13th January 2020 -Park seo jun Vlive recording and songs
i woke up at around 5am , took a long shower and then dried my hair.Since Snow is a key focus for today's episode , i should wash her up too.at around 6am , yoona came in with a few staff members and looked after snow whilst i got changed and then we left.
we drove to the set , which was at bighit offices for today.We were going to record in the dance rooms , there are limited places available due to the stricter corona prevention measures at the moment.
once i was there , i went straight up and the audio director attached a microphone to me.
Snow was pretty settled in here , she is used to this location , so i took her off her leash and she just followed me around as i got my hair and makeup done.
i entered the rehearsal room , and saw there were two single seater sofas and other props were set out.i sat on one of the sofa's and snow sat near my feet.
i asked for a blanket to cover my legs and then we began with the usual introduction.
director: do you know who you might be filming with today?
me: since i was told to bring snow and some of her items...it must mean the episode is entered around dogs...so the guest must have a dog...i am not sure , most of the people i submitted on the list of possible guests have dogs.
director: we will give you three clues , if you guess the person correctly , you can be the one to choose what drinks we order at lunch.
me: oh, that sounds quite good.
they handed me a sheet of paper and it was all written in japanese
i translates it to english on the paper.
clue 1 , they are closer to one of your closest friends.
Clue 2 , you have met them a few times.Both at formal events and in personal settings.
Me: [reading it] "clue 3 , dog bird"...Dog bird?!! Hwarang!!park seo jun!he matches it , right?He is close to V hyung , who is one of my closest friends and i have seen him in a few events with chanel and award shows and i once saw him at one of my friends houses!
the director nods and the door to the room opens , a few cameras were filming him.he enters with his mask on and bows. i bow back
me: hello , its nice to meet you.
he takes his mask off and replies back before sitting on the other sofa, parallel to me.
Producer : brief explanation of why you invited him and then He can give a rundown of the suggestions he had for today's context .after that , we will give you the activities for today
Me: I invited park seo jun because he is an actor that I really admire.also he is one of the few people in this industry , that was always nice and respectful to me during my earliest days too.but seeing him become the star he is today and still have that same attitude is really refreshing and nice to see.
Park seo jun: thank you so much, you have always been quiet every-time I had brief interactions with you , it's the first time seeing you talk like that
Me: I haven't seen you a lot.I came across you a few times during award shows, but we never spoke because I was either running off stage or running onstage or you were presenting .
Psj:that's true. Every time your name is mentioned I have two clear memories of you engrained in my head
Me: really? That's concerning? Which embarrassing moment was it ? Oh no...I have many of those-
Psj: [laughs] no no, not like that.the first one is at MAMA 2019, you finished performing and I was passing by backstage as you came offstage.I remember watching it all from the sidelines because I was presenting an award after that and as you came off , as soon as you weren't in the spotlight anymore - can I say this?
Me: [looks at staff] say whatever you want , freedom of speech is extremely important .plus if I hate it too much I will beg the staff to delete it hahaha.I'm joking , please speak freely
Psj:[laughs before continuing]as soon as cameras couldn't film you , you collapsed into the arms of your staff and they all rushed to give you respirators, the bottled oxygen cans.as you struggled to keep breathing , your makeup staff were readjusting your makeup and getting you ready to sit back in the seating area , then after those brief seconds , you were dragged away into your green room and I was pushed onstage to present .
Me: I don't remember this , honestly speaking my memory after performances are always a haze
Psj: this leads onto the next and last memory I have of you.when you were being taken into your green room , fans probably call it a waiting room , your Chanel brooch came off and no one else saw it , so once I was back offstage I picked it up and wanted to ask taehyung to give it to you , but every time I hung out with him I wouldn't have the brooch on me.you probably know what the next memory is , right? Can I say it ?
