jungkook's nightmares were constantly triggered when he looked at the media online. as much legal action yoongi took, the malicious comments and reminders were always there.
the nightmares made it nearly impossible to go through the day. he often headed to work and school with no more than 4 hours of sleep.
"mr. jeon, you look really tired. did you have a nightmare again?" one of his students asked, he nodded, "it's fine, i promise"
he always put a lot of effort into making people think he was fine and slept every hour he needed. hell, on some days he managed to convince yoongi.
people noticed he was tired but didn't know it was because of his nightmares. he was constantly tired and exhausted everyday.
he didn't know when these thoughts started, but he wanted to die.
it wasn't an everyday thing, but he would think about it. he thought about how it would be like to not have struggles or worries.
—
jungkook flopped on their shared bed once he got home. he hadn't spoken a word.
"hey bub, how are you?" yoongi asked, jungkook showed a thumbs up, "tired? need a massage?"
jungkook nodded and pointed to his back, "is something wrong? i'm sensing something. you seem upset" yoongi said as he massaged jungkook's back.
"i'm okay, just really tired from school" jungkook said, "i get that, you should rest soon" yoongi said, jungkook nodded.
however, yoongi felt that something was terribly wrong. were these his fiance instincts?
—
jungkook couldn't sleep. he tossed and turned before he began silently crying.
gosh, he just didn't feel well. he didn't feel like living.
it wasn't he necessarily wanted to kill himself, but he wanted to die. he just didn't want to live.
"jungkook-ah?"
jungkook shakily exhaled, "y-yes?'" he asked, "why are you crying?" yoongi asked, "don't worry" he sniffled, "how do you expect me to not worry? tell me what's wrong"
jungkook cried harder, he didn't want to talk about it. he didn't want anyone to worry.
he stared at the crying boy, running his hands through his hair and wiping his tears.
"do you ever wonder what it's like to die?"
yoongi was taken back, "why are you asking that?" yoongi asked, he didn't receive a response, but a hum.
"honeybun, what's going on?" he asked, jungkook stared at the solid colored wall in their room, "doesn't really matter.."
yoongi knew not to rush him to say what was going on, but he felt that this had to be rushed, "hyung, i don't want to live"
it was silent, "goodnight, sleep well" jungkook said, shutting his eyes and hoping he would fall into a restful sleep.
however, yoongi turned on a small night light, "you need to talk to me. what's making you feel like this?" he asked, jungkook shrugged.
"jeon jungkook, you can't shrug these answers. this is serious" yoongi said, trying to hide the fact he had tears forming in his eyes.
"i think you're the one taking it serious.. i don't think it matters" he mumbled, yoongi sighed, "anyone would take it serious. how long have you felt like this?"
jungkook hummed, "i don't know, maybe a month" he spoke, "love, we need to go to the hospital"
"no we don't. i haven't slept in like 3 days so i would like to sleep" he said, "kook, you can sleep at the hospital. we need to go"
"shh" jungkook shushed the boy, "stop shushing me. get up" he said, "i'm tired"
yoongi was getting frustrated with the boy, they were arguing about going.
"i'm not going to be able to sleep if you're thinking like this. we're going for the sake of your mental health. there is no protesting"
jungkook sighed. he took his slippers and stuffed bunny as yoongi guided him to the car.
—
"why are you crying?"
yoongi wiped his tears, "i'm scared..i'm scared of loosing you" he sniffled as they drove, "you mean so much to me" he cried.
this was the first time in a while that he saw yoongi cry with an extremely upset and saddened words and expressions.
"i can't lose you. please.. why didn't you talk to someone? why didn't you tell me?" he cried, his heart was racing as he was crying as hard as he could for a driving person.
"i don't know..i'm sorry" jungkook said, the rest of the car ride consisted of both of them crying in an awkward silence.
—
"we're going to interview you in this room away from jungkook because you're overwhelming him with your crying and we need to ask some questions"
yoongi sobbed into his hands. he didn't want to be doing this at almost four in the morning.
"do you know how long he has felt like this?" the social worker asked, "he said around a-a month.. please just help him! i'll do fucking anything. i don't want him suffer, please!" he sobbed, he didn't want to answer anything he just want jungkook to be alright.
"i get your concern, sir min. you can help us help him by answering. we have someone helping him right now" the social worker reassured, "do you need water?"
yoongi shook his head as he cried. the last thing he wanted on this earth was for his sunshine to suffer.
—
"hey jungkook, how are you feeling?" the social worker that was working with him asked, "i feel kinda bad"
"why's that?" he asked, "everything kinda.. sucks. well, i just don't want to live so my fiance took me here" he spoke, "do you have a plan?"
jungkook shook his head, "have you been using illegal substances?" the man asked, he shook his head again.
"do you have a history of mental health?" he asked, "mhm.. i have ptsd"
the man wrote something down and checked some things on his computer.
"how much do you sleep a day?" he asked, "i try to sleep 8 hours but i haven't slept in like 2 days" jungkook said, "is there a reason?"
"i have ptsd nightmares and flashbacks, woo me!" he laughed, "can you laugh too?" he asked, "um, i didn't think it was funny. how do you cope with these nightmares and flashbacks?"
