It wasn't odd for you to hear Daniel's tormenting words if he knew you were up to something where he couldn't come with you, claiming that you needed to tell every details of the date he called through the door. But because you knew just how much of an idiot he was, you never reply even to his little knocks from time to time.
You chose your outfit carefully in the afternoon. You wanted something casual and understated with the importance of the meeting to the person you were about to see. Jay is probably going to wear something up to the trend but you were always just a plain Jane girl. There was a change for today.
It had been your idea, in order to minimize the reasons to get recognition from anyone in school regarding your involvement with Heeseung to wear a dress for once. If only your mom would see you now to the pink silk dress and the rope and canvas sandals Daniel gifted you in your last birthday. For the make up?
Nope. There was nothing you applied in your face other than a face powder and a boring pink lip tint to make yourself looking like a decent human instead of the usual hog's visage from your brother's opinion.
Dad:
Are you done? I'm still locking your brother in the basement and god, he's threatening me to tattle on your mom.
You:
Done! I'm going. Thank you
Dad:
Go! Before he could follow you out the door!
Taking the cue, you stepped out of the room and down the stairs to find your dad preventing Daniel from coming out the basement's entrance, as if your brother is one hell of a monster - a little monster. Maybe he is. Then, on the door you waved to them just as Daniel were finally free and it was like seeing an orangutan being restrained when you close the door before hailing a cab.
Because this is the first time you were going to meet Jay again, he's giving you the feeling of déjà vu.
What is this day is going to entail?, you wonder. Even before you reached the mall, your phone buzzes and you knew it was from him.
Park Jay:
I'm already here.
What about you?
You:
On the way
Park Jay:
Are you really okay with this? Not forcing you, am I?
You:
My brother replied to you but the book tempted me to
Park Jay:
Is that the way to get to your heart? Books?
You:
Who knows? Why why?
Park Jay:
Nothing. Why why why?
You:
😐
Park Jay:
😎
You:
😰
Park Jay:
🤧
You:
Why?
Park Jay:
Just get here. See you! xoxo
The scene outside the cab was an overhead view of Seoul, and you stared at it, stunned that in only a matter of minutes, the boy who had once been an ocean away is now living here. You were still puzzling over this as he texted again, and your heart began to beat quick as a humming bird.
Park Jay:
Now that I can have you alone to myself, we'll talk about that letter of yours.
You blinked at it, stunned and your head floated through the whole ride to the mall, daydreaming about this now paralyzing mistake. It didn't matter if you were now nervous or afraid or even sorry.
It would be a new start with Park Jay.
💌 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💌
This is it, you thought, the word sinking inside you after the cab left you in the front of the mall.
You waited for only a few minutes before holding tightly on your strap bag and head to the entrance, too restless to stay put. As you walked inside, your mind spun furiously and you found yourself searching the people's faces for any classmate in case you needed to hide. It wasn't until you reach the new attraction in the center of it all - the huge banner of this travel agency for their new promo of plane tickets - that you paused.
It was the very first thing that reminded you of Seattle and you stood there in the middle of all the bustle, thinking of the day he first talked to you, the reality loosening its grip on you. And you took a deep breath as you scan the crowd, blinking to see the bookstore where they were showcasing the hit of letters and you felt your mouth stretching into a slow smile.
There, you could only thought of how you wanted nothing more than to receive a letter and as you stood there realizing you were a hopeless romantic, you sensed someone standing a little ways behind.
"Getting nostalgic, are we?", Jay said, and it took you a moment to prep yourself in facing him. When you did, there he was, wearing a cream yellow and green button up shirt over a white shirt, jeans and a white converse shoes.
"If you wish to receive a letter, I can give you one", he shook his head and a few strands came down to his forehead. "It's vintage and all, but ain't it better to give a girl who had written to me first?"
At first, there was little to no soul in your mouth to speak. It was a side effect of being nervous and he keeps waiting, but it's not helping at all, not when your heart did feel like jumping out of your chest. To make it the more impactful, his hand moved gently to hold yours as if touching you would lead for you to break.
Jay raised his eyes to meet yours, pulling in a breath. "Shall we start this date?", he began but you started to speak as well.
"Wait, this is a date?", you were asking, looking surprised and he nodded. His mouth twisted into a smile. "What?", you said, then paused and began again. "I thought you only wanted to hang out? To talk?"
