my woman and my brother and how much they love each other. The fact that he almost gave his life for her...I have no words.
Nova walks in, dropping his and his sister's bags beside me. He leans in and whispers, "Your eyes are watery. Stop crying over Uncle Mike. He's fine." I shake my head as Ava walks in. Without a word. We are not in a good place...not yet.
I walk over to the door and close it.
"Do you like?" Nova asks kissing Violet's cheek. She nods, also accepting Ava's.
"Of course I liked. I haven't seen the rest of it, but right now...I am in love with it." They smile at her.
"It'll be perfect for you two after we leave. We saw it and we knew it was the one." Ava says looking out the windows. Violet nods, looking at me. I walk over, noticing how tired she looks. I put an arm around her.
"Well, I'm going home. I think you four have a lot to talk about." Mike is about to turn himself around when he looks at Nova. "Call me and let me know how...it goes." Nova nods, looking a little nervous and I narrow my eyes at them.
"Love you, Uncle Mike." Ava says as he turns around. He nods.
"Love you too." He says, looking back and smiling. Nova moves.
"I'll walk you out." He says, winces and then moves. He grabs the chair and goes to push.
"No. I can do it." Mike says, but Nova slaps his hands away from the wheels.
"We gotta treat you like a kid, Mike?" Violet and Ava laugh. Mike sighs.
"No...I just want to get used to it." Nova moves and kneels beside him.
"Good. You will also get used to me, to us, helping you. Not 'cause you need it, but because we want to." Mike grabs onto the wheels. "I'll slap them again." Nova warns. Mike chuckles.
"Push away, then. Jesus. You are a pain in the ass." Nova stands, wearing his trademark grin.
"Yes, he is." Ava adds, walking over to the windows, giving us her back.
"I'll get you." Nova threatens his sister, pushing Mike out the door.
Words can't describe the pride I feel for my children.
"Shit...where's the bathroom?" Violet says, putting a hand over her mouth.
"C'mon." I pull her to the nearest bathroom, the guest bathroom. She very clumsily gets on her knees and vomits into the toilet.
"You okay, Violet?" Ava asks from the door. I hold her hair back as she convulses and throws up again.
"It's...the...the withdrawal. I'll be fine." She gasps, before throwing up again. I hold onto her hair with one hand and rub circles on her back with the other.
"Ava, could you please get a glass of water?" She doesn't say anything, but I hear her steps.
Violet holds onto the toilet bowl, dry heaving. I flush the toilet, hoping that not having the sight or smell of it will stop her nausea. I help her up and she rinses her mouth repeatedly.
"Well, I love the bathroom..." She murmurs. I chuckle, kissing her shoulder. I love kissing her.
"It's getting worse without the hospital's drugs, isn't it?" She meets my eyes through the mirror and nods. I put my forehead to her shoulder.
She shouldn't be going through this shit.
"I'm fine. I'm going to get through this." She whispers. I nod and raise my head.
"I have no doubt about that. You are the most amazing, strong woman I have ever met, sweet girl. Don't you think for a second that I doubt you or your strength." I don't. I know she can do this, but she is not fine. After waking up, she spent those eight more days in the hospital, which I spent with her on the bed.
She doesn't realize, but she cries in her sleep. She wakes up crying, screaming even, begging me not to touch her...to get away. I wake her up, she cries and then goes back to sleep. What I don't understand is why she doesn't remember in the morning.
Layla says she is suppressing those memories...that they might be haunting her in her sleep because she won't let them in when she's awake.
And now this: the withdrawal.
She's anything but fine.
"God, I feel gross." She says, looking at herself in the mirror. I know she hates the bruises on her skin, especially the ones darkening her face. The deep, dark shadows under her eyes and the way her cheeks have sunken in. I put my hands on her hips, gently and turn her around.
"You're not. Please don't think like that." I say before Ava knocks on the open door.
"I got you some water." She says. Violet walks out of the bathroom and I follow. She takes the glass, nodding thankfully and drinking a little bit of water.
"What happened to you? You're pale." Nova asks taking Violet in. She looks at me.
"She's going through detox. We wanted to talk to you guys about that...and a lot of other things actually." I tell Nova and Ava. The nod and we make our way to the living room. I sit Violet beside me and she leans into me. I flinch.
She has a fever; her skin is burning.
"I think you need to get some rest." I whisper. She shakes her head and I sigh. Insufferable woman.
"Look, guys...I wanted to ask you if you were okay with me living here." Violet's words make me look at her in disbelief. Ava and Nova wear the same expression. "I am not going to be of any good for a while. I am going to be getting sick and anxious and might even start begging for you to give me drugs...It can get really ugly. I don't want you guys to go through that." She explains. I kiss her head.
