"Who is coming tomorrow?" I asked my mom as we walked through the front door. It was just over a week later and we had just got back from the hospital for a check up. They were pleased with my progress, my bruises and stitching had healed up well so there was no need for me to go back.
"Us and Grandma," She replied.
"What about Katy? Her, Shannon and Markus usually come at Christmas," Katy flew back to LA a week ago, she had things to sort out, an album to record and work that needed doing, but she made sure she called me every single day. It was normal that Katy was checking up on me, never all my life has she gone longer than three days without calling me, but with everything that's happened she has become more protective and worries about me far too much. But I suppose if it helps her sleep at night, then fair enough.
"I invited Her and John, and Shannon and Markus of course, I think John just wants it to be them two this Christmas though, but she said she would let me know on Christmas Eve whether she was coming."
"It's Christmas Eve today," I reminded her as I flopped down on the sofa. I picked up the tv remote and began flicking through the movie channels, watching Christmas movies the day before Christmas always got me so much more excited!
"I know, she will probably call when she has free time, Katy said she's been really busy with work this past week."
"Or with John," I mumbled quietly.
My mom popped her head around the door that separated the kitchen and dining room from the living room.
"Sorry hun, did you say something?" She asked. I knew that If i repeated my side comment, there would probably be a very high chance my mom would tell me how we had to accept John because that is what Katy would want. She was right I suppose, but there was just something about him that I really didn't like. Maybe it was the string of women he had previously dated, or the fact he's know as 'Mayer the Player' and I could just see Katy end up getting hurt. Markus agreed with me too, he thinks John's alright, but neither of us are 100% on him...let's not tell Katy that though. John seemed to make her happy, which is what she deserves after everything she went through with Russell earlier this year,so I guess I'm willing to give him a chance.
"Um, nope," I smiled. She returned the smile and then dissappeared into the kitchen.
I clicked on the movie 'Elf' and sunk back into my chair.
One thing I loved about Christmas was being with family, it was the one day of the year that everyone made effort and we were all together. Last year was an unfortunate time for Katy, but her Shannon and Markus came and it was a proper Hudson Christmas.
The movie had finished and I found myself slowly drifting off to sleep in my chair. I pulled myself up off the sofa and went to find my mom, expecting her to be doing preperations for Christmas tomorrow.
"Mom?" I called out.
Her voice replied back from the kitchen, "In here,"
I walked into the kitchen and found my mom holding her cell to her ear and talking to whoever was on the receiving end.
"Oops sorry," I mimed to her.
She shook her head and pulled the pone away for her ear, "It's fine, someone wants to speak to you anyway," My mom put the phone back to her hear and said to the person on the other end, "She's here now, I'll put her on so you can tell her." 'Tell her what' I thought.
My mom held out the phone, I took it out of her hand and then awkwardly said hello to the person.
"Hiya love," the voice I instantly recognised greeted me.
"Oh Katy, hi!"
"Are you excited for Christmas tomorrow?" Katy asked me. Making happy talk before she told me whatever she was going to tell me.
"Yeah, can't wait, a day we will all be together."
There were a few seconds of long silence on the other end of the phone.
"Um, yeah...about that," My smile dropped at the way Katy said that last sentence, but there was no way she would miss Christmas, it's a tradition that were all together.
"Kate, you are coming right?" I asked her. There was another long silence, nothing to be heard until Katy let out a heavy sigh. "You are coming, right?!" I repeated, but this time more stern.
"No honey, I'm not," She quietly replied. "I-"
"If this is about me not being keen on John, it will be fine! Once I get to know him I'm sure I'll love him!" I didn't think that at all, maybe I would like him, but 'love' him was overexagerating a bit. But I would say anything to make Katy be here for Christmas. After everything that's happened, Christmas was the one looking I was looking forward to. I'm lucky to even be here this Christmas, I was so close to being dead just a couple of weeks ago.
"No no, it's not that, it's...wait...you don't like John?"
Crap, I had not told her. Wasn't planning on it either, if Katy was happy that's all that mattered.
"I didn't say that," I defended myself, because technically that isn't what I said.
"Yes you did," She threw back.
"I said I wasn't keen, I hardly know him Katy, another reason for you to come tomorrow."
"Sammie, I'm sorry. John wants us to spend Christmas just me and him."
"Pfft," I scrunched my eyes and shook my head, expecting her to be able to see my facial expressions. Which obviously since I was in Santa Barbra and she was in LA she clearly couldn't see.
