024. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
sad, beautiful, tragic love affair
SAIORSE didn't understand what it was about summer that everyone loved so much.
Sure, there wasn't any school work or finals to study for to worry about or professors patrolling your house at night to make sure you're not sneaking off into the kitchen after hours. But it's never truly been her favorite season.
She thought about it as she was sweating her skin off sitting in the rickety old building ( that had no air conditioning ) with Lily behind the dusty counter. The third Thursday of the summer of '77, and Saiorse was working in a shop that almost nobody visited, and in the blistering heat of mid day. In Lily's hand rested a trinket that had sat behind the counter, in Saiorse's, a treatise on a wizarding philosopher, Nicolas Flamel. "Where did Ms. Figg say she was going again?" Lily asked, her eyebrows furrowed as she began to fan herself. Saiorse pulled her tank top strap back up from her arm and onto her shoulder, sighing as she turned another page.
"She said something about sweets, I wasn't really paying attention." She mumbled, setting the book down as she began to press buttons at random on the register. Both girls remained in silence as Lily grabbed a feather duster from beside the register, leaving from behind the counter as she spread the feathers around each antique around the room.
Both of the girls' head snapped to the door as they heard the small bell above the door ring twice, a grin making it's way to Saiorse's face as she realized who the boy was. "Ren." She smiled as the blonde boy got to the counter.
"Saiorse, hey." He smirked, nodding to both of the Evans girls. "So, uh, I asked Potter where I could find you two, so, here I am."
Lily sarcastically smiled at the newly graduated wizard, widening her eyes as a warning towards Saiorse as she turned back around to the shelf she was dusting. "Why were you trying to find us?" Saiorse asked with her own smirk, leaning over the stone counter.
The boy scratched the back of his neck, leaning on one of the wooden columns as his grin widened. "I was going to ask you two if you and a couple friends wanted to come with my brother and I to our beachside. Rory wanted to invite you, but he was so wrapped up in inviting Remus, so I was forced to invite everyone else."
Saiorse nodded with a smile, looking over to her sister for confirmation. Lily widened her eyes again, slightly shaking her head, earning an eyebrow furrow from her sister. ". . . Yeah. Yeah, we'll go." Saiorse replied, her eyes still narrowed in on Lily as Ren nodded, ignoring the odd exchange between the sisters in front of him.
"Cool, cool, cool." He smiled quickly, drumming his fingers on the counter. "Rory'll send a letter in a few weeks as to when. I guess, uh...I'll see you."
"See you." Saiorse grinned, watching as the boy slowly made his way to the door, holding his hands behind his back, feigning courtesy as he walked by the large windows with a wide smirk. Lily cleared her throat, bringing her sister's attention back onto her.
"You didn't just do that." Lily bemusedly stated to Saiorse, setting the feather duster down as she crossed her arms.
"What's so wrong with going with the two boys?" Saiorse asked, copying her sister's actions as her eyes narrowed once more.
"You didn't notice anything wrong with how he just showed up?" Lily asked, walking back to her sister, standing behind the counter to face her. "First off, James wouldn't have told him where we were. He's far too...James to do that, and second, going out on an isolated beach with some random? Seems a little weird if you ask me — "
"It's fine, Lily." Saiorse sighed, rolling her eyes as she set her book beneath the counter top. "I'm sure that Ren is not going to axe murder us with Rory as his accomplice."
"It's not that, it's just — " Lily began, but cut herself off with a sigh. "His intentions just don't seem that...pure."
"Psh, have you seen him?" Saiorse scoffed, placing a hand on her hip. "Honestly, I wouldn't even mind if his intentions were that pure or not."
Lily slapped her sister's arm with a small grin. "You know that's not what I mean."
"Lily. A hot, blonde, graduated Ravenclaw asked us to go a beach with him and his brother." Saiorse reiterated. "Quite literally marriage material if you're to look back on my past conquests, if you will."
"You really do always go for blondes." Lily nodded, pursing her lips as Saiorse threw her hands up.
"I'm just sayin'."
Lily grinned, wrapping her arm around her sister's shoulders, sighing as her eyes roamed to the calendar. Her smile dimmed as she skimmed over the date, her arm almost tightening around Saiorse's shoulders protectively. She wrapped her other around Saiorse's waist, bringing her into a soft hug. "Are you gonna . . . do something for today?" She asked quietly, making Saiorse's shoulders slump.
"Probably watch some stupid muggle horror movie, like um, A Clockwork Orange or Psycho or something. Buy ice cream from Fortescue's, maybe?" She sighed, wrapping her arms around Lily. "Something to keep my mind busy."