"We are here for you. You'll get sick? We can hold your hair. You'll get fevers? Have to spend the day in bed? We'll be there too. And if you ask for drugs, no matter how anxious or aggressive you may get, we will handle it. You are family; you need to understand you aren't disposable to us." Ava says with a shrug.
"You won't get rid of us that easy." Nova says with his grin. I smile at them.
"I have no words...don't know how to thank you guys." They scoff in unison, then glare at each other, then look at Violet.
"You don't have to thank us." They say at the same time and roll their eyes at each other. Violet laughs.
"Those were more than four things done at the exact same time!" Violet says between fits of laughter. They roll their eyes at the same time and we all lose it. As our laughter begins to die down, Nova is the first to sober up completely.
"What really happened?" He asks. Ava flinches and looks at him. "We know Violet was taken by Angelina, but we don't know why or what the hell happened to that woman. She was her best friend! Is she insane?" Violet looks at me with wide eyes. A look that clearly asks 'You didn't tell them?'
"What I am going to tell you guys now, I found out when Violet was taken. I didn't have a moment to sit with you and tell you...and I guess now is the right time." They wait through my pause. "She did it to make Violet's father pay for killing Aaron, my brother." Their eyes widen. I continue. "Aaron and Angelina met when they were young. They fell in love and Angelina, in order to ensure that he didn't leave her, tried to get pregnant." Nova straightens in his chair and Ava looks at the floor.
"What are you saying?" Ava whispers. Nova tenses at his sister's tone.
"She's...she's our mother?" He asks.
"Yes. Yes, she is...and Aaron...he wasn't your father." They both stiffen, Nova's eyes expressing one thing: realization. "I am." Ava looks up at me with tears in her eyes while her brother stares into nothing.
"She got a hold of some drugs and gave them to me. She drugged Aaron too. She then used me to get pregnant that night and that is why I had no memory of her, of that night when I met her..." Ava shakes her head. "Ava, I really didn't know. I didn't."
"It doesn't change anything for me. I have always known and felt you were my Dad. It never mattered that we all thought you hadn't made us. It's...Angelina being my mother what is fucked, when she kidnaped the only woman I have ever considered as a mother." Violet looks at him and a tear rolls down her face. She wipes at it quickly, but just as she is going to say something Ava stands.
"How can you tell me you don't remember? How can you lie to us that way? There is a reason as to why you never assumed that role with us and that reason is guilt! You felt guilty about being our father after your brother died, didn't you? You made us call you our uncle all of our lives, made us remember what was left of your brother and mourn his death! I don't believe you. I don't believe you don't remember." She says, tears of anger falling and drenching her face. I stand and hug her. She sobs into my chest.
"I didn't know, baby. I didn't know. I always thought you two were his, no matter how much I wanted you to be mine. I always thought you were his, I swear it." She moves back and away from me.
"So now we get to call you Dad? Now? After eighteen years." I shake my head, reaching for her, but she flinches away from my touch.
"You don't have to if you don't want to." I whisper. She nods.
"Good." She says in a firm, strong tone. Nova stands and gives his sister an incredulous look.
"Did you really just say that you won't call him for what he is? All you have ever wanted was to be able to do so and now that you know he actually is our father, you are rejecting him?" She nods, her gray eyes looking into mine.
"Yes. I am doing to him what he did to us. He can call me by my name and still call me his niece. I am not his daughter. I am not Angelina's either." She looks at Violet, who I realize now is crying. "Please don't cry, Violet," She says wiping the tears off her face.
"I know you are hurt and shocked, I am too, but this is not the way to cope, Ava girl." She dismisses her brother's words with a wave.
"I'm not coping, I'm deciding." She bends to give Violet a kiss on the head. "I'm sorry, okay? I am really sorry you had to go through all of this and on top have to listen to this...but it has been piling up inside me for a while now. I'll see you later okay?" She straightens and begins to walk in the direction of the stairs. She's going to her room.
"Ava." I call, but she doesn't listen. I understand her and she has every right to be angry.
They were so little when I forbade them to call me their father...I scarred them because of the way I did it. I had felt guilty and then I had gotten angry. I had yelled at them. And still they thought of the word, let it slip now and then...
"I'm sorry. You know she doesn't mean it. She's just angry." Nova says, putting an arm on my shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you both for doing this; sitting with us, telling us everything we needed to know. It means a lot." He looks into my eyes with a smile. "I'm calling you Dad." He says in form of warning, then sits beside Violet and kisses her cheek. He gives me a worried look, but smiles at her. "And I hope one day you'll let me call you Mom." Her eyes widen and she looks like she might get sick again, which makes him laugh. "Hey, eventually I will have to do it. When my siblings start to be born they can't be wondering why I call you by your name, now can they?" He kisses her forehead and stands up.
