Nox
He smells nice.
Like softener, cedarwood and a hint of spice. It's simple and clean like him. He smells just like a pleasant summer evening when you've returned after a long walk and bathed under the sunlight; its intoxicating and I honestly can't get enough of him. I barely slept all night because he stayed and all I could focus on was him. I must have had maximum three hours of sleep; his presence is overall distracting. Not that I'm complaining, I love that he decided to stay, and I loved that he held me in his arms, not too tightly and certainly not too loose. I loved the way his breath fanned against the nape of my neck and how his fingers traced imaginary shapes all over my hips until he finally stopped as soon as he dozed off.
Part of me was tempted to wake him up, or just turn around and kiss him and just like that initiate that I wanted him again. Him inside me, touching me, fucking me relentlessly like he did before. I wanted him to pin my hands above my head like he did and tell me how angry he is, how much he wants to slam himself into me in order to vent out because I'd gladly accept it. I'd gladly accept him. For the first time it felt right. It felt good.
So fucking good.
And I want more.
I want to do more things to him.
But I couldn't make a move all night, because the other more logical voice of reason kept telling me that it wouldn't be right. He has been through enough already and I didn't want to pressure him into doing anything he didn't want to do. However, there was a small part inside me that felt guilty that I surrendered to my wants and desires so easily that I was almost inconsiderate about the fact that he just found out he got cheated on. What if he had sex with me only to distract himself from the pain he was feeling? What if all he wanted was to blow off some steam for the night?
I gulp hardly and bite on my nail as a bitter feeling floods my stomach. It wasn't like that for me though. My decision of ending things with Taehyung, as spontaneous as it looks from the outside, the more it makes sense as I look into it. I understand Jimin or at least I try to. He can get through me like no one ever has while at the same time he's the only one who can get under my skin to the point that it drives me to insanity.
Even when I was dating his best friend, somehow, I always found my way back to him. And the ugly truth is, I only kept Taehyung around because he was nice to me, and I didn't want to be alone. And as selfish as it sounds, I exploited all that he had to give me without considering his feelings. He tried to communicate with me, tried to reason with me about various personal matters but my walls were just too high, and I wasn't interested in breaking them down. Yet somehow whenever I'm around Jimin, everything flows out with such ease, he's the only person I can talk to.
I don't want to take advantage of him like I did with everyone else.
I want him to talk to me.
I want him to want me because he's genuinely interested in me. Not because he's hurt and feels the need to release whatever tension is bubbling up in his head.
A sigh leaves my lips as I smoothly turn around on the bed in order to face him. His pretty slender eyes are screwed shut, dark brown hair falling over them in dangling spikes; it has gotten longer, and I've noticed he gets easily irritable as they tend to poke his eyes. His cheeks have grown puffy and slightly pink because he's warm under my blanket. My gaze falls on his plump lips and the little dip on the center of the upper lip; it's so fucking cute especially when he smiles. But when he smiles it's not just his mouth because he somehow manages to radiate a vibrant smile from his eyes as well. His shoulders are relaxed, chest heaving up and down as he breathes in and out and I notice his bruised hand reaching over on my side of the bed and I suddenly feel soft. I want to kiss his fingers one by one and then kiss his lips, but I don't want to wake him.
I slowly extend my hand over at his side and gently trace his jawline until my finger brushes against his soft lips. I take a sharp intake of breath and pull away as soon as the sound of my door bursting open startles me. A loud gasp escapes my lips and that causes Jimin to shake a little next to me. His eyes open. My angel is awake.
"Hey, Nox, did you put my purple hoodie for wash? I can't find it anywhere." Axel steps inside my bedroom completely uninvited and I draw the sheets up to cover Jimin when my arm suddenly knocks him in the face, and he groans tiredly.
"Oh, my God I'm so sorry" I acutely apologize and Jimin rubs his face with both hands as I try my best to contain my laugh.
"Um, what is going-" My brother starts saying, eyeing both of us and I kick off the bed sauntering towards him when I lead him out of my bedroom. "Aren't you seeing Taehyung?" He asks, arching a brow judgmentally.
"Don't look at me like that." I snap. "I'm still older than you."
"You just had sex with someone other than your boyfriend." He says bluntly and I roll my eyes annoyed.
"Okay, first that's none of your business. Secondly, Taehyung wasn't my boyfriend and third, I broke up with him, so I didn't cheat on him. Capiche?"
"Wait, you broke up with Tae?" He pipes. "C'mon Nox, he installed our swing."
"Jesus," I nervously run a hand through my hair. "What do you want from me Axel?"
"I was looking for my purple hoodie,"
"Well, I don't have your stupid hoodie."
"Did you put it for wash?"
"No, because you take whatever you find around the house and just clean it."
"I apologize your Majesty for cleaning after your filthy ass and keeping this house neat so that your girlfriend can come over without tripping over your shit." I snap at my brother.
"Jesus, I thought that when you get laid, you're less irritable." Axel mumbles, ignoring my comeback.
I cross my arms and purse my lips. "Is it your life's purpose to piss me off every morning?"
"Pissing you off is the highlight of my day sis," my brother says with a shit-eating grin, and I sigh.
"Screw you."
"I thought you just got screwed." My eyes widen at his smartass mouth. "You two were so loud and the bed was creaking; I thought it was going to break."
He might be my little brother and I love him to death, but I'm going to kill that little shit if he keeps pushing me.
"Watch it Axel." I warn.
"Watch it Axel." He mimics.
"Get out of my face before I smack you." I snort and with that he leaves me in peace.
I enter my bedroom only to find Jimin still in my bed, his head buried under a pillow. I smile at the wonderful sight and hurry into my bed where I can nestle next to him.