Lily hummed, rubbing her sister's back as she let go. "I might have to take you up on that."
THERE was a drastic change in temperature as that smoldering day of June morphed into twilight. A cool, summer breeze blew past Saiorse Evans, who had been walking the dimly lit sidewalk of Diagon Alley, sending a chill up her arms, even if they were covered in a forest green turtleneck. She was planning on stopping by the Diagon Alley Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor for a gallon of half-baked, but she was a bit sidetracked.
In her hands sat a bouquet from Floriblunder's Florist, filled to the brim with yellow roses, enchanted to never wilt. Saiorse didn't know what had compelled her to buy the small bundle of flowers, but she did anyways.
As she stepped down the halfway empty cobblestone street, she began to hum the familiar tune of Vienna ( courtesy of Billy Joel ) her eyes leading to the dimly lit pub that stood between the owl emporium and the closed record stall she had been a patron to that Christmas. The girl grinned, crossing the street to the wooden door that contained the soft rock music from the jukebox in the corner of the room.
It was a neat little place; all the walls were banked with record covers ranging from Jimi Hendrix to Led Zeppelin, filled with the alluring aroma of cinnamon and firewhiskey. Saiorse recognized a couple of wizards and witches in her year who were sat at the bar and at the wooden tables scattered about the room, soft conversations about the next school year and the new Bowie and Fleetwood Mac albums that had came out that summer. ( Rumors and Low, to be exact. ) The lights were turned to a comfortable, warm hue that reminded Saiorse of autumn nights where you're curled up underneath a woolen blanket, your hand wrapped around a warm cup of blueberry hibiscus tea with sugar, a piece by Jane Austen or Sylvia Plath clutched in your other hand while a soft classical record played in the background.
Saiorse's reminiscing on her favorite season was cut off as a bubbly blonde stepped in front of her, a bright, beaming smile shining in her eyes like headlights. "Hi!" She smiled. "I'm Susan, how can I help you today?"
"Susan?" Saiorse asked furrowing her eyebrows. "As in — "
"Susan Sneeves, in the flesh." She smiled again. Saiorse could understand why Sirius had made out with her as she saw Susan with her own eyes. She was a gorgeous blonde with bright blue eyes, almost identical to Laurie Strode of Halloween. She was perky enough to catch other people's attention, but sickeningly sweet enough to not get on your nerves about it. "Did you go to Hogwarts?"
"Uh, yeah. I'm in my seventh year." She grinned, making Susan nod.
"Seventh year was a journey, I can tell you that." Susan laughed, flipping her curls over her shoulder. "What house were you in? I'm a graduated Slytherin, myself."
Saiorse raised her eyebrows, stifling the snicker that wanted to escape her mouth. So, Sirius would make out with a Slytherin. "Hufflepuff." She nodded, Susan copying her actions.
"What's your name?" The blonde asked her. "I never really had the time to pay attention to Hufflepuffs."
Saiorse didn't know whether it was on purpose or not, but a sort of snarkiness that draped over Susan's words, almost talking down to the girl for being in the badger house. "Oh. Uh, it's Saiorse Evans."
As soon as Saiorse's name left her lips, Susan snorted, covering her mouth with her hand as she turned away. "As in the Slutty Saiorse Evans? Oh my God, so you're the one who had sex with my best friend? Salazar, the jokes people make about you are hilarious."
Saiorse's grin had completely dropped from her lips by that point, a scoff leaving her throat as she looked down to the floor. "So, can I get you a table?" Susan asked as if nothing had happened between the two. Saiorse shook her head vigorously with a smile that had been dripping with sarcasm.
"No, no, please, God no." Saiorse laughed, beginning to make her way to the door of the pub. "I wouldn't want you to spend your time on a skanky Hufflepuff like me."
And with that, Saiorse made her way back down the street of Diagon Alley, her cheeks flush with embarrassment and anger as she quickly made her way from the small pub. Her eyes were downcast as she stepped down the sidewalk, and of course, in Saiorse form, she had knocked into someone who had been repotting a flower vase in front of their own shop.
"Oh!" Saiorse gasped, bending over to gather up the flowers the older woman had dropped. "I'm so, so sorry. I'll replace anything that's been ruined — "
"Saiorse Evans?" The woman asked, pushing her glasses up her nose which had gone askew. Saiorse's eyes widened as they focused on the woman, a deep pit of memories growing in her stomach.
"Ms. Eatenton." Saiorse sighed, a sad smile taking over her face. "Hi."
