Jimin
A glass filled with a rich amber liquid is sitting in my grip halfway done. I raise it to my lips and take a sip tasting the strong notes of vanilla, oak and caramel. A hint of spice tickles my tastebuds and that's when I put the glass back down. I'm currently sitting alone in the bar at the Sage as I wait for Evelyn to arrive. I called her shortly after I left Sam's house and asked her to meet me here to talk. With the alcohol I ingested, I feel slightly relaxed and more controlled, so I don't need to worry about losing it. Besides, Eugenia is here to hold me down with her firm grip; she's used to dealing with brawls all the time in such a setting.
My gaze falls on the cracks on the wet bar and then at the purple marks clouding my pale knuckles. I can start feeling my fingers cramp up as a painful sensation overtakes my entire wrist all the way up to my elbows causing me to groan. A tired sigh leaves my lips and I raise my hands to push my hair away from my forehead. Those annoying spikes are now falling into my eyes. I might need to get a haircut soon. The Nirvana shirt I found at Sam's place is on my lap and the more I look at the damn thing the angrier I feel myself getting, so I raise my bruised hand to gesture to Eugenia to come here.
"I'd like a refill." I say vacantly and she raises a suspicious brow.
"Why the shit-face?" She returns while grabbing a Jack and Daniel's from the shelf.
My hair falls back into my eyes, and I angrily push it back. "I don't want to talk about it right now Eugenia."
She pouts sadly as she pours me my bittersweet cure. "So, you'd rather take baby steps toward alcoholism? Can't say it bothers me, since it benefits me, but you're good guy Jimin and you're my favorite customer, so it pains me to see you going through shit."
I offer her a small smile because her words are the first thing that make me feel a fragment of comfort in this shitty night.
"Thank you, Eugenia." I say. "But this is one is rather personal."
"I see," she mutters. "On a scale of one to ten how fucked is the situation?"
I shrug. "A nine."
"A nine?"
"Yeah," I sigh. "I guess that worse things could have happened, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."
"If it's not a perfect ten, whatever it is that's fucking with your head isn't worth your time pretty boy." Eugenia pushes my drink toward me when she proceeds, "You're angry, feeling like you're torn into pieces, but you're still standing proudly. You have people who give a shit. Fuck everyone else." She pours herself some vodka in a shot glass winks at me encouragingly.
I suck in a breath as I raise the glass to my lips. With Taehyung being pissed at me, Nox avoiding me like the plague and Sam having fucked my ex-girlfriend while we were together; yes, I most definitely have people who give a shit.
"To not giving a shit about fuckers who aren't worth a minute of our precious time." Eugenia raises the shot glass, "Tva-jó zda-ró-vye." She cheers in Russian. We clink glasses and swallow down our drinks.
That's when the door chimes open and Evelyn steps into the bar in a dark gray coat and jeans. Her red locks dangle freely down her waist and her blue eyes examine the entire bar until they finally spot me on the wet bar.
"If I were dating her, I'd head dive into alcoholism." Eugenia snorts, then pours herself another vodka shot. "Good luck with that pretty boy."
Evelyn smiles at me and waves playfully and the way she looks right now is so innocent as if she never went behind my back and did unspeakable things. Her expression is almost convincing me that what I saw back at Sam's house was nothing but a lie. She paces toward me in the bar area, a slight bounce intertwined within each step she takes.
She looks good.
Healthy.
I'm happy for her.
But my anger hasn't subsided.
In fact, her innocent demeanor only adds fuel to the fire in the confines of my mind.
"Hi, Jimin," she says with a grin. "How have you been?"
"I've been great." I say as I run my pointer finger across the rim of the glass. "How have you been?"
"I've been doing alright, if I say so myself." She says. "I'm looking for a new place to live because I really need to save up for therapy and hopefully, I find a decent roommate and an apartment with separate bathrooms-"
At this point I really don't give a damn about the details of her life, so I clench the fabric of the Nirvana shirt and simply place it on the wet bar right between us. Her blue gaze once holding mine, now falls to the clothing I left there, and her cheerful expression immediately alters to a much more serious one. Her lips turn into a thin line, her breathing turns shallower, and she swallows harshly. Her fingers are trembling as they graze the fabric then she crosses her arms against her chest. She avoids looking me in the eye for several seconds that seem like an eternity, but then she finally nods like she admits being caught red handed.
"So, you know." She says in a whisper. "H-how?"
"It doesn't matter how I know and it doesn't matter when," I cut her. "It doesn't fucking matter, because it doesn't change the fact that you cheated on me behind my back with my closest friend."
"Jimin-"
"You know, I was very angry when I found this at Sam's apartment. I was so fucking furious I couldn't control myself." I tell her. "When I confronted the bastard, he didn't even have the common human courtesy to admit what he did. Not even when I punched the living shit out of him. Part of me was shocked, but right now I feel nothing. I can't feel a single thing Ev. And do you know why?" Tears well in her blue eyes, her lips are moving, but they're not forming words. "Because you were never worth it.
