Emily woke the next morning. Her head still heavy and with absolutely no recollection of how she got from the hotel to her room. She remembers a doctor being and some of the conversation. But not much else, her head felt as though it was filled with fog.
As she lifted her head up and slammed it back down onto her pillow, her pillow yelped.
"Oh God, fucking hell! Jin? How did I get here? How did you get here? Oh god I feel like someone has vacuumed all of my energy out of me. My arms feel like lead. My eyes hurt"
"Would you let me help you take a bath, and then we can sit down in the lounge. I think we all need to talk? Hmm?"
"Will there be food?" Emily asked seriously.
"Yes, there will be food!" Sometimes he honestly thought Emily would trade them all in for food.
"Ok, why do you need to help me take a bath again?" Emily deadpanned
"Doctors orders, now are you taking your pyjamas off or am I?" He smiled looking her up and down.
———
Emily was sat on the sofa in clean pyjamas and her robe. Jin had washed her hair, her body and her face. He had helped her brush her teeth. He refused to get in the bath with her. Even towel drying every inch of her. Emily was embarrassed, she hadn't shaved her legs in weeks and decided to wait a few weeks until she was feeling better and get a wax instead of struggling or asking one of the boys.
Emily was just starting to fall asleep again as she was hoisted up and sat on someone's lap. Jimin.
"I've missed you" he whispered in her ear as her head rolled back onto his shoulder, her eyes closed.
"...and she's asleep again, we managed, an hour?" Laughed Jin sighing with a smile, looking at his watch.
———
"Emily, baby? Foods here"
"Food? Where's food?" Emily snuffled into Jimin's neck where she had been sleeping for the last hour.
"Emily it's right here. We got your favourite" Taehyung sang.
"Is it McDonald's? If not, I'm not moving an inch"
"McDonald's, and a milkshake from your favourite shop to take your vitamins with"
As Emily turned around seven smiling faces greeted her, she felt like a shy child and needed a pair of legs to hide behind.
"Baby, you're going to have to get up, I need the bathroom" Jimin pouted, pleading with her to move.
Before Emily could stand up, she was picked up and sat in someone else's lap, Hobi. She frowned at him, but didn't move.
"Babygirl we will talk about things later, but you sit right there and eat your breakfast. Ok?" His dominating tone made Emily sit still and begin eating. She hated that he had that effect on her, but loved it all the same. The food made her feel sick, so she managed less than half before putting it on the coffee table.
———
Yoongi calmly explained what the doctor has said and the advice he had given. Whilst Emily was rather attached to Sora, she did understand the doctors reasoning for suggesting the change, and she was still
angry that her medication could be changed so easily.
"So you have four weeks of us looking after you" Jimin said enthusiastically, Emily's face dropped.
"But what about when Mattie visits? What am I going to do then?"
"Emily. We need to speak to you about Mattie's visit" Namjoon began looking down at the floor.
"Why what's wrong? Is she ok? Is the baby ok? Why do you look so serious?" Emily began to panic.
"They're both fine. Her blood pressure is a little high, and her doctor has advised for her not to fly until she has the baby. So she has had to cancel her visit, until it's the three of them"
"Oh" Emily put down her food and tried to wriggle out of Hoseok's iron grasp.
"Babygirl sit still"
"No! I need the bathroom!"
"Ok, but one of us needs to come with you"
"No, you don't. None of you need to watch or hear or smell me take a shit, now kindly stay here" she gritted out.
No one moved, except Emily who sat on the closed toilet seat sobbing silently into a towel with the tap running.
"She's crying isn't she?" Jungkook asked with a sigh, the others just sadly nodded.
After fifteen minutes Emily still hadn't come out of the bathroom.
"Ems? Emily? Can I come in?" Jin lightly knocked on the door, as he pressed the handle down, the door opened to reveal a sleeping Emily, leaned against the wall, her eyes puffy and red with still fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.
Jin picked her up. This was going to be a tough few weeks, what with their schedules and her inability to stay awake for even an hour.
After sliding her into bed and pulling the covers over her. He walked back through and sat down with the others.
"She cried herself to sleep. Did the doctor say how long this would last? Once she had the shot I mean?"
"A few weeks, as she needs a second shot to keep the levels up, and then continue with them until she's eating enough to maintain them?" Yoongi nodded thoughtfully.
——
For the next week, Emily felt like a baby. All she did was sleep, eat and be cuddled. She was frustrated with everything. Herself, mainly.
