Jimin
Present
The days came and went like clockwork. We spent the rest of our stay, going skiing and trying out snowboarding then going back at the cabin to make something to eat. We'd sit in the living room right next to the fireplace, playing drinking games until we passed out. Nox refrained from getting too fucked up because she didn't want to end up vomiting in our bathroom like last time.
Life was fucking amazing. We woke up at noon unless we had a plan to go out skiing, and while Namjoon and Cassie took off early in the morning to venture out in town to go to museums and with Dylan and Yoongi asleep, the place was pretty much our little kingdom. We fucked on every piece of furniture in that cabin; I swear we left no surface untouched. We even fucked on the carpet until burns would appear all over Nox's back and mine as she rode me to fucking oblivion. Then we cuddled, slept then fucked some more.
I didn't want this vacation to ever come to an end. I wanted to stay like this for a little while longer. But our time was running up and none of us can obviously afford to stay here another day, much less another week so we packed our shit and went back home. Besides, we'd spent Christmas here, so it was good that we'd spend New Year's back at Sunleth.
I don't think I've ever seen her smile so brightly when we were back home. Seeing her smile somehow felt like I had accomplished everything that I ever wanted. It cleared my mind from all the dark thoughts clouding it and ripped away every bad thing in the world.
There were also times when she'd sit alone in the room with her feet curled up and her head leaned against the window. Nox would just sit there for minutes sometimes an hour, peering at the hundred-acre woods spread in the horizon; she wouldn't even notice I'm next to her until I pat her shoulder.
Twin jades would look into my eyes confused and then the corners of her lips would tilt up in a smile as I asked her if everything is okay. Her mouth was completely capable of mimicking the act of a smile, but her eyes lacked warmth. They traveled someplace far away; a place I couldn't reach. A foreign place where she didn't let me explore and venture out with her.
That stirred some worry in me.
What made me even more concerned is the fact that she didn't admit it. I don't want to push past her boundaries if she doesn't give me the green light to enter uncharted territory. Thinking back when I was having trouble with Evelyn, Nox would always manage to crack open my shell; she'd find a way to make me talk to her even when I wasn't in the mood, so perhaps using her own tactics against her might work.
"Yo, Earth to Wherever the Hell You're Lost Sev." Yoongi's voice suddenly warps me out of my trail of thought, and I turn to him.
For some unknown reason, Yoongi wanted to go apartment hunting a week before fucking New Years, just to mark down a few places. I tried to convince him to go after New Year's or at least after the semester's over and when spring break arrives, but no; Yoongi has to be Yoongi and choose to go fulfill his duties at the worst time of the day. We've been out all goddamn day and I feel like my knees are going to snap in half. If Nox were here with us, she'd shit on me for being so weak.
"I don't like this place." He snorts as soon as the landlord walks into the other room to give us privacy.
"Why? It has a nice view." I say, pulling the curtain. This apartment is really small. A one-bedroom apartment where the living room and the kitchen are in the same space. The powder room is right next to the front door and from the looks of it, the doorknob has fallen off. At this point, I just want him to sign the goddamn lease for shithole so that I can go back home to Nox.
But Yoongi sighs with crossed arms while examining every inch of the room. "No, the bathroom is tragic." He hisses under his breath. "Crist, I hate being poor."
"You'd make it your own personal ashtray when you move in." I mumble.
We make our way to what seems to be the smallest bedroom in existence until we get into the bathroom which somehow is even tinier than the bedroom. It has a walk-in shower, a marble faucet and I assume the mirror is a cabinet, because there are no other drawers in this ugly bathroom.
"It doesn't even have a fuckin bathtub." He whisper-screams. "The mirror has stains that look like someone busted a nut on it and I have a feeling, I'll fucking slip and break a hip in here. You can't even bring girls in here with the fucking slipping hazard."
"Beggars can't be choosers Yoongs."
"You bet your ass they can be choosers when they haven't signed the lease yet." Yoongi snaps.
