This chapter contain violence, torture, manipulation, self-harm, & Panic attack
It will also contain lots of crying
Thalia POV:
It would be an understatement to say that this talk was awkward. I had no idea what to say to him.
'Hello, I'm your half-sister from your father, who abandoned you but kept me'
Like no, I can't say that shit.
I'm at a loss for words with him. When I found out, I didn't know what to say to myself. Furthermore, how do I explain that I've met him before? How am I supposed to explain to practically everyone here that we've met before, although in a different realm?
It’s too much
It's too baffling, and it's making everything more difficult for me. Everything is occurring at once and it feels like I'm just floating like I am not even here. My emotions are all over the place, and I'm not sure how I should be feeling.
Should I be happy? Should I be angry? What should I be feeling? Something horrible usually happens to me when I am happy. I can't be happy for long because there's always someone prancing around the corner ready to screw up my life.
Then I'll become a bitch if I continue to be angry with everyone. And after spending so much time in my head, I've determined I have too much to lose to have everyone leave me. I don't want to lose everyone with my attitude, so I'll keep it to myself. All my emotions bottled up.
I’m afraid of being alone, I was already alone for too long.
They don't have to feel the anguish, the hurt, and the need to scream till my throat burns because my life is so unbearable.
I have Sandro, and he makes me feel things that no one else has ever made me feel, even Hades, and I don't want to keep comparing them because it's not fair and they're not the same.
Sandro makes me feel special, and I love him for it. He cares about me; even when I make fun of him, he still goes out of his way for me. Me. Because I've been kidnapped so many times, I'm practically a nobody with an unstable business. It's as though everyone else's life revolves around mine, and I'm simply background noise.
I saw how Sandro glanced at me when he walked down the stairs, and I knew the smile I put on was phony. Obviously, it was. I had no idea how much good I was missing in my life. It was as if everything slapped me across the face. I had a brother and nieces, and my mother is currently in a coma with no known recovery time. I haven't heard from my father in over a year.
It's just too much for me, and I want to cry or scream. But I smiled and appeared to be okay since Sandro would make havoc if he knew I wasn't.
The sole advantage of waking up after this time is that they have him, Konstantin. They caught him, and he can no longer harm anyone else. The only question was, where was Mikhail? Was he hiding somewhere, or did he take over the mafia now that the original and old leader is no longer in the picture?
My mind was racing at a rate of 10 times per second because I had too much on my mind. Thinking about too many topics at once results in muddled incoherence.
"I told him I was pregnant, but he didn't believe me." I heard and snapped out of my reverie to see Mama Iris, as everyone calls her, speaking to me with a distant look in her eyes. "How come he didn't believe you?" After finally getting out of my thoughts, I ask.
"I'm not sure. He then discovered that I was next in line for the Mafia and vanished, claiming that it wasn't his child. I had a DNA test done after Atticus was born and sent it to him to prove it was his "She states. "My father is a jackass," I shake my head.
"He is," she chuckles, then quiets down and holds my hand, tenderly rubbing my knuckles. "How are you handling things? Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”
I hate it when this happens
I knew it was going to happen. When people ask me whether I'm okay, I feel forced to inform them. Otherwise, I'll burst into tears, have a mental breakdown, and be unable to escape my overthinking self.
I turn away from her and pull my hands away from her, my expression blank. "I'm fine."
She gives me a look that implies she doesn't believe me. "Thali-"
I snap, "I'm alright, Iris," and she nods slowly while looking at me.
"Well, if you need someone to talk to or someone to cry on, I'm simply a few steps away. While I won't press you to speak right now, I do want you to know that I am concerned." She says this and walks away.
And then I did it again. Was I being too harsh, or was I doing the right thing? I sigh and clutch my hair. Atticus and I finished our awkward conversation and then Iris came over saying she wanted to tell me something.
But I was too distracted to listen
Atticus and the other guys followed Sandro as he left to go as he says torture the life out of someone. I just stared at the wall in front of me, thinking about how fucked up I am. How selfish and broken I am.
I'm such a mess
I pull myself up the stairs, unwittingly heading to Sandro's room. I opened the door in a haze, the smell of his room hitting me in the face, temporarily calming my racing heart, but it didn't help as I began to feel closed in.
My mind went to the time I was with him, Konstantin.
"Come on, I know you can hold it for a while longer." He screamed in my ear as he commanded the man to return my head to the water. They shoved my head into the cold, freezing water, causing the hairs on my face to stand up as the chill entered my skin's pores. The water entering my airway caused me to panic significantly, and I began thrashing, causing them to pull me in further.