"well, i cope well with them but lately i haven't because they happen very often. i usually stare at walls" he said, "are you having hallucinations? or hear things others don't?" the man asked, "no, i just feel like dying. that's it"
the social worker had to call someone and discuss something but then returned with jungkook.
"we're going to set up a safety plan and discuss what to further do"
jungkook nodded, hugging his stuffed bunny.
—
"you need to take some deep breaths" the social worker with yoongi spoke, but the boy continued crying, "you don't understand! he's my fiance!" he cried, throwing himself on to the ground.
his eyes were puffy, he could barely open them. he was tired and stressed, he couldn't bare the thought of jungkook feeling like this.
"i understand. jungkook is doing well right now, he's cooperating with his social worker and talking with him. i promise he'll do even better if you cooperate with us too"
yoongi sniffled, taking a sip of the orange juice the staff had brought him earlier.
yoongi calmed down and was able to answer the questions he was asked. however, it still hurt his heart.
"jungkook claims to be extremely exhausted physically because he hasn't been sleeping well. we figured it'd be a hassle to drive home, would you guys like to stay until jungkook wakes up?" the social worker asked, "is he asleep?"
the social worker nodded, "then i'll sleep in the chair by his bed. thank you"
—
he saw the boy cuddling his stuffed bunny and smiled, happy jungkook was resting.
he didn't mind sleeping on a chair if it meant his bunny was working on himself.
"hyung?" he asked, rubbing his eyes, yoongi waved,"how are you doing?" yoongi asked the boy, "i feel better, thank you. i feel kinda neutral now"
he handed yoongi his safety plan, "thank you bub for cooperating. i'm still a bit conflicted with everything" yoongi said, jungkook rubbed his eyes, "me too, so i'll just sleep"
yoongi nodded as he looked over jungkook's safety plan.
—
warning signs: nightmares, flashbacks, picking at skin around finger, not speaking a lot, crying, screaming.
coping skills: talking to yoongi, drawing, coloring, looking at photography pieces, showering, polaroid pictures, clothes specifically sweatshirts.
social worker notes: jungkook states sweatshirts feel like a hug.
people to help distract: yoongi, taehyung, jimin, mom.
people to ask for help: yoongi, jimin, taehyung.
social worker note: jungkook stated that he is usually around yoongi so yoongi is his number 1 choice.
professionals to contact during crisis: therapist, art therapist, crisis hotline
how to make environment safe: dim lights, use weighed blanket, watch movies, and kookoo
social worker note: kookoo is a stuffed bunny, jungkook stated that the home is primarily safe because his fiance and himself struggle with mental health.
most important reasons for living: wedding, yoongi, friends, family, school
social worker notes: after talking with jungkook, he is not considered as high risk. it is suggested he does 2-3 sessions a week with his therapist instead of 1-2. jungkook overcame his crisis in a healthy manner and is ready for discharge. please return to ER if thoughts about death continue.
—
he was happy jungkook coped in a good way and wasn't as high risk. he folded it in half and held it as he slept.
it had been a hard night, but yoongi would do anything for jungkook.
—
"how do you feel bub?" yoongi asked when they were bad home, "mentally exhausted"
yoongi was expecting a better answer, he mentally let out a sad sigh, "can i do anything to help?"
"not really, i'll sleep some more. thank you though" jungkook said, "okay, i'll make us something to eat for later"
jungkook nodded and fell asleep, yoongi headed to the kitchen.
—
yoongi felt guilty. he felt everything was his fault. he tried cooking to distract him but it was working.
he sniffled, letting tears run down his cheeks as he prepared some rice. he wasn't deserving of this food.
he served some on a plate for jungkook but not himself. he cried as millions of thoughts ran through his head.
eventually he stopped and stared into the distance. he hated himself, but hey, what was new?
—
jungkook
yoon
where r u
yoongi
mall
im here to buy u a gift
and had to buy a new head thing for my electric toothbrush
jungkook
why r u getting me a gift
yoongi
i feel guilty and im proud of u for doing well at the hospital
jungkook
why r u guilty
yoongi
just things?
making u feel like this ig
jungkook
you know this is not ur fault yoongj
don't think that, okay?
yoongi
mhm m sorry
how r u feeling
jungkook
you know that feeling when ur fever is cooling off?
kinda like that
yoongi
left some food on the table for you
jungkook
thank u
—
"tinsel teeth, you're trending" jungkook said once yoongi came home. yoongi hummed, "for what?"
"people think they saw your bottom braces. they're betting on it" jungkook said, making yoongi laugh.
"someone said, i bet he got them again because he never wore his retainer" jungkook read, making yoongi pout.
"got you this" yoongi said, handing the boy a gift bag. jungkook opened it and found some sweatshirts inside and some socks.
"woah, this sweatshirt is so comfy. i love it" he smiled, yoongi smiled back, "i knew you would like it"
yoongi sat next jungkook, caressing his hair, "i need to wash my hair. its greasy"
yoongi hummed, "your hair feels just fine. let's just cuddle"
jungkook and yoongi talked in a warm manner as they cuddled.
"hey hyung, are we okay?"
"we're okay" he reassured.
—
i hope this is sad enough for maxcozyboi blame them for the angst not me /hj. stay safe and healthy! drink water and eat some food! sorry for any mistakes, i love you all! qotd: whats ur fav color?