"Good morning, John Adams High. After a ten year absence, we've dusted off the console and put Patriot Radio back on the air!" Mr. Feeny's voice came through the speakers in the cafeteria, following by a gurgling noise before theme music was heard. Zoey scrunched her face in confusion as she stood beside Shawn and Cory. "And with me here, my engineer and wacky side-kick on the morning zoo, Mr. Alive Meese."
"Thank you, Mr. Feeny, you're a great friend to the radio." Meese's voice was heard over the speakers.
"That's enough, Alvin. Nobody likes a mike hog." Mr. Feeny said. "And now, because the halls of our school beat with the lively heart of contemporary youth... here is the happy sounds of Mr. Michael Bolton."
Nature music played over the speakers which caused Zoey to cover her ears with her hands, while the kids in the cafeteria all groaned, not liking the music. Shawn immediately stood on a chair and tried to cut the wire from the speakers.
"Ahh!" Make it stop! Make it stop!" Cory shouted.
"My ears are going to bleed!" Zoey yelled.
"It's hard to cut the wires with a plastic spoon." Shawn shot back, trying to do so.
"How about you use a knife, stupid!" Zoey yelled.
"I don't have one, Zoey!" Shawn retorted.
"Just rip the whole speaker down!" Cory screamed.
"Hey, guys. Try this knife." A familiar voice offered.
"Thanks." Shawn said, not looking back to see who it was that he took the knife from.
The three turned to see Mr. Turner behind them. They gasped in shock and pointed at him.
"Down." Mr. Turner ordered to Shawn, who did what he was told and handed the knife back. "Come on, guys. The station's only been on five minutes. Is it really that bad?"
"Oh, just wait, Mr. Turner." Zoey said.
"And now, a little change of pace. A blast from my past.... this is Mr. Perry Como." Mr. Feeny said into the speaker before classical music was played.
"Look, Mr. Turner, you clip the wires and we'll cover for you." Zoey tried to negotiate with an assuring smile.
"You don't like what you hear? Get on the air and do better." Mr. Turner suggested.
"Us on the radio!" Shawn questioned as they followed Mr. Turner to a table.
"Yeah. See if you can't squeeze it in between doing nothing at school. and nothing at home." Mr. Turner responded.
"What are you saying? We don't do anything?" Shawn questioned, placing his hands on his hips.
Zoey raised an eyebrow. "I think that's exactly what he's saying."
"You know, we should think about that." Cory said.
"I don't wanna." Shawn refused. Zoey sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Cory shook his head slightly. "Look, Shawn, maybe he's got a point. I mean, maybe if we became radio personalities, then we'd have... personalities."
"I don't wanna do nothing." Shawn said.
"Look, Shawny, radio is just sitting around talking." Zoey simply explained.
"Like we are now?" Shawn asked.
Zoey nodded. "Yeah. Maybe you have to push a button."
"How hard?" Shawn wondered.
"Like this." Zoey said, showing him as she pushed her finger forward through the air.
Shawn followed Zoey's movement, becoming curious. "Hm?"
"Yeah." Zoey said with a smile.
Cory and Shawn then began to pretending pushing buttons.
"Are you kidding me?!" Mr. Turner exclaimed.
Cory spread his arms wide. "Okay, we'll do it."
"We're natural." Shawn stated.
Zoey nodded with a wide smile. "We've got it all down."
"I've got a radio voice." Cory said, lowering his voice in a deep tone.
"And I've got a radio face." Shawn said with a smile.
"And I've got both." Zoey stated.
"So when can you get us on the air?" Shawn asked.
"If you guys are serious about this, I'll talk to Feeny after lunch." Mr. Turner answered.
"And now for you kiddos, Menudo." Mr. Feeny said over the speaker before another lame song started playing.
Zoey pursed her lips. "You were saying, Mr. Turner?"
"I'll talk to him now." Mr. Turner said, getting up from his chair and walked out of the cafeteria.
••••
Next morning Shawn, Cory and Zoey were sitting down in the student broadcasting room, interviewing a girl named Sara, since no one else wanted to do the radio.
"Hi, I'm Cory Matthews, along with Shawn Hunter and Zoey Francis and we're back with the most interesting show topic they would give us: Meet your student council. Our guest today is Sara Fairburn, secretary treasure of your student counsel. And according to Mr. Feeny's program log, we'll be discussing the cancellation of the ninth-grade spring dance." Cory informed into the microphone and turned to Sara, beside him. "Now, Sara, I imagine there's quite a story here."
"No. We just ran out of money." Sara simply answered.
"Uh-huh. Uh-huh." Cory said, motioning Sarah to continue on.