I couldn't breathe and opened my eyes wide in fear. I couldn't do it. I'm struggling to breathe. I'm not interested in doing this. Why are they forcing me to do this?
I don't want to train to be this so called assassin
I am not somebody that can just push around like a rag doll. But I can’t do anything as he will use the thing against me and it doesn’t feel nice.
They pull me out, seeing my thrashing and practically limp body, and I take a large breath, taking in the fresh air. I couldn't move my damp hair away from my face since my wrists were tied behind my back. "I can't. I can't "I exhale frantically. I've only been here with him for two months and I'm dying.
"You'll fucking do it, and you'd do it right now. Now, take a deep breath "He adds, motioning for them to toss me back into the water. My lungs were screaming at me to get up and breathe in the air that was designed for me to breathe. But I couldn't because I was trapped beneath.
I was under for a long period of time, but evidently not long enough for him. He pulls me up and grabs my shirt. "You are worthless and weak. You must become stronger. Take her into the room "He yells and shoves me to the ground.
My nose screamed in agony as my face slammed into the floor, and I felt the blood slowly trickle down to my lips.
I struggle to escape their bone-crushing grips as they lead me inside a room. It was pointless since they threw me into a white room with blinding lights. The door closes behind me, and I glance at it with fear. I hurried over to the door and tried to open it by using my hands that were still tied behind my back. "Damn, it's locked."
I sit in the middle of the room and look to the side to see a mirror. Although I couldn't see anything on the other side, all I could see was myself, which terrified me.
I appeared insane. My face was bruised, my face was colorless, and my eyes were sunken in. My nose thumped in pain as the blood dripped down, and I smiled briefly before grimacing as I considered my situation.
The lights blinded my eyes, and all I could hear was quiet until a dark aura appeared, and it wasn't so silent longer. My mind raced back and forth, looking for the screeching sound. Then everything became silent, which made me paranoid.
After several hours, I began to lose my mind. I swayed back and forth, bringing my knees to my chest, seeking to find some solace in this position. Yet nothing worked because all I could hear were my thoughts crawling in and smacking me in the face. "You're weak," it said in my ear as I shook my head.
"No"
I looked in the mirror and saw another version of myself laughing at me. "You are useless. "
"No," I said, shaking my head.
It moved forward, forcing me to dig deeper into the wall "Have you ever wondered why you can't be happy? It's because you don't deserve it. Nobody like you should be happy. You should simply die."
"No, I deserve to be happy," I say as I watch the person's eyes darken and their physique change to look nothing like mine.
"Just kill yourself. You have no reason to live. Do it "He says this, and the lights begin to flicker. "I-i can't," I shake my head angrily.
"Do it," he yelled at me, and I yelled back, "No, I deserve to live."
He laughs, sending disgusting shivers down my spine "No, you don't. Nobody loves you. Nobody is looking for you, so simply die."
Why isn't Sandro here, I thought. Is he looking for me at all? I don't have anyone. I have no one who cares about me. I cry as I gaze at the individual, giving up. "I think I should just die."
I gave up so easily because its no point of me being here. I'll just keep getting used. I'm not safe. No matter where I go I'm not safe. I can't be happy. I'm not happy.
"Yeah," it responds.
I scream because I believe I don't deserve to live. Things never go as planned for me. I've been fighting my entire life, and nothing has ever turned out well. I've been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused, touched, hurt, and damaged. I should just make everyone's lives better and leave this life.
Nobody cares. No one. As I bash my head against the wall, I say. As I scream, I smash my head harder, feeling the cold metallic stream down my face. The blood fell on my lips, and I let it.
I sob and collapse on my face, dizzy. Nobody loves or cares about me. They never search for me.
They always leave me to suffer
Why aren't they here if they cared? Why isn't there anyone looking for me? I don't have anyone. I'm alone, and my mother is trapped. She can't help me because she's also stuck. There is no one looking for us. We're going to die in this place. We're never leaving this place.
I don't know if we're ever making it out of here
My eyelids droop as I stare at the blinding light on the ceiling. My tears had ceased, and all I could feel was numbness. I didn't feel anything, and it felt amazing. It felt good not to care. I closed my eyelids, hoping not to wake up.
"I'm not okay," I sob as I clutch my hair and slide down his wall. "I'm not okay," I smash my hands on my head. I need help. I can't quit thinking about it.
They tortured me and drove me insane. I attempted suicide several times just to have them wrap my wounds and transport me to their mafia doctor. They wanted me as their weapon under their control because of that item in my arm.
And it worked
My body shook in waves as tears poured out of my eyes, and I gasped. The feeling of being alone overwhelmed me, causing me to put my arms around myself. I wanted Sandro. I wanted him to put his arm around me.