He stared at you. "Well, now I decided for this to be a date", his voice a little softer in hopes of easing your nervousness that he could feel. "You just need to follow my lead. You just have to like me b--"
His words trails off, the amicable aura surrounding him turning into an entirely different sensation. His eyes snapping away from your own and noticeably widening as they turned on your dress. A rosy heat began to form in your cheeks and you nearly hide yourself behind your bag. But it was too late, he was entranced.
He grabbed your hand, rather gently and he led the two of you inside the bookstore. It was much comfortable there to where he stopped before the section of bestsellers and between the spot in those bookshelves filled with wonders, he eyed you curiously as you look like a kid belonging right into her world in that place.
"It would take me long to pick one, will you be okay with that?", you asked, reaching for the one about fantasy. He nodded.
Shrugging softly and knowing he can't stop the smile from his lips, he says, "I can wait no matter how long. Pick anything you like and I will pay for it"
"Do you mean to say I can pick more than one? Is that it?", you say it like you won't want to ever believe it and this made him smile.
"Yes, if that is the way to make you come meet me again", he confessed, glancing around to see many people gliding away from your spot which is better. "What's your favorite genre?"
You beamed at him. "Any kind except for maybe horror, about devils and the likes because I once dreamt of it and when I wake up screaming, my brother only laughed at me", you explained.
You gestured for him to step away and he obliged as he was on the way in front of the new arrivals. Realizing a little too late that you were blocked by a box, you tumbled down into him as you clutched on his shirt when you almost fall and he moved you back into your feet.
"Sorry", you said and then turn to hide your face, your sandals loud against the floor as you crouched down to read the blurb of each book you picked.
Jay only watched you silently, your pastel pink silk dress made you look more cuter in his eyes, like something out of a dream and he waited until you looked back up to him before he goes down next to you, moving closer from one second to the next.
He made it only three steps before he had to pause, his breath stopping at your closeness and when he meets your eyes, you were waving the two self-help books from Mark Manson, and he almost wanted to laugh at the titles: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck, Everything Is Fucked (A Book About Hope)
After he recovered from his ultimate fascination, he finally spoke. "Do you have a problem with yourself lately, Y/N?", his fingers swiftly moved to the point of where you placed yours at the side of the book. "Why this books?"
"You didn't know the most of it from my brother", you said, forming your face in an upset scowl. "He is the reason behind all my burdens this week and this book might be able to help me to stay sane", but he didn't respond.
After all those sentences, it all happened so quickly. Like always, to any company of the seven boys from the issue of letters, your mind was absolutely not at rest and Jay's stare penetrated through your faltering and trying to be calm one, and you could not help but feel butterflies from inside your stomach. Instead of letting you go sink in to your comfortable shell, he simply leaned back against one of the bookcases after he had become so close.
He even had the guts to wiggle his brows teasingly that you truly wanted to smack the book in his head.
You had been about to walk away from that constricted spot (partly because you were starting to feel highly claustrophobic) when a hand clung to your wrist once again and it sended a goosebumps up to your whole body.
"I'm happy to see you again, I hope you know that", Jay said, his voice serious, and his expression still had that dreamy tone. "but unlike what you think, I can be persistent than how I tended to be especially with the things I like"
You sighed, glancing at his fingers clasped against your skin and you bravely asked, "How can I even perceive that? Why will you add to my troubles too?"
"If it's about this Heeseung, I can help you with him", his voice had gained a slight shade of annoyance at the reminder in school, "The only thing I want you to know is that I worry about you. Even if you're naive girl who doesn't know to refuse his advances. I may not know you for long but I've contemplated about your letter to understand you were a fragile one"
At those exact moment, your brain seemed a second too late in replying to his statement. It had been like that since the very beginning you saw him and Jake, and it was all Daniel's mistake - the fact that you always seemed so weak and timid with every interaction to them especially when some of them were advancing so hastily like Heeseung kissing you twice.
The feeling of his fingers travelling up to your arm felt strange to you yet it felt good.
His voice speaking a bit louder made you snap out of your wavering thoughts. "I asked if it's fine with you for me to interact with you like this even in school?", he asked.
"Well, maybe when my brother is not in sight or else, he would just bother you endlessly", you responsed, but not looking into his eyes. It may only worsen your nerves.
As his kind of response, he used the hand in your wrist to tug you closer to him as he got your books to pay for it in the cashier and he didn't utter a word and he didn't need to - when he dragged you out of the book store.