"Thank you, Nova." I say, my throat tight with emotion. I have always given him a hard time, because of his sense of humor and his rebellious attitude, but he is an amazing son. Always has been.
"No need for that, old man." He says with a smile. "I'll go calm the Kraken now. I think it would be good for you both to get some sleep. I'll order some dinner. Anything you'd like to have?" I help Violet up. She shakes her head.
"You need to eat." I whisper in her ear. Nova waits patiently with a ghost of a smile on his face.
How he loves to torture me about how whipped I am.
"Whatever you and your sister want, Nova. I'll eat whatever." She says. He nods and walks away. I take her in my arms, princess style and walk up the stairs and into our room a minute after Nova's left us.
She looks around, taking everything in. When I take her to our room she gasps and holds onto my arm, squeezing hard.
"Ian, this is amazing." She says in appreciation. The room is decorated with the same wooden floors and walls. It has a huge, glass window looking out to the backyard and two steps that lead to the bed. It's a big bedroom and I knew even being as simple as she is, that she would love it.
"I'm really happy that you like it, sweet girl." I whisper before putting her on the bed. "Now, you're burning up and I need to treat that fever. Would you like a shower?" She nods.
In the hospital, she avoided having me bathe her. Isabelle always helped her to it. She wouldn't say it, but I know she doesn't want me to see her naked.
And I understand, because between the things I said to her and what was done to her...she shouldn't even want me touching her, but I need to take care of her.
"C'mon." I say, pulling her up and taking her to the bathroom. Her gasp makes me chuckle this time. "Yes, sweet girl. You love it and it's all yours." She bites her lip and her eyes get glassy with tears.
"I fucking love you, Ian Hayden." I kiss her, sitting her on the counter.
"Such a beautiful girl with such a dirty mouth." I whisper, kissing her again. She smiles. "I fucking love you, Violet Sinclair." She sighs.
"Do you want me to help you in and then wait outside?" I say, grasping the ends of her shirt. She thinks about it for a second.
"No. Stay." She says raising her arms. I take it off, then her bra. I hate the way her bones stick out at her ribs, the way her stomach is abnormally flat. I undo the button of her shorts and look at her.
"Hold onto my arms." She does and I straighten, lifting her and sliding the shorts past her hips. I put her back down and slide them down her legs, gently through the one with the cast. I do the same for her panties.
"What are you doing?" She asks when I pull away from her.
"Looking for a bag for that cast." I take one and cover the cast. I carry her into the shower and turn the water at the temperature a little colder than I know she likes. She frowns, but doesn't argue.
"Take off your clothes. Get in." She says, running her hands over her soaking red hair. I take a deep breath, calming the pain in my chest at the sight of her bruised body.
I look away. I can't believe she's asking me to get in with her, after all that she has been put through.
"Please." She whispers. I kick my shoes off, slide my shirt over my head and take off my jeans. I keep my underwear and get in with her, willing my body not to react at her nakedness or closeness. "You don't have to do that, Ian." I shake my head, and reach for the shampoo, taking some and massaging her scalp. I notice she is tense, her posture stiff.
"What is it, love?" I whisper before kissing her tense shoulder.
"I hate this. I hate that you are acting so guarded, so gentle around me. It makes me feel like everything has changed when I really just want to go back to the way things were." I turn her around and she steps back to rinse off the shampoo.
I can't explain the emotions bursting in my chest right now. I can only feel the sting in my eyes and the pain in my chest and I try to stay calm and composed for her.
"Let's talk when we are out of here, okay? I'm sorry, baby. I really am." I finish her quickly and silently dry and clothe her. I dress her with one of my shirts and underwear. Fewer layers of clothing help lower a fever.
She keeps seeking my eyes as I move around, but I avoid her beautiful amber ones.
I just can't.
I put her on the bed and make sure the A/C is at a low enough temperature.
"It's freezing in here." She says through clattering teeth. "Put on some clothes and come to bed with me." I put on some sweat pants and join her on the bed, just until she falls asleep.
After, I need to get out and take a breather.
And cry. I need to fucking cry.
My body aches for a smoke, too.
"Baby." She whispers and I walk over to her, get under the covers and lay on my back without touching her. "You promised we would talk." I turn my head and look at her.
"Violet, I..." My throat feels tight and I choke on the words.
"I need you to talk to me, tell me what you're feeling. We can talk about what happened and what is going on now later...but I can't stand you being distant from me. Three months and eight days was enough, Ian." I quickly collect her in my arms and kiss her head. It's probably not wise to hold her considering her temperature, but I do. With her head on my chest and her body pressed to mine.
