🌧️𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩🌧️
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3ʀᴅ ᴘᴏᴠ
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•Tw•
Suicide
✎...
It's been like this for a while . The consistent going out drinking and then having sex was getting overwhelming with Yunho.
For Yunho the relationship him and San were supposed to have was strictly for pleasure, but San felt different. He was growing in love with Yunho everytime they hung out, but it hurt being stuck as a fuck buddy.
While one was helplessly in love , the other just wanted to fuck and move on. Tonight was once again one of those nights. And although the sex was great, it felt so dirty." you never cease to amaze me Sannie...your such a great friend"
"Yeah...what are friends for..."Being called a friend stung ,but San tried his best to hide it. He could only stare at the love of his life with a small pout. He wanted so badly for this friends with benefits to turn into a relationship , but it's just not happening. Sans thoughts were broken into as his phone rang.
" you should get that..I'll be in the shower" and just like that he watched Yunho get up and walk away. No cuddling...no words of affirmation...just pure coldness... sighing once more he picked up his ringing phone before answering the phone.
" hey Seonghwa, everything alright why'd you call?"
" hey can I not call my baby brother ? I missed you"
" awww that's sweet , you should visit"
" well if you must know...Sannie I have a surprise for you!"
" what is it Hwa"
Seonghwa, Sans older brother.. the perfectionist of the family. Yeah Sans family loved him but not as much and they did their dear oldest Seonghwa. He was the golden child and he was also the beauty with brains. San was always jealous as a child but as he grew older he realized he had no need to envy him. Especially when he has his love Yunho Yeah the delusion was settling in, San had lost his mind thinking there was something more between the two.
" I'm moving to your area "
" are you?! That's so exciting I can't wait to see you! You have to stay with me! When will I see you Hyung?"
" aww your so sweet and I should be arriving by tonight "
" perfect I'll be sure to stay home then, I'll see you love you HwaHwa"
" love you too Sannie"
San smiled as he hung up the phone on his brother. It's been ages since he'd seen him and he was super stoked that he was coming back from Japan.
" so who what that San ? Or should I say "Sannie"?"San blushed just thinking of the possibly of Yunho being jealous. Maybe he does feel something for San? Regardless it felt good hearing the slight bitterness
"oh nothing just my brother checking up on me...now come back and cuddle me"even tho San knew that was the response he was gonna get...it didn't hurt to try right? All his hope and positive manifesting was starting to falter and San felt at a loss.
" .. i didn't even know you had a brother.... but anyway I have work ,so I gotta go"
" oh okay... bye yu-"Before San could even say goodbye Yunho was already gone. His eyes began to blur quickly. His cheeks dampen as the ache in his heart became overwhelming. With a sigh he stumbled to the bathroom trying his best to ignore the prickling pain in his body. He then took a shower and started getting ready for a day of errands.
As hours passed San was finally home and was beyond exhausted, but at the same time he was ecstatic. Seonghwa was supposed to be over any minute so San did his best to make the house comfortable to him. He cleaned the spare room, straighten up the living room and he was now in the kitchen cooking. Just as he got finished the doorbell rung.
" coming" Smiling he walked to the door making sure he wasn't a mess before opening it.
" ahh my little Sannie!"
" hey Hyung I missed you, I'm so shocked your here"
" well it's my baby brother that I haven't seen in forever....I really missed you "
" I did too... come in"As Seonghwa walked in with his bags, he was embraced with the delightful smell from the kitchen. Before San could say anything Seonghwa was already making his way to the kitchen. Together they ate and laughed till eventually to got tired and went to bed
Another few hours went by it was now 3 in the morning and the obnoxious buzz of Sans phone really disturbed his sleep. As he shuffled around he reached for the phone on the nightstand. He squinted as the bright light illuminated into the dark room . There in bold letters was the name he didn't want to see right this moment
Yunho...
San had so many questions and concerns. Was he hurt? Is he lost ?? What's going on with him. He answered the phone quickly only to be met with a low scratchy voice
" baby come to me..."
" Yunho I can't! My brother is her-
" That's not my name Sannie.."
"....daddy...I can't right now my brother is here..."
" at least phone sex me...I'm dying to hear you cum lots because of the thought of me"
For some reason with Yunho talking to San like this, San felt off. Usually he would fold and give in , but in this moment it felt wrong deep down. He hadn't even noticed that he's hung up the phone as he leaned back. Once again the ache started to burn and the tears brimmed down. Small sounds of grief escaped into the night until , San was once again asleep with a dried row of tears decorating his cheeks.
The next moment he was woken up by a soft hand caressing his cheek. Wiggling he opened his eyes to see his brother smiling at him and rubbing his hair.
" Sannie why were you crying...did you have a nightmare"San didn't want to share why he was crying so he nodded his head while sitting up. He accepted the sweet hug from his brother and followed him down to the kitchen, where they chatted and ate together. They got ready and decided to go shopping a few hours before San had to work.
Things were great, but the vibe switched quickly when everyone began flirting with Seonghwa. San was used to being the background to his family ,but with strangers was something different. It hurt to be ignored when your making an order at the restaurant, or having to pay twice as much for clothing because you weren't prettier. That vibe alone was a complete mood ruiner for San, but he refused to make his brother see it. Time went by and eventually it was time for them to go so San could get ready.
The drive home was very quiet. Beside the sweet melody from the radio. No one said a word and just embraced the light hum of the ac running. Seonghwa was driving at a steady pace as San laid back in the passenger seat with eye closed. Eventually the moving car came to a stop in front of the large apartment building. They grabbed everything and made their way up to San's apartment. A few of folding and sorting went by and now they finally finished. The time was just about the start of San's work shift, so he got ready and had Seonghwa drop him off.
