[ Song: Snow by Zion T ]
Dalnim
The happiness? The moment of solitude, I had around him. It couldn't be helped that I found myself being selfish in my life choices. It could be rejected at any time but for the moment I wanted to accept that I too was having fun filling in the role of Cinderella, an unexpected gift of feeling admired, after going through my ups and downs. As I too spent time with a man born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
Even then, maybe the reason we connect was that despite being born with it, he never enjoyed it. I had tuned out the world for a moment to regroup with myself. Stuck in my presence for a moment that I had lost sight that I wasn't alone. He reminded me with a touch of my shoulder.
" You're thinking hard." I heard as we stood beside one another in the elevator on our way up towards the office.
" I'm just.." I looked over towards him and pressed my hands together and held them towards my chest. " You know what I'm good. Just trying to enjoy the moment I guess."
He nodded. Looked at his watch quickly and asked for the schedules he had for the day.
" Just presentations, but I believe you have a free day for the most part. A lot of everything will be me sorting out things and delivering it to Mr. Jang to let you check over." I said as I played with the tips of my fingers. I allowed them to caress one another, so I had somewhere to keep my gaze.
" Are you nervous?"
" About what?"
" I mean with the relationship we have now" Before he could continue, the elevator stopped and a group of people had begun wanting to board but at the sight of Hae-Ju they just bowed, and insisted to take the next elevator. " Usually they only act like that towards father.
" Then, it seems you've been gathering a lot of support recently." I smiled. He reached out his right hand and caressed my right cheek. Leaving me flustered again and returning to avoid his eyes.
His eyes navigated over the emergency button. I could see he wanted to pause the elevator for a moment.
" No... for all you know your father's security will report back to him on the matter. I don't need to hear all that could lead to."
He nodded in agreement and we reached our office. " Are you still going to go see your mother today?"
" I believe I will be, her birthday will be approaching soon so it is only right I see her before then, so it doesn't feel like I am only remembering her on her birthday."
I nodded in agreement. He extended and wrapped his pinky around mine discreetly before he began on his way towards his office. After an hour or so, after his presentation. I was called on by Mr.Jang to head to the chairman's office. Grabbing my binder, in preparation for some inquiries that he may have.
" Thank you, Mr.Jang," I said as I followed behind him towards the office " Of course Dalnimshi." He stood by in the corner after I entered.
I entered and bowed to the chairman, only to see Hae-Ju also in the room. We were both flustered, shared a glance towards one another. I made an effort to choose a seat that left space between Hae-Ju and me. His father glanced over and poured himself a cup of tea. " Would you like some?"
I looked towards Hae-Ju, who gave me a subtle nod. " Ah ye, thank you." I extended my right hand and cupped my elbow with my left to receive the cup I was being handed. The teacup was monogrammed in gold artistry, small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.
" There is a proverb my father grew up telling me, would you like to hear it? " He said as he placed down his tea.
" Yes, gladly."
" I knew I liked you for a reason." He said gesturing his cup towards me as he spoke. He looked in Hae-Ju's direction. He has heard it a few times but I don't know if he remembered. He returned his gaze to me and said.
"gajaenuen ge pyeon-ila " He said. He paused and studied my gaze.
" The crayfish sides with the crab," I repeated. He nodded his head.
" You understand what it means don't you?"
Awkwardly I nodded and began to speak. : People with like traits and similarities tend to stick together.
" I knew you were as smart as you look." His father said as he took another sip of tea.
" Abeoji... What is this referring to?" Hae-Ju asked.
His father looked in his direction then back towards me. " Don't get me wrong, I think you two look good together, she's beautiful, You take after me after all." He chuckled.
" Abeoji..."
" That being said. I still won't accept it. Listen... sleep around. Fool around if you two want to that's perfectly fine as long as you both understand it doesn't surpass that. I mean everyone has needs who am I to deprive you too of that. Out of both of you, I am confident Dalnim knows her place. It's mostly you that leaves me concerned, son."
"I am not sure where our relationship concerns you father. "
" I have to hand it to you Dalnim, you have positively impacted him, he used to be scared to even say the word no around me." His father gazed, in a demeaning stare. His eyes judged me harshly but he applied a smile to justify his distaste for my presence.
" He falls in love easily, he even fought his best friend for Ae-ra. I remember because I had to break up the fight. Now you, from what I remember you dated Ju-won as well." There was a pause then he looked in Hae-Ju's direction.
Mr.Jang looked in my direction with the mention of Ju-Won.
" So, maybe it's Hae-Ju you want." He laughed after he spoke leaving me awkward to respond.
" You take yourself to another level every time father."
' Watch your tongue. I am not too prideful to physically embarrass you in front of your toy."
I bit my lip to keep down the thoughts that were aching to be spoken and took a moment to compose my words wisely. " Sir, I did not come here to be disrespected and referred to as an object, my presence in this company has risen sales, in the past few months. It is only granted that I at least be treated humanly. I can take your concern for your son, being with someone like me without status. Please, there is no need to insult us when we have done nothing wrong."