I stretch my arms and walk out the claustrophobic bathroom. "Let's go grab something to eat. I'm hungry."
"I need a place to stay. I'll be homeless next year."
"Well then worry about it when you're living in a cardboard. I want to fucking eat now." I fire. "Why don't you go to a frat house? Namjoon will gladly take you in."
"And stay with a bunch of losers sharing the same bathroom? I think the fuck not."
"I think you should cut off weed." I tell him.
"I think you should cut off your tongue." He throws and I roll my eyes annoyed.
"Addictions are expensive. You sure you want to stay homeless for the sake of smoking a fucking blunt in a bathtub?"
Yoongi laughs huskily and drops his head back. He pulls down his bucket hat, concealing his eyes completely when he says, "Can't give up on that feeling Seven. I don't want to ever forget it."
"Forget what? What it's like to know what day it is?"
He punches my arm lightly. "No, you dipshit. You know what forget it."
"What?" I press. "Sorry, I won't say shit this time."
The landlord comes in and asks us if we're interested in this apartment and I respond by telling her that Yoongi needs to sleep on it, before signing anything and with that we leave the apartment.
"You know, I don't talk much about it. But since we're best friends I guess you should know." Yoongi starts once we're going down the stairs, since they're fixing the elevator in this place. "Not many people know about it, other than Nox and maybe Jungkook. It's not that I'm ashamed of it, but I don't really talk about it with other people."
"Okay..."
"I used to be homeless." Yoongi finally says. "When I was in high school, I left my parents house a year after Han's death."
"Why?" I ask.
"Didn't like the way they talked about him." He replies. "About him and Hayden."
"Who's Hay-" I try to ask him, but he cuts me.
"It was the only time I felt at peace and the only way to make some dough is by getting involved in stuff." He murmurs. "I lived in my brother's Jeep for a couple of months. Then my YouTube started to take off and I made some bank there, so I moved into a shithole apartment with rats and cockroaches and then moved to where we're currently staying."
"Damn, Yoongi that must have been tough." I say. "You hate cockroaches."
"I fuckin hate cockroaches." He laughs. "But from the looks of it they'll be my new roommates. Enough about my fuckin sob story. What's new with you and Nox?"
"Yoongs, you literally see us every day."
"Except when you're doing some really fun stuff." He says with a shit-eating grin. "Like damn, when we returned from Tamarack, I ate some of Cassie's brownies and I think I got high because when I was knocking on your door all I could hear was grunts and moans."
"That was you knocking?" I pipe. "You should have gotten the fucking hint."
"Yeah, thing is I didn't know whether the sounds I heard were real or in my head." Yoongi says nonchalantly. "But from the sounds of it, you must be good at what you're doing. It's bad enough I can't sleep at night, but hearing Nox doesn't really help."
I laugh when he completes his sentence and put my hands in my pockets as we descend the stairs when a woman walks up, panting as she ties her red hair up in a messy bun. When she tilts her head up, her eyes widen as she sees us, and Yoongi and I stare at her aghast.
Out of all the fucking apartments in the fucking area.
Out of all the times Yoongi could have gone apartment hunting.
Out of all the people I could have encountered, why her?
"This isn't awkward at all." Yoongi says swiftly and with a whistle he stalks past Evelyn and I follow him without sparing her a glance.
Fortunately, she doesn't say anything and goes on with her business. As far as my recollection goes, she was also planning on moving out from her apartment because she can't afford it without a roommate to contribute for expenses.
When we finally reach the ground floor, Yoongi and I pace outside the building, and take a sharp intake of breath.
"You handled it like a champ Seven. No gawk, no talk just walk."
Tell me about it.
On our way back, Yoongi and I grab some Mac Donald's from the drive thru.
"So, did you tell Nox about the internship in Seattle?" Yoongi inquires while munching on a mouthful of fries.
"Nope. Not yet." I sigh.