"So we're gonna have a bake sale and try and save our dance." Sarah added.
"Ah! Fascinating. Go on." Cory insisted.
"That's about it." Sara responded.
"Anything else?" Zoey wondered as she sat between both her best friends.
Sarah shook her head. "No... not really."
"Ah, come on. What are you hiding?" Cory questioned.
"Stop badgering her." Shawn told him.
Cory covered the microphone and turned to Shawn. "I gotta badger her, we got nothing else to talk about.
"Ugh, this show stinks." Shawn complained, lying his down in his arms on the desk. Zoey nodded in agreement and rested her on Shawn's shoulders.
"Now, Sara, you mentioned a bake sale. What is the profit margin on a cupcake?" Cory asked.
"What are you talking about?" Sara wondered.
"Shawn, help me. Shawn! Zoey!" Cory urged, jabbing his elbow into Zoey's side. The brunette lifted her head and decided to ruffle Shawn's hair quickly.
"Oh.." Shawn groaned as he sat back up. "Oh, Zoey, I dreamed Cory was doing the most painfully boring radio show in the world." He then pointed to Sara. "And you were there. And you... oh."
"All right, now let's hear what you, the listeners, think." Cory said into the microphone. "Call us. Now. Please?"
Zoey groaned when the phones didn't ring.
"No one's calling. Let's go home." Shawn said as he and Zoey stood up from their seats.
"No." Cory said, pulling both Shawn and Zoey back down in their seats. "Sarah, a bake sale has its dark side, doesn't it? I mean.... Fat. Cholesterol. What about that?"
Sarah huffed. "I don't know. I'm just a kid."
"Does she not know? Or choose not to know?" Cory questioned into the microphone.
"You know, no one else wanted to do your show." Sarah pointed out.
Zoey's eyes widened when she saw a light blinking from one of the phones in front of them. "Cory. Cory, we have a call."
Cory pressed the button. "Hello, you're on the air." The man on the other end spoke in a German language. "I'm sorry, sir. I believe Ludwig and the German Hour follows us. Call be later."
"Can I go no?" Sara asked when Cory hung up on the caller.
"Yeah, sure. What's the point?" Shawn questioned, moping.
Sara got up to leave but Cory grabbed onto her arm. "No, stay."
Zoey sighed before she noticed another light blinking from one of the phones. "Look we have another call."
Cory sat down and pressed the button. "Hello, you're on the air."
"Hi, this is Spencer." The caller introduced.
"Spencer!" Cory exclaimed in excitement. "I believe you're a first-time caller to the show. You have a question for Sara?"
"Yes, I do." Spencer answered. "Sara, are you still going with Joey DeRuza?"
"Why do you ask, Spence?" Sara asked, leaning into the microphone.
"Sorry, kids, but the topic is bake sale. Dance salvation or death by cake." Cory said.
Both Zoey and Shawn exchange a look before Shawn quickly grabbed the microphone.
Shawn turned to Sara, holding the microphone in his hand. "Sara, I believe the man asked you a question. How about an answer."
"We broke up last week." Sara replied.
"Well, I've liked you ever since last year, and, um..." Spencer trailed off and Sarah smiled.
Zoey quickly grabbed the microphone and held it in front of her. "She's smiling, Spence."
"...so I was thinking, uh...." Spencer continued.
Shawn snatched the microphone back. "Come on, Spencer, if you ask this red-hot babe out, I will."
"Are you doing anything this Friday?" Spencer asked.
"No!" Sara answered, happily. "And I'd love to. I'll meet you at the soda machine right now."
A wide smile spread across Sara's face as she got out of her seat and walked out of the room.
"All right, we have a date!" Zoey exclaimed into the microphone.
"Guys, no one's interested in this." Cory told them, turning the microphones off. "We'd promise Turner we stick to the topic."
"Cory, we hit on something that works. Look at the phone lines. They're blazing! People are listening to us." Shawn pointed out. Zoey nodded in agreement, looking down at the phone lights blinking rapidly.
"Big deal, Shawn. A bunch of lonely guys are calling for a girl who's fixed up and gone. I'm not gonna blow a career in radio for a bunch of lonely guys." Cory said.
Just as he said that about five girls walked into the radio station.
"Are you the guys on the radio?" The first girl asked.
Zoey nodded. "Yes, we are."
"Can we be on the radio, too, and talk to boys?" The girl wondered.
"That's why we're here!" Cory exclaimed, quickly sitting back down on his seat. Shawn and Zoey sat on their chairs and turned the microphones on. "Cory, Shawn and Zoey back at you with... Lunchtime Lust."