Me: yeah I know , it's when you gave it back to me.one of our mutual friends had a gathering of about four people and me .so me , you , them and two other people ...from what I can remember.actually I'm not sure, I think three other people?we arrived at the same time and I was pretty quiet that evening because it was my first time meeting you and I am not good at making new friends or things like that
Psj:ah that's why you were quiet? Yeah and that's pretty much the only other memory I have of you , I gave you back the brooch you dropped and you thanked me before being taken to the kitchen to talk about something with one of the guests
That was Jin , giving me the invitation from his brother for the wedding
Me: yeah , I am not the best at socialising with new people , because I hate making them feel left out or things like that so i overthink all my actions up until the point where I just do don't anything
Psj: is that why you left early?
Me: oh yeah , I left early because snow was tired and I was a bit stressed out from some work I hadn't done that was due the next day , for my school.
Psj: that's completely understandable , I thought I made you uncomfortable or something , hahaha.
Me: oh not at all, when people do things that make me uncomfortable or sad or angry I confront them straight away . Don't worry , you have always been in my "nice people" list
Producer: psj, could you explain a bit on the concept for today's shoot ?
Psj: ah yes, I choose our dogs as a key concept .when the production team contacted my company and then asked me to pick a concept I was slightly worried and concerned as to what I should pick.so I researched a bit about you , meaning I asked my niece to tell me everything she knows about you , she is a big fan.my niece then mentioned that we have a few similarities.the similarities she stated was that we both adopted our dogs , we have the same vet and trainer and that some of my friends were your friends too.
i put my hand out for simba to smell me a bit.
psj: so i asked for dogs to be the main concept and asked if the production team could invite trainer kang
me: trainer kang?! the famous one!he is here?
the producer nods before another staff member opens the door for him to enter.Trainer kang is a really famous dog trainer in south korea and he has his own show on various channels and his own youtube channel. Pretty much everyone i know , knows him.
me and psj greet him and another staff member gets a seat for him.
trainer kang: hello , i am trainer kang. it is nice to meet you all.
we film a quick introduction with him and then dive into the two dogs
Me: we have the same vet and trainer? I heard your dog is called simba? Am I right?
He nods and picks simba up
Psj: yes , here she is . She is really excited for today's shoot, she likes having pictures taken of her and attention.I think she would be a better celebrity than me to be honest
Me: does she come with you to certain shoots? or fittings ? Or schedules?
Psj: [nods, puts her down and she walks over to me ] to a lot of them actually, but she doesn't cause too much trouble , she is just a bit possessive of me
Snow gets up an the two dogs interact
Psj: your dog is called snow? Right?
Me: yes , she is a tea cup Pomeranian and was rescued as a newborn from a dog breeding factory.she is surprisingly calm and collected most of the time
trainer kang:from a breeding factory? her life has changed quite a lot , i think she is the most famous dog.
Psj: I heard from a few people that you rarely have her on a leash?
Me: not exactly, when there are moments that she needs to be on a leash , she just easily puts it on and we get on with our day.But , she doesn't really run off much or put herself in danger when we are on walks...surprisingly .when she senses I am stressed , she stays by my feet and stands as a protector.but when she knows I am calm , she will walk about two metres in front of me and her own pace , leads the route and ends up going back home at her own pace .
trainer kang: that's very impressive:
Psj: really? What about when you are on your or overseas travel?
Me: she normally comes with me , for most dates and whilst I have performances she will be at the hotel or a park with her trainer or one of my friends who are in the same city and want to hang out with her, but only if snow likes them.when I am not performing (ie. other schedules like rehearsing or interviews or fittings or events) she comes with me and follows me around . Then if I ever get a hour or so off I go around parks or cities with her
Psj: that's must be so fun for her
trainer kang: ah yes , i remember we spoke about this a while ago
psj: you guys know each other?
me: uh , before i adopted a dog, i was talking to a few of my friends who already have dogs about concerns i had and then v hyung told me about the advice he received from trainer kang.so i got his contact details and spoke to him a few times over the phone before we finalised the best plan for what would happen when i adopted a dog.But this is our first time meeting , face to face.
