Everyone had gathered around in the meeting room where blitzo could be seen walking back and forth in front of a whiteboard. Moxxie was paying attention while loona was looking at her phone as usual. Y/N tried to pay attention but found it quite hard because carnage had already fallen asleep and his snoring was making it very hard for the boy to concentrate.
Blitzo: Alright now I know that business has been a bit slow lately yes? It's no one's fault okay? I'm not naming any names here..... (looks at moxxie) Moxxie.
Moxxie gives his boss an angered face.
Blitzo: Now does anyone have any bright ideas of how we can get business drumming up again?
Millie: What about a car wash?
Blitzo: This is hell millie no one cares about cars being clean here.
Y/N: I've got an idea how about a billboard or a TV advert? People are bound to see it and some may come to us for a job.
Moxxie: But Y/N we can't afford a billboard or an advert.
Blitzo: Helpful moxxie really glad your in the room right now. (Pushes moxxie) have you guys forgotten what service we provide?
Blitzo turns on the TV which shows everyone in I.M.P murdering people. Bltizo whacks a man in the face with a mallet, moxxie gets flung after he shoots a man in a chair with a shotgun, Loona swings back and forth with a person in her mouth. millie uses a harpoon to decapitate someone while laughing and Y/N got behind a man and used a plastic bag to suffocate him then punching him in the face multiple times then snapping his neck.
Blitzo: Ah those were good times.
Moxxie: I don't need any reminding sir considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you additionally paid to have run for three hours on a channel no one watches.
Blitzo: Uh hey excuse me what's "obnoxious" about a super fun jingle alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement is spitting bullshit.
Millie: People love musicals.
Blitzo: Exactly mille and we're basically doing a musical are you going to crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?
Moxxie: Sir-
Blitzo: cause right now all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside!
Y/N: You know sir the way your acting I think being an actor is more your thing.
Millie: Are you trying to crush his dreams moxxie?
Moxxie: I-what?
Millie: I thought I knew you.
Millie sticks out her tongue while moxxie rolled his eyes affectionately.
Blitzo: I can't believe you moxxie after I made you employee of the month!
Moxxie: Okay sir I'm sorry a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatres. No one likes the jingles.
Millie: I liked it.
Moxxie: Do not (points at blitzo) agree with him in front of me!
Y/N: Sounds like someone's jealous.
Moxxie: I am not!
Y/N: Suuuuuuure.
The scene then changes to a commercial for I.M.P.
Blitzo: Hi there I'm Blitzo the O is silent and I'm the founder of I.M.P.
Blitzo points to the logo on the screen and then disappears. It then switches to a scene with blitzo wearing two top hats with a monocle twirling a fake moustache outside of a burning building with a sign that says "orphanage for elderly blind newborn dogs"
Blitzo: Are you a piece of shit that got sent to hell? Or are you an innocent soul who got fucked over by someone else?
A scene plays showing blitzo in an angel costume at a coffeehouse throwing a cup into a trashcan instead of a recycling bin next to it.
The scene changes again to a demon wearing an Ohio sports jersey with Blitzo
holding a cardboard sign that said "Some random guy who hired us"
Demon: After lovingly killing my wife for FUCKING A DELIVERYMAN you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here after the state of Ohio killed me! I really wish I could STICK IT to that YAPPY JOGGER who saw me hiding the body!
The scene changes to blitzo holding a grimoire with millie and moxxie behind him setting lit candles on the floor in a square.
Blitzo: Well luckily for you thanks to our company's special access to the living world-
Blitzo then makes a gesture with his hand opening up the flaming portal blowing millie and moxxie back.
Blitzo: We can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!
Bltizo falls backwards into the portal and a jingle begins to play while millie moxxie blitzo and Y/N begin to kill people.
Singer: ♫when you need somebody gone♫
A dead body falls near a person who notices and looks up.
Singer: ♫and you don't want to wait too long♫
Millie moxxie and blitzo are shown in a circle holding their weapons with the letters I M and P on the right of them forming the word I.M.P.
Singer: ♫ Call the immediate murder professionals ♫
Y/N moxxie millie and blitzo are in a building and moxxie throws a grenade out the window. The four cover their ears as an explosion rings out and a severed hand goes flying past.