I had received an email a few weeks ago, from a company in Seattle saying that they would love to have me work under them as a journalism intern. Meaning that I would finally be a member of a communications team where I would get the chance to polish my writing and photography skills while simultaneously gaining insight on everything that happens at the communications agency.
That way I would be given the chance to showcase my abilities and theoretical knowledge in exchange for college credits and perhaps a limited income, but I could support myself with my freelancing business. If things got rough I know I'd have to get a part time job, but that's not my concern now.
"Well what the fuck are you waiting for?" Yoongi questions. "It's been two weeks."
The thing is I really don't know what I'm waiting for. I guess I don't know how to bring it up to Nox. The internship lasts three to four months and while I think it's an amazing opportunity, I don't think I can bear not seeing her for so long. The deadline for my response is until New Years.
In other words, in a week.
"Do you even want to go to Seattle?" Yoongi asks me.
"I always wanted to venture out to another state, but now I'm not so sure." I murmur.
"Is it because of Nox?" Yoongi takes my silence as an answer when he continues, "Look man, I know you love her and shit but she'd want you to go there if it makes you happy."
"I'm happy with her." I grin.
"Shut up. You can't just throw away your goals and aspirations for her." He presses. "It wouldn't make her any happier if you stayed here knowing that you're missing out on something amazing."
"What the hell do you know man? She might prefer having me stay here."
Yoongi laughs then takes a sip from his Coke. "Nox isn't Evelyn. You better think about this shit carefully." He grabs one chicken nugget and dips it in sour cream before swallowing it whole. "You don't wanna miss another great thing Seven. We'll fucking miss you while you're gone, but we won't die without you either."
I chuckle at the way he put it. "Thanks bro."
"Besides if Nox is feeling lonely, I'll keep her company."
I narrow my eyes on him. "That better not have a double meaning." I punch his arm then finish off the last of our nuggets and fries before going back. Yoongi heads up to his place while I swing by Nox's to drop some stuff I got her.
Axel is sitting on the couch playing 'Call of Duty' and murmurs a 'hello' as I walk past him. My body covers the screen for a moment and his waist tilts thirty degrees so that he doesn't miss a second of the game. But now that I think of it, I don't think I've ever had any quality time with Axel. I mean, I'm dating his sister so it wouldn't hurt to get along with him, right?
Whenever he sees me, he's acting all cool and stuff, I don't even know if the dude likes that I'm with Nox; why do I even care? I'm dating Nox, not her entire family tree.
For some inexplicable reason, I want the kid to approve of me.
"Is that Mac I'm smelling?" He suddenly says.
"Yeah, I brought some burgers for you and Nox if you want."
Axel pauses the game and looks straight into my eyes. "Is there Sprite in there?"
"Yeah, but there's no ice."
He jumps off the sofa and practically sprints into the kitchen with a giddy smile. He grabs one of the cheeseburgers and his bite is so big, that a crescent moon of a cheeseburger is left. I try to contain my laugh and move to the side to give the kid some space to eat when he turns to me and holds up a wrapped burger.
"Want one?"
"No, it's for you guys." I say. "So, is Nox still with a client?"
"Yeah, she'll be done soon." Axel replies with a mouth full of Mac Donald's Deluxe fries, before proceeding to hold up the bag of goods I brought them.
"Don't tell Nox you got this for her, or she'll kill me."
"It's cool man, knock yourself out."
"You guys had fun in Idaho?" He asks me and I look at him surprised that he's initiating a conversation. Usually, he's a quiet kid.
"Yeah, honestly it was one of the best times in my life."
"You skied at all?"
I smile remembering how I was giving Nox skiing lessons and how she was whining that I should leave her and take off with the others, but instead I showed her how to use a chairlift and then we went sky lining together.
"I certainly did." I laugh. "Nox on the other hand was trying really hard. She was doing the splits because the snow was too slippery for her, and I took countless videos."
His eyes widen. "Can I see?"
