What I really liked about Seonghwa was that he didn't feel bad to show himself for what he really was, and it was the same also when we were having sex: he was not ashamed to moan or scream in pleasure or writhing like crazy.
One early Saturday morning I opened my eyes to find Seonghwa admiring my body with a smirk on his face. I was full of lipstick prints he left me the night before. He really liked to put on a nice layer of lipstick and then kiss me all over.
"You ain't normal!" I laughed.
He curled up against my chest, pouting like a baby "I like to do it with you, I don't have to restrain myself. Since we started fucking I think my music improved as well!"
"Bullshit!" I scoffed, making fun of him.
I went to the bathroom to have a shower and when I came back he was still lying on the bed, watching porn.
"I like this position, let's try it later!" he pointed at the tv, looking at me licking his lips sensually.
"Mmmh" I smirked.
He lowered the tv volume and reached his cellphone on the nightstand, showing me a picture: "Look at this drum, isn't it amazing? Comes from Germany. I'm sure the sound would be much better if I played with it!"
In few weeks he bacame really demanding: this time he wanted a new instrument, it was $4,000 worth. Before that he asked for many other things: expensive restaurants, top brand clothes and jewelery, even a car that I had to say no to. I was about to refuse when I was saved by my phone ringing.
"Hello?"
"Ehm... Hi!" I immediately recognized his voice and I felt my heart dropping inside my chest, "it's Wooyoung"
"I didn't expect you to call" I said, trying to sound calm.
"I've been thinking of you, I wanted to hear your voice, I miss you"
I gulped. 'I miss you too' it's what my heart was screaming, but I heard my voice saying: "What is it, Woo?"
"Next week I have my last exam, I was wondering if you want to..."
"You disappeared!" I was hurt and desperate to see him, but my voice was cold, firm and calm "Not a call, not a message, nothing. For weeks. I was sick worried about you and now you come back like nothing happened, calling out of nowhere, asking to see me. I can't do this anymore, Woo. Stop calling me" I hung up.
I was panting, heart beating like crazy, and an unbearable pain in my chest. My phone rang again, it was him. I switched it off and walked back to the bedroom.
"All good?" Seonghwa asked when he saw me with a low face.
"All good! Just work stuff"
"Mmh" he nodded "I've ordered delivery, hope you're up for a nice american breakfast!"
I layed on the bed next to him, watching the porn movie going on.
"About that position..." he smirked, starting to take off my clothes.
He tried for half an hour but nothing worked. I wasn't getting hard. Seonghwa just gave up and rolled back on the mattress scoffing that I was getting old. That's when we heard the door buzz.
"Breakfast's here! I'll take it" Seonghwa put on a robe and ran to the door.
"I was looking for Choi San" It was Wooyoung's voice.
"Shit!" I gasped. I threw something on and rushed to the door.
Wooyoung looked at me petrified, I could tell from his eyes that he was hurt. Seonghwa gave him a look full of hostility and contempt, then he turned back smiling at me and walked back to the bedroom. I thought about dragging Wooyoung out of the apartment and talking in the hall, but I didn't, I couldn't move a muscle either. So we just stayed there: he standing on the doorstep and I in the room.
"Why did you come?" I asked, my voice betraying my emotions.
"I wanted to make it up to you. You switched off your phone and I thought..." his voice shaking "I thought..."
He had two coffees in his hands. I felt bad. Having him in front of me made me realize how much I missed him. I missed his touch, his lips, his body on mine. But most of all I missed the way he made me feel when we were together.
"Woo, I..." I tried to drag him closer taking him by the arm.
He shook my hand off. His head, that had been low for all that time, finally raised. The sadness was gone. Fire lighting up his eyes: I never saw him that angry before. I instinctively took a step back.
"Nevermind. I didn't expect you to have company, seems like I'm not needed anymore. I'll go back to school, enjoy your weekend!"