Singer: ♫ hand grenade or cyanide ♫
Bltizo and Y/N hang someone with a rope while millie finishes writing a suicide note.
Singer: ♫ We'll make it look like suicide ♫
Blitzo then electrocutes someone while millie hits someone on the head with a mallet. Moxxie starts to strangle someone while Y/N uses his bare hands to rip out a person's beating heart.
Singer: ♫ The immediate murder professionals ♫
The I.M.P logo spins around and then the scene changes to blitzo opening a portal to the living world through a wall. Blitzo walks through while Y/N gently kicks moxxie in the ass making the imp jump through the portal while millie gave him a seriously face with Y/N just shrugging her off.
Singer: ♫ We do our job so well ♫
The four come through the portal and quickly adjust themselves.
Singer: ♫ because we come straight up from hell ♫
The four realise that they've teleported into a church during the middle of service. The people looked at them in fear and confusion while a man was fast asleep with earbuds stuffed in his ears.
The scene changes to millie trying to remove a knife from a couple in a 69 position. Y/N helped millie while moxxie looked away and blitzo examined a pair of panties.
Singer: ♫ We'll kill your husband or your wife ♫
Blitzo stabs someone tied to a chair with a goofy expression.
Singer: ♫ We'll even let you keep the knife♫
A quick sequence shows the four killing people in many brutal ways. Such as medieval torture riding a shark burning someone alive (which made both Y/N and carnage uncomfortable) playing a piano which had just crushed someone and even dismemberment Y/N's and carnage's speciality. The last scene shows moxxie about to shoot a lady from behind with Y/N next to him.
Singer: ♫ We're the immediaaaaaaaate murderrrrrrrr profession-
Moxxie instead of hitting his target accidentally shoots a boy passing by who was eating an ice cream.
Boy: AUEGHH!
Moxxie looks in shock as the boy collapsed.
Y/N:.................nice shot slick.
The scene changes to an operating room with a doctor and two nurses with one having a very masculine voice.
Masculine nurse: Doctor he's not responding!
Nurse: Cool water stat!
The masculine nurse whacks the boy in the face with a bucket of water.
Nurse: It didn't do anything!
Doctor: Dammit I'm not losing another one!
The three put their defibrillator paddles over the boy.
Doctor: CLEAR!
They all zap the boy who comes back to life with a large gasp.
Doctor: Holy shit it actually worked!
Outside of the boy's hospital room blitzo was reading a book while millie comforted a devastated moxxie while Y/N played games on his phone. The doctor then walks out with his clipboard in hand.
Doctor: he appears to be in a stable condition but he'll need surgery. Now what insurance do you freaks provide?
Blitzo:
The scene changes and a hospital window breaks and the boy's hospital bed flies out while millie moxxie blitzo and Y/N holding on for dear life with the kid still unconscious on the bed. A rope becomes entangled on blitzo's foot which stops the falling bed for a moment but then the rope snaps and the four continue to fall to the ground when an image of the I.M.P logo pops up.
Singer: ♫ kids die for freeeeeeeeeee!♫
The scene reverts to everyone in the meeting room with Loona kicking up her feet.
Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that incident was loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give info on the right target. It's very simple.
Loona: Oh sit on a dick moxxie.
Moxxie: You sit sit......on......a
Y/N: Great comeback little man ten out of ten.
Moxxie: Quiet! And the.........D-do your job!
Blitzo: Hey now we don't blame our screw-ups on loona okay? She didn't do anything wroooooooong.
Blitzo cuddles up to loona who has a less-than-pleased look on her face.
Y/N: She looks like she's about to tear you apart.
Blitzo: I know.
Moxxie: Are you kidding me? Sir she's awful!
Y/N: Come on moxxie she's isn't that bad.
Loona: (blushes)
A flashback occurs of loona reading a magazine when her desk phone rings and Loona picks it up.
Loona: Hello I.M.P.
Millie: Loona I got stabbed call mo-
Not interested in the conversation loona slams the phone down. Next was a scene with her and blitzo.
Blitzo: Happy adoption anniversary loonie. I got you a little something.
Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?
Blitzo: Ummmm...no.
Loona: THEN I DON'T WANT IT!
Loona chucks the gift to the ground with spiders crawling out of the box swarming all over loona making the hellhound growl while blitzo can now be seen outside a window.