"I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry." She looks up, then sits up, putting both of her hands on my face. She seems to not be bothered by my beard, as her fingers move through it. I fight back emotion for her.
She can't see me like that again.
"I know you are blaming yourself, but it wasn't your fault." I shake my head and she her face so that her eyes meet mine. "Talk to me."
"Violet, it was my fault. If I would have kept you with me, you would have never gotten to your apartment, would have never been in her hands..." She listens, tears glistening in her eyes, hands caressing my face. "I went after you. I found the pregnancy test and I ran down to get you, but you were gone already. Daniel had done exactly what I told him to do and you two were gone. My heart fucking broke, Violet. I said horrible things...things you had in your head the whole time, things you thought of when..." Her hands stop when I choke on my words and hold back a sob.
"Come here." She whispers, laying down beside me and placing a hand on her chest. I move and she puts my head where her hands once was; her fingers massage my hair and she kisses my head. My arms go around her tiny and now extremely thin body.
"I can't believe I let them violate you...hurt you for so long." I say, my voice raw.
"That wasn't you. It wasn't your fault." She says, a small sob escaping her.
"It was...everything was. Your being taken, your being hurt...your losing our baby. I fucking destroyed you and you are still here." I press my forehead to her chest and kiss her there. "You don't know the things I've done....the things I did in those three months. I corrupted people, killed them. You said it yourself, I'm a monster. Nobody can love a monster." I feel her shake her head.
"How can you love me?" I look up and meet her eyes. Tears stain her face, but her stare is steady and determined. "I have been used by other men, I lose our baby. How can you still love me?" I hold back my anger and shake my head.
"You didn't do any of that. It wasn't your fault. I love you with everything I am and what was done to you can't change that." She presses her lips to mine and then lays my head back on her chest.
"And that is exactly how I can love you. What you did was the result of what was done to us. I don't think you're a monster and I will never think that. I know I said those words to you, but I know the truth now and you are no monster. And if you were you would be my monster. Mine. And I would still love you the same." I feel the first sob finally escape me and she holds onto me tighter.
"I will make it all better, Violet. I'm going to clean that man's touch from you, I'm going to heal you, we're going to have more children and I will find the best surgeons to fix your leg, because you will dance again. I love you so fucking much. Thank you, baby. Thank you." She takes a deep breath, her body shaking with the effort and emotion.
"What for?" She whispers.
"For fighting for me. You fought and you survived and I will do the same for you. I will fight for you to erase all of this from our lives." I vow, kissing her chest again.
"You did fight for me. You already did, baby. We will fight for each other and we will fight each other if necessary. We are going to be okay." She says nodding her head. "Do you know what kept me alive the whole time? My hope and my salvation?" I shake my head.
"You. You and the family you have given me. I kept saying your names. I kept saying 'My baby. Ian. Ava. Nova. Daniel. Mike. Carl. Suarez.' Those were my reasons to live, my reasons to fight. So thank you."
Her words destroy any resistance I had left inside me.
I hold onto her and cry. She shushes me, but my sobs tear through me.
She falls asleep after I calm down and I take the opportunity to slip from the bed and walk out of the room. I walk all the way to our backyard, enjoying the fresh air. I sit on one of the chairs and put my head in my hands.
I push all the bad thoughts away. I have my woman and she's in our house, in our bed, sleeping.
I have her with me, after so long I have her and nothing will change that again.
"Hey." Nova's whisper brings me to raise my head.
Another thing I have to be thankful for. My kids are both here and unharmed. Physically, anyway.
"Should I go?" I shake my head and he pulls a chair to sit next to me.
"She's already realized what she did, you know? She came to my room telling me how sorry she was and that she didn't know how to face you." I shake my head, looking over at him.
"She has every right to feel the way she did. I didn't realize how badly I had scarred you two when I forbade you to call me Dad...it wasn't my intention, but I wasn't careful either. You were both very young; I had just gotten you and was learning that I had an issue with anger." He shrugs.
"I always thought of you as my father, so it didn't shock me, but Angelina...and what she did...That's so fucked up." I nod.
"It was, but watch your mouth, alright?" He chuckles. "Look, I don't know how you and your sister are visualizing this, but I don't want you to go see her after she's in jail." He nods, resting his elbows on his knees and I look down to find I am in that same position.
"Where is she now?" Ava's voice whips both our head to the back door on our house. She had her arms around herself and her voice is small.
She's embarrassed.
"The less you know." I say and she doesn't argue. She pulls up a chair and sits beside me.
