Summer (June) 2021
*I'm not sure if I stated a specific time this story takes place*
__________
After months of pushing it off, Josh and I finally took the time to have our first meeting with our wedding planner, Sammy. She was in her late 20's and fairly new when it came to event planning. Her boastful personality and her recent work initially drew us to her.
I contacted her the day after Angel left nearly a month ago. Josh's words replayed in my head constantly. This man truly believed I had no desires of marrying him, and it gave me an entire new perspective. I realized that I have been pushing this wedding off and not because I had second thoughts. Angel has been my focus, but it was up to me to be able to balance between the two. The last thing Josh wants is for me to be in a position to choose.
We were an hour and 30 minutes into our meeting with Sammy. The first thing we discussed was a set date and our budget. We had already discussed our wedding date being in late December — after Christmas and before the new year. Josh didn't have a set budget, but I personally didn't want to go over $50,000. Even that seemed to be too much. The idea of spending that much for one day bothered me.
We decided on the color scheme Sage Green and Brown Wood — the colors were special to us because it reminded us of our time in the military and it was also how we met.
Our only indifference was the guest list. I wanted a small wedding, meaning less than 50 guests. Josh wanted at least 100 guests or more. I wasn't close with my family and didn't have too many close friends so I desired a private wedding. Josh, on the other hand, had come from a pretty big family and they were all close. They would be upset with me forever if they found out I didn't want them all to attend my wedding. I know how much family means to Josh, so I didn't speak when he told Sammy he wanted at least 100 guests.
We discussed our idea of a venue. Josh wanted to be traditional and marry in a church. I grew up in the church, so I understood but I was leaning more towards a ballroom. I eventually won the small banter and we decided that our next meeting we'll search the city for the perfect ballroom venue.
"You hungry?" Josh asked once our meeting concluded. He held my hand as we exited Sammy's office space.
"A little. Are you?"
He nodded, "Hell yeah. I would ask what do you have a taste for but I don't have time to be waiting for an answer."
I laughed and nudged his arm. He opened the car door for me and helped me inside before he hopped in as well. I didn't have to say what I had a taste for because Josh had read my mind. I smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek when we pulled into the Mastro's Steakhouse parking lot.
"You see how much smoother it is when I don't ask? I'm just gonna start pulling up at places I want and hope you want the same thing."
I laughed at him, "Fuck you Josh. Since you talking shit, I'm going to order the most expensive thing on the menu."
"And I'ma use your card. Now look, you paying for two expensive ass meals."
We could really joke all day just like children. I knew if I said anything else we would be going back and forth forever. I followed behind him as we walked into the restaurant. Once we were seated, we quickly glanced over the menu. We always ate the same meal each time we came here so it didn't take long to order. While we waited, we enjoyed the stale bread and a bottle of white wine.
"You sexy as hell, you know that?" He said, instantly making me blush. It never fails.
I used my hand to shield my face, "Stop staring at me so hard babe. You're making my cheeks red."
He chuckled, "Great. Now it matches your other cheeks."
"I hate you so much."
"So how you feel about the wedding planning so far?"
I'm so thankful that he shifted the conversation. I didn't need to become hot and horny in this place.
"I like the flow of things," I said, taking a sip of the wine, "I do believe we should talk more about this guest list though."
"What about it exactly?"
"The fact that you're looking to invite over a 100 people? I don't know how to feel about that. You know I'm a private person and I want our wedding to be that way."
Josh shrugged, "I feel like 100 is perfect baby. I have friends from the Navy, you have friends from the Navy. My family, your family. All our friends. That's 100 people."
"Josh, that's too many. Let's be honest, you only talk to maybe 2 or 3 of the guys you were in the military with. Some of your family doesn't even respect me so no, all of them won't be attending my wedding. And I don't have family, so 50 is enough."
He sighed but didn't speak. He knew I was being truthful. It was my wedding, so I would get the last say so. He would unfortunately have to deal with it.
"You should talk to your family, Beyoncé. I want to see them at the wedding."