"Of course." I take my phone out and show him a series of pictures and videos we took, including the pictures, Yoongi took with his camera. A smile plays on Axel's face as he looks through all the funny adventures we had in Idaho. He laughs uncontrollably when he sees a video of Nox's legs splitting as she descends the snowy hill and then he loses it when he sees a prank Nox and I pulled on Yoongi while he was high.
He was wearing headphones and was doing a livestream while being high and Nox enters the room wearing a clown mask. When she opened the door, I slid past her and settled right behind Yoongi's chair when someone in the comments points out that someone's standing behind Yoongi.
"Nah, I ain't falling for that shit." Yoongi's voice says in the video. "I'm high not delulu." He reads a few more comments when he sighs, smoke coming out from his mouth when he turns around and sees Nox. Axel and Yoongi are laughing in sync and Yoongi murmurs "Get out of my room Pennywise. You're stealing my show."
But then he turns around to face me in my hairy 'Bigfoot' mask and he lets out the loudest shriek humanity has ever heard.
"Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck!" He chortles and his chair flips over when he pushes back abruptly. "Hey someone just donated me two hundred and fifty dollars! Thank you hideawayinmybussy69! You're paying my hospital bills baby!"
The video ends there and Axel bursts out in a fit of laughter. "Damn, you guys had a good fucking time."
"Next time you should come with us." I tell him and he gives me a soft look, as if he didn't expect me to say such a thing.
"Hey, what are you guys laughing about?" Nox suddenly inquires and I spin around to see her with one of her clients. "Thank you so much Felicia." She says to her as she hands her the money.
"I should be the one thanking you dear." She tells her. "Have a good evening now."
Nox counts the money really quick, and she frowns. "This is more than what I-"
"A tip for the New Year hun. Make sure you spend it with your boyfriend."
"Wow you didn't have to. Thank you so much." Nox says to her cheerfully then shuts the door behind her when the woman leaves.
"You got a New Years tip?" Axel pipes. "How much?"
"I estimate it's about...none of your damn business."
"Aw, come on Noxie. How am I supposed to take Nev out with this financial abuse?"
"Financial abuse?" Nox arches a brow as she puts the bills in her ass pocket. "I pay rent dumbass."
"And you didn't take me with you to Idaho." He adds more salt to her wounds, before coming by my side to pat my shoulder. "At least my man Jimin here cared to offer."
"Axe..."
"He said I can go with you guys to Dubai next year."
This kid has a vivid imagination if he thinks I can afford that trip.
"Keep dreaming kid." Nox murmurs.
"C'mon tell her Jimin." Axel says.
Nox narrows her eyes on her brother.
"Don't drag my poor boyfriend into this."
He pokes his tongue out to mock her. "Bros before hoes."
"I'm your sister you shit-head!" She screeches. "And besides, Jimin is always on my side no matter what. Isn't that, right?"
It takes me a few seconds to answer, but when I open my mouth Nox is glaring daggers at me. "Why did it take you so long to answer?"
"Sorry baby, I'm always on your side." I cackle.
"After she forced your cooperation out of you." Axel huffs.
Nox grabs her brother from his hood and shoves a fifty in his pocket. "Don't spend it all at once."
"Thank you, my wonderful sister-" He beams then tries to give her a hug and she lets him hang his arms around her, while she pats his shoulder with a sour face. "Get out of here now."
"Rude." He snorts.
Nox grabs my arm and leads me to her bedroom where she shuts the door. Her lips crash against mine and she runs her fingers through my hair. She smells like essential oils and cream, and she tastes so sweet. I pull the elastic out of her hair, and she groans when it pulls out some hair along the way.
She pushes me on her bed and climbs on top of me while undoing my jeans. Her lips taste like heaven on mine, and I keep wanting more. Once you get a taste it gets harder and harder to resist.