trainer kang: yes , that is true. i have met snow a few times , but not you , hahaha. It is an honour to meet you
me: the honour is all mine , you are a legend in this country.i heard that you two have also met?
psj: yes , that is true, we met a few times because i wanted to receive some advice from him.
producer: Todays content will be based on dog training and wellbeing. Trainer kang will serve like a referee , whilst you two will do various tasks with the dogs. the one who wins the most points receives a prize at the end.
we got up as staff set up a mini dog walking obstacle course. i picked up snow and we went over to the side.psj and the trainer came up to me and we spoke a bit about the different breeds.then we were called back.me and psj had 2 practise rounds on the obstacle course each, before having a final competition.Snow won it , she just followed my hand as i led her around it in order , but simba would hesitate before going on some of the obstacles
trainer kang: this shows how fearless snow is and just how much she trusts you.simba has some fears when experiencing new activities , but shows a similar level of trust towards park seo jun.
psj: please , you can talk comfortable
he means informal
psj: you too[turns to me]
me: ah , i can? what do i call you?
psj: seo jun , i am older so oppa? but i know you would prefer to call me hyung.so whatever you wish.trainer kang , you can call me seo jun. lets talk comfortably.
i smiled and nodded before we got ready for the next activity
trainer kang: your next activity is trying to teach your dogs a trick, who ever does it the quickest and the best , wins.
me: what trick is it?
trainer kang: you will teach them when to hug on command.
he taught us the instructions and then me and psj separated and began to teach the dogs the trick. simba picked it up quite easily and so did snow , but during the competition , Simba won because she performed it the best.
trainer kang: for your final activity , you two will have a competition , to see who knows the most about dogs.
me: I'm doomed. i just know about snow and her personality.
psj: don't worry , i dont think i am any better.lets both just fail and wish for the best.
we get two chairs out and sit , snow stays by my feet playing with a toy.
trainer kang : question 1 , which dog breed is the largest breed?
me and psj look at each other and burst out laughing
me: i dont know anything about dog breeds
psj: is it a german breed?
trainer kang shakes his head
me: no no , i am sure it is an english breed.right?
trainer kang nods his head
me: can i get the point? for being the closest?
trainer kang: i guess so , it might be the closest we get to the answer, which is english mastiff.the second question is , which is the smallest dog breed?
psj shoots up his hand and says pomeranian , but he got it wrong
me: no no , its those dogs , the Chihuahuas.
i get the second point , after another 3 questions , psj wins
director: park seo jun has won two out of the three competitions and therefor can decided where you guys will eat.
me: we are going out?this shoot couldn't have just ended after this ,right?
director: correct.trainer kang , would you like to explain?
trainer kang: after we eat , we are going to an adoption centre , where you guys will help us with the dogs there.
me: ah really?! that is great!but ..uh , hyung , where are we eating?
psj: umm , i am not sure , what are the options?
the director hands him a few sheets of paper with he restaurants and their menu details
i go and look at it too, mostly korean cuisine restaurants
psj: which one do you want?
me: uh...i dont know , you decide.
psj: this barbecue place in itaewon looks nice , lets go there please.
the staff nod and call the restaurant , booking the entire place for three hours.
the staff begin moving the cameras and items into the cars , me psj and trainer kang were going to be in one van.as me and psj were walking down the corridors , taehyung and jungkook bump into us.
taehyung and psj start talking , he explains todays content.
taehyung: that seems like so much fun! i am glad both of you are not stressed. eunha was with me yesterday worried that you might not like filming and you were texting me about what concept to choose.ut it all worked out well.
jungkook: are you going to an adoption centre? will you take snow with you?
me: well simba is going with seo jun hyungs mother , who is in the lobby.snow might just have to stay with yoona unnie
jungkook: well we have a live shoot today, where we are just outside and then i am off until around 4pm, so i could look after her for you.besides , me you and jin hyung have that recording session together.
me: thank you , but its fine, yoona unnie wants to take her to the vet today for a checkup.