Just as normal , San was embraced with the loud blaring beat from outside the club. It was like any normal day for San. The hot sticky dark atmosphere,the strong pungent aroma of various liquor, you name it. Mostly everyone is drunk/tipsy, with a few people in clusters sitting around outside either making out, dancing somewhere, drinking or just talking.
Can't forget the occasional drunk people that bumped into San begging for a free dance. It was the same thing everyday, but San couldn't complain. With the amount of money he'd earned, anyone would believe he's at a good spot in his life minus the stripping. But with all the money it didn't solve San's sullen heart. Just like any other normal day, San drowned himself into his performance. And just as he would end his performance he'd see the person that his heart yearns for.
" you look even more beautiful up there Sannie...a stellar performance as per usual.." of course at the complement, San felt his chest buff up in pride. It always felt good to be praised by someone you love...even if they are cold about it...all that matters is that he got his attention a bit
" t-thank you Yunho...."
" see I already paid to have you for the night so why don't we...go home"
" b-but.." San couldn't get a word out as he was staring into those disappointed eyes.
" you don't wanna disappoint me now do you? That would break my heart" Yunho said with a deep whisper
It's always hard for San to resist Yunho. With is deep alluring voice mixed with the innocent puppy eyes, San can never catch a break. As much as he wanted to ignore him and walk away he just kept getting pulled deeper. Before he could even object ,his body was already moving on it's own. Now here they are once again in a heated make out session outside Sans house.
Light pants against Sans neck made him feel light. The aggressive grip on his hips and waist sent him to heaven and just as things escalated, the door to the apartment opened.
" oh...gosh you two startled me" Seongwha said pressing his hand against his chest
" s-sorry hyung didn't mean to...t-this is Yunho...Yunho this is my brother Seonghwa"
" pleasure meeting you Yunho"
" as to you gorgeous"Revolted, disgusted everything in the book, you name it and San felt it . Yunho has never complimented San the way he just did with Seonghwa. This compliment meant something...unlike the ones San had received just to be brought into bed. Their interaction stirred something in San as he watched them walk into his apartment together. Hurt was an understatement and the night slowly turned bitter.
As days progress the relationship between Seonghwa and Yunho seemed to have sky rocketed. The hottest sex would happen just the night before, just for San to wake up and find his brother feeding Yunho chocolate pancakes or flirting hardcore. Seeing such love and care from someone he loved that wasn't targeted to him was killing San slowly. He'd began losing his appetite and developing eye bags. The bones were starting to peak out and his eating habits were resurfacing.
But of course...Yunho never cared. He stopped messing with San after a while, which only rubbed salt on the freshly open wounds. San couldn't help but to watch the love of his life turn his back on him.
It didn't matter that they were friends that became friends with benefits. Not a damn thing mattered to Yunho except the perfect angel Seonghwa. San couldn't be mad at his brother , but everytime he saw them talk or exchange the lightest touches...he felt like dying. Alone couldn't describe the feeling San felt. His family didn't care much for him compared to Seonghwa, no one made the attempt to ask if he was okay. Nothing was going well for San and seeing this was making him a ticking time bomb
San tried to fix the empty feelings he felt
. He picked up taking late night strolls when his inner thought demons would talk to him nightly. Peace and serenity filled his soul as the cool breeze brushed his skin. He almost felt at peace during these moments, but it wasn't enough as feelings of misery were strong.
Sometimes he felt urge to scream...sometimes cry ...most times he felt like he needed to die. This particular walked, he stayed out all night till the bright ball of yellow rose up, unleashing beautiful hues of reds and oranges. At that time San new Seonghwa would be awake by that time so he started walking back.
Each step felt like the edge was rising. Something felt off and San was scared to face it as he approached the tall complex building. As he was making his way inside, he noticed Yunhos car. A little burst of happiness filled San as he thought Yunho was there for him.
Absolutely wrong
Cause as he opened the doors to his apartment. The scene in front of him shattered him. The person he thought he would eventually have was no longer his...nor did that person care for him. San watched as they shared an intense kiss on the couch together. His brother...and his lover that he wished to have. Everything went silent minus the light ring that buzzed in Sans eyes. It felt like he got punched and was slowly losing it. What topped the cake off was when San heard those three distinct words
I Love you
San felt the ultimate lowest as ever inch of progress slowly started do dissipate. The walk to his room felt like a walk of shame. As he stood in his dark room it felt like the world was laughing. Like the walls were teasing him and making fun of him. His world was crumbling and all he can do is finish the distraction.
" Yunho...have you seen my brother? I didn't
See him this morning..."
" I'm sure he's just at the gym you know him...don't worry to much" Yunho nonchalantly said while continuing to swipe on his phone
" what do you mean don't worry?! That's my brother...your friend..." for some reason the nonchalant behavior Seonghwa was getting from Yunho was both unsettling and in a way agitating. 'Did he not care for San?' Shaking his head he cleared those thoughts away but regardless he still felt the odd feeling brewing inside him
" you know that's not what I meant okay...just calm down and we can go look for him"
" okay...I'll check his room he usually leaves his other phone so I should be able to track him"With one more kiss they get off the couch. Seonghwa heads off to Sans room and Yunho stayed downstairs. The quietness was interrupted with an earth trembling yell.
"OH MY GOD!"
Startled Yunho made his way to Seonghwas voice. Just as Yunho got there he saw a sobbing speechless Seonghwa....and just infront of him was the lifeless body of Choi San. Next to him was a letter wrapped up all beautifully. Seonghwa was too distraught to open the letter and Yunho was beyond stunned as he stared off.
" please..I need...I need the ambulance at.... 478 Orchid Lane.....there's been a death....there's been a.....s-suicide..."