"I'll see you boxing day though okay baby?" Katy said sweetly, I could tell she was dissapointed in herself.
"Yeah, whatever, we've been through so much and it's ment to be a day for family. Any other day I wouldn't mind you cancelling, but Christmas, really?"
I knew Katy sensed the coldness in my voice.
"Sammie I-"
"No just forget it. Merry Christmas Katy," I quickly ended the call before she could say anything else.
I know maybe I was too harsh, but I just didn't understand why John and her couldn't celebrate the day with us.
[Katy's POV]
"I know that I- hello...hello?" Fuck. She's put the phone down.
I slid my Iphone back into my pocket and sat back onto the crisp white sofa behind me. My head dropped forward into my hands, John must have heard my sigh because within a few seconds he was in the room.
"Y'alright?" His deep voice rang through my ears.
I know I should tell him. I should have told him already I know, but there was just never a right time. I had told him so much already, we sat down a few months ago and talked for hours about my divorce and what went wrong, that was hard for me but my marriage was a big part of my life so it was only right to tell him. Samantha's the biggest thing in my life, the person in my life that's the most important and he deserves to know about her. I have to tell him. But how the fuck would he react?
"Yeah," I replied unconvincingly, "Well, no actually, I'm not."
John sat down next to me and stared at me with his big dark eyes, searching mine and ready to listen to my problems.
"What's up?" His soothing voice made me feel like it was going to be okay.
"I think we need to talk,"
John scrunched up his eyes and shook his head, "I don't like the sound of this one bit,"
"The most important thing in this relationship is honesty, so I am going to be honest with you about something," He took my hand in his and I looked up at him.
"You're not pregnant are you?" He joked.
"No John, I'm not" I squeezed his hand, then quietly added, "Not anymore."
John froze and his eyes widened, he opened his mouth to talk but for a moment nothing came out besides stuttering.
"W-w-w, I um, you... hmm okay erm," He brought his hand up to his head and tried to make what he could out of those two words. "What do you mean not anymore?"
I gulped hard, so hard that it felt like I was swallowing a rock and it was burning as it scraped down the walls of my throat. "I was pregnant...when I was 19,"
"I don't really know what to say right now," John almost whispered, running his fingers through his hair.
"I had been with the person for a long time, it wasn't just a one night stand that left me pregnant,"
"Travie?"
"No, it was before I even knew Travie, like I said I was only 19," I reminded him. I stretched out my arm and held his hand in mine, he squeezed my hand tight whilst looking at our joined fingers.
"I'm not angry or anything, I guess I'm just shocked that's all," He shook it off with a slight giggle.
"Wait til you hear the rest," I said under my breath not meaning for him to hear what I said, but he did.
"Why? Wait, what happened to the baby? Did you get an abortion or something?"
I instantly felt my stomach churn at the thought. Abortion. Just imagine if that's what I would have done, got an abortion and never had the baby. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as thoughts of living my life without Samantha, living my life without that perfect human that I created.
"I'm Christian, abortion wasn't an option for me,"
"So you put it up for adoption then?"
"No," I replied.
I saw the confusion on his face, If I didn't have an abortion or put it up for adoption then...
"I kept her," I smiled.
"So it was a girl... but where is she? If you kept her, why haven't I met her and why is this the first I'm hearing about it!?" The temper flaired in his voice, he had every right to be angry, I expected it.
"John I know you have every right to be angry with me, I should have told you, but it just takes a lot for me to open up about this, not a lot of people know,"
"I bet Russell does," He said coldly, pulling our hands apart and leaning back against the sofa cross armed.
"Of course he fucking does he was my husband!" I almost screamed.
I stood up and began pacing the room, John just sat staring into space and everything was silent for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry, I know we had a rocky start together and it took you a while to trust me...I don't blame you for wanting to wait before you told me,"
Suddenly I felt John's arms wrap tightly around my waist and his warm breath breath against my cheek.
"No," I spun around so that I was facing him, "I'm the one who's sorry,"
"It's Christmas Eve, let's just enjoy it okay?" He pulled me into a tight hug and then released me, "Are you sure you don't want us to go to your parents house tomorrow? It would be nice to see your family again, especially on Christmas. Our first Christmas together." I grinned stupidly at what he just said.
"Okay, we'll go."
I couldn't take John to my parents without telling him about Sammie, it would end up coming out eventually and it wasn't fair on him, or Samantha. I was going to tell John about everything in a few weeks or months, so I had to lie to my own daughter about not being able to spend Christmas with her, but I suppose I could not do it. I could not lie to them both.