I laughed, "Why do I always have to be the bigger person and rebuild a relationship with people that hurt me?"
"Maybe because you've gotten the chance to spend time with your son. Just hear them out at least."
Josh has always been an advocate for me becoming close with my family again. Before he knew about Angel, he didn't have a clue why I didn't talk to my parents. The truth has come out and he still wants me to make an effort to talk to them. He's always had such a big, forgiving heart. I'm not surprised by how he felt about it. My heart simply wasn't that forgiving though.
"My mom has been calling," I announced, "But I've been okay without them. Why should they be in my life now?"
He shrugged, "You may be doing okay without them, but what if you begin to do better with them in your life? To be honest, I just want you to have others to lean on besides me and your girls. At least take slow steps to get to that."
I would keep his words in the back of my mind, but I had no desires to reconnect with my parents at this point in my life.
"How's Madison?" I asked just to change the conversation. He had gotten too deep and I wasn't in the mood for it.
The smile on his face brightened at the mention of his daughter, "She's doing better. Sabrina haven't called about her getting in any trouble at school lately."
"That's great. Have you talked to Madison yourself to see how she's feeling though?"
He nodded, "Yeah. We talked earlier this morning. She asked about you."
"I hope her mother didn't hear her asking about me."
Josh and I both laughed. Sabrina hated my guts even though I've been nothing but nice to her and Madison. It took us awhile to become cordial though. I can't lie, I was definitely the bitter girlfriend at first. I always felt that Sabrina had the ups on me simply because she had Josh's first and only child. She used my insecurity to her advantage until Josh and I talked about the seriousness of our relationship. Sabrina was old news to him; I just had to realize that he only had eyes for me. Once I learned that I was the woman Josh was in love with, she became irrelevant.
"Chill," He said while grabbing my hand across the table, "I'm gonna buy Madison a phone when I see what her report card looks like so she'll be able to call me whenever she needs to."
"She would love that."
"You talked to Angel today?"
I shook my head, "No, not today. I feel like I been smothering him with my constant calling."
"He probably doesn't feel like that."
"Yeah, well I'll call him once I make it home. How did you feel seeing him for the first time?"
I watched as a smile appeared on Josh's face. He try to hide his excitement sometimes, but I understood how he felt. He always talked about wanting a son. Having Angel here gave him a small glimpse of that. The two seemed to mesh well and I'm thankful for that. In due time, I know their relationship will grow stronger.
"I enjoyed having him around. I gave him some tips for the gym and eating right. I think we could bond a lot over that."
I nodded, "Yeah he loves the gym, and music."
"Your baby father could be some help with that then."I took a sip of my wine and looked elsewhere at the mention of Jay. Josh continued to stare at me, "You two haven't talked?"
"Yeah we talk about Angel."
"So the past never comes up? I want you to be able to heal."
Our food arrived and broke us away from the conversation. We recited a prayer and began to dig in.
"Honestly, we haven't had an in-depth talk about the past. I believe we should but the timing isn't right. I don't feel comfortable talking to him about everything that has happened. Right now, our focus is Angel — It should stay that way."
"He still have feelings for you..."
I sighed, "Josh.. Chill."
"What? I'm just stating the obvious. That's why I feel like you two should talk, especially before December. I don't need anybody trying to crash our wedding."
I chuckled and shook my head. I doubt Jay would go that far, but regardless, Josh was right. Jay and I needed to talk but I wasn't sure if I was prepared to go through the emotions all over again.
After dinner, Josh and I headed home. He approached me in the foyer and his hands traveled right to my ass. The wine had us both tipsy so I didn't put up a fight when he led us to the couch and bent me over. We sexed there and then made it to the bedroom for round two.
I returned the favor and wore his ass out in the second round. I wasn't surprised when he fell asleep on me. It was almost midnight and I wasn't tired just yet, so I grabbed my robe to shield my naked body and left the room with my phone in hand.
I instantly noticed the missed call from my son so I sat on the couch and called him back. He answered my Facetime call after a few rings. It looked pitch black on his end until he turned a light on and I noticed he was in the passenger seat of a car.