"I am not in love with you anymore." I continue. "I can't stress it enough. But I am fucking raging at the fact that two of the people I held dear made a fool out of me. The strange thing is that even though I am still mad at you I can't treat you the same way I treated him. And I won't either, because I don't want to stoop that low. As fucked up as it sounds, I want you to feel the pain I am feeling right now." I take a sharp intake of breath when I say, "I'm trying my hardest to keep my shit together Evelyn, but I will say this; I fucking hate you for not being honest with me and I will never forgive you."
A tear slides down her flushed cheeks. She shuts her eyes tightly before opening them again. "Jimin...you can hate me a-all you want." She starts saying, her voice cracking with every word she utters. "It's okay, you can hate me. I deserve it." Her fingers clench around the fabric of the graphite T-shirt when she wipes her tears away from her face. "B-but you need to listen to me, okay? Before you go, please give me this one chance to say something."
I nod silently and she takes a deep breath.
"The night it happened; I was drunk." She says. "Both of us were under the influence. Do you remember when I told you I am bipolar in the hospital when Yoongi and I got into an accident?" When I nod, she proceeds. "I was going through a manic episode during that period because of some stress inducing events that triggered it. I couldn't control myself, my impulses. And I had stopped taking my Lithium for several weeks."
"Why did you stop taking your meds?"
"Because they drained me." She says flatly. "Being on Lithium keeps me under control with the right dosage, but I always feel somewhat drowsy and tired. It's an inevitable side effect. I needed more energy in order to be more productive otherwise my uncle would call me. He would tell me to hurry up with my payment and that caused me anxiety. You have no idea what I had to do to keep myself together." When I don't say anything, she continues. "I'm not telling you this to feel sorry for me. I don't want your pity, nor do I expect you to forgive me. I refuse to use mental illness as justification for my actions, because I fucked up. What happened was my fault. I was the one who stopped taking my meds. I was the one who was closed off to everyone. I cheated and you are right for feeling the way you do." She plays with the fabric of the shirt on the table. "I just needed you to know that I wasn't in my right mind and that even if I talked it out with you, it wouldn't change the fact that I went off the rails.
But you could talk to me.
I was there for you.
"When my uncle would ask me for money, he'd tell me to do what my mother does best; find a man and stay with him as long as he provides for me. I hated when he said that and I hated that he viewed me in the same light as her, because I worked hard for everything I obtained up until this point. I made mistakes, I am flawed and imperfect, but I don't want to stop working towards my goals." Evelyn looks down at my bruised knuckles with a sad expression. "There was a point in my life when I actually did what he told me, when I interacted with guys only because they had something to give me in return. I hated myself with such a passion, but it got the job done quickly for me, so I didn't complain. I didn't have friends for that very reason. Because everyone thought I wanted material things, because they thought I had a fickle minded heart and that's when you came in.
"When I met you in the laundry room, I had a one-track mind. I noticed that kendo uniform you had in your basket, so I figured you were wealthy. And then I saw that you had absolutely no idea how to use a laundry machine, so I decided to talk with you."
"Let me get this straight, you approached me because you thought I was rich?" I pipe. "You assumed that just because I was doing martial arts, I was wealthy?"
She blushes embarrassed then nods. "Yeah..."
Little did she know, I can't even do kendo without risking injuring my arm any further.
It was all a lie.
"You were so nice to me, and you were a little shy and I guess you caught me off guard. You seemed like a very genuine person, and you seemed very sincere when you thanked me about showing you how to sort your clothes based on color and material. I knew that I didn't want to use you." She draws a breath when she says, "You were the only man who showed me kindness up until that point in my life and as cheesy as it may sound, I wanted to see if I could perhaps keep that."
"But you came to me with different intentions. You only approached me because you needed money." I argue. "That's fucked up."
"I know and I'm sorry." She says softly. "I never meant to hurt you. It's the last thing I wanted to do-"
I grab my coat from the seat next to me and shake my head in despondence. "But you did Evelyn."
"Jimin, please I'm sorry. I can't articulate how damn sorry I am-" She stammers as I lift my body off the bar stool. "Please don't go yet."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Jimin, I need you to know that it wasn't a lie." Evelyn stands in my way and places a hand on my chest to stop me. I glare daggers at her, and she moves her trembling hand away. Tears well in her eyes and for the first time, I don't feel anything when I see her on the verge of breaking down. "It wasn't a lie. I swear. I might have had different intentions at the beginning, but you shattered all my beliefs to pieces. I fell in love with you for that very reason."
"Are you done?" I ask coldly.
She bites her lip tentatively when she finally gives me a silent nod.
"You can keep the shirt." I tell her as I push the Nirvana tee to her side on the wet bar. A tear falls from her eye and she turns away from me embarrassed.
I turn on my heel to walk away from her when Eugenia calls me. "I'm very sorry to interrupt your dramatic exit pretty boy but that will be 12 dollars."
I shake my head confused when I fish out my wallet from my back pocket. "Oh, sure of course," I mutter, handing her a twenty. "Keep the change."
first update of the year!
happy new year loves❤️