UR 52
Zamira had an idea and as Manik had said it was brave but stupid. Ironically, there isn't much difference between bravery and stupidity, they go hand in hand.
'Well, this is everything about Nachiket. Everything we have had over years.' Ivaan gave her bunch of files. 'What are you thinking?'
'You will get to know that soon.' Zamira said thoughtfully. 'For now, did you check anything suspicious.'
'I have hacked into the server there is nothing new.'
'Hmm... can you do me another favor, Ivaan.'
'Anything you want.'
'Scrub my mobile off the system and get me a burner.'
'Okie dokie.'
'Guys... what are you doing?' Yuvaan asks walking in with Alishka.
'Nothing.' Zamira says bluntly.
'Come on we can see those files.' Alishka says with a hint of sarcasm.
'Good to know you are not blind.'
'Wooh... wooh... people. Take it a notch lower. I thought you were going to say something Alishka.
Alishka sighs, 'Look we didn't get off to the best start Zamira but this isn't your fight alone. Nachiket has hurt people we love. So even though I am not your fan I guess we can put our differences aside and do something about the situation in hand.'
'I appreciate the offer but I am good on my own. Thanks.' Zamira says as platonically as possible.
'What the hell?' Alishka's words slur seeing Zamira leave.
'Dude we can help.' Yuvaan says hopefully.
'I know but I don't think she wants that.'
'Why?' Alishka asks cluelessly.
'Well, isn't that obvious. She blames herself for what happened to dai ma.'
'It's not her fault.' Yuvaan says hoping she believes him.
'Try convincing her.' Ivaan sighed.
'What are you doing?' Alishka asks pointing at his computer screen.
'I am scouting every computer in and around the palace so that I can somehow find out what Nachiket is up to.'
'Hmm.... And Zamira is learning everything about Nachiket.'
'Yup!'
'And what are you up to?' Ivaan asks knowing very well about the look Alishka carried.
'Nothing.' She said clamping her hands calmly and giving them a smile as she leaves. 'I will catch up with you guys later. Bye.'
'She is up to something.' Yuvaan said once she left.
'Definitely.' Ivaan agreed.
Zamira was supposed to meet Brian at 311 Lexington Avenue at Lucid Café and he seemed to be running late. Keeping in mind the recent events it was hard to get out of house and waiting for someone wasn't high on her list right now.
'Sorry to keep you waiting, Zamira.' Brian sat in front of her.
'No problem.'
'I heard about your aunt, are you okay?' She realized he was asking about dai ma and it did make her uncomfortable, she didn't want to remember her as when ever she did all her memories faded into that box with head, which was delivered as "gift" to her. It truly broke her to know that she was the reason dai ma couldn't even die in peace. Instead, she was reduced to a remanent of her head. A self-obsessed bastard just for the sake of money killed someone she loved, so he could bring her down to her knees. She hated his very existence and a part of her wanted to end it so badly. Irrespective of what that would do to her. This man knew no lines and she wanted to forget all her boundaries because of him. He enraged her in ways nobody ever did. She had seen many bullies in her life and she knew he wasn't one; he was an outright tyrant.
'I am fine, thank you.' She said robotically looking away.
'Hye, I know you are not okay; it was a stupid question to ask. Sorry... I know how it feels.' He said averting his eyes at end and Zamira could bet she saw him get teary eyed. He was talking about the time he lost his mother. That's when Zamira realized how similar their situation was. His mom was killed by some delinquents for money and a car, while she died protecting him. She died because some random person thought money was way more important than her life, just like dai ma. The question that how could someone be so malicious, dug holes in her head.
'Well... does it ever get easier.'
'No.' he said shrugging his shoulder.
'Wooh... reality check hmn.'
'But as every single day passes by you start accepting it a little more. It starts hurting a little less. Until one day something reminds you that you might be the reason and it hits you like a rock.' He looks at her then nods. 'Of course, you aren't the reason here.'
'I might be.' She says in a trance.
'Hye.' He takes her hand in his. 'Don't go down that rabbit hole. You don't deserve that.'
'Maybe, I do Brian. Maybe, I do.'
'Maybe, you don't Zamira. See I don't know what's going on with you but I have seen you. You are very kind. Way more kind than I deserve. But it's your heart and how you can forgive people that makes you stand out.'
'Everybody doesn't deserve to be forgiven, Brian.'
'Well, someone told me, sometimes forgiving others isn't the task, forgiving yourself is.' He said with a sly smile quoting her words to her.
