Sofia
I don't know if it was the excruciating pain coming from every part of my body, or the undeniable pain coming from heart when I remembered.
As I went to stand up, strong arms instinctively wrapped around my waist. I winced in pain at first, but fell into the comfort of him.
"Your not going to school today," He whispered from behind me.
"I have to-"
"Your not going. End of discussion." He said, nuzzling his face into the back on my neck.
I look over at the clock that laid on his dark nightstand, "You have to go to school then."
"I'm not leaving you alone." He deadpanned.
I shook my head, "I'll be fine-"
"Would you stop arguing with me? Your staying home, and I'm staying with you, understand?" His voice deepened into a raspy morning voice.
My response was a short sigh.
After another hour of sleep, I finally made my way out of bed and into the bathroom.
I looked horrid.
Something straight out of a horror movie.
This was going to be impossible to cover up at school tomorrow.
But that's the least of my worries. The one thought that replayed in my head was the game.
How am I going to perform my best if I can barely walk?
Painkillers. Lots of painkillers.
My phone starts ringing from the bedroom, but before I can go get it, Coal is already answering it.
"Hello? Sofia where are you and Coal?!" I could hear the high pitched tone of Alyssa's voice from the bathroom.
I practically limped over to Coal who was now watching my movements instead of listening to Alyssa.
He quickly re focused on their conversation.
"We're together and we're fine. Now bye." He said, ending the call.
I rolled my eyes at his rudeness but limped back to the bathroom, dragging my feet on the floor.
I examined my face, the bruises.
Nothing would make a scar thankfully, I have enough of those to cover me.
"Goodmorning beautiful," Coal said as he walked up behind me.
A painful smile overcome my face. It's so hard not to smile at him when he's sweet.
I scoff.
Coal gives me a look, "Stop doing that."
"Hm?" I ask confused.
"Denying the fact that your fucking perfect," Coal says.
"I'm more than perfect!" I chime in sarcastically.
Dick- actually I like his dick so he's a bitch.
A fat one.
He arms wrap around my waist and he presses his chin on my shoulder that's covered by his sweatshirt.
I close my eyes for a few seconds, before opening them to newly formed tear.
Bloody hell.
"Why the fuck are you crying?" He narrows his eyes at the year dripping from my eye.
"I'm just scared- for what's next." I say.
"Sofia he will never get to even look at you again-"
"That's not what I mean. What am I supposed to do after we graduate? I've been so caught up in the other shit in my life that I haven't even accepted any scholarships- I haven't even looked at all my scholarships! Will I even go to college? Do I even want to play softball in college? Do I even want to go to college? What if I can't even get into a college!" I stop myself to catch my breathe.
The millions of questions roaming through my brain have me stuck.
"Hey, hey, calm down," Coal says, whispering soft nothings into my ear.
I'm not even close to crying now- I'm just anxious.
I slow my breathing to where I'm able to speak.
"I just feel like a fuck up." I admit, leaning back into Coal.
"Your not a fuck up. If anything I'm the fuck up." He says.
"How are you are you a fuck up?" I say, confused as to why that would ever cross his mind.
"There's a lot of things you don't know princess," He says.
My heart drops. All I've ever done is thought my fucking self. I didnt even think about Coal, in general. I never asked about how he felt about Luke dying, why him and his parents don't talk anymore.
I never fucking asked, once. He probably thinks I don't care, but that's far from it.
The only way for me to be okay is if he's okay.
"I'm sorry." I say, turning around to face him.
"And for what exactly?"
"Not showing you that I care, because I do. I want to know everything about you Coal. I know you've told me some of the dark things you've done after Luke died, but I want to know everything. I told you everything and you listened, so now it's my turn." I say.
He freezes, doesn't move an inch.
"Okay." He finally says, then walks out of the bathroom.
I follow after him in confusion.
He reaches the kitchen and opens a cabinet on top of the fridge. He pulls out a dark oak, dainty box and sets in on the counter.
"Sit." He says, looking between me and the barstool that sits in front of the counter.
I slowly but surely reach the barstool and squint my eyes as I try to hoist myself into the seat.
Coal winces as he watches my painful retreat.
He walks over and lightly picks me up, placing me into the chair.
He slides the box over to me hesitantly.
"Inside you'll find a letter," He starts.
"You don't have to read it, but it will explain what I'm about to tell you," He continues.
I keep my eyes trained on him, not for one second speaking up, just listening.
"About a year after Luke's death, my depression was at its pinnacle. Nobody ever noticed that I was so deep into it. My parents only saw a teenage boy who was fucked up and an alcoholic. One who slept around with girls like they were fucking beds." He shakes his head.
"None of that is true. None of it!" He raises his voice, shaking his head more aggressively.
"God Luke was everything to me. Every fucking thing revolves around him. He was the center of my happiness and when he was gone, just like that, I had nothing to go to. Nothing. I didn't have you to go to." His voice cracked.
My heart drops. I wasn't there for him when we both needed each other. He was going through the worst but still tried to help me. All I ever did was push him away.
"And a year after his death, I almost left the same way he did." Then the tears came. He cried, thoroughly.
My whole entire world shatters.
His shaky hands cover his face.
I take it what he just said, then manage to get off the barstool, walking over to him.
I wrap my arms around his head and bury it into my chest.
"I'm so sorry," I say, tears falling from my own eyes.
"I couldn't do it. I just couldn't!" He says, sobs wreck through his body.
I want to take back the two years we lost. The two years we could have been better, better for each other.
Now we're just too broken people who happen to find comfort in each other.
But when I'm part of the reason he's broken, it makes me shatter.
Shatter a million times over and over again.
If I was there, maybe he wouldn't have thought about it.
"I'm so fucking sorry." I repeat softly, stroking my fingers through his hair.
He takes a few minutes, welling up.
When he manages to look
up at me, he mumbles some curse words under his breathe.
"I'm so sorry for leaving you alone." I say, gripping his face in my hands.
"I know," He nods his head slightly, then pecks me on the lips.
"The letter inside that box," He looks over to it, "is the letter I wrote to you the night I almost killed myself."
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STOP BECAUSE I CRIED WRITING THIS KNOWING DAMN WELL I DIDN'T HAVE TOO
but i have a three day weekend so there will be plenty of posts.
unfortunately there's not too many chapters left...
and graduation is a week away :(
i hope we can get to 100k reads before it finishes! s
hare share share
i love you and remember your fucking beautiful <3