"You could even introduce me to your daughter, how old is she?" I loved the fact he was so interested. "Wait, where does she live?"
"One question at a time yeah hun," I giggled.
"Sorry. So, can I meet her?"
"You already have met her,"
His eyebrows creased, "What? When? What's her name?"
"I named her...Samantha."
It's like I could see the cogs turning inside his head, the expression of shock took over his face when it eventually clicked.
"Oh my god! Samantha!"
I nodded my head so he knew he was right.
"I thought she was your sister, I swear she calls your parents mom and dad,"
"She does,"
John pulled us both back so we were sat on the edge of the sofa, our hands and eyes connected.
"I don't understand," He said. I didn't blame him, it was a confusing story wasn't it?
"Do you want the long version or the short version?"
He looked at the watch on his wrist, "Well we should probably start driving to Santa Barbara soon and we'll pick up Shannon and Markus on the way, so give me the short version now and when we get back after Christmas we will sit down and I want you to tell me everything about it, okay?"
"Well basically, my mom and dad raised her as their own, she grew up to believe I was her sister as did everybody else,"
"Who knows?" He stoked my hand, knowing it must have been a difficult thing for me to talk about.
"My family of course, Shannon, Markus, Russell... and since a few weeks ago, she knows,"
"Samantha knows?!" He repeated me.
"You know when I told you about the accident? I told her in the hospital, stupid I know, wrong timing and wrong place, but it just kinda slipped out,"
"And how did she take it?"
"Not good, the reason I was so long in Santa Barbara was because of that, she hated me, wouldn't talk to me and wanted me out of her life," I sighed, thinking back to my broken relationship with my daughter just a few weeks ago.
"Oh Katy, are you okay?" John held his arm around my waist.
"I'm fine, things happened, I'll explain in the longer version after Christmas. Me and Sammie are okay, it was hard, but we got through it. She's mad at me right now though."
"Good, but why's she mad at you?"
"I called her before to tell her we weren't coming for Christmas, she got upset which I don't blame her for. I lied and told her you wanted it to just be us this Christmas, I hadn't told you and I knew that If we went it would end up coming out, but that wasn't right, I wanted to tell you myself. So I have."
"I'm glad you have," John whispered before kissing my lips softly and pulling me into his arms.
----------------
[Samantha's POV]
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"
My scream echoed through out the whole house and my mom stood behind me laughing at my reaction. I pulled both of the earphones out of my ears.
"You scared me, you shouldn't creep up on me whilst I can't hear you,"
"Sorry love, are you okay?" My mom asked, still showing amusement.
"Yeah I'm fine,"
"No I mean, are you really okay? You've been acting differently since you spoke to Katy on the phone a few hours ago,"
I breathed out heavily and nodded my head, "I'm fine,"
My mom rested her hand on the side of my face, "I know you're dissappointed but we'll still have a great Christmas,"
And with that, she left my bedroom to finish off whatever she was doing. I was just about to put both of my head phones in until the doorbell rung through the house.
"Could you get that Sammie?" My mom called out.
I pressed the pause button on my Ipod and dropped it into my bed. I hopped down the stairs and to the front door, fiddling around with the key in the hole to unlock it. I heard the clicking as it unlocked, then pulled open the front door.
4 familiar faces stood smiling at me, carrying bags of stuff, but one of them opened out their arms wide signalling for a hug.
"Katy," I whispered, but so confused as to why she was here. What happened to her original plans?
"Get over here and give me a hug baby," she said sweetly.
I ran into her arms, digging my head into her neck whilst she pulled me tightly into her body. I could smell her strong candy scented perfume on the skin of her neck. I looked up at her and saw her smiling so wide, then I realised John, Shannon and Markus were stood watching us and exchanging 'aws' at our mother-daughter moment. Katy kissed my forehead as I pulled out of our hug.
"Markus!" I ran up to Markus, his arms lifted me into the air and he spun me around. "I feel like I haven't seen you in 20 years!"
"You haven't even been alive for 20 years," He laughed, then put me down so my feet were once again firmly on the ground.
"Well you know what I mean,"
"I missed you too little Sam," That was his nickname for me, Little Sam, since I was 15 years old and not very tall.
"I only have 5 more years to go though, until I have been alive for 20 years, not that far off,"
I heard Katy gasp behind me, "Sammie shut up, you're making me feel old!"