"Sorry about that." I say. "And sorry I smacked you."
Jimin lowers the pillow from his face and tosses it away when his hands snake around my waist and he motions me to get closer to him until I end up straddling him. He feels so hard against me and yet his skin is smooth and warm to the touch. He's wearing the same black hoodie from yesterday and his hair is perfectly unruly, his eyes giving me that twinkly smile I adore so much.
He places his lips on my neck and kisses me softly while his hands rub circles on my thighs. Our crotches are mashed together, and I can feel him get hard under me. Not to mention, I'm naked under my robe and I'm feeling sensitive right now. Jimin slowly raises my robe only to uncover my thighs and I pull it right down to cover all the bitemarks he left on them last night, causing him to smirk deviously.
"Mornin'." He says, his voice deep and raspy. His lips find mine and he kisses me softly, his hands wrapping around my waist drawing me closer to his body.
"Did you sleep well?" I ask him and he mutters a low yes. "How are your hands feeling?"
"A little numb, but overall okay." He manages but judging from the crack in his voice I can tell he's lying.
I raise a brow. "They hurt horribly, don't they?"
"Hurts like a bitch." Jimin chuckles and he just holds me right there and then. "Don't you have to go to work?"
"I'll just call in sick." I wink at him with a smile and that's when I remember. "Wait, you've got classes at this hour."
But then he smirks and lowers me on the bed, my bed hitting the mattress and he climbs on top of me. He seems to be in a playful mood and my heart ricochets against my chest.
"Well, I could play hooky for once." He says suggestively and I can't stop the smile that is creeping up on my face.
"You want to spend more time with me huh?" I ask and he nods into my neck as he kisses my skin with such tenderness it causes butterflies to flutter in my stomach.
"Only if you want to."
I'll be damned if I missed this opportunity.
"Let's go grab some breakfast."
He smiles. "It's on me."
We agree to meet in front of the water fountain in thirty minutes, so I take the spare time I have in my hands to take a quick shower and blow dry my hair before quickly putting on some makeup that only consists of a few sweeps of mascara, filling my brows and lip balm. Then I rummage through my closet to find something decent to wear when I take out a red polka dot wrap top and some ripped jeans. I kick some brown ankle high boots and shuck on a warm coat then head out the front door.
There he is standing in front of the water fountain, bathed in sunlight, in a white hoodie and a black coat that accentuates his broad shoulders. Dark washed jeans are hanging off his hips, clinging onto his muscular thighs for dear life until all I can picture is him not wearing them. His eyes are dead set on me, and a heartwarming smile plays on his face, causing my cheeks to burn red. I'm glad to see him smile after everything that happened.
"Hi," I say.
"Hey," he returns and then he eyes my top. "You look pretty in that."
"Thanks," I grin. "I know a place. Since you're paying, I'll drive."
And with that we take off, Jimin follows me outside the apartment complex and into my car. He plops down on the passengers' seat next to me while I turn on the ignition and I drive to my favorite sandwich place, the Lucky Lamb to grab takeout brunch. We don't say anything during the ride there and as I take sneak peaks over at his side, I notice that he's in a seemingly good mood because he's smiling the entire time. He tries to hide it by peering outside at the non-interesting view of our neighborhood and I grin.
"Where are we going?" He asks.
"Somewhere where no one can hear you scream." I answer in a mocking tone, causing him to turn toward me.
"Maybe we should have gone there last night." He smirks confidently running his tongue over his lip in a way that makes my thighs clench and I bite my lip.
"You're in a good mood."
"It's because of you." His words do something to me that's inexplicable. My head is swimming in dopamine and oxytocin; it's invigorating while my heart is doing somersaults under my rib cage and all I can do is sit there with my eyes nailing the road saying absolutely nothing because if I give him some sort of a response, I'll pull over to the closest stop and kiss him until I run out of breath.
"Seriously though, where are we going?" He asks again.
"It's a little far from here." I continue. "You don't mind going for a little drive, don't you?"
"I don't mind, but my stomach does." He mutters.
"Don't worry, they have the best sandwiches in town." I tell him. "Trust me?"
He sighs. "Well, I do trust you with food."
"Yes!" I cheer victoriously and as I drive in the highway, I quickly pluck my phone into the USB port then scroll through my playlist until I press play on 'Strawberry Huracan' by MASN. I roll down the windows, letting the wind course through my hair while Jimin extends his hand outside feeling for the cool breeze. As I speed further and further into the highway, I sneak a peak over at Jimin and he's just sitting there relaxed with the seatbelt securing him. His head is leaned against the window, hair being gracefully swept away from his face revealing his closed eyes, the slight crook of his nose and full lips.
It's been a while since I've seen him this carefree and tranquil; not giving a shit about anything or anyone around him and I think it's good for him that we're going on this spontaneous little adventure right after yesterday's blowup. I didn't want to leave him alone anyway, because I'm scared, he'll something he'll regret, so for the time being I want to enjoy being with him and give him the support he needs.
However, even though he was extremely frustrated because of Evelyn and Sam, right now he seems so lighthearted; it's as if it was years ago, he found his ex-girlfriend's shirt in his best friend's bedroom and now he's living his best life without giving a care in the world. I am relieved of course yet at the same time I can't seem to be able to get rid of my concern, because this is what he does; that's how he faces his problems, by burying them in the sand and pretending that everything is okay when there's this gnawing pain inside him. As selfish as this sounds, I sincerely hope he didn't sleep with me last night only because he needed someone to help vent out his frustrations.
I just want to be something more than that to him.
I need to talk to him about this soon, but for now I want him to enjoy himself.
this week was painful. but there were a few good parts.