"Let's meet our next contestant." Shawn spoke into the microphone. "You are...."
"My name is Jasmine Fontana." She introduced herself.
"If it isn't, it should be." Shawn stated. "We'll take the first three callers and hook one of you with..."
"Jasmine Fontana." She repeated.
"She sure is." Shawn, Cory and Zoey said in unison.
"Not only does Jasmine pull straight A's, but she loves to fish wearing nothing but hip waders and a bikini top." Cory said.
"If this sounds like the girl for you, call us, Cory, Zoey and Shawn, the hottest show on ra-di-o." Zoey said, leaning into Shawn to speak into the microphone.
"You know, Jasmine, a couple of these guys have asked me if you're a good kisser and... right now I don't know what to tell them." Cory told her.
Jasmine smiled. "Well, um... Maybe I could help you.
"Well, maybe you could." Cory said, closing his eyes. Zoey stiffened when she saw Mr. Feeny walked into the room and leaned down towards Cory, who leaned forward and opened his eyes to see Mr. Feeny with a slightly terrified expression. "You know, you look different up close."
"Ludwig, take over. Schnell." Mr. Feeny instructed.
"Ja, Herr Feeny." Ludwig answered.
Cory stood up and looked at Mr. Feeny as if he was a crazy person. "Mr. Feeny, this is our show."
"Not any more." Mr. Feeny stated.
Ludwig sat down in Zoey's seat and held the microphone in front of him. "Hello, it's Lunchtime with Ludwig. You may call up with your requests. I don't take them."
Cory, Zoey and Shawn exchanged looks and sighed in annoyances.
"Out." Mr. Feeny told the three, gesturing to the door. "Come on."
As the three walked out of the radio station room, a group of students cheered and applauded them.
"See, Mr. Feeny, everyone loves what we did." Cory said.
"Not everybody." Mr. Feeny stated. "Consider your radio careers over."
••••
Zoey sat in History until the bell rung, signalling the end of the class. She got up from her seat and scooped up her books, chucking them in her backpack before zipping it up and throwing it over her shoulders.
"Oh, class, tomorrow we'll be discussing chapter twelve in your history books, which would be... The Bill of Rights." Mr. Feeny announced. His eyes slightly widened at what he had just said. "Oh, dear."
"Oh, the Bill of Rights, from the good old Constitution." Cory said, rubbing his hands together. "And what was that amendment that came first in the Bill of Rights?"
"I don't recall, but I bet our teacher knows." Shawn responded.
"I think you're right, Shawn." Zoey agreed in a tone loud enough, hopefully for Mr. Feeny to hear. "Well, then, why don't we ask him?"
"Oh, Mr. Feeny." Cory said in a light tone as they walked over to him.
"Freedom of speech." Mr. Feeny answered quietly, reading a book.
"Hey, isn't that the one where you can say whatever you want?" Cory wondered.
"I believe it is." Zoey responded in a fake surprised tone.
"And doesn't it apply to everybody?" Cory asked.
"No." Mr. Feeny answered.
"Any kind of speech, right? Like, in a newspaper, or TV, or... I don't know, radio?" Cory questioned.
Mr. Feeny nodded. "Yes, yes."
"Then something is just not making sense here, my friends." Cory said, leaning against a desk. "Weren't we just pulled off the air because of what we said?"
"Yes, we were. He says one thing and then he does another. He's being a hypochondriac." Shawn replied. Zoey just sighed and patted his shoulder.
"What you three said over the airwaves was inappropriate." Mr. Feeny stated.
"Well, according to this here Constitution, uh-huh." Shawn said, holding the book in his hands
Zoey sighed and made her way over to Mr. Feeny's desk. "Come on, Mr. Feeny. Don't you believe in what you teach us?"
"Miss Francis, the rights of the Constitution were intended for those with a sense of responsibility." Mr. Feeny responded.
Shawn scoffed. "Well, if it doesn't apply to us, then why do we have to learn it?"
Mr. Feeny stood still for a couple of seconds before he walked out of the classroom. Shawn, Cory and Zoey sighed before they walked out into the halls.
"Hey, guys." Jasmine greeted as she walked up to them. "I have to tell you this - all the girls in fifth-period gym were talking about your show in the locker room."
"Girls... were talking about us in the girls' locker room? Just tell me, were the showers on?" Shawn asked, and without any hesitation Zoey slapped him upside the head.
"When are you guys gonna be on again?" Jasmine wondered.
"Real, real soon." Cory answered, rubbing his hands together. Jasmine smiled and walked away from them.
"We gotta get back in the air, man!" Shawn exclaimed. "How are we gonna get back on the air?"