"I'm sorry about the way I reacted earlier. I just...I really hate that our lives have been full of lies when we have tried to be as transparent with each other as possible. I wish I could take it back...You and Violet didn't need that. You guys have been through enough." I reach over, take her hands and kiss them.
"It's okay. You had every right to react as you did." She shakes her head.
"It was wrong and I regretted it the moment it happened...I just need some time, okay?" I nod.
"It's okay, Ava girl. We're good." She looks up at the window she knows belongs to the room where Violet is sleeping.
"How is she?" She asks.
"She is strong. She's fighting." I'm the one breaking down. They both nod and then there's an uncomfortable silence. "Anything you two want to tell me?" The look at each other.
I stand, putting my chair a little further back to be able to observe them both.
"Okay, okay, but promise you will be cool about it. And that you won't go after Uncle Mike." I narrow my eyes at Nova. "Promise me." I smirk and nod.
"I promise." Ava releases the breath she was holding.
"Remember when you said I couldn't and that you wouldn't allow Uncle Mike to teach me to drive, really drive?" I nod, not liking where this is going. "Well, he had already started teaching me, for weeks. And he has also been showing me the basics in mechanics, because I had been interested and so I now that he isn't able to move like he used to, I am going to work with him." He says the words fast, as if scared that I was going to stop him or burst.
I find that I am not angry, not at all. But there is something stirring in my chest.
"Back up. You're going to college now. What do you mean you're going to work at Mike's?" He stiffens.
"School's not my thing. I have been thinking about it and I think I want to learn with Uncle Mike, maybe take a few small courses and work with him. He told me he has gotten me a NASCAR audition over at Fontana, summer after we graduate and I'll work hard with him to be good enough to work at Mike's." I shake my head.
"He's good, Ian. Really good." Ava says. I nod.
"You were both constantly with Mike because of this?" They both nod. I stay silent, processing all of this.
"Say something, I'm dying here." Nova pinches in. I shrug.
"What can I tell you? I'm disappointed that you would go behind my back, impressed that you got Mike to go behind my back along with you and proud of you for going after your dreams. I think I might need a minute to decide which one I'll keep." I look from Nova to Ava.
"Are your plans still the same or did you rebel along with your brother?" They seem as surprised as I am about the amusement in my voice, rather than anger.
"Still going to Riverside." She mutters with wide blue eyes. I nod and then look back at Nova who seems just as dumbfounded.
"Did you order something?" He nods.
"Lots of pizzas." I shake my head at him.
"Your obsession with pizza is getting to the point where it's unhealthy." We laugh, but it's cut short when Ava sobers, looking up at the house.
"Can you hear that?" She says. We stay in silence and I hear it.
Screaming.
Not just any screaming, but my Violet's screaming.
Another dream?
Nova stands and I bolt from my chair and into the house.
"Is that Violet?" I nod, running up the stairs and into our room. She thrashes in the bed, screaming and wailing, fighting somebody that is not there.
"Ian! Ian, he's touching me! No! Don't, please! You will hurt my baby, please. No! No!" I approach her and put a hand on her arm. She turns and claws at it, breaking the skin. I hold onto both of her frail arms and shake her gently.
"Baby, please. Wake up! I'm here. It's okay." I shake her, but she keeps clawing at my arms, her sweaty head thrashing from side to side.
"Please, Ian. Come and take me home." She sobs. "Where are you?" Tears slip from her closed eyes and I sit on the bed and put her against me.
"You need to wake up, baby. You are home. You're safe. Please wake up. I'm here. I'm right here." She slowly calms down as my hands run through her hair and I kiss her head. "I'm here."
"Ian?" She whimpers. I breathe through the pressure in my chest.
"Yeah, Violet. I'm here, sweet girl. You feel my hands on you?" I whisper, touching her face. Her breaths calm and her body relaxes.
She's asleep again.
Just as it has happened for the last four days.
I place her softly on the bed again and she seeks my body in her slumber, holding onto my thigh, sighing and going still.
I move so that I am lying beside her, but she moves placing half of her body on top of mine.
A leg over one of mine, an arm over my waist and her head on my chest. Even through the pain in my chest and the uncomfortable way her cast rubs against me, I smile and kiss her head.
Then I begin to think up a way to help her, a way to make all of those horrible memories leave her.
I can't stand to see her hurting. I won't stand by and watch as she relives those three months.
My woman deserves better. I will fight for her, for the both of us.
And one day, this will just be a mere and faraway memory.
Violet
I wake up enjoying the feeling of Ian's body against the back of mine. I feel the unmistakable urge to use the bathroom and grateful that I can use a bathroom now, move slowly.
Ian groans and pulls me against him again, putting both arms around my body. I smile at the gesture.