psj: taehyung-ah , we need to go now because we have to finish this shoot.i will talk to you later.
we said our goodbyes and left. psj gave simba do his mother , who i also met in the lobby and then we got into a van and went to the restaurant.
once we arrived in itaewon , it was around 11am , so near lunchtime. we entered the restaurant from a back exit and greeted the owners and workers , who didn't expect to see us there, they though a company had just rented it out for a company dinner.
me: viewers , please support you local businesses.They are going through a lot because of corona and its effects , please support them.whilst also following government and safety guidelines, rules and precautions!
the three of us sat , ordered food and then ate whilst talking about our dogs, most of which was filmed
once we were done there, we went to the adoption centre , which was massive and surprisingly modern.
we entered inside and went into main reception area which had cameras on once side and seats on the other side. the main seating area had a small'fence' around it to stop the dogs from reaching the cameras.
we sat down and then a staff member came out and introduced herself.her name was kim minyoung and she was the manager here.
minyoung: today , you guys will be helping us with the dogs , to promote adoption and looking after them
trainer kang: what will we be doing?
mingyoung: you each will have a number of puppies to name.these puppies' parents were rescued around a month ago from a commercial breeder and so they were just born this month , around 15 days ago.
trainer kang: from a breeder?
minyoung: yes.then after that , you will help us post online on our account , about these dogs and their details.
they brought out the puppies and i had to hold myself back from crying because they were so cute.we each had 5 puppies , mine were welsh corgi, psj had french bulldogs. and trainer kang had golden retrievers.
there were three welsh corgi's that were given to me and i put on gloves.
i picked one of them up and began stroking it , a staff member passed me a bottle of milk for it and i began feeding it.psj and trainer kang began feeding theirs too, i looked up from the puppy and looked at psj.how is he so good looking?
i looked back down , distracting myself on purpose
me: i think honey is a good name for her, it matches the colour of her eyes.
psj: honey? sounds nice.
honey finished the bottle , and i put her down in the bed.i picked up the second puppy and began feeding him another bottle.
psj: i will name this one saeroyi, because he reminds me of a dog i saw when we were filming 'itaewon class'.this one can be called 'jangmi'(meaning rose in english).this one can be called 'tae yang'(meaning sun in english)...and this last one can be called ' camilla' because it is a pretty flower.
trainer kang gave his puppies normal people names
me: uh i will name him , the second puppy , lily, which is baeghab in korean...i will name the last puppy - oh she has a lighting mark on her back , its the brown fur against the white fur - i will call her 'zeus'.
after naming the puppies , writing their names onto tags and playing with them for a few minutes , they got tired and began sleeping again. We took a tour around the adoption centre and passed the older dogs.then we came back and began taking pictures of the dogs, making profiles for them on the adoption centres various social media accounts and posting it.
we were not in the pictures of the puppies because the adoption centre would need various legal documents filled out in order to have my face or seo jun's face affiliated with them on their social media accounts.At the moment , only we have the legal right to film here and publish it on our platforms, they cannot claim legal sponsorship or collaboration with us
.we played with the puppies a little while longer and then filmed the closing segment, asking people to adopt rather than buy.then staff began packing up and we wore our masks.i took a few videos of the sleeping puppies and saved them to my camera roll.
after this trainer kang left because he had an appointment to get to, me and psj were still there helping staff pack up and take pictures of us.as we walked to the car , he nervously started a conversation
psj: i hope you enjoyed today's content that i picked out, i was quite worried that you wouldn't enjoy it. Out of curiosity, i know we were never close and we have always been quite quiet around each other , so why did you ask for me to appear on this show?I know it is not for clout or popularity or following your companies orders , so why me?
me: why i requested for you to come?Well, various reasons.you are a nice person , you are honest , you dont have a fake personality , you are respectful , you are not demanding , you have morals that you follow and you look out for other people. In terms of professional respect that i have towards you , i have always admired your acting. i have watched most of your dramas and films.I have watched "Itaewon class", "what's wrong with secretary kim ", " Hwarang", " fight for my way", "she was pretty ", " Dream High 2" and even your cameo in " record of youth".
