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I WAKE UP to the feeling of lips pressing up and down my spine. The feathery kisses make me sigh against the pillow.
I move to turn over but two strong hands grip my waist and force me down. Aaron presses a harder kiss on my lower back making me suck in a breath.
"Morning." I manage to croak tilting my head to see him.
"Good morning." He murmurs with a smile tracing down my spine with his finger. I shudder at the contact. "How'd you sleep?"
"Well." I answer rubbing my face. "You?"
"Amazingly" He grins at me and there's a sort of aliveness in his eyes. A spark. He looked completely fresh too to which I reckon he woke up before me and got cleaned up. He peers up at me and asks slowly- cautiously. "Do you regret last night?"
"No." I spoke firmly and honestly. "Did you?"
Aaron gives me a prizewinning smile and says, "Never. I couldn't stop thinking about it." I blush as he chuckles making me turn more red.
A realisation hit me like a bullet and I flip from my stomach to my back the bedsheets tangling over me. "Flo! I forgot to wake up- I was so caught up and then-"
"I woke up then. I gave her to her mom. Flo's perfectly fine and well. Jasmine wanted me to give you her thanks." He murmurs.
I nod thankfully and ran a hand through my hair. Eyeing the clock I realise I should probably get breakfast ready seeming as Louis probably came late and was tired while Catherine was returning in the afternoon.
Pushing up with my elbows I sit a up for a few minutes resting my back against the headboard. The blanket pools around my waist and my bra cladded upper half is hit with cold air.
Aaron let out a strained sound. I turn to him with raised eyebrows. "Can you put a shirt on?"
I furrow my eyebrows and look down at my bareness and then at him with a slow sensual grin. Instead of doing as he suggested I push my hair over my shoulders. "Why? I feel perfectly fine like this."
He lets out a string of curses eyeing me with a glare before he scoops me up and puts me on his lap. I gasp at the contact of our centres nearly touching, the only barrier being the blanket. "Because I won't be able to control myself." He whispers running his hands up and down my waist softly before he reached up and cupped my breasts.
I clench my jaw as he leans forward and places his mouth on my neck. His teeth grazes right above my pulse as he stays there his lips pressed to me. I feel him kiss harder on my skin flicking his tongue out every once in a while making me groan. "How are you so fucking perfect?" He asked his tone husky as he pulls me closer so we are tight in an embrace.
I place my face in the crook of his shoulders. "I'm sorry. For blaming you."
"You did nothing wrong." He said pulling back and cupping my face. "I should have been more thoughtful. From now on I'll be better. I promise. I won't lose you. Not again." He states and I give him a soft smile.
You never did was what I wanted to tell him but instead I simply say, "We both made mistakes. And now we have a chance to fix them so make it count." After a few minutes of him plopping me down and cuddling me like a bear I managed to finally pull away and put on my clothing before running to my room to go for a shower and change of outfits.
...
Louis munched on her cereal grumpily. "I don't understand how they can't say anything back." She grounded for the umpteenth time. "I mean how?"
I sigh looking up at her. Patience. "They will come. Just relax and focus on the now."
"Focus my ass." She muttered hotly. "You know what? I don't care!"
I raise my eyebrows at her at which she shrugged. "I really don't care." She announced again before getting off her stool and grabbing her keys walking to the front door.
"Where are you going?" I shot out after her.
"To the supermarket. We ran out of eggs." She replied walking out and shutting the door behind her. I let out a worried exhale.
She will be okay.
She always was.
Aaron walked down the stairs with a grin and plopped on the seat next to me. "Aren't you just full of sunlight."
I roll my eyes at him crunching on the cereal. "Aren't you just a morning bird on cloud nine."
He let out a laugh pouring milk on his cereal. "Thanks to you." He whispered kissing the space between my jaw and ear.
I suppressed a smile clicking on my phone and checking my messages before a reminder popped in my head. "I have to visit Miles today!" I slap a hand against my forehead in remembrance. I look back at my phone. "And in the afternoon at that too."
"Want me to come with you?" He asked peering at my anxious face.
"That's not a useful question. You're coming with me anyway." I mass out the words like the tension on my body. "Plus if he gets anything close to defensive you can cut in and do a masculinity clash."
Aaron rolled his eyes at me. "I'm glad to think of my masculinity as my only good feature to save you."
