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"it wasn't my intention to hide it from you. you're not supposed to be the one handling my problems."
jiyeon was quick to speak. sure it's nice to know that he'd be there when the others won't, but that doesn't mean she should just stand there and let him fix the situation.
"so i guess i'll just let you rot in there, while they bury you with their insults, is that what you want?"
"you know that's not what i meant."
"then why does it feel like it is?"
she painfully meets his gaze. he wasn't angry nor disappointed. he looked pained and betrayed; she was to blame herself again.
"your dinner yesterday? yeah i had to learn about that from your friends instead of you yourself. so you'd take the blame even if your parents were mad at me?"
jiyeon went rigid on her exact same spot, hands starting to get colder and colder.
"h-how did you know about that?"
"so you're going to keep that a secret from me too huh?" his mouth let out a fake laugh, gaze remained up to the sky.
"it's better if my dad insulted me in any way he can possibly do. i'm not going to let him hurt you for doing something that isn't even bad."
she kept trying to convince him. saying how all of this was just a conflict that has gone wrong. but on the other hand, he wasn't buying it, still wondering how much damage he caused her in a short amount of time.
"i just wished you asked me to stand up for you. we both caused this anyways— not just you, but i did too."
"you don't need to spend time on my bullshit—"
"THAT'S THE PROBLEM!" he paused, realizing he had went too loud that even the lass was afraid and had already closed her eyes shut.
"because it's not just your bullshit...it's ours."
jungwon's voice starts to strain; it was now completely obvious that he was shattered inside. jiyeon knew she went too far. he was right, she should have told him the problem instead of keeping it to herself.
"you know what's the worst feeling in the world is kang jiyeon?" his voice cracked, looking down to hide the bits of tears flowing from his face.
of course she wasn't able to respond. it hurt her seeing him in pain because of her. she once again disappointed a person that means a lot to her.
"is when you love someone who doesn't even trust you..."
there he said it.
he said it pretty darn well.
jiyeon's shaky eyes shockingly squinted many times. she somehow can't process what jungwon had said.
"did you just.."
"yeah i did. i don't when, i don't how, i don't know why but i'm sure it's real and true. i know we made a deal and agreed to say it after exactly thirty-one days, but i just couldn't help it anymore."
"say it." a voice in the back of her head spoke.
"say those three words."
"i. love. you."
"i-i..." her tongue failed to roll that phrase, she wanted to say it. she wanted him to hear it too so bad; but then why did she suddenly mute herself?
"but thank god i finally did or else i would be with someone who had someone else in mind." he obnoxiously laughed, pinching his nose and rubbed his puffy eyes.
her brows furrowed at his statement. "what's that supposed to mean?"
jungwon turned his heel towards her, hands tucked inside his pockets while the wind pushes his messy hair back.
"you clearly haven't let go of him yet, god i'm so stupid to even try."
"i warned you before this deal came to happen jungwon, don't you dare put minjun into this..." she snapped, blood slowly starting to boil when the guy blamed someone who he shouldn't.
"MINJUN IS DEAD! YOU NEED TO MOVE ON IN LIFE. YOU ARE SO SCARED OF HIS PARENTS THAT YOU COULDN'T EVEN FACE HIS TOMBSTONE! IF YOU WANT A START THEN YOU SHOULD START WORKING ON HAVING ONE!"
"YOU KNOW I CAN'T. I TOLD YOU IT'S HARD. I THOUGHT YOU'D GET IT."
"i don't. you tell how you want to live the way you want it to be but you don't even bother to try. your friends who worked so hard to help you feel better but you only push them away for what? for someone who's dead?"
jiyeon was holding a grudge. she wanted to slap him, tell him that he doesn't know what he's saying yet she couldn't. some sort of feeling inside her is blocking her actions for getting him hurt.
"of course you wouldn't get it. you don't know the feeling of being called a murderer. i don't even know why you'd be different from the others. you are all just the same!" she fought back, not breaking the tense contact with jungwon.
"you know damn well that i don't care about what they say. if you think of me as one of your enemies, then you're wrong."
"if you're going to just tell me to move on, why even bother to bring me to dates and make me feel proud of myself?!"
"BECAUSE I WANT TO CHANGE YOU! I AM GIVING YOU A SECOND CHANCE TO LOVE YET YOU'RE JUST DUMPING IT OUT."
jungwon softened. he took a few steps away from her to give himself some time to calm down. jiyeon remained unsatisfied. her hands were deeply curled into a fist, gritting her teeth to avoid spitting out hurtful words.
the lad rested his arms on the railing of the roof, breathing heavily to remove the tense growing in his conscience.
"i tell you that i'm here when you need me, maybe you should try not having your pride held high and just stop being so stubborn for a moment." he spoke under his breath but it was loud enough for jiyeon to hear.
"if you couldn't level with my pride and you can't handle my stubborn confrontations, how could you be able to have serious feelings for me?!"
"BECAUSE YOU WERE JUST A FUCKING BET I WAS FORCED TO AGREE TO!"
her heart dropped. she was hurt after that. the reality finally kicked in that jungwon was no longer happy about what she was doing to herself and to him.
"at least minjun would never say that to me..."
"then why don't you go and be with him instead?"
"if i had the chance, i would have went running!"
suddenly, a huge thunder was heard. the two were surprised and startled. in just a flash, the rain went pouring by. jiyeon and jungwon were both soaking wet; though that didn't stop them from spitting fire at each other.
"looks like the answer is pretty obvious now." he turned to the opposite side of the railing and walked to the door to leave the rooftop.
"wait jungwon, i-i didn't mean to say that—" jiyeon tried to keep a hold of him, making sure he doesn't leave.
he stopped on his tracks, looking down on his wet shoes and didn't bother to face her again. he just wanted to leave, he was already shattered, he didn't want to hear any more from her.
"let's stop this deal. we're only fooling ourselves and now that i know you can never see and understand your better self, i can clearly see you're just wasting my time.
"so that's it? you're leaving because i failed to make you stay?" her tears finally came out, her grip on his wrist tightened right after she stated her words.
jungwon slowly nodded despite it being hurtful inside. she might love her but he can't keep her to himself if she doesn't feel the same with him.
"say it now. you're running out of time kang jiyeon!"
"jungwon i—"
"it's alright jiyeon," cutting her off as he held onto her hand and let it go from very his wrist. "minjun is your first love, and you know what they say...first love never dies."
jiyeon's shaking hand wasn't in touch with his anymore. jungwon exits himself and left her standing there, in the rain, all alone.
"FUCK!" she yelled while pulling her hair, falling down on the stone cold floor. she endlessly sobbed, cursing to herself for she broke another friendship, all because she was too full of herself.
she became too insensitive.
"WHY WAS IT SO HARD TO UTTER THOSE THREE WORDS KANG JIYEON? HUH?!" she slapped her forehead, letting herself be sunk by the heavy rain.
"it's just minjun all over again. if only i said the words i wanted to say minutes moments— or even seconds earlier. my fucking pride got the best of me."
"maybe if it weren't for me being so stubborn, all of them wouldn't be so ashamed of me."
if only jiyeon told him what he meant to her, everything wouldn't have crashed down into this. she cries and cries her tears out. jungwon was gone and it might even be the last time she sees him and it was all her fault.
she was in the wrong this time.
only a few days were remained standing and it might have even ended up fine with them being together now that she's aware of what he feels about
her— sadly, temper took over.
all those times they've spent together just went to waste. it was already good when you imagine it, then in just blink, it was suddenly not.
jiyeon was tearing into pieces; especially her fragile heart, even though she was the one who broke it.
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