This will be the LAST chapter of this story and that is so weird to say. I've invested so much of my time with this story, but it was an amazing ride.
In the beginning my story had absolutely no reads, votes and comments and it made me really unsure about my story and mostly my writing skills, but thankfully Munii (@lavenderlwt) kept me motivated to write.
And after a while more people started reading this story. Some people read a few chapters and others kept reading till the end. You guys are so amazing and wonderful! I'm so grateful to have people that (consistently) showed their support.
I want to thank everyone that read this story and mainly the people that voted on basically each chapter and left some very amazing, funny comments:
Serpicoe
Megymoo_14
hipster_mcchicken
caity24681
x_onedirection5SOS_x
ChiNguyenThiBich
And in particular I want to thank the few people that voted and commented on basically every chapter. You guys kept me so motivated to write and you made me smile with your lovely comments:
MrsTomlinson_98
NightChanges__4
1LittleSummer
TWERKoise1
If I’ve forgotten anyone, I’m so sorry! And please tell me so I can put your name in it!
And finally: hopefully you will enjoy this last chapter and I hope that this chapter does justice to this story and is a nice ending.
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I’m in front of Zayn’s house, index finger just an inch away from the doorbell. My hands tremble and my heart beats loudly with fear and happiness.
I slightly push my finger forward until it touches the doorbell. A soft ring echoes around the house. It’s such as soft sound that I’m not sure if they have heard it.
Anxiously I’m waiting for the door. What if his mother opens the door? Or what if his entire family is there?
I hear some movement inside and a soft cough before the door slowly opens with a cracking sound.
Zayn’s mother. Of fucking course.
“Hi,” I begin doubtfully.
“Hey Louis,” she answers kindly.
Oddly she seems very nice and pleasant. I know she doesn’t hate me, she even said so herself, but I always felt that something was off. I know she wasn’t too happy that I was ‘friends’ with Zayn. Maybe now that it’s over she feels differently?
“I just wanted to congratulate Zayn.”
She smiles. “Thank you, that’s very kind of you. I’ll get him; he is upstairs with a couple of his cousins.”
I keep waiting in the door opening, feeling confused. I’ve only been here a couple of times but standing here it feels very familiar and how weird as it may sound even nice. But it also feels like a place I don’t belong, probably because in some ways I never did. Yes I belonged with Zayn, but not with his family and not with his world.
Zayn comes to the door, together with his mother.
“Hey Louis,” he mumbles without really looking at me.
“Hi,” I reply uncomfortably, scratching my neck. I had hoped for a moment alone with Zayn, unfortunately his mother remains by the door, just a few steps away from us.
Zayn doesn’t say anything about his mother so I decide to let it go. “I just wanted to congratulate you; I already knew you would make it.”
“Thank you and I’m glad you made it too,” he responds sincerely.
I’m surprised. How does he know I've passed my exams? I’ve only known it for a couple of hours myself…
I smile at him. “Thanks.”
“So,” Zayn’s mother interferes. “It was very nice of you to visit, but we would like to celebrate this day with our family.”
This is her friendly way to get rid of me. Of course I don’t say anything about it and just politely nod and obey. “Yes… I guess it’s time for me to go. Have fun.”
This was certainly not the way I had planned it when I needed to see Zayn. Not with his mother just a few inches away and Zayn who barely looks or talks to me.
It’s probably better this way, better that I have to leave so soon. It confirms that I shouldn’t have done this. I don’t belong with Zayn and this day has confirmed it again, just like so many other days.
“Congrats again Zayn and good luck with everything I guess?” I feel like I’m stumbling over my words. I feel like I need closure, but this is just so awkward and painful.
I walk outside, not knowing how to feel.
“Wait,” Zayn calls after me.
I quickly turn around and look at him.
“Mum can I walk along with Louis for a bit? I’ll be back in half an hour.”
His mother furrows her eyebrows, seemingly in conflict, but eventually nods. “Fifteen minutes.”
I thank his mother and along with Zayn I walk away from his house. We walk very closely next to each other. Although we haven’t spoken to each other in a few weeks it still feels awfully familiar, but strange at the same time.
Today might be the last day I’ll see him. I don’t want this to end in a disaster. Not like the last time when I was broken for weeks. I have missed Zayn for over 5 weeks. Yes of course it’s different than in the beginning. In the beginning I wanted to just forget about the break up and be with him again. I don’t have those urges anymore. I’m happy with where I am. I just feel like I need closure. I want answers and peace. I feel like I at least need to apologize and be true to Zayn. I owe him that after everything that has happened.
“How did you know I made it?” I ask as a poor attempt of starting the conversation.