Cory clapped his hands together. "Okay, I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I got it!"
"What?!" Zoey and Shawn asked in unison.
"We gotta get back on the air." Cory explained. Zoey pursed her lips and rubbed her temples.
"You're a genius!" Shawn shouted.
"I know!" Cory agreed.
"That's why we make such a good team." Shawn said as the two shook hands. Zoey then noticed their English teacher heading towards them.
"Hey, Mr. Turner." Cory greeted.
"I don't know you." Mr. Turner said as he walked past them.
"Oh, come on, what'd we do?" Cory asked.
Mr. Turner turned around and approached them. "You upset the guy in charge. I mean, you know Feeny, he gave you responsibility and you guys abused it, now you're gone."
"Yeah, but you're the faculty advisor." Shawn pointed out. "Come on, you put us on once, you can put us on again."
"Now why should I stick my neck out for you guys?" Mr. Turner asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Because you're the young, dedicated teacher who believes that kids deserve a second chance." Zoey confidently said, and the boys both nodded in agreement.
"That's me?" Mr. Turner asked.
Zoey nodded. "Yeah, you didn't know?"
"Look, the only way you guys get back on the air is if I talk to Feeny." Mr. Turner told them.
Cory sighed. "Yeah, like, you can talk to Feeny. He doesn't think straight, Mr. Turner. He doesn't even believe in the Constitution."
"Yeah. He totally ignores the first commandment." Shawn added.
"Yeah, guys, just chill out, okay? It can't happen without Feeny." Mr. Turner said and Zoey let out a soft sigh. "All right, now promise me you'll stay away from the radio station, okay?"
"Okay." The three responded in unison.
"Okay." Mr. Turner said before he walked away from them.
"Like talking to Feeny's gonna help. He's just not gonna listen to anybody." Cory said.
"He's insane." Shawn agreed.
"You know, it's the three of us, guys. If we're gonna get back on the radio, we're gonna have to do it by ourselves." Cory said in a determined voice.
Zoey nodded. "I agree."
"Same. But we're gonna need a lot of help." Shawn said before he spotted the one person who could help them. "Alvin! Tell me something Alvin, you basically put that radio station together, right?"
"It's my baby." Alvin answered.
"Well, Pop, let's go see how Junior's doing." Cory said.
••••
Instead of doing the radio show in the student broadcasting room, the three of them decided to do it in the janitor's closet. Inside the closet, the three of them, plus Meese were hiding with the radio equipment.
"Good morning, John Adams High!" Cory greeted into the microphone over a Rock song that played in the background. "This is Cory."
"And Zoey." She spoke.
"And Shawn." He shouted.
"The bad boys and girl are back on the air!" The three said in union.
"They tried to silence us, but we're back and we're louder than ever." Cory said before they all howled.
"You're listening to Pirate radio." Zoey said.
"Mr. Feeny wanted us to talk about the spring dance. We'll do him one better. We'll give you a spring dance!" Cory shouted.
"Right here, right now. Come on, everybody dance!" Shawn responded and Zoey chose a disco song to play through the speakers.
"Let's start a Bill of Rights for students!" Cory said.
"And the number one amendment: The right to dance." Zoey announced.
"Anytime, anywhere." Shawn responded.
"You can hear us, but you can't see us. Where are we?" Cory questioned.
"No, keep looking." Shawn said. "No telling where we could be. Hey, did you check the boy's room?"
"Psych!" Zoey exclaimed, happily. "Like I'd go in there."
"Pirate Radio is being brought to you by the Constitution of the United States of America." Cory said.
"The Constitution: Void where prohibited by Feeny." Shawn added.
"Our next musical selection is..." Cory trailed off when he realized he couldn't find the tape. "Shawn, where's the tape?"
"Behind the bucket of janitor's mops." Shawn answered too loudly. "D'oh!"
Zoey eyes widened and slapped him upside the head. "Shawn, you idiot!"
"Or is that a fake clue, because we couldn't possible be that stupid." Cory said into the microphone.
The janitor's closer opened to reveal Mr. Feeny with a furious expression on his face. Shawn slowly pulled Zoey in front of him, as she gulped nervously.
"Oh, I think you're much more stupid than you give yourselves credit for." Mr. Feeny responded.
"Don't move. Maybe he doesn't see us." Shawn said softly.
Mr. Feeny then ushered Shawn, Cory and Zoey into the student broadcasting room where Mr. Turner stood inside with a disappointment expression, while Ludwig sat by the radio.
"Mr. Turner, here are your proteges. You would assume responsibility for them, assume away." Mr. Feeny told Mr. Turner. "Ludwig?"