You were quiet too as he dropped you in a seat in one of the high-end restaurants out in it's patio before joining you, positioning himself in a seat across you in the table. The wind lifted from his direction and you caught the same scent you smelled from him before: it made you a little bit happy by the nostalgia it brought.
Together the two of you only mind each other when someone is asking and even with the food coming in, it was like there's an invisible force preventing you from wanting to speak of something, anything to save you from any awkwardness.
"I can't believe I've neven been here before", he murmured without taking his eyes off to tbe surroundings. "I always say the best city for me is Seattle but this place is amazing. It's -"
You averted your gaze from him to the skyline. "It was beautiful in it's own away. For me, this has been my home since I was born here"
He turned to you with a smile, but there was something sad about it as he says, "It's nothing like Seattle, but leaving it all for this was hard especially when my friends have to say goodbye and when I come here", he trailed off and this time the smile was bright. "You're the only thing that is familiar"
"But we only knew each other for a day back then?", you asked, nodding at him and you felt momentarily unsteady beneath his gaze.
He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I felt more closer to you because your letter is the first to welcome me in the first night we arrived here", There was a hint of joy in his face but then he shook his head. "That's not really it, though. The thing is, I was a bit overwhelmed by the impact of your letter and it lingered to me for days"
You thought of the letter, flitting back to the things you mentioned in it. "It's probably not right to say this", you say, pushing his hand away, "and yet it felt like I was too immature to even write it", you paused, blinking fast in realization. "Now that it comes to it, how it was delivered to you when I don't even know your address?"
Jay grins before saying his brilliant speculation, "Actually, maybe it had to do with your brother. When the letter is opened up, I saw an advice from the nameless sender to send it the way he found the address from Google or maybe social accounts?"
Now that you thought of it, you and Daniel had an intense argument about Jungwon and he was so upset he slammed the door in your face, but after you see him searching for hours in the desktop downstairs and knowing him, perhaps his retaliation is finding all the addresses of the boys to deliver all those letters to them.
"Daniel is really after to end my life, huh? I love that kid but sometimes he can go overboard", you admitted after a small comfortable silence between you and Jay. "And now everyone thinks I stole a boy from his ex when I don't even like him anymore"
"I'm sorry about that", Jay said, reaching over to put a hand over yours. "About all the troubles you were now in"
He was watching you intently but you couldn't bring yourself to look at him. Because the thought of gaining him as a friend was the only thing keeping you to stay, the only thing you were thankful enough before you push it away and wanted to be left alone as always.
Sensing that you were not reply to that, he asked another question, a question you never thought a boy could ask to a girl. "What about this? What is the thing keeping you going after all what had happened to you?"
You let his question sink into you, the doubts you have about this date or whatever is fading. When you answered him though, you don't even sound like yourself.
"How do I keep on facing it even if I don't want to? Because I'm only a human, and even if I want to hide over my walls, I couldn't", you told him and cannot understand why you were suddenly serious. "All this people even you, they make me want to hide from their sight anytime I think I have done something wrong and it makes me angry because why me?"
And he just let you continue as he listens attentively. "I am the type of person who's so shy and doubtful of her ability that I let too many chances slipped away from my reach", This is where you looked down to your hands, and stared at it. "I always think of the almost. Almost is the worst. It's full of what if's and I wishes. When you know it could've worked if only you had been braver, it really tears you apart"
Now, across him in the table, you could feel yourself unfolding completely before him. He says, "I felt the same for so long. And then there is that jumble of confusing emotions, the one that sometimes burns me so much that led me to think I'm a coward to not say it the first time"
"And what feeling is that?", you asked a little too quickly and he laughed at how ironic it is for everything.
He struggled to hide the way his lips curled up: he was trying to be serious but he can't help it. And it was over for you the moment he answered you, like it was nothing heavy.
"The one that I get when I'm with you"
And you smiled too, letting the words sink in, but even when he was already hailing a cab later, the confession was still glowing in the back of your mind. For the first time in weeks, you felt it again, the one you have with him in Seattle even if it had been so long since it was forgotten.
Unless it never really goes away, it was only hidden for he was living in another country and now that he's here permanently in your side, it came alive again.
Like at the end of the letter for Jay, you hoped this will turn out for the best.
💌 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💌
I thank you DanaeAn for suggesting the songs of I Love You and Be With Me from Treasure. It really complimented this chapter the whole time.
This is the boyfriend material look that I imagined Jay wore in this unexpected date with Y/N.
What do you think of this chapter? As a Jay stan, I was getting giddy over here.
Please don't forget to Comment and Vote!