Genre: Romance
I used to spend my days up in my room doing everything I thought of. I read all the time to escape my reality. I wrote all my feelings in my favorite notebook. But most of the time, I caught myself in a deep thought, staring blankly at the empty space in front of me. I used to think a lot too-about forever, about happy ever after, about what ifs and just about anything quite impossible but imaginable.
I saw no one but myself in the mirror and I refused to go out of the house. I only even went out of my room to eat. I avoided the sunlight like a glittering vampire afraid to be found out. I didn't want to talk to anyone but myself and yes, I talked to myself. In short, I shut the world out for the past 6 months. Even my mom couldn't get to me. I could see that she was very worried. She would hold my hand on the dining table and look me in the eyes. It's as if she was crying inside. Seeing that look on her face made me hurt more.
What if?
What if I just did it and got it over with? What if all of this never happened? What if he never left? Would I be daydreaming like now or waking up to see him again?
I finally got out of the house when my mom forced me to come with her to buy some groceries. I repeatedly said no. In the end, she won.
That was the day I met Nathan. I was scanning the magazine section when he came up to me.
"Hi," he said. I looked at him and saw his bright smile like the sun creeping through the clouds after the rain. I wasn't sure if it irritated me or simply took me by surprise because I didn't know such smile existed.
I got back to scanning the magazines. "Not much of a talker, huh?" he asked.
Still, I didn't say anything. "So, Reese..."
"How'd you know my name?" I finally asked.
"Your necklace." He pointed at it as I automatically looked down to it. "I'm Nathan, by the way. Just to be fair because I already know your name."
My brows furrowed as I looked at him again like he was a puzzle I was trying to solve. He smiled wider causing his eyes to scrunch up on the sides and bottom. A few seconds passed when I decided to go to a different aisle. I felt him following me so I stopped.
I turned around to face him. "What do you want?" I asked.
"To be your friend," he said matter-of-factly.
"I don't do friends, okay? Leave me alone." I walked towards my mother who was already in line for check out.
"Hey," she said when she saw me. I put my hands in my pocket as I stood there quietly waiting beside her.
"Oh, I see you've made a friend." What?
She must have seen the confusion in my face so she looked at someone behind me. I turned around and saw Nathan with his bright smile again.
I immediately turned back to Mom and said, "No, he's not my friend. He just came up to me a while ago."
"Ouch." I heard him say so I looked at him again. He had his fake pained look on his face and his hand on his chest as if he was clutching his heart. I rolled my eyes heavenwards.
My mom's giggle was audible, though she didn't really try to hide it.
They had a quick chat while we were waiting in line. In the car on the way home, my mom wouldn't shut up about Nathan. I kept rolling my eyes because I wasn't really interested. In my room, I kept thinking about him and his bright smile. His face would pop into my mind until I noticed something. His smile didn't reach his eyes.
That day was the start of something new in my life. Nathan came to our house almost every other day, if not every day. My mom introduced him to Dad and eventually, they both liked him. Also, Mom forced me to go out of my room and see him whenever he came over.
He got my cell phone number from my mom and I was surprised when he called me. We would talk for hours even in the middle of the night. At first I still kept the wall as high as I could but it eventually crumbled down.
One night we were talking on the phone, I told him about my boyfriend.
"Nathan..."
"Yeah?" I loved hearing the sound of his voice.
"You should know that I have a boyfriend."
He was quiet. I could tell he was a bit surprised.
"Nathan?"
"Yeah, um... of course, a girl like you would have a boyfriend. Why didn't I think of that?"
"A girl like... me?"
I could hear him breathing as I heard my heart pound against my chest.
"Pretty, smart, snarky, adorable. That kind of girl," he said with confidence in his voice.
I felt my cheeks heat up. "Thank you."
"It's true, and you're welcome," he replied. "Where is he, then?"
"He..." I trailed off but then decided to continue, "He left me. Six months ago."
"So if you've broken up, how is he still your boyfriend?"
I grew silent. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything."
"It's fine. You wouldn't understand."
"I will if you let me." Now his voice sounded concerned and sorry. He shouldn't be. He didn't do anything wrong.