Her lips graze my neck, and she plants kisses on my skin as my hands skate up her thighs until they reach her ass cheeks. I dig my fingers in and she begins taking off her jeans and shirt, leaving herself in just a dark gray bra and matching panties.
I love how she's grown so comfortable around me that she simply takes what she wants in one swift movement. She's certain and confident and she's driving me insane when she skins me with her tongue, setting my bones on fire. Her lips wrap around my earlobe and sucks on it.
She then spits in her hand before diving into my boxers, palming my already hard dick.
"Why did you hesitate to answer?" Nox asks in a breathy tone.
"What?"
"You heard me." She mewls. "Why. Did. You. Hesitate."
Her hand begins to slowly stroke my cock and I groan at the delicious sensation of her soft skin on mine, her lips on mine, her smell, the sound of her heart beating so hard against her chest.
"I didn't mean to." I grunt and that's when I can feel her teeth sink into my neck. A sharp pain shoots through my skin, it's intense but not hard enough to break the skin and a sick part of me seems to enjoy it more than dreading it.
"So, are you on my side or not?" She questions. "Always."
Something tells me I should be careful with my answer, but I think I want to drag this for a while, just to earn a reaction out of her. So, I just grin at her and let her hands roam my body as she waits for a reply.
"What if I'm not always on your side?" I taunt.
She arches a brow and sucks in a breath. Her chest is heaving up and down in anticipation and she strokes my dick long and hard then pulls my jeans down with her free hand.
"You don't want to risk that darling." She says, a menacing smile covering her pink mouth.
"And why is that?"
I lean up to kiss her lips, but she sighs then helps to take off my hoodie when she puts a hand on my chest and pushes me on the bed.
"Because if you do, I'll edge you until you can't move." She says as-a-matter-of-factly and offers me a saccharine smile. Nox pulls down my boxers and her tongue licks my cock in one flat, slow motion until from base to tip, sucking on the pre-cum that leaks from the top.
Her mouth works magic on my cock as she sucks and with every reaction that she makes, it earns a groan out of me. She breathes in from her nose and hums a little when I drop my head back, her hands taking my balls, caressing them until my skin turns scorching hot.
Trading her mouth with her hand, she strokes me nicely while her mouth roams my abdomen and she spreads kisses all over the place, licking and sucking on my skin as if it's the best thing she's ever tasted. Her tongue grazes my nipple, and she sucks on it before going to the other one when her teeth suddenly graze my collarbone.
"Fuck, Nox" I grunt, and thrust my hips into her hand. One more fucking bite and I'm done for.
Nox climbs on top of me and straddles me, her hand finally abandoning my cock, stealing away every good fucking thing in the world with that naughty fucking grin of hers.
"You want me, don't you?" She presses her covered pussy on my dick and good God, I can feel her wetness from outside the boundaries of her damn panties. It doesn't go in because of the fucking fabric, but she's soaking wet and all I want to do is bury myself in her.
I try to pull down her panties when she pins my hands down. "Nope, I'm afraid it doesn't work that way baby." She takes off her bra then guides my hands up her stomach until I cup her tits.
A long breath leaves her lips as I toy with her nipples. Her eyes are screwed shut and her mouth is dangling open, it makes me want to fill it up with my fingers or my cock.
"God, I want to fuck you."
"Thought you didn't believe in God." Nox rasps then leads my hand down to her panties while the other one paws her breast.
"You don't believe in God either."
I can feel her wetness soak through the fabric; it has changed color from how fucking wet she is, the inside of her thighs is glistening. Once my hand under her panties, I enter a finger inside her.
"Does that mean I'm your God?" She makes out.
Her eyes finally open, revealing jade jewels underneath and I find myself at a loss of words.
I rub on her clit and enter another finger in her, curling them in her pussy until I hit that sweet spot that makes her back arch and her toes curl. Seeing that she's too overwhelmed to keep me down, I get up and kiss a trail up her belly, feeling how hot and responsive her body is as she works to get the pleasure she seeks.