I stuck my tongue at him bringing one leg on the wooden stool. "This is the last week and then back to Welton." I sigh looking around the place. "It's a little shitty don't you think that no matter what complication or catastrophic event happens you are always, always deemed back to go back and study and study and study. And that till 24 or higher as well. Like why not have us study for one specific thing of our choosing? What is algebra going to help me with?" I ramble angrily. I honestly hate school. Half of my self confidence, anxiety, stress and depression came from fucking school.
"Life's fucked up that way." Aaron grimaces. "Honestly what is fair now a days? But at least you have something not a lot of people are able to find."
"What?"
"Great friends." He mused. I smiled knowing it was honest. I mean if it wasn't for them I would never have survived the Academy.
And that was a plain on fact.
...
Getting out the car felt like I was walking towards a volcano. One that might explode not only on me but unleash its lava to others as well.
Aaron gave my hand a squeeze as we walked through the large building name Kingsley. Miles Kingsley was his name.
I was not at awe with surprise at him owning a huge well business for my own name was popped up in countless places. Weston co., My grandfather who was an actor and our expense in general.
The cold marble floor under my black sneakers were polished so fine I could see every detail of my face on them.
Aaron and I walked up to the receptionist who did not appear to acknowledge us. I glanced at Aaron with pursed lips as I cleared my throat. "Where's Mr. Kingsley's office?"
She finally looked up, the dullness and irritation able to cut the whole damn Earth. "Who are you?"
"A person going to see Miles Kingsley." I stated simply. I heard Aaron choke on a laugh behind me so I stabbed his feet with my shoe.
The receptionist gave a click of her tongue. "Do you have an appointment?"
I raised my eyebrows. "Do I have an appointment? This man has missed several appointments for his kid to come and you're asking me if I have an appointment?" She furrowed her eyebrows together so I insisted further. "Bryce Weston as in Weston Industries. Ring a bell?" I smiled wickedly as her whole face turned to shock and she quickly scrambled to the intercom.
"Mr. Kingsley, Bryce Weston is here to have an audience. Shall I book her an appointment?"
The voice spoke back. "Send her to my office."
"Seventh floor and the middle door. You won't miss it. It's the largest one." The receptionist told me and I gave her a nod.
"Thank you for your cooperation." I turned to Aaron and we strode to the elevator when she called out again.
"The extra can't go. One audience with one person only."
I suppressed the laughter daring to burst out as I turned to Aaron with a pout. "Sorry you're just an extra."
He rolled his eyes and turned to the receptionist. "Aaron Mercer. I'm sure you've heard of it."
Her eyes widened again and she nodded us to walk along.
I entered the elevator with Aaron right next to me. "Okay. We're good."
"You sure cause you look like you are about to fall through the elevator." He teased at me.
I flipped my finger at him. "Fuck you."
"Already did, baby." He smirked as my breath caught at his retort. He walked towards me so my back was pressed to the wall. "But I think just once won't suffice."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't get too cocky Mr., I'm prone to the unexpected." The doors opened behind me and I walked under his arms outside. I heard him sigh at my rejection.
I walk through the glass door corridors aiming for the largest one there. The receptionist was not lying when she said this would be huge.
Employees looked at me skeptically as my attire was defiant against the suits and pencil skirts encasing around me. I just held my head up high and knocked at the glass door.
"Are we supposed to knock?" Aaron asked standing next to me. The position made me realise just how tall he was. I felt little though my height was pretty good for an average teenager.
"Well there's no doorbell." I joked.
"Knocking on glass feels odd." He mused. "It's not the same as knocking on wooden doors."
I arched my eyebrows at him questioningly. Were we really having this conversation? "It's a door. I hardly doubt it matters." I turned to the door and strutted in seeming as Miles wasn't going to open it any time soon.
Aaron followed suit as we stepped into the all glass walled office. It was beautiful. The dim sunlight reflecting the outlines of buildings that stretched outside under a haze of grey sky. Trees dotted around while some plants spilled from nearby windows of buildings as birds chirped and flapped around.
My mouth was still parted as I took in the wooden floor paneling and a love seat on the right next to a glass wall. Money plants were potted in the corner diagonal to the large desk in the center of the room.
Miles looked up from his laptop and raised an eyebrow at me. "You must be Bryce Weston." His eyes fleeted behind me and he noted Aaron too. "Aaron Mercer. Both great companies and competitions."