"Hi baby," I greeted, "Are you okay?"
He nodded his head, took me off mute, and proceeded to turn the music down, "Yeah, I'm good. Me and Chace just bar hopping. Why I haven't heard from you today?"
"I had a busy day today, I'm sorry. I thought you would be tired of me blowing your phone up."
Angel smiled, showing the dimple in his cheek, "Nah, not yet. I was just venting to Chace. I thought you forgot about me."
"No, never. Don't say that."
He laughed, "Aight, my bad. What you do today that you couldn't call me?"
"Josh and I worked out this morning and then we met with our wedding planner for a few hours. Had dinner and came home not too long ago."
"Dang, I forgot y'all not married yet. How it go?"
"Everything went well. We'll have to talk about it more when I see you. Are you and Chace drinking and driving?"
I could hear his best friend in the background yelling out 'No Mama Knowles'. I laughed at his silly comment but still looked towards Angel for an answer.
"We've been drinking, yeah. We heading to the next bar."
"Angel... You're not even 21. How are they letting you drink?"
"Because I look older and I look good. Plus, I'll flirt with the bartenders. It's easy, ma."
I rolled my eyes. It felt like I was talking to a younger version of Jay all over again. It seemed to be something he would say.
"All jokes aside," I said, staring at him through the camera, "Be safe. No drinking and driving Angel. I'll call you an Uber if you need me to, but don't play dangerous."
"I got you mom. If I need an Uber, I'm calling you back."
"Great. One last thing, have you talked to Jay?"
"He's been calling and texting, and I'll answer sometimes. It's kind of awkward though. He invited me to come out to Miami. He wants me to come to his studio, and I really want to. He said I could bring whoever so I invited Chace and I'm telling you that I want you there."
I frowned before busting out laughing, "I love you, but no. I'll pass."
He sucked his teeth, "See, I knew you would do that. You didn't even want to sit with me when I met him the first time. Why?"
"Because my presence isn't needed for that Angel."
"But I miss you and really want you there. If it's not you, my other mom will feel as if she has to come and it won't be the same."
I groaned. I felt as if Angel and Jay could get to know one another on their own terms. I didn't want to get in between that, but if my son feels more comfortable with me there, then i'll be there with him.
"When does he want you to come?"
Angel shrugged, "Doesn't matter. I have this upcoming week off from Summer classes so I think it'll be good to go then. Will you be able to?"
"I have to check my calendar. I'm flying to D.C. then from there to New York one of those days next week. I will let you know."
He sucked his teeth again, "Okay, cool. I'll call you in the morning to get your answer."
"Yeah, yeah. Be safe tonight. I love you."
"Okay, you too."
I let out a sigh once the call ended. I didn't want to see Jay again. I didn't want to be around him, period. I hated his guts and I had every right to feel that way. But we did need to have a talk ourselves so maybe this trip to Miami will turn out to be something good after all.
__________
I don't know how I found myself in a shopping center with Kelly, Gabrielle, and Gabrielle's 1 year old, Ava. I hated shopping, especially with these two.
It was a beautiful day today and the weather seemed to be everything I could only dream of. There wasn't any rain in the forecast either so the city of Chicago was filled with people walking the streets and enjoying the beauty of the city.
"You like this?" Kelly asked as she held the two toned maxi dress near her body.
I shrugged, "Not my style, but it'll look good on you."
Kelly rolled her eyes while I just laughed. She put the dress back and we headed to the wall of shoes to join Gabrielle and Ava. I pulled the little girl in my arms when she reached out for me. I never had the chance to hold Angel when he was this tiny so I was elated to cuddle her body close to mine.
"Your mommy is taking forever." I said in my best baby voice before kissing her cheek. She was so quiet, but always mean mugging. It was as if she came into this world not wanting to be bothered.
We moved to the next boutique and I instantly fell in love with the items they had to offer. I placed the two piece swimsuit next to my body and looked over at Kelly and Gabrielle.
"This will look good on me for my trip to Miami."
"Miami?!" They said in unison, "Why are you going to Miami?"