I take a nipple in my mouth and dig my teeth in, causing her to moan out in bliss. I kiss between her breasts and then plant pecks all over her throat, stealing all her thoughts and words from her mouth and replacing them with all the things I make her feel.
"That would make you feel powerful, wouldn't it?" I say against her skin, and she nods. "You want to be my God. All I believe in?"
"I want you on my side," she breathes, "always."
"Baby, you should already know I'm always with you." I kiss her shoulder. "Always on your side." My lips trail up to her cheek. "Always yours." Now they go to her nose. "Just how I know you're always with me."
She kisses me gently and her lips feel like feathers brushing against mine.
"I love you." She whispers. "So much, it scares me."
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear then buck my hips so that she's sitting comfortably on my lap.
"Why?"
"Because I feel safe with you."
I look at her bewildered and she giggles. "O..kay?"
"You're my little sanctuary and I don't want to lose that. Ever." She clarifies, her voice turning husky. "You're very precious to me."
"I'll keep you safe baby. Remember what I promised you?" I tell her. "Nothing's gonna hurt you. Not when I'm around."
"I love you. And you're taking us to Dubai next time?"
"I think my kidney will cover it."
She laughs heartily and it makes me soft seeing her blush like that. "Thank you."
"Wait, you don't actually expect me to sell a body part, right?"
"No, I don't dork." Nox pulls me into a passionate kiss, and she lays me back on the bed. "I just wanna be with you. I want all of you."
"You've got me baby." I smile against her lips.
She then turns around, her back facing me before leaning down to take my cock in her mouth. I can see her wet core on full display with this angle and I start dragging down her panties, slowly letting my fingers linger on the outline of her thighs, writing my name all over her skin so that it's all she knows. She sucks my cock like a popsicle, her tongue tracing cursive letters all over my erection from base all the way to the top, sometimes alternating with her hands, driving me completely fucking insane.
Once her panties are off, I spread her open and she gasps when I enter a finger in her. I slowly get her ready, her juices flowing down my hand until they drip down on my chest and the more I please her, the harder she sucks on my cock. Her hands are stroking me as she sucks on the tip, and I lick a stripe across her ass.
She jerks her hips back to get a better angle on my fingers. Muffled moans leave her mouth as she milks my cock. I'm in a frenzy, my mind isn't really my own right now and I blame it on her. The beautiful goddess sucking on my dick.
My teeth dig into her ass cheek and the suction gets harder around me. Her mouth is tight and hot; I could just come in her mouth from that one time.
"Jimin, please" she pants.
"What's wrong baby?" I ask, dragging my fingers out then harshly dive back into her pussy.
"I need you."
"What do you need?"
I pinch her clit between my fingers, and she wails, grabbing onto my hips for dear life.
Her flesh is raw like dough, and I like that I can manhandle it all I want until she breaks for me.
"I need your m-mouth," she breathes "on me."
"Show me how much you need my mouth on your pussy baby."
She wastes no time to lick her fingers before stroking my cock, her lips wrapping around the head, sucking on it like her life depends on it.
"You look so sexy right now, your mouth wet and that sweet little pussy dripping wet for me." I taunt, entering another finger in her core, feeling her folds wrap around me and her warm, hot tight pussy expand around my fingers.
I take them out and she hisses as I lick them clean, tasting her sweetness.
"God, you're sweeter than sugar." I groan and she tilts her head a little.
"I love it when you say my name," she moans. "But your God wants her pussy eaten."
"Oh, baby I'll devour you." I promise her.
And that won't be very godlike.
With that I surrender to my desire. I surrender to her, and she surrenders to me. She's my Goddess and I'm her God. She shows me I'm hers through wordless actions.
I lick a stripe across her pussy from front until I reach her ass and she sucks in a breath, the bones of her ribcage protruding from under her skin and beads of sweat drip from her beautiful body. I lick, suck, kiss her engorged clit and I can feel her mouth go deeper on me until her throat tightens around my shaft.