Zayn sighs deeply before answering. “After we broke up I tried to accept it. I tried to move on. But that wasn’t as easy as I hoped it would be. Let’s just say I felt like shit. But slowly I learned to accept it, accept the fact that it was over. It doesn’t mean I didn’t think of you. I thought about you a lot. I liked you so much Lou, or let’s say I still like you. Things may have ended but I still wanted to know if you made it. I still care for you.”
My heart flutters because of his honest and heartbreaking, but sweet words. “I do too,” I reply with sincerity.
We look at each other and smile. It feels good to see each other again. Too good. I feel butterflies in my stomach.
We walk together in silence as I try to form the right words, until I blurt out: “I’m sorry, you were right.”
He seems to ponder for a moment what I’m talking about before he understands.
As much as I hated the fact that we couldn’t be together as boyfriends in front of his family or friends, as much as I hated that I never really was a part of his life, or even belonged there; it was about Hazza. It always was and always will be. Zayn knew this all along. Hazza was the reason I broke up with Zayn. I didn’t want to admit that at first and instead I let the anger get the best of me and said things I wish I had never said.
He nods knowingly. “I’ve told my parents.”
“About us?” I ask stunned.
“About me,” he clarifies.
“That’s great Zayn. I’m so fucking proud of you! How did they react?”
“The best way they could, under the circumstances. They don’t want me to live the life of a homosexual, but no matter what I chose to do, I will always be their son, they will always love me. But they did tell me that I can’t expect the same from a lot of people in our community or even from my own family.”
“I’m so happy that your parents are okay with it, as far as they can be.”
“Yeah, it’s the first step,” he smiles. “Thank you.”
“Thank me? What for?” I ask bewildered. After everything I did, after my hurtful words, he is thanking me?
“If it wasn’t for you I would probably still be quiet. I would have never built up the courage to tell them. I’m not ready to be completely open, but at least I want to do something. I want to be myself, even if that means that people will judge me.”
“I’m sorry that –“
“It’s okay. We both know that it wouldn’t make a difference.”
This time I won’t argue, because he is right. If Zayn’s world can’t accept me and will judge me, I can find a way to deal with it. But if my world, my Hazza, can’t accept it, I can’t.
“Don’t feel guilty,” Zayn adds with determination in his eyes. “I did it for me. I just want to be who I truly am.”
“That’s amazing Zayn,” I say sincerely. “And you deserve to find someone who can fully be with you.”
He inhales a sharp breath; he knows what I mean. I love Zayn so fucking much and I always will, but I couldn’t give him everything. I couldn’t give myself fully to him. He deserves to be with someone who can give him everything.
“And I hope that more people will be as your parents. I hope more people can accept you so that you can be yourself, be happy. You deserve it so much Zayn,” I state, feeling so strongly about my words. I really mean it. He deserves the world.
He smiles at my words. “Thanks.”
I smile back and take his hand and intertwine it with mine. We stop walking and turn towards each other.
Zayn moves closer towards my face, towards my ear, his lips are barely touching me. I feel his breath tingle my face, making me shiver as he softly whispers in my ear: “I love you.”
I love you.
I don’t know if he ever said those words before, but they have never had so much meaning as now. I've never felt so much love and heartache together in one single moment.
“I love you,” I whisper back. “I love you too.”
I tilt my head to the side as my body and mouth are moving towards him. I place my mouth on his, sealing our lips in a delicate touch. He kisses me back with the same attentive, romantic touch. It’s a small, soft kiss, but it feels so wonderful and painful.
We detach our lips and stand there for a moment, hand-in-hand, in bliss and misery. Sometimes love isn’t enough.
We give each other one last faint smile. This is our goodbye, but I will cherish the moments forever in my heart.
Zayn softly rubs my hand before letting go and walking away. He slowly fades into the distance.
I stand there until he is completely out of my sight. Out of my life.
That Zayn and I will not see each other anymore doesn’t mean anything. He will be in my mind and in my heart, forever. Every time that I will think about him, a small smile will spread on my face. I will remember his stunning eyes, his beautiful smile, his sweet but fierce personality but most of all I will remember his love. He will always have a piece in my heart. I will always love him.
After what seems like an eternity, I finally start to walk home, to Hazza. That is where I belong. That is where the world wants me to be. Hazza is where I want and need to be. I love him so much.
I love you both: Zayn and Hazza.
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So what did you think of this last chapter? I have no clue… but I hope you enjoyed it!
I've already posted two chapters of the new story I'm writing: Holiday Secrets. It's a Larry University/Holiday AU. As I said before, I won't be able to write in March because of health issues, but hopefully I will see you guys later.
Oh and lastly: I’m rewriting this story or mainly the first chapters. It won’t be a major editing, the storyline itself will not change, I'm just editing a few errors and stuff.