Trigger Waring: death, suicide, verbal abuse. Read chapter 50 with caution of these potential triggers.
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F I F T Y
T h i r d P e r s o n ' s
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"Haesoo, wait!"
Haesoo rushed out from the bus, with Yeonjun tailing her. She did not bring her umbrella out, for she intended to get consumed by the downpour. Haesoo could hear Yeonjun calling her name.
Haesoo ran away. Although she knew Yeonjun would follow her, she ran from him. Her clothes were already wet and her tears were already mixed up with the raindrops landing on her face. "Haesoo! Stop, please. You're going to catch a cold–"
"Stop following me! Why are you following me?"
"I can't let you go alone. It's dark, and it's freezing out here."
Haesoo landed a palm to Yeonjun's face out of infuriation. Her emotions were running wild and she didn't know if she was worried, mad or longing for a certain something. Yeonjun was suprised when Haesoo slapped him, although he admit that he saw her fury coming.
"There you are again, making me confused all the time." Haesoo was catching her breath as she looked at Yeonjun, crying. "You comfort me and then hurt me. You tell me a truth and then give me a lie. I don't understand you."
"Haesoo–"
"Do you think I wouldn't believe you? Do you think I'm just like those people who treated you like shit and drove you that miserable?" Haesoo let herself get taken over by her emotions. "You are miserable, Choi Yeonjun."
The rain goes on to burden the heavy feeling that the two of them were soaked on.
Yeonjun couldn't say a word, although he was trying. His mouth was moving, waiting for his voice to come out, but there was nothing. Haesoo tears were confused by the raindrops pouring over her face as she spoke out loud to Yeonjun. "Look at you. You can't trust anyone, and you can't let go of a simple stain of your past."
"It is not as simple as you think." Yeonjun looked down.
"You told me you drove and got into an accident. I know that wasn't everything there is to it, but was that a lie as well?" Haesoo looked at Yeonjun, worriedly waiting for an answer. She wiped some of the raindrops and tears resting on her eyes. "Y-you're not a bad person. At least to me, you're not that monster they described."
"Haesoo," Yeonjun called her name with his voice loud. The rain was creating the noise louder than his heartbeat; he was nervous. "I c-can't leave you as clueless as you are anymore." Yeonjun took a deep breath in between his sentences. "I need you to know the truth."
Haesoo was shaking her head. "You can't. Don't waste my time because I know you can't move past that fucking drawn line."
Yeonjun went closer to kiss Haesoo.
The girl immediately pushed him away and slapped his face again. "You're a jerk. Can't you see that I'm hurting?"
"It might be the last time I could kiss you. I'm sorry it wasn't consensual," he said, voice shaking. He knew the girl couldn't tell if it was because of the cold rain or because he was panicking. "Seo Joohan was my best friend since I was young. We went to the same school since kindergarten."
Haesoo wanted to look away, but she couldn't. She was torn between listening to know the truth or listening to his story to make herself believe his actions were justified.
Yeonjun carried on, talking as the rain came down to make his explanation harder to convey. "As we grew up, I grew fond of her and... And fell in-love. I was young and naive back then."
Haesoo could hear Yeonjun's breathing.
Yeonjun stared on the wet ground. "First year of high school, I met TXT. We didn't have a name back then—we were ordinary kids doing reckless stuff. Beomgyu was closest to me. He was bullied a lot. His parents were politicians—you probably know that. I cared for him because his life was at risk every single minute. He literally got death threats."
Haesoo could feel Yeonjun's shaking voice. Her lips were trembling themselves. She placed her hands to the side of both her arms as she listened—she felt cold, and so did he.
"That day, second year, I planned to confess to Joohan. My parents wouldn't allow me to drive, so I don't have a car. It was Beomgyu's—the one I crashed." Yeonjun revealed to Haesoo. "B-but if there was one thing my parents granted me, that was my one wish." Yeonjun paused as he did a short sigh. He looked at Haesoo's eyes. "My wish to get married."
Haesoo was suddenly taken aback. She looked at Yeonjun, fazed. "W-what are you saying?"
"My parents and Joohan's planned to marry us, because I initially said I wanted to."
Haesoo looked at Yeonjun, eyes serious and mind's confused. Haesoo moved, a bit uncomfortable, trying to find words to say. She couldn't explain what she felt. "W-what? You... You were in an arranged marriage? Did she know?"
"I let her know... That day I confessed—the day of the accident." Yeonjun continued. "We were driving to our beach house. I planned to tell her there, but that did not happen. Because we got caught in the accident."
"What?" Haesoo looked away out of bewilderment. She sneered at the situation. Haesoo thought it was unbelievable and ironic that he had a first love whom he would've wished to have in the marriage level, when he told Haesoo that he never even had a special someone before she came around.
Yeonjun knew it would confuse Haesoo.
Haesoo either wanted to laugh or to smirk, but instead she was just feeling bad about what Yeonjun said. And after that, she looked at Yeonjun with a little less trust and a little more craving for the truth that everyone seemed to know except her. "This is what I've always wanted to ask, Choi Yeonjun. This is the only time I would ask you, so if you can't answer me, don't force yourself," she remarked. "Why would the accident happen?" Haesoo looked at Yeonjun with her eyes anticipating a different answer from what her guts are telling her. "You... Did not do it on purpose, right?"