Loona: (growl) Goddammit
Blitzo: I'm sorry it was spiders.
The next scene shows loona watching a video when moxxie comes up to her with a flyer for weight loss.
Moxxie: Um......excuse me did you fax me an ad for weight loss?
Loona: no.
Moxxie: Wh- why would anyone send me this?
Loona: C'mon you know why.
Next was a scene of loona rummaging through the fridge.
Loona: Whoever left the fucking avocado salad in the fridge I'm taking it because I'm having the worst hangover right now.
Millie: Why would you drink on a work night?
Loona: I'm hungover from this morning dumbass.
Moxxie: Isn't that my lunch?
Loona: You know what? I can't take assault right now I need to blow off some fucking steam!
Loona kicks the box that once held moxxies food at moxxie knocking the imp out of the room. Loona stormed out and kicked a stroller sending it and the baby flying while the mother looked on in disbelief. Then there's a scene of loona telling blitzo about a very horny rich client.
Loona: bliiiitzo that clingy rich asshole is on the phone. Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you sounds a little DTF-Y.
Y/N: Who is this guy anyway?
Loona: Just an owl prince he's been fucking from time to time.
Blitzo: OH GOD IT WAS THE ONE TIME! If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole none of us would have access to the living world.
Moxxie: You............what?
The scene changes to a flashback of a sleeping stolas and blitzo who walks away quietly with the grimoire in his hands.
Blitzo: Got the booooook got the booook got the fucking heavy book!
Blitzo gets to stolas's balcony and tries to use the grimoire to step up on the ledge. But the weight of him and the book sends the two falling straight into the cake splattering all over Stella who also just happened to be stolas's wife.
Blitzo: Sorry I fucked your husband.
Next we find blitzo talking to the owl prince in question on the phone inside his office.
Blitzo: Soooooo what can I do for you this time stolas?
Stolas: There's a political candidate causing trouble up on earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people that global warming exists.
Blitzo: Doesn't it?
Stolas: Well yes but more people die if nothing is done about it and it gets lonely here.
Blitzo: Oh well yeah that makes sense.
Stolas: You know what happens when I'm lonely blitzy?
Blitzo: Oh............God fucking dammit.
Stolas: When I'm lonely I become hungry and when I become hungry I want to choke on that red **** of yours **** your **** and lick all of your **** before taking out your **** and **** with more teeth until your screaming *********** LIKE A FUCKING BABY!
Blitzo who is visually disturbed by what he just heard smashed the phone put it in a blender and blends it and then passes it to loona who drinks it.
Blitzo: Y'know that bridge over the freeway?
Loona:Yeah?
Blitzo: SHIT OFF IT!
The flashback ends with blitzo standing next to Loona.
Blitzo: Look the point is loona is a valued member of our family and we don't get rid of family.
Moxxie: We aren't a family sir! Your the boss we are the employees. You treat her like some troubled teenager. She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones.
In response to moxxies outrage loona simply replies by putting the middle finger to the ranting imp.
Blitzo: That is offensive! Without homeless people I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life.
Blitzo looks out the window and focuses on a homeless demon who was ignored by every passerby while blitzo waves at the demon with the smuggest look that Y/N has ever seen.
Y/N: Imma be real with you boss that's both smug and a bit creepy.
Moxxie: While we're on the subject of "family" can you stop finding me and millie outside of work?
Millie: come on sweetie it's not that big of a deal.
Moxxie: Excuse me.......WHAT?!
A flashback pops up with Millie and moxxie getting dinner ready. When Millie opened the fridge she found blitzo holding out-of-date butter.
Blitzo: Spoiler alert.......the butters spoilt.
Millie: (giggles)
Moxxie: What's funny honey?
Blitzo: Really impressive wordplay.
Moxxie: What the- WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE!?
The same night moxxie fell asleep with his lover only to wake with blitzo on top of him.
Blitzo: Whatcha dreaming about?
Moxxie: I was dreaming that my parents were being murdered but now......... I'd like to go back to that.
The scene reverts to everyone in the board room.
Moxxie:Just stop doing that!
Blitzo: I don't see what the issue is. there something you don't want me seeing?
Moxxie: NO!
Loona: (snickers)
Y/N: (snickers)
Blitzo: You a baby-weiner-haver?
Moxxie: Sir what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!
Millie: Calm down mox your gonna have another panic attack.