Right now, we're one.
We're worshipping each other.
And nothing else matters, but us.
Her wetness drips all over my mouth and I grin against her clit at how sensitive she is. I can feel she's getting close from how sloppily she's sucking on my dick while moans and incoherent sentences fall out from those sinful lips of hers. I'm close to reaching my peak as well.
I trade my mouth with my fingers. Her nails dig into my thighs, and I hold her still while my tongue explores the spots that cause her immense pleasure. Her body begins to spasm when my teeth graze her clit, and her moan sends vibrations all over my dick. The feeling is mind-fucking-blowing. It comes and goes in waves until all I'm left with is bliss.
My body is tethered to hers.
Hers is tethered to mine.
She pushes, I pull.
I give and she takes.
We bask in everything we give to each other.
Until we both fall apart.
***
Nox walks back into her room with a bottle of wine and two glasses. She's wearing nothing but a black and white stripped T-shirt and indigo panties she grabbed from her dresser a few minutes ago. Her long blonde hair is now tied in a messy bun while some strands frame her delicate face.
She puts down the glasses on her nightstand and unscrews the cork with the wine opener sitting on her nightstand. This is the third bottle I've seen her opening this week. It makes me wonder how many other bottles she's gone through while I wasn't around.
She pours some white wine in them before handing me one. I watch her take a large sip, then lean her head against the headboard, slightly tilted away from my gaze as if she's running away from it.
Whatever remnants of day that invade our space fall on her eyes, lighting her jades on fire, painting her pink lips and pale skin with warmth. She breathes in and out heavily. Her chest is strained, slowly moving up and down. One hand is resting on her stomach, the other hanging from her knee with the wine glass in hand.
For the first time, the quiet between us is bothering me because it's not just quiet, it's silence. It's a long unbearable silence like the kind of silence that falls when your lungs are clogged or when your head is pounding the whole day and you can't bring yourself to say it out loud because it won't fix anything.
The silence between us reaches her eyes, drowning me out completely and when she acts like that, I simply don't know how to reach her. It has been like that ever since we left Idaho. Usually after sex, she would talk to me about random things like how she'd kill to eat a taco or tteokbokki, or she'd bring up a small book she'd read the other day in one sitting. She would look at me in the eye and talk and talk until all there's left to do is simply listen because there's nothing more fascinating than get completely and utterly immersed in all that she shares with me.
I love talking to her as much as listening to her, only now none of that is happening.
One minute she's happy and the other she's lost in a place that's far from my reach.
"Where are you?" I mutter to myself and to my surprise she turns toward me, taking another long sip from her glass.
"What?" Her voice is faint, almost nonexistent.
"Is there something wrong Nox?"
She smiles. It's wooden, carved on her face. It's ugly and it doesn't suit her. Nox reaches out for the wine bottle with shaky hands, and I try to stop her.
"Why would you ask that?"
I take her hand in mine and start rubbing circles on her skin as I gesture with my gaze at the bottle in her grip. "This is the third bottle I've seen you open this week. One when we were hanging out at Yoongi's Monday night. Another one last night." I say worriedly. "It's only Thursday Nox."
"I'm fine."
"You don't look it." I say sternly then take the glass out of her grip and put it away on the nightstand next to her, along with my own and the wine bottle before returning to her face. I tip her chin up and she averts her gaze once again, avoiding looking at me in the eye.
Her face is puffy, her mouth dry and they would be peeling if it weren't for the pink Chapstick coating her lips. A few pimples have surfaced right where her freckles dot her red cheeks. Her skin is glowing and she's looking flushed as if she's been standing in the sun for a while.
"Do you drink when I'm not around?" I ask her.
"Sometimes." She rasps, still not looking at me in the eye.
I take a deep breath. "How much did you actually drink this week?"
"Jimin, what has gotten into you?" Nox groans and pulls away from me. The pitch in her voice rises and I can tell that she's getting defensive. "Of course, I drink when I'm alone. It relaxes me after a long day."