He turned and left me there. I culdn't even call his name. I couldn't stop him. I was overwhelmed by everything that just happened. I stood there, heart aching, and I let him go.
___
One month and two weeks. That's how long it took me to swallow my pride.
I had tried everything to take him out of my mind, but the more I tried the more I failed. I missed him like crazy, so one night I decided to call him. I was drunk, I stumbled from the couch to the counter where I left my phone. I sat on the floor, back leaning against the wall. I dialed the number and I closed my eyes.
One, two, three, four, five, six rings.
"Hello?"
I opened my mouth but I couldn't say anything. A buzzing silence interponed between us.
"San? Is it you?" his voice was spleepy, probably I woke him up.
Hearing him saying my name awakened me.
"Woo..." my voice sounding hoarder than expected.
"San, are you all right?"
"I'm not"
"What happened? Where are you?"
"Maybe you're sick of me, but I-I..." I didn't want to finish my sentence, what was I supposed to say? That I missed him? It was way more than that. Just thinking of him being tired of me was making me crumble in pieces.
"San, tell me where are you? Are you at home?"
"Y-yes" I hiccuped.
"I'm coming!"
He hung up. Did I hear it right? I tried to stand up, my legs shaking. I was drunker than I thought. I looked around the room: it was a complete mess! Empty bottles were almost hiding the kitchen counter, instant noodles leftovers waiting next to the sink, garbage, clothes, sigarettes everywhere on the floor. I saw myself on the reflection of the window wall in front of me: I was a mess too. I took off the dirty t-shirt I was wearing and stubled to the bathroom. I grabbed the sink with my both hands and when I felt stable enough I opened the water, putting my head under it. The cold sensation helped me so sober up a little, my head was still spinning but not as much as before. I put on a change of clean clothes and I headed to the kitchen.
I tried to tidy up as much as I could but when I started cleaning the counter one of the many bottles of beer broke. I was picking up the shreaded glasses when I felt a sting on my thumb, I looked at it and I realized that I cut myself.
"Shit!"
It wasn't a deep cut fortunately, but my blood was spilling out dirtying the new shirt I just wore. I put a serviette around my finger and was reaching the medical aid kit when I heard a knock on the door.
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I whispered, not ready to see him.
I took all my courage and went to the door, slowly opening it. There he was standing and he was even more handsome than the last time I saw him: his hair grew longer and he tied them up in a pony tail. He looked like he grew of a size too, 'cause his shoulders were broader than what I remembered. What didn't change a bit were his eyes, still shining with that sadness, this time accompanied by worry.
"You're here!" I exclaimed, my fingers caressing his cheek as to prove that he was real.
"Can I come in?" he asked without moving away from my touch.
I stepped back inside, leaving the door open for him, I stumbled to the couch and sat. Soon I felt Wooyoung's presence next to me.
"What happened to you?" his hands flew to my still bandaged finger, "You're bleeding!"
"Don't worry... It's shallow, the cut..."
He left and came back soon after with the medical aid kit in his hands. He took off the serviette and helped me disinfect and bandage the wound appropriately. When he finished he didn't leave my hand, his eyes met mine and I couldn't take it in anymore.
"I missed you so much" I whispered so low that I thought he wouldn't hear me.
He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, than he closed it again, biting his lower lip. His mouth looked so soft that I had to brush my not injured thumb on it. I saw him gasp and his eyes widened. Then all of a sudden he breathed out:
"Oh... Fuck it!"
And he was on me. His lips pressing against mine desperately. It surprised me so much that it took me few seconds to respond to the kiss. Our tongues danced together while his hands went to the nape on my neck pulling me even closer and holding me there, like he was scared that I would run away. When he stopped the kiss to catch his breath I leaned in again, pressing my lips against his cheeks, his nose, his eyes, everywhere my mouth could find space. He chuckled letting me do it.
"I missed you!" I said again and I kissed his lips more "I missed you so much! Don't leave me ever again!" I begged.
A/N
I missed them too! 💔