Moxxie: I AM CALM!
Millie: Shh shh shh there there.
Blitzo: Look I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside work hours so don't judge me!
Moxxie: Oh I do judge you sir quite a lot actually!
Millie: Mox he's our boss!
Blitzo: No no no it's fine Mills your husband is just....how do I say this without being offensive.........retarded.
Moxxie: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad single life?
Blitzo: It actually does.
Loona: The only reason you have a wife is because your easy to manage.
Y/N: That and you don't have the balls to argue back.
Carnage: Facts.
Millie: No he's not you bitch!
Y/N: Call Loona a bitch one more time and see what happens!
Blitzo: Yeah what Y/N said don't talk to my receptionist that way. She's sensitive!
Carnage: Fight fight fight fight!
Y/N: (carnage your not helping!)
Carnage: I know.
Boy: You guys are all fucking assholes!
Everyone gathered their attention to the boy from before who had just barged in. He was on the table with a heart monitor on his stomach with a set of wires attached to him.
Y/N: How the hell is that kid still alive?
Blitzo: Oh shut up kid your lucky to witness this!
Moxxie: Ugh this company is such a mess!
Blitzo: Alright let's go back to talking about my outfit.
Loona: Nobody was talking about that!
Blitzo: Which is why I'm trying to get the ball rolling! So how does it look? It's good right?
Boy: it's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralysed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me but now I want that! I want death! (Looks at blitzo) you are a selfish greedy clown and I'm a kid we're supposed to like clowns even the creepy ones!
Moxxie: Hey now that's not very-
Boy: If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit!
Millie: That's my husband your talking to!
Boy: (laughs) That's your husband?! I'd figured you for a slut but I didn't know you needed dick that bad! And you (points at loona)
Loona: What? What about me?
Boy: Nothing I don't talk to dogs I'm a cat person!
Blitzo: Woah you know kid your kind of a real piece of shit.
Moxxie: Yeah this kid is a real piece of shit.
Boy: And yo-
The boy stopped when he looked at Y/N. evreyone was shocked that a red strange substance was seeping from his eyes ears and mouth and his right arm had transformed into a red sharp claw while a psychotic smile was plastered on Y/N's face.
Y/N: Go on kid say what you gotta say give me another reason why I should rip out your entrails while your still alive.
The boy had lost all courage and a wet patch appeared on his trousers the brat was too scared to even open his mouth. Loona then got a text on her phone from their client.
Loona: Oh fuck! Guys I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all.
Blitzo: Who?
Loona: Him.
Boy: ME!?
Y/N: Ohohoooooo that's music to my ears!
Blitzo: They want us to kill an actual child?
Loona: That's what they're saying.
Blitzo: Well christ on a stick I guess there is a-
Boy: Ahhhhhh someone help me!
Y/N grabbed the boy with his claw and was about to walk out of the room.
Y/N: Heya boss does this place have a basement by any chance?
Blitzo: Uhhhh yeah it does pretty decently sized one too.
Y/N: Goooood you all sit back and let me take care of this me and the little guy here are going to have some fun.
Millie: Wait what about-
Y/N:Tell the client that the kid is as good as dead and I'd avoid the basement for the next few hours if I were you.
Moxxie: T-the basement w-why?
Y/N dragged the boy and open the door and took one final look at his colleagues.
Y/N: THERE'S GONNA BE CARNAGE.
Y/N slammed the door leaving his friends behind who just stood there in shock. For the next few hours, the sounds of screams and cries for mercy rang out in the basement. The crunching of bones echoed throughout the floor as flesh was slowly torn off from the boy's bones his body was slowly being ripped apart as carnage had the time of his life smothering entrails all over Y/N's body.
Sadly all fun must come to an end and after the boy had died from carnage and his "fun" Y/N took the boy's mangled body back to the human world. The mother of the child was crying on the news with a badly drawn picture of her child.
As she cried in front of the cameras Y/N tossed the boy's remains down to the news reporters with blood and guts soaking the mother and the camera crew.
They looked up and saw Y/N with a grin while being covered in blood.
Y/N: Your kid was a piece of shit by the way!
Y/N made a psychotic laugh and jumped into the portal back to I.M.P headquarters done with work for the day.
A HELLUVA FIRST DAY AM I RIGHT?