Yeonjun stared back, silent for the first few seconds. "I..." His voice sounded like shivers. "I didn't."
"You hesitated."
"I know you would hate me if I tell you more."
"Whatever is it that could make me hate you, Yeonjun?"
"I confessed," he said. "I told her my feelings, and she said it wasn't mutual." Yeonjun could remember the pain—every single needle that got pinned to his heart. "So I told her about the marriage, and... She didn't want it."
"How is that the cause of the accident? How would that make me hate you–"
"Because I threatened her." Yeonjun couldn't look at Haesoo anymore. "I told her I would kill us both, and that I would crash that car if she rejects me."
"W-what?"
"I tried to manipulate Joohan and force her into something she didn't want."
Haesoo felt like the world has shifted upon hearing Yeonjun's words. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her heart was throbbing in pain. She took two steps back, unable to take in the sentences thrown to her. He tried to end their lives? Haesoo seemed to be unable to process everything he said.
"If you reject me, I will crash this car off the cliff. I would kill myself, and I will make you watch it as I take you with me." Yeonjun looked at the scared girl, aware that everything would change from that moment on. "Those were the horrifying words I told her."
"T-that couldn't be true. You are not like that." Haesoo was shaking her head, catching her breath. She was waiting for him to deny what he confessed. "Yeonjun, you're lying, right?"
"After the accident... We were both in coma. Our parents fought—they moved her to the States. I woke up and she was already gone."
"Take that back, Yeonjun!" Haesoo yelled at him through a screech. She threw her bag at him with intense outrage. Haesoo was panting, appaled and upset. "That can't be you—that... You couldn't have been someone like that."
Yeonjun stood still in the rain as the umbrella rolled out from Haesoo's tote bag after it was thrown at him. Yeonjun was unable to speak—he could only cry, unveiling his vulnerable side. Yeonjun cried and cried.
Haesoo leaned down, placing a hand to her head as if she was being driven by madness. There was a rush of feelings and memories circling inside her mind. She recalled Joohan's extreme anger—now it came to her. The way people foreshadowed Yeonjun's dark side came to her. She scoffed, still crying while shaking her head. "You were... Obsessive?"
"Haesoo..."
"You were manipulative! What... What's next? You were a control-freak? Possessive?"
"I was driven by my feelings—because I was in-love."
"No, that wasn't love. Both of you could've died!"
Yeonjun was still unable to look at the shocked girl. "It was not my intention. What I told her in that car was a threat, but I never attempted what I said."
"You could've murdered someone. H-how... So that's why you've kept everything from me!"
"The brakes were broken, Haesoo!" Yeonjun tried to walk towards Haesoo.
"Don't come near me, p-please, stay away." Haesoo placed both her hands in front of her, gesturing him to refrain from walking any closer. She landed her eyes at him with reflections of sadness and disgust.
"I can't, Haesoo." Yeonjun could look at her only that time, when it was his heart that wanted to speak. "I think I love you."
"I can see it now..." Haesoo sniggered in disbelief. "You've always insisted on what you want. You followed me here when I told you not to. You lie when I ask for truth. Even at that time we first met... You kissed me when we were strangers," she fulminated. "Oh my god, Choi Yeonjun."
"Haesoo, please!"
"Don't... Talk. I shouldn't have pretended to be your girlfriend to save you from paparazzis. I shouldn't have made you an accessory of assistance," Haesoo told Yeonjun, voice cracking as she cried. She was having a hard time speaking now that she feels cold from the strong force of rain coming down, and the tears she was shedding.
Yeonjun was breathing harshly. He sobbed hard enough for his voice to sound almost desperate. "H-Haesoo, I'm so sorry. I swear, I wished I could tell you sooner."
Haesoo sniggered to mock his apology. She almost couldn't believe that she defended him from everything, not knowing who he was. Haesoo was shaking her head. "Don't ever show up to me again," she spoke. "If... If you insist, then take this as my very last command as to make up from stealing my first kiss."
Haesoo leaned down to pick her bag from the wet floor. She left the umbrella beside his feet, and she walked away immediately without giving him a single glance.
She knew the rain was too loud, but she thought it was Yeonjun crying and panting that she heard behind her when she was going away from him.
It was him, indeed. Haesoo felt Yeonjun hugging her from behind.
It was his heartbeat—she felt it as he hugged her. But she couldn't even feel sorry for him. Haesoo tried taking his arms off her. "Let go. I already told you, we shall not see each other again. That's a command."
"Haesoo, do you remember that time when you couldn't go to school because of an injury, and you agreed to let me have one chance of refusing a command from you? Do you remember it?"
"Shut the fuck up."
"I refuse to not see you again."
"Stop touching me... Or I will call the police," Haesoo coldly retaliated. She put force unto her break freeing, removing every part of Yeonjun from her. "Don't refuse. I don't want you to see me looking at you like the monster they all told me about."