"Hello, dear." The woman smiled, grabbing the mushed flowers from Saiorse's outstretched hand. "Are you back for group?"
"You're still doing that?" Saiorse nervously laughed, running a hand through her hair.
After Caspian was pronounced dead on October 1, 1975, the professors of Hogwarts had decided that for Saiorse's own good, they would send her to a support group for grieving women which had been situated in Diagon Alley since December of 1958. It was run by a sweet old woman, Ms. Eatenton, who had been the head counselor and founder of the institution. Saiorse had never spoken more than three sentences to her.
"Yes, of course." Ms. Eatenton grinned. "Every Thursday, you know. But, even if you don't want to talk, I'm sure some of the girls would be glad to see your face in there, Ms. Evans."
"Oh, no, I don't know if — "
"Saiorse? Saiorse, is that you?"
The familiar southern accent of Grace Witherforth filled Saiorse's ears, a pained smile making it's way to her face. She turned, almost being knocked over by Grace's tight embrace, a giggle ripping from the blonde girl's throat as she shook Saiorse's shoulders.
"It's been so long!" Grace gushed. "I haven't seen y'all in a hot second, have I? Well, if I had known old friends were comin', I would've taken a little more pride in my appearance. I'm not always this wind blown, you know."
"I was just telling Saiorse she should stop by and say hello to some familiar faces in support group tonight." Ms. Eatenton smiled, clasping her hands together.
"Oh, yes, you have to!" Grace jeered, a wide smile across her face. "We've all missed you and your sister so much, Saiorse. You just gotta!"
Saiorse rubbed her upper arm with a sympathetic grin on her face, looking between the two women. "Well, I guess I can't say no to that."
Grace squealed, leading Saiorse by the shoulders as she careened through the wooden door. They entered a large room, filled with empty chairs. Grace stuck out her bottom lip, turning to Ms. Eatenton.
"They all apparated already?"
"Remind me why I promoted you to senior counselor again?"
Saiorse ran her hand along the black metal chairs that sat in front of her in a circumference, a nostalgic smile replacing the blank expression she had previously on her features. "It's just like how I remembered it." She whispered, a tear making it's way to her eye.
"We didn't change it much since you were last here." The blonde girl who wasn't much older than Saiorse grinned. "We still have your chair right over here. And there's the refillable water fountain. The works."
Saiorse sat down on the black cushion, placing her knees together as she looked up at the arched ceiling. "You know, it was his birthday today." Saiorse told the two. "My boyfriend's, I mean. The one who . . . passed. Caspian."
"Saiorse?" Grace asked, a small smile on her face as her soft southern accent coated her words. She turned the chair that sat in front of the redhead to face her, placing her hands on her knees. "I know it don't mean much to a lot of y'all but...I think it should make you feel a whole lot better that Caspian is with his king."
Saiorse's eyebrows twitched upwards, bringing her hand to her cheek to softly wipe underneath her eye as she stared at the girl in front of her, disbelief clouding her vision. "Yes, Grace, I guess it should." She replied, a slightly venomous sarcasm lacing her words.
"We should be rejoicing — "
"Well, you go right on ahead." Saiorse snapped, her unmistakable frown making its way onto her lips. "I'm sorry I don't really feel like it, I guess I'm a little selfish. I'd rather have him here, with me."
"Saiorse...I don't mean to upset you by sayin' that." Grace frowned, her hand fiddling with her sleeves. "It's just that when somethin' like this happens, like when my...my little boy died, I pray very hard to make head or tails of it. And I just think in Caspian's case, he just wanted to take care of you, do whatever...sport thing he did, and his poor little body just got worn out. It didn't let him do all of the things he wanted to do. So...he went off to a place where he could be a guardian angel. Your guardian angel. He will always be young, he will always be beautiful. And I personally feel much safer knowin' he's up there on my side." As the words left the American girl's mouth, Saiorse let her face soften from the scowl that sat upon her face moments before as tears pooled in the Grace's eyes. "And-And it may sound real simple and stupid, and maybe I am, but that's how I get through things like this."
Saiorse grabbed Grace's hand, giving it a small squeeze as she let her lips curl into a true smile. "Thank you, Grace." She whispered sincerely. "I appreciate that. Caspian wouldn't want me to get mired down and wallow in this. He would want me to look at it as one of life's occurrences, and I can move on once I feel I know how to." She took a deep breath as she let go of the blonde girl's hand, wrapping herself in her arms. "That's what my mind says. I wish someone could explain it to my heart."
"I remember the first time you came here." Ms. Eatenton grinned, running her hands down her lap. "Your sister said you didn't leave his side for a second."