"I'm sure." I drawled walking forward and plopping on the leather chair in front of him. "And you must be the dick who left Louis."
He seemed dazed by my choice of words but he collected himself. "It would seem you really are their starker sister."
Aaron reached next to me his jaw clenched. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Miles looked at Aaron and then at me. "It means she's got a lot of confidence and stamina coming up here."
Aaron fisted his hands but I let a smirk on my face tilting my head to Miles. "Then it seems you must be my reverse mirror seeming as you are too much of a coward as you left a pregnant girl with a child who's half yours."
His eyes flashed and he folded his grey suit cladded arms. He did look quite professional but handsome at the same time. I could see why Louis could not keep her legs shut around him. "How is she?"
I let out a scoff. "Physically she's doing well and is cared for. Mentally... mentally she's holding a lot of stress on her seeming she's only 19 and is having a baby who's father has neglected them both."
Miles let out an exhale running a hand through parted gelled hair making longer strands fall on his forehead. "I didn't leave her."
"Well you didn't stay either."
"She doesn't need a person like me."
I laughed at that and leaned forward bracing my arms on the table. "How can you make a decision like that for her? I mean are you really that dominant enough to take away her choice of being with you or not? Because that's not how it works. She gets to make the choice since she's having the baby." I emphasized to him. "Now the choice that you hold is of two. Either you get your shit together and come back for the good of the both of them or you label yourself as a sperm donor. This one's yours."
Miles clenched his jaw his eyes looking out the glass wall. "It's not that simple. It's complicated. I love Louis but we haven't been in the right. I haven't ran away from her. I just need to sort my head."
"You chose the wrong timing." Aaron cut in. "If you wanted to have a break then you have to talk about this with Louis so she can be consoled. You'd can't just leave her at a time like this." I nodded agreeing with Aaron.
"I already told her I'm coming to the gender reveal party." Miles sighed. "I won't miss out on my child's life but that doesn't mean I should be the only one holding this relationship together."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
Now it was Miles's time to mimic my expression. "She hasn't told you?"
"Told me what? All I know is that my sister who was in a good relationship suddenly got dumped with a child."
Miles looked at me incredulous making me feel unsettled. "What?" He looked between the two of us. "I knew she didn't tell her father and mother but never would I have thought she hid it from you and Catherine too."
I looked at Aaron who glanced at me interlacing my hands. "What isn't she telling me Miles?"
"I never dumped her. I couldn't because we got married."
I jumped out my seat in lightning speed. "What?" I called out perplexed and shaking my head. "Louis isn't married. She was dating you. She would never- she never called anyone to the wedding? I-" I was at loss of words. Louis was married? When? How? Where?
But most importantly she never told me. She kept it from me.
Miles looked up with sad eyes. "It happened a year ago when she turned 18 and I 20. She wanted marriage to seal what we had for once and for all. I told her we should wait to tell our parents first or something and she said Jake was completely fine with this and we could get married. I told my mother and we got married in court because she didn't want a ceremony or anything. When I confronted her a few months back she told me she never told Jake meaning this marriage was becoming more and more fraudulent by the minute. I told her I needed to sort my head after this but she cried and begged me to stay but I just couldn't. She never told anyone about us." I could hear the pain in his voice loud and clear.
I felt my self swallow hard and if it weren't for Aaron's hand on my back I would have seriously fell. I could not believe she lied to me. Her sister.
Was I though?
She lied to Catherine, to Jake, to mom and to her own mother. She lied to us all. No wonder she was so scared to tell Jake and mom. She was hiding everything.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know about this." I whispered to Miles. I felt guilty for treating him so badly now. I mean two seconds ago it was well deserved but now I just felt stupid. I felt humiliated beyond measure.
"It's not your fault. You all are just caught up in this." He said. "I love Louis but if this marriage lasts then it needs to be honest."
I nodded. "Yeah. Thank you for letting me know." Was all I could say as I walked out the room and down the stairs ditching the elevator. I pushed through the steel and glass revolving door. My hands left the metal hand bar as I finally was met with air and concrete floor.
"West." Aaron said worried cupping my jaw. I could tell he was just as shocked as I was when we heard what she did. He was just always better at hiding his emotions. "Are you okay?"
I smiled at him sadly. "I think so. It shouldn't matter."
"You matter to me, West." Aaron whispered. "If something's wrong tell me."