psj: oh wow , i am flattered.
me: dont be , its only expected when you have someone talented and kind enough in this industry.Honestley speaking , a lot of people in this industry are dirty. so it is refreshing to see someone who is genuinely good around.
psj:the same can be said towards you.if it is okay with you , could i have your number? we don't have any platform where we can communicate, apart from company representatives.
me: of course , you can follow my private instagram too.
psj: ah really?!
me: [gets phone out] what is your instagram name?i have to search it up in the 'follow requests' section....ah here it is. oh let me just DM you my number , it will be easier to save.if you ever need anything , be sure to contact me.
a staff member calls me from the van i was walking towards
me: i appear to be in a rush to get to my next schedule. it was great hanging out with you , next time we hang out in person , away from cameras , i won't be as quiet as i was last time , haha.Bye
psj: same , thank you for inviting me , goodbye.
i rushed into my van and he went into his , from there we separated. I went back to the office (arrived at 3pm)where i had a meeting with a few lawyers and accountants, yoona also handed me snow back after that.at 5pm , i had album recordings until around 8pm.After that i had fittings for album photoshoots until around 10pm.Then i went home.
on my way home , i stopped by the food store in my new neighbourhood, i bought a few items and then left. i arrived at home by 10:30pm. as i entered , i saw jin and jungkook sat on the sofa.
me: hey! i got you guys food!
jin: oh - we got you food too.I have to say , i love the interior designing of your new house.
jungkook: it has the exact same layout as your old house too , which is scary but amazing.It looks so nice , congrats on moving in.
me: thanks!okay , you guys head up there and i will join you in a minute , once i clean these items and snow.
they decided to help me instead and i was done sooner that i expected.we went straight up to the recording studio and jin showed me his songs that he wanted me to overlook , then jungkook.i helped jin tweak a few lyrics and perfect the layering on jungkooks songs
me: Has adora unnie seen these?
adora is a bighit producer and songwriter, she is a queen
jungkook: yeah , she did the bridge lyrics and changed the melody a bit
jin was writing on a piece of paper , redoing some lyrics.Jungkook got back to his laptop, going over the layering again , seeing if the adlibs were nicely put it.
jungkook: eunha , could you do me a favour? could you harmonise with some of the adlibs and add some of your own?
me: doesn't adora usually do those?i have done a few songs for you before , but are you sure?
he nods , i go into the recording booth as the song plays.i come back out.
me: do you need anything else in any other part?
jk: no , those natural adlibs and harmonisations were perfect
me: okay sure
jin shows me the lyrics he did and begins to sing through them
up until midnight , i just helped them through their songs.once it got to midnight , they had to go home to sleep because they have a early shoot for runBTS in the morning.
14th january 2020- IU and preshoots
i was up at around 5am , ready for the day , with deep eyebags. My vlive shoot today was in the evening , but up until then i have a full schedule
at around 7am i arrived at the studio where we were recording the promotions that are in place for Seolla.I changed into a pastel pink hanbok as soon as i got there and we dived straight into the shoot.i Began off by making a card and having that filmed.Then preparing a gift basket , with various traditional gifts that koreans usually give on this holiday.After that , the chef Baek Jong came out to help me cook Dasik (tea cookies).We spent around forty minutes doing that , then once we were done , we plated it up and tried them out with tea.He was also wearing a hanbok, but was only on for that segment of the filming.After that i filmed a closing segment and then staff began packing up to leave.Photographers took a few photos throughout the shoot and at the end , with me alone and with chef Baek Jong.
me: it is a pleasure to finally meet you , i heard all about the shoot you had with the members , thank you for joining the show
chef Baek Jong : not at all , the pleasure is all mine , thank you for letting me promote the ham on the show.Once it is released, i am sure it will really help the farmers.
me: it is a good cause, we only did what was morally right.