Some things changed since we all met Nathan. I went out of my room which my mom was so happy about. She caught me smile once in a while. I saw my mom and dad laughing again and when I looked at Nathan, I got this warm feeling inside me like something was changing. He looked so handsome when he brushed his hand through his hair. His smile was still the same as when we first met. When he laughed, it was like he was never thinking about anything. His voice would echo in my ears and I loved it. I loved hearing it-his voice, his laugh-I didn't want it to disappear... no, wait.
It was wrong. It was all wrong.
Could this be considered cheating? I didn't want any of it, I swear. I remembered sulking and crying my eyes out because he left me.
I returned to my old self again. The one who never got out of her room; who read and write and got lost in her own world. I stared at the empty space in front of me again. Sometimes I stared out the window and I would see Nathan so I'd close my curtain and pretend to be asleep.
Sometimes I heard knocks on my door and my mom calling for me. At the dining table, her smiles faded and the shine in her eyes disappeared, leaving the concerned look on her face she always wore before Nathan came into our lives.
Nathan.
Mom asked me if something happened between me and him. I simply shook my head and told her I'd just go out for a while. I went to the waterfalls 5 minutes away from our house. I once told Nathan I loved going up here to sit on the rocks on top of the falls because it felt like the falls were carrying my thoughts with it as the waters go down. I loved sitting here watching the water flow.
As my world got darker and darker without Nathan's bright smile, I was close to giving up again. I remembered everything that's happened when this year started. I remembered how I was so happy back then with my boyfriend, Jake.
I wasn't the nicest girl you'd ever meet. I got drunk and partied hard but I never smoked or anything more than that. One night, Jake and I attended our friend's party and I got really drunk. I told my parents I wouldn't come home and I'd stay at Jake's. They never had any problem with that ever. Jake didn't drink too much because he saw how wasted I was. Our friend offered us a ride to Jake's house but I insisted we walk. Instead of arguing, Jake turned down the offer because he saw no point in arguing with a wasted drunkard like me.
He offered me a piggy back ride but I declined. He then, walked side by side with me supporting me with his hand on my waist and my one arm around his shoulder. I took my arm off his shoulder and tried to walk on my own. I even tried to skip and jump and fool around. I saw him watching me and trying to catch up with me. He laughed once in a while calling me crazy.
I didn't notice it but I was already on a street, crossing without looking from left to right, or right to left. But I felt the booze left my whole body when I saw a truck on my left, its bright light blinding me causing me to stop and stumble until I felt a hard push on my back-or was it on my left arm, I couldn't really tell.
I felt sick on my stomach when I saw Jake lying on the ground, blood pooling around him. I went to him only to find him unconscious. He was barely breathing. I checked for a pulse and there it was still. I kept crying and blaming myself for what happened. Everything was happening so fast I couldn't keep up. I noticed that the truck driver went down to check on us. I kept saying things to him and begging him to help me bring Jake to the hospital. I was crying the whole time until we were in the Emergency Room and there were a lot of questions they asked me. A lot of phone calls were made until I found Jake's parents and mine rushing through the doors of the ER.
I couldn't breathe... I couldn't think.
"Jake..."
It was all too much to remember. I didn't want any of it. I regretted everything. I thought of going after him. I thought of seeing him again. Could I?
I could feel the tears again streaming down my cheeks. I felt the weight in my heart become heavier each time I took a breath. I couldn't keep up with it. I was trying to catch my breath as I felt my nose get clogged. Thoughts were flooding my mind and Jake was here again. Then I thought...
What if?
What if everything that's been happening lately was my daydream? What if waking up wasn't such a bad idea? What if Nathan was my dream and Jake was my reality? Would I want to stay to this fantasy Nathan's been making me see? Or would I be ready to face the consequences of waking up?
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and tried my best to breathe normally. I have decided. I let my emotions take over me before I even got the slightest chance of changing my mind. I stood up abruptly and then I caught my breath as I slipped and unconsciously threw my arms out.
"Nathan..."
I saw his handsome face filled with concern. I don't like it. I want him happy, I want to see his bright smile again so I smiled, too, because I suddenly thought...
What if waking up means sleeping forever?