Saiorse let a teary eyed laugh escape from her throat as she wiped her nose with the silk handkerchief that sat in her right hand. "I wasn't in the mood to play bridge. No, I — I couldn't leave my Caspian. I just sat there, pushing the way I always have where Caspian was concerned. I was hoping he'd...sit up and argue with me, open his eyes or something. I'd sit there for those five days, working his arms and legs...told the healer we were doing our Jane Fonda." She smiled, eliciting a laugh from the two women in front of her. "It was when the healer deemed him brain dead when we realized there was no hope. At that point I panicked. I didn't think I would survive the next few minutes when I sat there as they turned off the machines. His friends couldn't take it, they left. His father couldn't take it, he left. His mother was already gone. Y-You know, I found it amusing. Men are supposed to be made of — of steel or something. But I didn't leave. I sat there, holding his still hand. Listening as the beeps got farther and farther apart, until there was nothing. No noise, no...tremble. Just peace.
". . . Sometimes late at night I wonder if I hate Caspian or not." She practically wondered to herself, her voice wavering. It felt weird as she felt the tears spring to her eyes as she told the story of Caspian's actual final breaths, but it didn't feel like how it usually did. Usually, she would be sobbing, or feel the cracks deep down within so hard she felt she could break; but she wasn't. "I couldn't help but hate him when he died for the second time. I mean, I absolutely adore the healers and their talent when they had gotten his heart going after he arrived at St. Mungo's that night, but his brain didn't give a shit. I had so much hope, it was...paralyzing. And — And I held his cold hand when they had disconnected his breathing machine and — and when all I could hear was that last haunting beep...it was then I finally realized he had crushed my world right in front of me."
Grace pressed her own mascara stained handkerchief to her lips, trying to keep her sobs inside. Ms. Eatenton removed her bronze wire rimmed glasses from the bridge of her nose, wiping underneath her eyes with a cotton tissue. "You must be made of courage, Ms. Evans." She whispered.
Saiorse shook her head, wiping underneath her eyes. "You know, sometimes I think about it. I have to spend the rest of my life with myself." She cried. "And the thought makes me sick to my stomach to know that I ruined myself and the people around me by being a disgusting, stupid, sl — "
"Don't." Grace snapped, placing her hand over Saiorse's. "I never, ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth. You're a beautiful, accomplished young woman and you can't let anyone ever tell you any different."
Saiorse pressed her lips together, nodding as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I — I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone on like that. I made you two cry and — "
"It's alright, Saiorse." Ms. Eatenton smiled. "We are all entitled to our own sorrow. Sometimes we can be pillars of strength with makeup running down our cheeks."
Saiorse's soft laughter filled the room as she ran her hands down her knees, her fingers reaching down to the bag of flowers and ice cream she had set down ten minutes before. "I should get back." She grinned, wrapping her arms around Grace.
"You stop by anytime you like, dear." Ms. Eatenton told Saiorse, hooking arms with the girl as they stepped out of the large building. "Grace and I are almost always here."
"Of course, Ms. E." Saiorse nodded, letting go of the older woman. "I'll see you two later."
"See you, Saiorse." Grace smiled. "Now get on. Flattening our damn grass over here."
Saiorse laughed, bringing up a finger to flip off the girl from over her shoulder. Needless to say, she probably would visit thw group for grieving girls sometime soon that summer.
NEITHER did Saiorse understand the fear of cemeteries.
She saw them as a sort of collection of souls who had went into the afterlife, only occasionally visiting from the astral plane when a human had interfered negatively. The sun was almost at the peak of the horizon as she stepped through the metal gates, a warm smile overtaking her face as she looked over to the old grave digger.
"Good evening, Mr. Nightslock." She greeted politely, earning a sweet nod back from the old man.
Saiorse began her trek to the Bronwen boy's tombstone, a teary smile taking it's place across her features as her eyes laid upon the stone that read Caspian Perseus Bronwen, beloved by all. She dug through the cloth bag that hung over her forearm, bringing out the bouquet she had purchased just a mere forty five minutes ago.
She delicately sat the yellow roses on the edge of the stone grave, running her fingers over the engraved letters with a smile. "Happy seventeenth, Caspian. To many more."
JANE'S NOTES literally why do i do this to myself smh. all i do is cause pain to myself when i write this fucking book
anyways, sorry if theres any grammar/spelling mistakes, rn im just like 🤨 so yeah, anyways, there was like no sirius content in this chapter (thank the lord) but yeah. hope u enjoy lovelies i love you all with each fiber that makes up the tendrils of my soul also 3.6k words 😏