She chuckles- a dry humorless laugh and nods. 'Easier said than done.'
'Oh, boy... yes.'
Both laugh lightly and then nod dismissively.
'Look, what I mean is life kinda already sucks after somebody you love leaves you. If you blame yourself, it isn't going to get better, it just keeps getting worse till the point you start questioning your love for them and every nice innocent thing that ever existed between you till you are filled with so much hate that you end up hurting the people you love. Believe me I know that better than anyone else. I drove everyone I cared about away from me. Till a point I couldn't even look at myself without accusing or hating myself. That place, it's lonely as hell. You don't wanna be there, in fact you should never be there. You brought me back from that place, Zamira. Think about it do you wanna be where I was. Being a lost cause. Not able to talk to your dad, hurting everyone in your family. Hurting the only girl you love, who stood by you all along. Driving your best friend away to a point where you can't look into his eyes and apologies.'
Zamira nodded her head in disagreement, 'That would be really bad.'
'Then let this go. Trust me.'
'I am just hurting, Brian. I don't get it. Why? Why so much?'
'Because you love her and it's natural to hurt.'
'She has always been so kind to me and now she is gone, just like that. No goodbyes. I want to tell her so many things.'
'I know, you do. Take as much time you want to Zamira, there is no hard and fast rule while dealing with pain. Just don't be so hard on yourself that you start hiding yourself and then just to stay hidden you will start being rude and start lying and eventually regret it at the end. If you don't want to talk to anyone else. Talk to me. I will be a good listener, I promise.'
'Thank you.'
'Anytime.' He pats the back of her hand.
'Well, I wanted to ask you for a favor.'
'What is it?'
She forwards a folder to him. After taking a look at it he seems pretty confused.
'What are you planning?'
'Something stupid and crazy but please trust me, I would never drag you in something unless and until it wasn't my last option. It's dangerous and you can say no but you are my only hope.'
'Not to mention this is illegal.'
'I know. I am sorry. I shouldn't drag you in this.'
'You want me to be your handler.'
She looks pretty astound. 'You know about that.'
'I know a lot of things, Zamira and I am pretty sure you found my name in the database and that is why you came to me.'
She nods nervously. 'I am sorry.
'It's better, at least you didn't go to some stranger.'
'Thanks.'
'Look I will help you if you tell me the truth.'
'It's kinda complicated.'
'It always is.'
'Not to mention I don't want you as my handler.'
'If you want me to do what you are asking me to do, the least you can do is tell me the truth.'
'Fair enough.' She says scratching her neck. 'So, here's the thing.' She explains him as briefly as possible without giving too much details yet telling him enough to convince him to do what she is asking for. 'You can say no if you want but I promise if you do what I am asking of you I will not be reckless at all and be very careful.'
'If I say no, will you stop.'
'No.' she says quiet determined making him sigh in disbelief.
'You are making this very hard on me. What if tell your dad?"
'Well, you can and then I can kill you without any remorse.'
'Oh boy... You can be intimidating sometimes you know.'
'Glad to know that.'
'Fine. I will do this. Anyways, if you won't kill me your dad will. It's more like a die-die situation for me.'
'Who is going to tell my dad? Not me. Are you?'
'If you don't know, let me tell you, your dad isn't stupid. In fact, he is a very intelligent man.'
'Who can act dumb at time.' She says sarcastically.
'Oh please...' He says feeling a little offended.
'For a guy who got trashed by him, you sure are a fan of him.'
'He means a lot to me. At one point he helped me more than anyone and as far as the trashing goes, I got what I deserved.'
'Can you keep it from my dad.'
'I will.' He agrees even though he wasn't very glad about his decision.
'Are you sure?'
'Yes. But I will set some ground rules.'
'Okie dokie.'
'You are stubborn, you know that right.'
'You know my dad. You don't have to act so surprised. I have got his genes.'
'I hope you know what you are doing?'
'I don't see much of an option, Brian. I just know I can't give up.'
'It's too much a burden for a fourteen-year-old.'
'I wasn't fourteen anymore the moment those goons started hurting my mom and me. And I don't plan one being that ever again.'
'Don't be so sure, Zamira.'
'Can I ask you something?' She asks changing the question.
'Yup!'
'Why are you helping me? You clearly respect my dad a lot. Even then.'
'I respect you too, Zamira, just like your dad. And you have helped me so much...'
She cuts him in-between, 'Dude you owe me nothing. And to be honest you have saved me a greater number of times then I could even count.'
'I know I don't owe you anything. But I don't keep counts with friends. As far as helping you goes. It's personal.'