"Baby." I try to wake him up, but he kisses my shoulder and presses his face to the back of my neck. I squirm and fight off a laugh as his beard tickles my skin."Ian, let go." I whisper, holding onto his hands where they cross each other around my waist.
"Sweet girl?" He says in a hoarse, throaty voice. God, I've missed that.
"Yes. I have to get up." He groans in protest.
"But you feel so good." He whines, holding on tighter. I laugh.
"Oh, Ian, I really have to pee!" His arms loosen quickly and he stands in a flash. He pulls me up and carries me to the bathroom quickly. I laugh the whole time at his urgency.
He slides my underwear down and sits me on the toilet. I look at the door, but he ignores the message.
"I will not pee with you in here. Wait outside." I say, enjoying the way his eyes are narrowed and his face contorted because of waking up so quickly. His hair is standing in all directions and I absolutely love it.
"I don't want to. God, you're bossy." I bite my lip to stop it from trembling. Those are our words.
"But I want you to. God, you're stubborn." I say with a wink.
"I love you, baby." He says before smiling a big, beautiful smile and finally stepping out of the bathroom.
I finish my business and stand. He walks in without warning and glares at me, not at all angry, though.
"When you don't have your crutches, I don't want you doing things by yourself. You can hurt yourself." I roll my eyes as he grabs my waist and stands behind me as I stand before our huge counter, containing a (very big) sink and everything I may need.
"Yes, Sir." I say before looking at the toothbrushes. "Which one is mine?" I ask. He chuckles.
"I don't know. Just use one." I nod and brush my teeth. He does after me, keeping an arm around me. I run a hand through my hair and decide against even trying to tame it. The red curls are big and wild and extremely long. I should cut it.
"It's beautiful. You shouldn't." Ian says, helping me out of the bathroom.
"Can you read minds?" I ask, laughing at his words. He turns me around in his arms and presses a kiss to my forehead.
"No, but I saw the way you were eying how it almost reaches your waist. I love this red, crazy hair. I don't want you to cut it. Will you?" I shrug.
"I don't know. I liked it shorter because it was easier to move when dancing without it getting everywhere...but I guess I'll keep it like this now that I won't be dancing,," He shakes his head and pecks my lips to silence me.
"You will dance again, okay? You heard the doctor, your leg will be fine after some therapy and maybe surgery." I nod and smile as he kisses my forehead again. "Nova ordered lots of pizzas. We should go down and feed you some. You up for it?" I nod.
"Dressed like this? One of your shirts and underwear?" He thinks about it and sits me on the bed. I shake my head at him as he moves around, expertly finding a dress and bra for me. He helps me to my feet and helps me get rid of his shirt to put on the bra and dress he chose for me.
"Better?" He asks, taking me in.
"Much better. Thank you, baby." He smiles and kisses me once. "Can you get me my crutches? I would feel comfortable walking or well, jumping around on my own." He isn't pleased, but he gets them and gives them to me. He walks beside me, a hand up and ready to catch me if I fall.
But I don't. I hop all the way down the small stair case and into the kitchen where I am greeted by a table topped with five pizza boxes, a grinning-through-a-mouthful-of-pizza Nova and a sick-looking Ava.
"Yeah, I know. I'm about to call up Uncle Mike, the old man and Layla to see if we finish these boxes." Ava says giving her brother a disapproving look. Suarez told us to address her with her first name, Layla, before we left the hospital. Nova shrugs.
"Call them all. Daniel's on his way over, by the way. He called a few minutes ago. He can have some of this, too." I laugh and take a seat at the table with Nova. Ian grabs the box on top of the pile and shakes it. Empty.
"He ate that all by himself." Ava sighs. Nova gives her the shark smile and shrugs again.
"And I am not finished." Nova announces.
"Love, I know you must be starved, but I don't think you should eat this. It might make you sick." Ian warns, but I am already drooling over a slice.
"Oh, God...really?" Ian chuckles, moving two boxes to the kitchen island and leaving the other two on the table. He grabs a few plates and brings them over. He puts one in front of me, placing a slice of pizza on it and giving me a look that clearly says 'Eat it, then'.
I do.
"Thank you and bless your soul, Novaiden." I praise, eagerly eating the wonderful piece of heaven.
Everyone laughs, but I reach over and grab another and eat it too.
"Oh, don't use my full name." He says, reaching over to take a slice from my box. I slap his hand.
"I will if you take one from this one. I think I could eat the entire thing." He throws his head back and laughs. Ian takes a slice, without me noticing and bites it, smiling smugly. I glare at him. "Never mess with a woman's food, Ian." I warn, forcefully biting my slice. Ava is wiping tears of laughter from her face.
"You want something to drink, Violet?" Ava asks, catching her breath. I nod, still chewing.