"I'm worried for you." I say as she wiggles away from me and gets off the bed. "You've been acting weird ever since we were in Idaho."
Nox laughs hysterically and somehow her sound feels like it's out of tune with her real laugh. "What are you saying Jimin?"
"At first, I thought you were just letting loose, so I didn't pay any mind to your drinking, but then you brought those habits back here." I continue. "This is the third bottle," I repeat "I've seen you open in front of me this week and it makes me wonder how many bottles you've emptied up when no one's watching."
"You're worrying about nothing. I'm fine." Nox says sternly then stands up abruptly and grabs the glass taking another sip.
She takes a deep breath from her nose as she swallows then puts the glass down when she notices me staring at her concerned. She turns around and walks outside her room and I follow her after quickly putting on my hoodie and my jeans.
"I think you need to leave." There's something about the way she's looking at me that I can't just fucking ignore. It's as if there's an invisible python wrapped around her neck, like a noose, threatening to eat her up and swallow her alive. Its grip is gradually tightening around her throat, asphyxiating her, tormenting her, squeezing every last word and breath out of her quivering lips.
Tears are on the brink of dripping from her eyes and it's only when she looks at me with this pained expression that I can finally see the ghosts that are haunting her mind.
"Baby why can't you talk to me?" I ask softly. "Have I given you a reason to not trust me?"
"Jimin please," she croaks, then turns away from me again.
"I'm begging you, please tell me what is wrong so that I can help you fix it." I plead.
"I said I'm fine."
"You're not fine Nox. If you were fine, you wouldn't feel the need to down one bottle of wine after another to drain whatever is bothering you. If you were fine, you would look at me in the eye and tell me you don't want to talk about it. If you were fine, you wouldn't ask Cassie to go with you to the restroom every time you're having a panic attack in a public place. If you were fine, you wouldn't turn your back on me."
I can feel the anger slowly charging in my veins, eating away at every ounce of patience I have left. Nox is long gone, and she clearly doesn't want to listen to me. I can respect if she doesn't want to talk to me about whatever the hell it is that is causing her anguish, but I won't tolerate her disrespecting me like this.
"Don't turn your back on me!" I yell at her.
She freezes in her tracks in the middle of the hallway, and I finally catch up to her.
"It's one thing if you don't want to open your mouth, but when I'm talking to you, the least you can do is give me a fucking answer or have the human courtesy to listen to what I have to say." I say and she snaps her head back to look at me with angry eyes. "You can't keep evading me for the rest of your life."
"Get out." She fumes then makes her way to the front door.
"Don't fucking walk away from me when I'm talking to you!"
"I should have walked away from you a long fucking time ago!" Nox screams louder than me. Her hand swings in furiously from side to side, not caring for the wine that spills on the floor.
She throws the glass on impulse, and it crashes on the wall behind me until a waterfall of shards drops on the ground only for those sharp slivers to multiply. I cover my face with my arm, but it doesn't protect me against the one shard that cuts my shoulder blade nor the cruel words that leave her mouth.
In this moment, I can't feel anything; it's like I'm outside my own body. I don't feel the open scar on my shoulder blade nor the blood trickling down my back. The heat coursing through my veins or my quickening pulse. It all fades away to nothing.
Everything fades to nothing, but her words.
I can hear Axel's bedroom door open, and Nox turns to look at her brother in shock.
"What the hell is going on here?" He asks.
I turn to face him when I see the worry painting his features. Axel is inspecting me, his green eyes analyzing my every move as I grab my jacket from the sofa.
"It's nothing. I was just leaving." I say curtly and Nox grabs my arm.
"Jimin, you're bleeding." A gasp leaves Nox's lips as she raises her palms to her mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Let me fix this."
I shake her hand away and look back at my white hoodie that is now stained with my blood. "It doesn't hurt."
Not as much as the things you said to me.
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