"It was terrible Mr. Feeny." Ludwig stated, standing up from his seat. "I am not accustomed to being so ill-used."
"Yes, well... you're young yet." Mr. Feeny responded before he and Ludwig both walked out of the room, leaving the three of them with Mr. Turner.
"To be fair, it wasn't my idea to tie him up." Zoey muttered.
"So you catch our show?" Cory asked.
Mr. Turner nodded. "Mh-hm."
"You've got any constructive criticism?" Shawn wondered.
"Constructive? No." Mr. Turner answered.
Zoey sighed softly. "Look, we just wanted to get back on the radio."
"And you thought this was the way to go about it, as opposed to...Oh, I don't know, the way we agreed on?" Mr. Turner questioned.
Shawn scoffed. "Oh, come on, Mr. Turner, there's no way Feeny was gonna listen to you."
"Amazingly, he did listen to me. And he was on the verge of giving you guys a second chance, then you demonstrated why you don't deserve it." Mr. Turner explained in a serious tone.
"All right, then, all we were doing was exercising our right to free speech." Cory responded.
"Oh, come on, the First Amendment does not give you the right to turn the school into a rave. You have responsibilities. Responsibilities to the school and to me." Mr. Turner told the three.
"Look, Mr. Turner...." Zoey started.
"No, save it. We had a deal you three. Now why was it so important for you to get back on the air that you were willing to shaft me?" Mr. Turner asked, sitting down on one of the seats.
"You wouldn't understand." Zoey mumbled.
"Pretend I'm stupid." Mr. Turner said.
Shawn sat down in front of Mr. Turner. "We.... went... on.... the radio...."
"Pretend I'm smarter." Mr. Turner added.
"Look, Mr. Turner, we're just trying to find our place. You know, we're only seventh graders." Shawn explained.
"But you're students, isn't that enough?" Mr. Turner asked.
"Come on, you remember what it's like?" Cory questioned.
Zoey nodded. "Everybody else seems to know who they are and where they belong. But for us? We're a bunch of nobodies."
"And you thought being on the radio would help you?" Mr. Turner wondered.
"Yeah, I mean if we're on the radio and everyone thinks we're cool then we don't get lost in the shuffle." Cory said.
"You feel lost?" Mr. Turner asked. Both Cory and Zoey nodded sadly. He then turned to Shawn. "What about you?"
"Yeah, sometimes." Shawn admitted with a frown.
"You know what? I bet a lot of people feel that way." Mr. Turner said.
"Well, maybe they do, but I'm sure they don't wanna talk about it." Shawn responded.
"Oh, I'm sure they do." Mr. Turner assured.
"How do you know?" Shawn asked.
"Look at all the calls we have already." Mr. Turner said, gesturing to the two phones in front of them.
Zoey's eyes widened at the blinking lights before she turned around to see the big red 'on the air' sign on.
"We're on the air?!" Zoey bellowed.
"Someone must've turned on the switch accidentally." Mr. Turner muttered with a slight smile.
Shawn's eyes widened. "They heard all of that?"
"Yeah." Mr. Turner chuckled. "See, guys, you don't have to do Lunchtime Lust just to get an audience. All you have to do is be honest. People will listen to that, too." He then pushed a button to a caller. "Hello, you're on the air."
"Yes, I'm a first-time caller. Love the show." Mr. Feeny's voice stated through the other side.
"You have a question?" Mr. Turner asked.
"More of a comment, really. I thought you did a commendable job handling a rather difficult situation." Mr. Feeny said.
"Thank you, caller." Mr. Turner replied.
"And I do have a question. I'm curious as to what you think the appropriate punishment would be for your three guests?" Mr. Feeny asked.
"I'm thinking a week's detention." Mr. Turner answered.
"Couldn't quite hear that, seems to be some static on the line." Mr. Feeny said.
"A month's detention." Mr. Turner corrected. Shawn, Cory and Zoey all frowned and sighed.
"Loud and clear." Mr. Feeny said before hanging up.
"Well, you know, that's one man's opinion. Let's hear from some other listeners." Cory insisted, pushing another button.
"I say lock 'em up and throw away the key!" Eric voice shouted.
"Get off the phone, Eric." Cory told him.
"Guys, trust me, you got off easy. There's a lot worse that could've happened to you." Mr. Turner said.
Then all of a sudden Ludwig walked into the room with two adults, wearing suits.
"That is them, Father." Ludwig said, pointing at the three. "The three American boy and girl who tried to tie me up."
"Oh, no." Zoey muttered.
___________________
PUBLISHED: March 24, 2018
WORDS: 4065