"You are old," Shannon teased, Katy stuck her tongue out in reply.
We all laughed at Shannon's comment, which caused Katy to hit John playfully in the arm. "You should be sticking up for me," She joked. Then she turned so she was facing me, "And so should you girl!"
I shrugged my shoulders at her and carried on laughing. My laughing faded as John slowly approached me.
"It's nice to see you again Samantha, I'm glad you're alright after the accident," he flashed a smile then returned back to Katy's side.
Shannon, Markus and Katy stood staring at me, waiting for a reply. Maybe this guy wasn't so bad at all, there was obviously something about him that Katy liked and if he means this much to her, then I was going to give him a shot.
"Thank you John, it's nice to see you too," I smiled at him, then smiled even bigger at Katy to let her know everything was good.
-------------
I was awoken by the creaking sound of my door opening. My curtains were still shut so it was pretty much pitch black in my bedroom. All I could hear was breathing that got closer and closer to me. Before I had chance to look up, I felt a huge weight drop onto my body.
"Eugh!"
"Hey I'm not that fat!" Katy shouted, pretending to be offended. She rolled over so she was now under the covers with me, but I couldn't move just yet, I was far to tired.
"Why are you in here? Shouldn't you be in the next room having sex with John," I giggled. Katy gasped loudly but laughed at the same time at my joke.
"Because, it's CHRISTMAS!"
"YOU JUST DEFENED ME KATY!"
"Get up get up!" She bounced on the bed like an excited 10 year old.
"Im up!"
Before I could fully sit up, Katy had pulled me onto my feet and we were sprinting downstairs.
"JOHN, SHANNON, MARKUS, MOM, DAD!" she screamed as we reached the bottom of the stair case. I heard noises coming from upstairs, and from the volume of Katy's shouting, I knew for sure they were all awake.
After half an hour of us all exchanging presents and Shannon telling her weird story about what happened when she bought Katy's present, we were all sat in the living room drinking coffee and hot chocolate. Katy and John were cuddled up on a single chair, My mom and dad on the two seater and Me, Shannon and Markus on the three seater. Markus' arm was draped over my shoulder and my head was resting on Shannon's shoulder, I was still tired since I couldn't sleep lastnight. I don't care how old you are, nobody can sleep on Christmas Eve!
"Little Sam's still tired," Markus shouted to everyone.
Katy and John turned to face me, they giggled at me whilst I shut my eyes and cuddled up to Shannon and Markus.
After a few minutes, I was in that postition were I'm inbetween sleep and awake. I could still hear everything that was going on around me.
"Samantha looks so much like you Katy!" I heard John say.
I opened my eyes and saw everyone staring at me, Katy smiled proudly at John's comment.
"Incase you didn't know, Shannon's her father. That's why she's so small," Markus teased.
Everyone laughed and I nudged Markus with my elbow.
"We're small and proud, aint that right Shan?"
"Yes girl, together we create one normal sized person."
"You're such an idiot Shannon!" Katy laughed.
Just as the laughing died down, Katy jumped off John's lap and ran upstairs. In the space of about five seconds she was sat there and then she'd gone.
"Where's she gone?" My dad asked.
"She's left something upstairs," John replied.
As soon as John had finished talking, Katy was back in the room. She pounced on top of Shannon so that she was sat on her lap and facing me.
"You didn't think I would forget to get my favourite girl in the world a present now did you?"
"Nope," I said with a mouthful of hot chocolate.
Shannon coughed really loudly to get Katy's attention, but she just laughed at her.
"Merry Christmas," Katy said to me sweetly, then held out a small present wrapped in golden coloured wrapping paper. I pulled off the tag and read it, 'Merry Christmas angel, I hope you have an amazing day. I love you more than words can say. Katy x'
I ripped off the paper, revealing a black rectangle box. I opened the box and inside was a gold necklace with a heart charm, the heart had, 'I love you forever Samantha' engraved into it. I felt my eyes well up with tears as I stared at the necklace. I looked up at a smiling Katy, "I love you too," I said to her.
"Aw Sammie are you crying?" Katy cooed, she pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.
"I just love it, thank you Katy,"
"You're welcome, whenever I'm not here just look at it and you'll know I love you,"
"I'll always know you love me, and you'll always know I love you," I replied back to her, I leaned towards her and kissed her cheek. "Merry Christmas everyone!"
"Merry Christmas!" They all replied.
I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas. Surrounded by my family and friends, the most important people in my life. Everyone was happy. It showed the true meaning of Christmas.