"Ope," Lily whispers, her hand finding my shoulder as they begin to shake. I shake my head quickly, doing my best to push down the ache that's beginning to form in my chest, threatening to send me spiraling into an anxiety attack.
I slip the Sonic coupon from my finger, sliding it into the side pocket of my purse.
"Why do you have a paper ring? And why did it make you react that way?"
I know she means well. I know I should just open my mouth and tell her. And yet I can't.
It's one of the only things that was just between Chris and I. Our secret.
The memory of wearing it at breakfast with everyone, listening to Laura babble on about the engagement and wedding plans. But no one noticed except Chris. My stomach flutters at the memory as I feel one tear begin to fall from the corner of my eye.
Wiping at my eye quickly before turning to face her. "Let's go see what's in this box, okay?" I ask, my eyes pleading with her to let this moment go. I don't wait for a response and push open the car door.
I go straight to the front desk and mention my purpose for being there. After a quick look over their records and a glance at my identification, I'm led into an area with multiple locks all around the room. The attendant takes my key and unlocks lock box 1004, pulling a box straight from the wall.
I feel Lily put her hand on my shoulder again, an attempt to comfort me. But let's face it, I have zero idea what could be in this box.
Upon opening the box there are two envelopes. One simply has the word 'Will' typed out in large letters. The other envelope has Ope written in my Pop's cursive handwriting.
"I can take these with me?" I ask the male attendant. He assures me that I can since I'm on all of the paperwork. I turn on my heel and head back to Lily's car.
I slide in immediately, waiting for her to start the car and begin the drive back to Magnolia. Instead, once behind the wheel she cranks the car but turns to stare at me. "What?" I ask, beginning to feel a little flustered.
"Aren't you gonna open them?" she asks expectantly.
"With you? No. By myself? Yes."
She huffs a large sigh, mumbling some nonsense under her breath but I'm not in the mood to deal with her Liliness right now. I do manage to catch the words ridiculous and absurd. I roll my eyes and motion for her to get the car rolling.
"You need to get home and shower before your hubby gets home. You stink," I tease her, trying to change the topic in front of us. I'm thankful she takes the bait.
The few minute ride back to the Inn has me listening to her drone on about a new type of all natural deodorant that she's been trying. And by the time we're back I've been given a lesson on natural versus what I use and how harmful it is to my body.
I just nod along and let her continue talking, but I'm not really paying much attention.
Right as she pulls into a parking space I unbuckle and sling the door open. "Can you let me park?" she asks.
"Nope. You gotta go. Let me run and get the cake so you can get home and get all prettied for your anniversary dinner. Okay?" I don't wait for a response, suddenly thankful that I'm wearing flats today and not my heels as I almost trip trying to get back to the kitchen.
Cake delivered, Lily gone, I flop into my desk chair and just sit there for a moment. My eyes once again falling on the photo from a year ago. The girl in that photo was terrified to just give in and let a man get to know her. The girl in that photo longed to be loved, but was just too afraid of getting hurt again. The girl in that photo has felt enough pain in the last year to last a lifetime.
I don't want to be that girl in the photo anymore.
Reaching into my purse I fumble into the small inside pocket, immediately feeling the textured paper that holds a small circle through the middle. I hold it gently between my fingers, terrified of ripping it in some way.
Call me crazy, but I feel like if I can keep it whole, then maybe there's still a chance to fix the heart I've broken.
I set the paper ring in the corner of the frame that holds our photo. Again I go into my purse and pull out the two envelopes, one being much thicker than the other, and toss them on the desk in front of me.
"Alright, old man. Show me what ya got." I look back and forth between both envelopes, trying to decide where to start. I'm a little afraid to open his Will, scared to see that maybe I actually will have to face Phillip again.
Surely Pops wouldn't do that to me. Would he?
If life was still as blissful as it was just a couple of months ago I'd be on FaceTime with Chris right now as I rip into each letter. But, it's time to face the music by myself.
I grew up thinking I could only depend on myself, and while Chris and Pops taught me differently, I know that this right now is all on me.
I take a deep breath and exhale a couple of times, my fingers reaching for the envelope labeled 'Ope.'
My sweet girl,
As I'm writing this I can only imagine how upset you are with me. Things were much worse than I let on, but that was only because I wanted to watch your happiness for as long as God allowed me time on this earth.
And Ope, you did not disappoint me.
I felt like I was reliving moments with my Rosie each time I saw you with the Sergeant. The light you two brought to my heart is inexplainable. I wanted to fight each day for just another glimpse of that happiness the two of you have.
But, if you're reading this before the end of July, before the wedding took place, then I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I couldn't hold on long enough to officially pass you onto him. I truly wanted nothing more than to ceremoniously place your hand into his own and watch the two of you join your lives to become one.
If you're reading this after the wedding, then I'm thankful to know that I'm leaving you in the only hands that I ever felt was worthy of you. You and the Sergeant are a match made in heaven my sweet girl. I like to think that I hand picked him for you, Ope.
And yet, I'm reminded of exactly how far you've come and know that there is still a good chance that there hasn't been a wedding, and that there isn't one on the horizon either. The smallest part of me believes you have probably pushed the Sergeant away completely due to the insurmountable grief I'm sure you've been carrying on your own.
I have to stop reading for a moment, my eyes becoming too cloudy to continue. I lay back in my office chair, resting my head against the leather, and close my eyes. I let the tears fall silently before I begin exhaling short breaths through my lips.
If I ever questioned whether this man knew me inside and out, it certainly wouldn't be now. I've thought for a while now that he'd be so disappointed in me with my behavior, and yet here he is almost having expected it.
With a sniffle, I wipe away my tears with the backs of my hands, noticing the mascara running freely. I yank a tissue from the box on the edge of my desk, clean my face, and begin reading again.
My prayer has always been that you would see yourself the way I do. But, that prayer changed drastically back in October. When Christopher brought me that photo of the two of you, seeing him look at you in such a loving way, I knew my prayer needed to change. I began praying for your heart to be opened so wide, to not only see yourself the way he sees you, but so wide that you could hold every ounce of his love for you until it overflowed.
That boy loves you, Ope. And as hard as you're fighting against it, you love him too. When I gave him your Granny's ring, I knew he was the right one to place it over your finger. I wanted you to be enveloped by the same symbol that tied me to your Granny. I wanted it to tie you to your Sergeant because the two of you have a love like no other, sweet girl.
Let his arms be your safe space. Let him hold you through the pain and despair that I know you will feel. On the days when you feel the world caving in, stand side by side with him. Give him your heart completely, let him love you the way you deserve.
Yes, Opal. You read that correctly. You deserve that man's love. Give him your heart and let him love you.
You have been the sunshine of my life, Ope. From the first time I held you, oh how you changed my life. I did the best I could at protecting you. You've been strong willed your whole life so that wasn't an easy feat. I know things haven't been easy for you, but I am so proud of who you are in spite of all of it.
And contrary to how you may feel in this very moment as you read this, I'm still proud of you. Because if I know anything, I know that you will only better yourself and move forward.
Forever I will love you and never will that change.
Pops
With a groan I drop my head on top of my arms, hitting my desk with a thud. This time, it's not just tears but gut wrenching sobs escaping me. And I let myself feel them, each and every one of them.
I don't know how long I cry for, or how long I keep my head tucked in my arms but when I sit up my office is darker. I look over at the envelope labeled 'Will' and debate opening it now.
"Nope. Not today," I say aloud, grabbing the papers from my desk and dropping them into my purse.
*A/N- There are a couple of hidden things in this one. Who thinks they can find them?