"A getaway with my son," I said while handing Ava back to her mother, "Just a few days."
They both settled down when I mentioned Angel. I had canceled everything just to be able to join him in Miami. I talked to Josh about it before giving Angel an answer and I wasn't surprised when Josh pushed me to go. Even after I mentioned that Jay would be around, he still pushed me to go. It made me look at him in a weird way. Maybe I just wasn't mature enough, but I would never agree with him and Sabrina being out of town together.
He says he want me to go in hopes that it'll benefit our relationship and future marriage. In other words, he wanted me to get closure. I felt indifferent. Angel was the closure I needed. Moving on with my life was the closure I needed. Opening old wounds wasn't what I needed.
"Will you-know-who be there?" Kelly asked.
I looked at her, "Yes."
"So it's a family vacation?"
"No. It's my son going to see his father. He just wants me there."
Gabrielle chuckled, "So it is a family vacation. I mean, I don't think it's a bad idea. Both of you spending time with your son. That's how it should be."
"I don't even look at it like that. I'm going to relax and chill by the beach. Angel will spend that time getting to know his father more. What they do has nothing to do with me. I'm only going for emotional support."
Our conversation was cut short by the ringing of my phone. I noticed the Houston area code right away and the familiar digits that followed. I answered, surprisingly. I had been dodging my parents' phone calls since the last time I payed them a visit.
"Beyoncé?" My mother called out.
"Yes?"
She let out a deep sigh, "Baby... I'm so happy to hear your voice. I've been calling."
"I know. I've watched every call go to voicemail."
"Well Im glad you finally answered. I was hoping we could meet for lunch one day soon? Without your father there. Just you and I."
"Um..." I didn't know what to say. My father didn't have a heart, so it's fuck him. But I can at least say that my mother is trying. Maybe hearing her out without my father around will give me a new perspective.
"Umm. I don't know." I said after a few seconds of contemplating.
"I can come to you. I can come to Chicago."
"And who told you I lived in Chicago?"
"Solange. Don't be mad at her Bey."
I rolled my eyes, "Im not mad at her. Im mad that you suddenly want to talk now. Where was all of this when y'all snatched my baby from me?"
Kelly comforted me by rubbing my back as we walked out of the store. She knew how angry my parents and Jay could get me. If I didn't have a heart, I would've been digging their graves for them.
"And I want to talk to you about that Beyoncé. I want to talk to you about everything. I've been quiet long enough."
I bitterly chuckled and wiped my tears, "You're finally right about something. Yeah, we can do lunch... But on my time. I'm not ready. Give me a few weeks."
"However long it takes," She said. I could tell that she was smiling, "Thank you baby."
I ended the call without saying anything else. I wanted to hate them so bad! But how could I? I loved my parents to death. Jay was my first love, my first everything. How could I hate him?
Kelly wiped away my tears and smiled, "You're going to be okay. I know it hurts, but this is what we want right? We wanted this for years and now God is putting the pieces back together again."
She brought me in for a hug as I cried my heart out. Gabrielle joined in and wiped away her fallen tears. I was so thankful for their support.
"I'm scared to let them in again," I mumbled into Kelly's chest, "This is hard."
"And we knew it wouldn't be easy, but you deserve this Beyoncé. They deserve to see how fucked up they did you. They deserve to see you doing well without them. You've been holding onto all of these emotions, and guilt for tooooo long — It's their turn now."
__________
I'm sorry it takes me so long to write for this story. I gotta go a little harder with updating consistently. Bare with me🥺❤️
• Thoughts so far?
• Are y'all liking Josh? Thoughts on him wanting Beyoncé to get closure? Will it hurt or help their relationship?
• Is it a good idea or bad idea for Beyoncé to join Angel and Jay in Miami? Why?
• Should she meet with her mother or wait a little longer to do so? Will they be able to reconcile?
• Next chapter : Jay's POV or Angel's POV?
• I'm glad to have reached this point in the story. I can spice things up.🤪
As always, thanks for reading!
Be sure to vote and comment!❤️