"Water." I say in a very unladylike manner. She nods and gets it for me, placing it in front of me. I thank her silently.
I start to notice the food isn't really tasting like anything. Seems as if I had just imagined the taste, because now it just feels like cardboard.
I keep eating, though. There are three pairs of worried eyes enjoying that I am here and that I am devouring these slices of pizza.
"You look like a piranha, Violet. You're tiny. You shouldn't be on your fourth slice." Nova says, laughing. I stop eating and turn to look at him.
"You're right, Nova. It's just that this pizza is so good." I say and lean back on the chair. I look up at Ian, who is eating very quietly. I narrow my eyes. "You're awfully quiet." He tries hard not to smirk as he chews. He finishes his slice and shrugs.
"Haven't had pizza forever..." He justifies. Ava gasps, looking into the box next to him.
"There are only three left. You two are vacuums." She says looking between her father and her brother.
I shake my head, laughing softly.
My stomach begins to churn and my hands go to my belly and my mouth. Nova bolts from his chair to help me, but Ian rushes towards me first, making me stand.
"Bathroom?" He asks, already helping me to it. I nod, trying hard to keep the nausea at bay. We get to the bathroom and I drop to my knees in front of the toilet and empty my stomach.
My throat burns and so do my eyes as Ian holds onto my hair and rubs my back.
After puking up my guts, I flush the toilet and raise my head. Ian helps me up and I surprise even myself by pushing his hands away.
I stumble against the sink, wash my mouth and my pale face. I take in my reflection and flinch.
"I get it, sweet girl. Trust me, I do. I get that this is hard, but you have to let me help." I shake my head meeting his eyes through the mirror.
"Just...I just need to be alone for a minute." I say putting my shaking hand against my mouth.
"Violet—" I meet his eyes through the mirror. Clear, liquid blue pain stares back at me. My body shakes violently and I'm not sure if it's the fever or a reaction to his pain.
"Just a minute, please. I need a minute." I repeat. He shakes his head, then nods and leaves the bathroom after kissing my shoulder.
I look into the mirror and blink.
I look nothing like my old self. I wish I had something to cover up the bruises, the dark and determined dark circles under my eyes.
The dead look in my eyes.
Tears sting in them and I let them fall. I cry staring at what I've become, what they turned me into.
A shell of a woman. A drug addict. A victim.
With shaking hands, I dry my tears and take a deep breath. I look into my dull brown eyes and nod.
"It's over. It's over and I can do this." I say to myself. I wash my face again and stumble to the door.
I slip and start to fall, but Ian's arms go around me.
"I've got you, baby." I wrap my arms around his at my waist and nod.
"Yes, you do." I say, looking back at him with a smile. He kisses my forehead.
"You have been crying." He whispers. I nod.
"It's over now." I say and we walk towards the kitchen.
"You done throwing away all the wonderful pizza I sacrificed for you?" Nova mocks trying to look less worried. I stick my tongue out at him.
"How 'bout you make me soup next time and keep all your pizza?" Ava heads to the kitchen and Nova winks.
"Best thing about having twins: you can exchange names and do your things for each other." I start to laugh which makes me shake a lot harder than I already was. Ian holds on tight.
"I think that would have more relevance if we were identical, Nova." Ava says from the stove. He chuckles.
"Can't a guy say irrelevant things to make his soon-to-be mom laugh?"I give him a wide eyed look.
"Whoa, Nova." Ian says through a chuckle.
"It's true, isn't it? When you get married and start having babies, how can I keep calling her by her real name? It'll confuse my siblings and I have no problem calling her Mom." I open my mouth, but he shakes his head with a smile. "It's okay. You're not ready. I get it. Now go lay down while Ava and I figure out how to make a kick-ass soup." I shake my head, laughing at this boy I love so much.
"You mean so I can make a kick-ass soup?" Ava says. He looks back in the direction of his sister.
"I'll be watching. It has to count for something." He mumbles. My knees buckle and Ian supports my weight. I silently thank him for not carrying me right now.
"Let's put you to bed." He says and Nova, with a wink, joins his sister. We make it to our room and I am relieved when my body is relaxed and on the bed.
"I know you said you didn't want to, but have you considered using the injections Isabelle told us about? They can help make this easier." I shake my head, looking up at the ceiling as he sits beside me.
"No. I don't want anything to do with drugs. The faster this is over, the better." I say, feeling my skin break out in a sweat, my head starting to pound, my veins screaming for something other than blood to run through them.
"I don't know how much of this I can take, Violet." Ian says, his voice filled with pained honesty. "I know it's selfish for me to say those words, but watching you go through this...seeing the way these three months have hurt you...God, this is tearing me apart." He closes his eyes, pressing the palms of his hands to them. I sit up and remove his hands. "I just need you to be okay" He whispers.