The doctor called to check on her progress and while he was satisfied she was heading in the right direction, he made sure to push that she needed to be eating three nutritious meals and two snacks each day.
The boys hadn't had the chance to talk to her about her brother, nor any other subject. She hadn't brought it up either. They just concentrated on making her feel better, and her eating.
By the time it was almost due for Emily's next iron shot, she had begun to be able to stay awake for a bit longer and looked a little less pale. Her heart rate had gradually returned to normal. Although if she sat still for too long she would fall asleep, especially in the bath.
The boys were worried both for Emily and the current state of their relationship. They didn't feel like her soulmates, her partners or her lovers. They were almost her carers.
They hadn't been intimate in some time, and she barely touched them at all, other than cuddling them when she was tired and that was only a select few of them. When they helped her take a bath or shower, she cowered away from them, hiding herself. Barely even meeting their eyes. She covered herself in the bath and she always wore long pyjamas that hung off her tiny frame.
——
Emily couldn't have felt more alone. Her soulmates didn't trust her word, she felt as though they mistrusted anything she said. She felt like a baby to them that needed looking after and was a burden on them. She was messing up their schedules, their work and their lives.
Mattie couldn't visit, which Emily understood, but it didn't stop her being disappointed. It only seemed to add to her loneliness.
She felt disgusting, she had lost so much weight her skin sagged, her bones jutted at new angles. None of her clothes fit properly, Laying down was painful, she couldn't get comfortable for her bones digging in to her. Looking in the mirror she didn't recognise herself. Her eyes sunken, her skin grey, this wasn't her, this wasn't how she wanted to be.
She hadn't shaved in weeks and had no energy to, every time the boys bathed her she felt the bile in her rise at the thought of them touching her, looking at her, seeing her body. she'd always been so strong, but now she felt like she was broken more broken than ever before. She retreated into her own head, constantly worrying and thinking about how she had got to this point. She felt like a weight to them, boys who had fought so hard for their careers, who were worldwide mega stars, reduced to bathing their ugly soulmate.
——
Emily and the boys had chosen a new therapist, she was her psychiatrist from the hospital a Canadian/Korean lady, Grace, who specialised in schizophrenia and did some private therapy alongside her job at the hospital.
Her second shot had gone well, and she felt a little more human. She was taking her medication and her vitamins religiously.
But Emily still felt absolutely no desire to touch or be touched.
She decided to call Mattie
"Hello?"
"Hello! Its me! Are you ok? How are you feeling"
"We're good! I'm so sorry I couldn't come and visit. I was so looking forward to it. My doctor just wouldn't budge and sign the stupid form"
"Honestly it's fine, I really wouldn't have been much company anyway. Honestly, I'm just glad I'm feeling better"
"Yeah, the boys called me. I'm glad they found your stalker though. So how are the boys? You sound sad"
"Yeah. I'm glad too, I need to ask them about that actually, I completely forgot. They're ok, I suppose"
"But?"
"But. Oh Mattie I don't know. I feel disgusting, none of my clothes fit again, and I have absolutely no boobs, just saggy skin flapping around. I haven't even shaved my legs for over a month. I'm one step away from being a yeti in a nun's habit. They couldn't possibly want to love me. I'm scared they're going to find someone better, or just be disappointed they're stuck with me. Honestly, I'm in such a rut, I don't even know how to drag myself out of it"
"Jesus Ems, have you talked to them about it?"
"No, I can't bring myself to see more pity in their eyes. Honestly, I feel like they're my carers"
"But not telling them, they have no idea what's wrong, they probably think you're still mad at them about the stalker and stuff"
"Well, I mean I am. We've barely even spoken about anything. They're just, bathing me and feeding me. Acting like everything's normal"
"They're not mind readers Ems, they sound like they're trying their best. Why not book yourself some pampering, order yourself some new clothes and underwear, change your sheets and get a little sexy. Sometimes it's the best way to get back on the horse and for the love of god woman, talk to them. Even if it's just one of them"
"Yeah, maybe. So tell me more about squishy"
"Ahh we saw them on the screen at the scan, I can't believe there's a baby in there, like inside me, wiggling around. I can't wait to feel them kick. It shouldn't be too long hopefully"
"Aww I wish I could feel it! You'll have to send me plenty of videos and pictures!"
"I will! I promise! But Emily promise me you'll take care of yourself and just talk to them. Be honest"
"I promise, I love you"
"I love you too"
"Bye Mattie"
"Bye Ems"