I clenched my jaw in his hands and sighed. "She lied to me. But it's alright. We aren't bound by blood anyway." I sniff getting a confident smile on my face. It is faux but enough to convince a person otherwise.
Aaron frowned at me. "You can't hide your emotions like that, baby." He whispered bringing his lips down to mine and kissing me. "You need to let them out."
I looked to the right towards our car. "Let's go inside and talk."
"Okay." He said grabbing my hand and tugging me their. The windows were tinted black so nobody could see but as we sat inside we could everyone and everything. I turned in my seat to Aaron and sighed. "I'm fine really. No problem here."
"You know when you lie your voice turns softer." He muses. I stick my tongue at him and he laughs. "So you gonna tell me or no?"
"Maybe." I play. I really just wanted the mood to lighten up. I did not want to fuck my day though I assume it already was starting to grey.
Aaron arches his eyebrow. "So you're gonna tell me?"
I internally laugh at his curiosity. "Yes I am going to tell you."
"Really?" He lights up straightening.
"Damn it. I wanted to say nope I'm just getting your hopes high but you're too adorable." I tease pinching his cheeks. He swats my hand away from him flipping me off.
"I'll just have to prove you wrong tonight then." Aaron flashes me a wicked smile which I clench my thighs too but quickly change the topic.
"Louis lied." I stated simply. "And there's nothing wrong with that but... why does it feel like I was being used?"
"What do you mean?" Aaron asked gently.
I shake my head with a shrug. "I mean she told me about her pregnancy and I came all the way from Archdale to here. I even gave her presents too and I just thought- I thought she trusted me. I don't know I sound fucking greedy." I grumbled running a hand through my hair. I felt my eyes sting at my frustration.
"Hey." Aaron put a hand on my knee. "You feel the right way. She didn't tell you the truth and that's not something you can forgive easily. I know you feel lied and guilty and just plain on stupid but you have to be better then to feel that. Louis lied to you so you deserve a reason. You need to demand it. Whatever she has to say may be worth or against your time but at least you'll know." He told me. "And as far as blood bounds go West, you get to choose your own. You get choose the people who break or fix you." I tilted my head to him. He wipes a tear off my cheek as I sigh against the headrest.
"You're right." I muttered rolling my lips into my mouth. "But why is it that every time I choose someone they slip away? And when I don't either they do. I just aren't capable of keeping. My whole life proves that." Emery's words still ring in my head like a silent conscience. It hurt worse because she was right. So goddam right and I felt fucking awful about it.
I was not worth keeping. The universe showed me that. Everybody leaves eventually and yet I am still stuck waiting for an anchor to pull me up. I try to be heartless, to be shut off so no pain bites at me again. I try to close the colors around me and focus on the black and white of life but they still keep coming. I still keep hurting myself running after things that are not meant for me. Longing for them.
And every time the blade fucking comes back at me. A slap to my face. I do not deserve the goodness. And it kills me to see what I have done wrong in my life. It makes me go insane thinking where I messed and what did I do. But I can never find an answer. And when I try to have the courage to call the number and pick up the phone my voice is ripped out of me.
I am weak.
I am a liar.
And I am pain with a side of chaos.
I am not worth it.
"Stop it." Aaron growls. I look up at him confused. "Stop looking like as if you think you are not worth it Bryce because you so fucking are. You are fucking worth every fiber that makes the earth and lights the stars. So get that through your head." I let a chuckle that was a humorless as I felt.
"Sometimes Aaron even knowing your worth hurts. Because when you see the delicacy and amount of it, it can either over or underwhelm you on who you are." I whispered rubbing the back of my hand to my eyes. "And I would know that because I searched for years trying to find myself. Sometimes I think I lost everything about me the day my parents opened the car door and told me to walk through the doors." I swallow. "I still remember the morning. I had just painted my room by myself. Pale blue." I croaked digging my nails into my knees. "Had I known that I painted them for nothing I wouldn't have bothered."
The sound of shuffling swept past and before I could stop him I was scooped up from my seat and onto his lap. Aaron embraced his hands around me murmuring to me it will be okay. It will get better. But am I just wasting my time- my life - waiting for that moment to come? That temporary happiness to plunder and then another dilemma to submerge me in again. How many times would I make the climb? I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop everything.
"You mean the fucking world to me Bryce." He firmly said his chin rested on my head as he spoke. "And if you can't see it then you're blind. You may think you don't know yourself but you just don't see yourself. You don't see the effect you have on the people around you at all and it kills me."