"Ian, I am with you and that alone tells you I am more than okay. Those days are over and now I am with you and Nova and Ava and everyone else we love. I may not look okay, but I am. And I will be better." His eyes meet mine and we just look at each other for a moment.
"I am so in love with you." He says in that hushed tone of his, his icy blue eyes warming me to my very soul. I smile. Before I can return the words, there's a knock on our door.
"Hey, uh, Daniel is here." Ava announces. Ian reluctantly leaves me on the bed and goes to the door, opening it. Daniel walks in and they hug.
There are a lot of things I need to catch up on. Since when do they hug?
"Hey." Daniel says, smiling widely at me as he makes his way over. He sits on the bed after hugging me and kissing both of my cheeks.
"Hey." I whisper. I notice his eyes start to fill and I shake my head at him. "No crying. I'm here; I'm fine." Ian clears his throat.
"I'll be downstairs...if you need anything. And I mean anything." I nod and so does Daniel, thanking him before turning to me.
"How do you like the house? Ian had me take a look before buying it. I thought you'd love it. It's just like you, beautiful, kind of bohemian." I nod, laughing softly.
"You two best friends now?" He shrugs.
"No. Mike still occupies that position. We just had a common interest..." He trails off, taking me in. "Isabelle did say the withdrawal would be terrible." It's my turn to shrug.
"I'm okay." I lie, giving him a reassuring smile.
"You, my dear, are a shit liar." I laugh and shove him. He smiles back at me. "I will leave you so you can rest, but I just had to see you."
"Thank you and you are my best friend, Daneiel. You can be here as long as you want." He takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles.
"You know I can't." The way his voice changes as he says those words lets me know this is about what I saw in that bathroom at the engagement party.
"What was that?" I whisper. His clear hazel eyes look haunted as his mouth thins and he takes a breath.
"I couldn't...resist it anymore." I shake my head.
"How long have you felt that way about her?" He runs a hand through his hair.
"Look, it's not the time or place to talk about this. I swear I'll explain...and stay away from her. Just looking at her today was hard enough." He looks down, a disgusted look taking over his face. "I'm a sick fuck."
"Daniel—" He holds up a hand.
"Don't try to make me feel better. I deserve so much worse than what you gave me the day you saw us." I shake my head and then stop as his words register.
"What do you mean 'the day you saw us'? Were there other days?" He stands.
"I should go." He says, kissing my forehead.
"No, Daniel. No. Tell me." He looks down at me regretfully.
"We can talk about this later, Violet. I swear to give you answers, just not now." I can feel the pain in his words, the regret. I know now that it is not just a sexual attraction between them.
There's a lot more than lust to this.
"Okay." He kisses my head and starts to walk away. "I'm sorry, Dan." He looks back at me, shaking his head with a miserable smile.
"I'm the one who's sorry. I completely betrayed your trust." He takes a deep breath. "I'm going to tell Ian. I don't want you hiding things from him for me. When all of this dies down, I promise I will tell him." I shake my head. Ian will kill him. I know it.
"He'll kill you." I warn, trying to stand and get closer to him. He walks over and puts his hands on my shoulders, gently pushing me back down.
"Your fever's acting up. I'm calling Ian." He says, touching my forehead and wincing. "I'll come see you tomorrow, if you like. I love you." I nod, hating that he is eager to leave even though he wishes to stay.
"I love you too." He gives me a half-hearted smile and leaves the room.
I lay back on the bed and wait, not feeling well at all. I feel dizzy and ready to vomit again. Just as I am about to call for Ian, my body tightens and my arms and legs begin to jerk uncontrollably.
"Daniel looked pretty shaken up, lovely girl. What hap—fuck, Ava! Nova! Call an ambulance!" I hear Ian yell before I feel him take me in his arms. "Look at me, Violet. Can you do that for me?" I try, but my eyes seem to move around in their own accord, I can't see anything.
I try to speak, but it just sounds like I'm gagging. That's when I feel the thickening liquid making its way out of my mouth.
God, what is this?
"Stay calm for me, baby. It's okay. You're having a seizure, it'll be over soon. I promise." He tries to soothe me, but I feel frantic. I can't calm down. He puts me on my side and keeps his hands on me, but doesn't hold on.
"Ava's called an ambulance and I called Isabelle. What's wrong—" Nova's voice is interrupted by Ian.
"Don't come in. Just call again. Get help, Goddamn it." He yells back. "No, baby. No. Don't close your eyes."
And those are the last words I hear before my body goes lax and everything goes black.