'Personal? How?'
'You want your parents together. It is personal.'
Zamira nods understandingly.
Right when Zamira entered the house she was cornered by Nandani.
'What is it, mom?'
'Zamira... please listen to me.'
'Oh my god, mom. Don't start all over again. I have told you, my decision. It's not going to change.'
'Zamira, you have to take this seriously.'
'Really mom?' She asked sarcastically. 'It's my life on line, I am not sure how much more serious it can get from here. Dai ma's murder is on my conscious. How much more serious you want me to be?'
Nandani looks at her feeling fragile under her daughter's words. 'Zamira it's not on you.'
'Would you say the same when another head pops in as a parcel, mom or even worse when I die?' Nandani and others look at her in surprise. It was astounding how easily those words rolled out of her mouth as if she had accepted her fate
'Zamira don't say things like that.'
'Oh, so now you are even delusional mom. You think me leaving would solve the problem. Right? But you know what I hear mom, let's go and everyone else can take the brunt for my existence.'
'Nothing like that would happen.'
'Since you seem so pretty sure. Let me ask how are you so confident.'
'I am. He just has problem with you being with this family.'
'No mom he has a problem with me being alive. That is his problem.'
'How can you be so sure?'
'Well for beginning what about the messages and pictures and yeah, how does a head wrapped as a gift, sounds for a flash warning kinda thing. That man might be insane but he makes a one hell of a point, mom.'
'Zamira, he didn't hurt you once because we left. If we leave now, everything would be fine.'
'It doesn't seem like that to me, mom.'
'Zamira all of this can be avoided. If we leave. Everything. Nobody will get hurt.'
Zamira was silenced as much as she didn't want to go, her mother did have a point. But she wanted to fight for them, for her family. She didn't want to lose her dad again, she couldn't, she wasn't that strong but if her leaving would save all of them the pain or they won't have to lose anyone, she might as well do it.
'How can you be sure of that?' The question was directed more to Manik then to Nandani. Even he wasn't sure if that was possible.
'Neither can any of you be. This is just a wiser choice. I know you want to fight but fighting isn't the best option always.'
'What if I say no.' Zamira asked.
Nandani had wished it wouldn't come down to this. 'Then you have to chose between your dad or me. Because I won't stay and see you dig your own grave.' Nandani was sure Zamira would never leave her and that is why she was ready to bet that this would work but she had no idea how badly in that very moment she broke Zamira.
Zamira looked at her, color draining out of her skin as her eyes became teary, she didn't want to believe her ears but she knew what she had heard. She turned around in the hope that this would be her worst nightmare.
'Zamira... what have you decided?' Nandani asks.
Zamira turns around to look at Nandani with those broken eyes of her, 'Give me some time to think.'
'We don't...'
Tejaswani stops Nandani from completing her sentence, 'Take your time, kiddo.'
'Thank you.' Said Zamira turning away but then she turns back and says, 'Don't call me kiddo. Just don't. My name is Zamira.' She said making them all feel like strangers just like they did to her.
'Thank you so much, Nandani.' Manik remarks aggressively sprinting from there behind Zamira.
'Zu... bacha...' Manik knocks on her door.
Without fussing over it Zamira opens the door, she tiredly says, 'I know what you want. You want me to leave. I get it. Please leave me alone now.'
'No... no... I don't want you to leave. I mean it's ok if you chose to. I will understand that. It's your choice to make and I will fully support you but don't be under any kind of pressure.'
'What?' Zamira asks confused putting a break to his rambling.
Manik sighs, 'Zu... kiddo...' He pauses for her reaction and since she doesn't retaliate at the nickname he considers it as a green signal, he was aware that he was on a thin ice with her but he was glad she wasn't running away screaming at him or disappointed with him. 'I mean if you chose to leave, I will come with you. I don't care what Nandani says, what mom says or anyone at all says. I promise you I will be coming with you. You don't have to chose between Nandani and me.'
As if his words made weight lift off her chest and she could breathe normally again, Zamira had tears in her eyes; probably of gratitude.
'Hye... don't cry Zu.' Manik gently rubs her tears while still waiting for her reaction. But all he gets are more tears, while he looks expectantly at her. 'Say something.'
'Keep talking.'
Even thought Manik is confused, he smiles, that was an awkward demand. 'Like about what?'
'Like... you aren't giving up on us.'