I needed to hear his heartbeat as I lay on his chest to ensure that what I was feeling and seeing was real. I want to inhale his soothing scent, which always puts me to sleep. I want to kiss his soft, delicate features. I desired him because he gave me a sense of security. I want him because he was everything to me.
My mind and heart practically yelled for him. As selfish as it was, I needed him right now. I wanted to keep him to myself.
Sandro strolled in with a smile on his face before noticing my shivering and crying figure, prompting him to hurry over to me. He gets down on his knees and grips my face. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened, love?"
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me, hugging him with my face on his neck. "I need you Sandro"
"I'm here. I'm right here. Let it all out, I'm not going anywhere." Picking me up, he says, and I wrap my legs around his waist, my tears staining his shirt.
"It hurts Sandro" I cry out "It hurts so fucking bad"
"I understand, and I wish I could do more. Shit, I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my heart. I wish I could take away all your pain and give it to me so you can be happy. The happiness you deserve. You deserve the world, and I'm willing to give it to you," he adds as he sets me in his lap.
"God, I don't deserve the world. I don't deserve anything," I reply snarkly. He holds my face and forces me to stare at him.
"Don't say that. You deserve all the fucking happiness in the world. I don't want to hear you say anything else. Whatever they may have said, don't believe them because you are the most beautiful and intellectual person I have ever met. And I know I'm not the best person, but I'll try my whole life to do anything it takes or whatever you need or desire.
No, not try. I'M going to treat you better than everyone else you've ever met in your life. Please don't think about what they did to you and do not forget about it because you survived. You are a survivor, and I am so proud of you.” He says it as if it pains him to even speak.
"No, it isn't true. I'm weak. I'm so frail-" He cuts me off as I shake my head.
"You are incredibly strong. The most powerful queen I've ever met. I know you'll never forget what occurred, and I won't make you tell me. But you don't need constant remembrance. Allow me to help you in creating new memories. A new sense of purpose in life, one that you deserve. It's just you and me. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere "He says this while wiping my tears and kissing me under the eyes.
"How do I know you're not going to leave me? How do I know you care and will not hurt me like the others? I can't take it anymore." I say trying to move off his lap as my mind goes back to its overthinking self.
He gently holds my wrist and pulls me back when I try to stand up. "What do you not understand? I LOVE you. And no matter how much you try to push me away, I'm not going anywhere. I love you so goddamn much, Thalia, that seeing you in this state physically pains me. You don't have to say it back or say it at all. Even if you don't feel the same way, I'll always love you. I just want you to be happy and to trust me." I freeze as he says this.
I cry even harder at what he said, and he panics, "Please do not cry. I'm sorry. Fuck,please don't cry"
I laugh silently, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I'm crying happy tears because I love you, Sandro. I fucking love you so much." I say as I gently press my lips on his.
He reacts to the kiss by kissing me slowly and tenderly, as if he is frightened I may break and abandon him. I draw him closer to me, and put so much emotion into the kiss as he does the same. Our lips move slowly in unison, as if we were recalling each other's tastes. As our tongues dance together, I open my mouth to let his tongue glide into mine.
I take his lips in mine and slowly suck on them, making him groan as I move back to reposition his lips on mine. He pulls me closer to him, and I let go of his lips. Our breathing becomes heavy as we intensify our kissing, continuing to pour out our unspoken words.
My grip on him tightens as my heartbeat quickens as our lips collide together in rhythm. This kiss was full with emotions, and I didn't want to let go. I needed him. He was my other puzzle piece, and I was his star in his galaxy.
As our breaths mingled and his forehead pressed against mine, he gently pulls away, breathing deeply. Wiping my tears, he replies, "I will throw your tear in the ocean, and I will only stop loving you when you retrieve that tear."
I gently push him away, making him chuckle. "You're going to make me cry," I pout. He kisses my pouting lips and pulls my head up against his chest.
"All I want is to make you happy," he says, and I nod. I rest my head on his chest, listening to his slightly faster-than-normal heartbeat. We sit in silence while he plays with my hair. My eyelids begin to droop, and I raise my head slightly to look at him.
"Thank you," I say, and he glances down, puzzled. "For what?"
"Just thank you," I murmur as I snuggle back into his chest, soaking in his manly scent that takes me to sleep.
Author Note:
Welp, that was definitely something
If anyone is going through something like this, don't think your alone. If you need someone to talk to or someone to cheer you up just text me and I'll respond.
Is Thalia thought process valid?
Thoughts on this chapter?
Follow, vote, comment
Bye lovely people
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