Rest my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. I counted three before speaking. "Oh I know the effect Aaron. Trust me I'm a living definition of it."
Aaron ran a hand up and down arm with a sigh. "You are so fucking negative, baby." He said. "You have no idea what you do to people. Your mom could not have a child and that devastated her and your father. And then you came and gave them their most prized gift. You made your grandpa and grandma beyond happy. Do you know how fucking much that means to them? Or where they would be or feel without knowing or seeing you?" I sniffed sobbing. "And then Louis and Catherine would never have a balance between them if it weren't for you. They both fucking love you so much and let you come. The only new people they let into their lives is you. Louis- despite keeping a secret - told you about the baby. Not anyone else. Catherine trusts you in her own cold demeanor. She acts like a fighter around everyone else but you. You should have seen the way she threatened and helped me the day I came back to find you. She cares about you." My heart hurt. His words- they couldn't be true. But they felt so overwhelming and pure.
"And then you helped me." His voice broke as he pulled away so my backbone rested on the steering wheel while my hips straddled him as he cupped my jaw. His blue eyes vulnerable and real. No fake emotions anywhere. "You saved me without even knowing what I was going through. I had been taking every kind of drug before you. Anything that had me high or end up in the hospital came into my system. I tried to kill myself so many times it was unbelievable. But I failed every time. All those bloody wrists and pale skins led me into a depressed whole. I was never getting up again from it. Never again. I took pills to try and keep my days brighter. To try and end myself faster. And then you came like the fucking savior you are and wiped everything away the moment you threw that goddamn sandwich on me. And I couldn't stop thinking about you. You became a sort of calling for me. A new sight line. A vision. And then I realized that the reason I couldn't die was because my life hadn't even begun to mean anything. Nothing came into sense until you stormed in disrupting my every thought. You made me live again. And if you don't think that shows your worth then I don't know what does. I need you Bryce and I sure as hell won't let you get away from me." At this point my eyes were raining tears.
I couldn't find the words to say to him. To thank him. I realized I wouldn't be able to. Maybe he was right. Maybe I wasn't all too worth nothing. But if I saved them then why couldn't I save myself? Why was I drowning so badly?
Maybe my purpose was to save others first. Save the people worth saving.
I guess my time will have to come. But saving myself was far from now seeming as I had not even figured out me. I needed to know the threat to eliminate it. And for now... for now I had Aaron to hold me.
I do not know what the future hold for me. Or even have one but if it is anything then I just want to be happy. And feel peace in my soul. The uncertainty and negativity to dissolve away from me.
"Thank you." I smiled at Aaron rubbing my tears. "That meant a lot."
"Really?" He scratched the back of his head. "I felt like those powerful speech people."
"Glad to know your ego is still intact." I laugh coming forward and kissing him. It was sweet and sensual with just the meaning of my gratitude to him.
As I pulled back I took a deep breath and climbed to my seat. "You up for going to the river Thames?"
...
We did go to the river. I scanned the grey blue waters with my eyes seeing as tourists and locals passed by with shopping bags whilst others got ready to dock boats.
I could see the tower bridge from here standing tall and proud. The London eyes was visible too and lit with different colors under the big sky.
With my arm braced on the railing I took a drag from my cigarette blowing the smoke out.
Aaron rested his chin in the crook of my neck while his hands were wrapped around my waist. "What do you think?" He asked as I took another drag the ember on the top turning orange.
"It's beautiful." I blow out looking around. "Peaceful right now too."
"Hmm." He murmured kissing my neck. "Too bad we aren't home to see my favorite view."
"What that?" I asked.
"You under me naked." He husked his hands skimming the wristband of my jeans.
I let out a laugh resting my head against his. "You really can't control yourself."
"You don't make it easy." Aaron opposes his fingers trailing on my hip bone. I had to admit he was tempting me.
Instead he wrapped a hand around my shoulders the other still on my waist as he leaned his head forward for my cigarette. I held it closer to him letting him take a drag from it.
I returned it to my mouth taking one too as we both blew out the air. Watching it cloud up in front of us before the brisk wind blew it away.
I nuzzled myself into him as he wrapped his hands around me tighter and leaned his heads back on my shoulder as we both stared out into the long stretch of the river.
Everything felt just so right and in place. We felt in place.