'No... never. Oh... I am so sorry about what I said earlier. Kiddo I was just scared. I promise, I will never give up on us. No matter how much effort it takes. No matter to what end of the world I have to go to. I will do whatever it takes but you aren't going away from me. And that is not going to change. If your mom is adamant, so am I.'
'But mom...'
'She is a crazy woman but the truth she loves you more than anything.'
'Are you guys fighting?' She asks innocently.
Manik wanted to lie or make up something, but he just couldn't. So, he gently wrapped his arm around Zamira, 'Well this might be new to you. Obviously, you aren't used to having both of us. Just a little heads up, we both fight way too much. But we always find a way around it.'
'Will you be able to do it this time as well?'
Manik was way too angry with Nandani and he doubted they could get past this. It wasn't just a fight, it was years if anger, rage, unanswered questions, lost time and moments; he couldn't help but consider somewhere in between all that time, they both had lost who they were. Anyways, it was something for Nandani and him to worry about not Zamira. She had way too much on her plate already, a little hope would take her a long way. 'I will like to think we can.'
Zamira nods.
'Come here.' Manik hugs her and Zamira tightens her grip on him, like her life depended on him and to be honest, it did.
'Dad, I don't want to go.' She said pleadingly.
Manik looks at her, 'But I will come with you.'
She looked at him and she knew that's what would solve every single problem. But she didn't want to run, she just couldn't. And if she had to, she wanted her entire family with her. 'It's not about that.'
'Then?'
'Won't you miss everyone here.'
'You have started to love them.' He asks gently knowing that it wasn't only his but even her own feeling that she was talking about.
'I can't do this to anyone. Cabby or Dhruv chachu, Abhi mamu, mamu, dadu, dadi, entire fab5 and Ansh chachu, he would be broken, after Arzoo bhua he can't lose you and Ivaan... especially Ivaan. Ivaan is my best friend. You know he has always supported me. I can't leave any of them. I am indebted to Ivaan. He is the reason I could be with you. Can you leave him, dad? I know he is like a son to you.'
'I can kidnap Ivaan and Cabby.' Manik chuckles knowing how stupid the comment was.
Zamira rests her head on his shoulder. 'Dad can I ask you for something?'
'Yeah... kiddo.'
'Give me forty-eight hours, please.'
For as long as Manik known Zamira he had never seen her so broken and determined at the same time. One thing Zamira deserved all the credit for was the strength she had. It surprised Manik how she was taking all of it and still managing to taker her decisions.
'Whatever you need kiddo. Take some rest.'
Zamira nodded as he kissed her forehead and left.
Zamira looked at his retreating figure. She picked up her phone and wrote the text she feared with her life.
"We need to talk."
And she texted it to the number she hated with all her heart.
A knock on her door distracts her.
'May I?' Alishka asks to which she simply nods. 'I know what you are up to?' Alishka says with all the authority in her voice.
Zamira scrunches her forehead while she studies Alishka and then nods. 'I don't doubt that. You are a smart person.'
'And you are being stupid.'
'Hmm...'
'Seriously, that's all you have to say.'
'What do you want me to say, Alishka?'
'That maybe you won't do something so reckless and stupid.'
'If you want me to lie to you.'
'Oh God... I was wrong you have a habit of being an idiot.'
'Why do I get the feeling this remark wasn't about my so-called stupid idea?'
Alishka sighs and diverts her gaze. 'You are trusting the wrong person.'
'Alishka look, I know you hate Brian and he is a devil for you but honestly, if you are angry with him do something about that.'
'Shut up... it's my personal matter.'
'Exactly and that is my personal matter so don't interfere.'
'Your personal matter affects everyone I care about. My mom and dad love you like you are their daughter, Yuvaan considers you as his sister and for god's sake let me not get started on Ivaan. I am not going to let you hurt Manik chachu, he might be your dad but we are his family and we have been there for him even when you weren't. Don't even dare think that you can hurt any of them.'
Zamira smiles at her, 'I know. But there is a time when you run and there is a time when you stop and fight. I have run for an entire lifetime Alishka and nobody knows like I do how running feels like. No matter how much you run, whatever you are running form will always catch up with you. Always, without fail. For once I need to stop running and face my destiny and only then I will be able to change it, make it what I want it to be.'
Alishka looks at her not knowing what to say but more importantly knowing what she meant.
Ringing of Zamira's phone, makes her look at it. 'I need to take this call.'
Alishka nods and turns.
'Alishka...' She turns to look at Zamira. 'Let's keep it between us.'
Alishka leaves nodding.
Keep smiling
Stay Blessed
&
For now signing off
SHIVIKA...