His father paused and chuckled but the sense of frustration was left in his throat " You are honest. I give you that." He fanned us away, gesturing for us to leave. We stood up and headed towards the door. To which he said. " Hae-Ju remember who is paying to keep your mother alive. Even if you use your own money, you work for me. As for you Dalnim hope we meet more often." I bowed and followed after Hae-Ju.
We walked beside one another in the hallway. " Today is one of those days."
" Yea, I was naive, to forget the world my father created for me to walk toe to heel. I am sorry you were subjected to that. My own brother couldn't survive it how's I think I could.." I raised a brow. This was the first I heard of a brother.. but I didn't press on it any further.
I sighed and reached out to his hand, and caressed it slightly. He sighed in return. We were not sure how to comfort one another at that moment because I was too busy wondering what he may have been thinking. " I want to comfort you. But I don't know how to right now because I am also trying to comfort myself, from the events of today. First Ae-ra now your father. I feel suffocated. Being happy shouldn't be this hard."
" We will figure it out." He said. Despite how much I could tell he wanted to believe it. the way he delivered made me aware that he was just as flustered by it all.
" My main concern, is him taking out on my mother, what is meant for me."
" I understand."
" I just need a moment." He said as he looked down at his phone.
" I see," I said it freely. I smiled, I would say out of all the events of today. I felt like I was wedging myself into a chain of events that was not meant for me. I pointed towards my desk area and just told him I would see him later.
After work that day I waited about the lobby, waiting for Hae-Ju to be finished with everything and to come to pick me up. Sadly that was not what happened. I waited and called and texted. I was worried for him, but I also felt like I was littered. Thrown unwanted out a window of some sort.
I looked outside, as the vibrant colors that the day started with began to fade. The snow took in the gray of the clouds. The season has changed, and I only now caught up with it. Having been lost in the romance with Hae-Ju. Unlike last night the violent snowing resembled rain too closely, for me to step out and to walk home. I looked about the lobby and checked the time on my phone. Still no responses from Hae-Ju.
I watched, as people walked out the door, one after another. What was once three in the afternoon was now six in the evening and I was still too confined to where I sat to step outside to interact with the violent snowing.
" You can do it, just tap into that feeling from the other night. It is just snow. It is not the same thing." I kept telling myself.
I stepped closer towards the door and was getting ready to get out when I felt a body, hovering over me, and a shadow over us. I looked up to see an umbrella and looked over my right shoulder. Expecting to see Hae-Ju. I met a smiling face belonging to Ju-won.
" I'm. I'm okay." I said trying to back out and return into the building. He held onto my waist and pulled me closer. " You sat around long enough, let me just take you home, You may not like me all too much but..." The rest of Ju-won's words didn't register because as he was speaking I saw Hae-Ju walk right by me. We made eye contact but he continued to walk. His father and Mr.Jang walked right after him. The chairman gave a very slim smile and nod of awareness that I saw him. Mr.Jang and Ju-won shared a silent exchange, as I did the same.
" Are you two fighting right now? What kind of fight is worth leaving your girlfriend stranded."
" Are you mocking me right now?" I asked him.
" No, just concerned."
" Your girlfriend not here today" I asked him. He held onto me, as we continued to walk towards his car. " You know Dalnim. I truely did enjoy spending time with you. I Just have always been in love with Ae-ra. I like to care for you. He said as he opened the car door for me. I go in and we were on our way to my house.
" I may come off cocky sometimes. I just don't want to end up like my father and become a slave to the person that ruined our family." He said as he drove.
I looked to his direction as he drove and quietly layed my head against the window as it got colder from the snow as it danced down. "You think your emotions, make it worst?"
" hmm?"
" Your fear of the rain, and hospitals the violence about it is what gets you anxious, you think?"
" I guess, but who knows. I think as I figure out how or what led me to fear it in the first place I will because better.
Once we arrived to my house, he got out and helped me to my front door. There sat the shadow of someone. It was unnie... Thank goodness, it was unnie.
" Are you okay?" My sister asked. As she waved off Ju-won. He bowed and said goodbye.
Once we got inside all it took was her asking one more time. " Are you okay?" and I broke. I wasnt okay. I wanted to be but I wasnt.
She embraced me and like a child as I continued to cry. She led me to the couch where she sat, and my head rested on her lap a I continued to cry. Tears streaming down my face onto her sweatpants, as she caressed my afro. The snow, outside taking in a turn for calm, as my emotions just manifest. I hadnt figured out which one of today's events locked me in this weight of suffocation.
I didnt know, but I did want to cry. So I did.
" Don't cry eomma will take care of you always." Rang in my head until I belive I tired out from tears and fell into sleep.
[ I look forward to your comments ]