chef Baek Jong : i did ask some of my staff to give you a box full of the ham, but one of them told me you dont eat ham or any pork related food?
me: thats true , i rarely eat meat.Just my preferences, unfortunately.I dont eat fish either , and rarely consume chicken or red meat.
chef Baek Jong : i see, well, i also did bring you a knife with my name engraved on it , just as i did for the members.
he takes it out of a bag and gives it to me
me: oh my goodness thank you so much , this is my new family heirloom.I need to put it in a safe.Would you like an album?my gifts are not as meaningful or as priceless as yours , but as soon as concerts are in place , i will be sure to invite you to one.
i gave him an album that was already signed, before he arrived to the shoot and he thanks me for it.We speak briefly for a while before we separate.I get changed into regular clothes and headback to the office where i have a few fittings left , then i meet up with yoona in order to talk to her a bit about her wedding dress.Then i was back into office meetings , up until 8pm.From there, i was driven to a studio for the vlive shoot.
i got there and changed into what the stylists gave me , sleepwear?
i went and sat on the bed on the right and sat there as staff sorted out the lighting.then we began the shoot , i did the regular introduction and answered the questions the director gave me.
me: i dont know who it might be ...but i guess the concept is sleeping?or relaxation?sleepover?i am allowed snow on set , so it must be one of my friends who has met her and likes her.
after a few more questions , the guest came out and it was IU. i gave her a hug and she explained the concept that she chose
iu: i remember that a while ago , i think when you were on tour , we were talking about sleepovers and you said that you have never had one. so today i wanted to bring the sleepover to you! today , we are going to relax , talk a bit , have some fun and have a mini-sleepover.
director: you guys will begin off by trying to make dalgona coffee.
we got the instructions and began making it , i was in pain by the end of it and it didn't taste as amazing as i hoped it would, but oh well.then we were told how to make a mini 'food platter' for ourselves. i cut up strawberries , apples, peaches and then opened the bag on snacks.in order to get the snacks , we had to win at certain games(like rock paper scissors or traditional korean games). i managed to get a small cake, a packet of crisps and two banana milkshakes. iu got a few other snacks and then we sat opposite each other in the middle 'carpet ' area as we began talking.
me: i feel so full looking at this , oh well, might just have it.
iu: dont worry about it , if it tastes good , it has no bad things about it.
me: i guess so
i hesitated before eating the fruit first.
iu: something that i really wanted to do was talk about mental health and wellbeing, because i am sure that with lockdown and corona , many fans /viewers may not have a very good mental health.should we begin off with, how to deal with quarantine or lockdown?
me: thats a great idea! some fans are in lockdown worldwide and many will be in quarantine/at home. uh , something that i realised is that when i was at home , during our really strict lockdown, was that my mental health did a full 180. this is the first time i am talking about it , but i think it is really important , especially since so many are at home alone. But , my mental health was horrific , especially since i didn't have school or that many schedules , i lost track of my daily schedule and timetable. so i began waking up at around 6pm and sleeping at 6am -
iu: that bad?!
me: yeah , pretty much. i got it back to normal , almost. But now , i cant go to sleep any earlier than 3am, sometimes 4am.aside from that , i noticed that before corona , i would go outside and keep myself busy in order to avoid thinking about my concerns or things that were bothering me.But once lockdown hit , i was just out of it, my bad habits returned and i was overthinking everything. Which was kind of annoying because i worked through june of 2019 , up to february of 2020 just recovering from all those bad habits i had.
iu began talking through her struggles with corona and then asked my solution to my problems
me: well , i haven't gotten back to a full recovery of going back to "normal", i dont think i ever will.But i realised , that keeping a daily routine was a big help, like just trying to stay strictly on a certain routine of waking up at a certain time and sleeping by a certain time.Although i am not good at it , i know that it helps.Also eating your three meals a day , with balanced nutritions and keeping in touch with your friends and family.that is a big one , stay in contact with your loved ones!!
iu: i agree! please follow that advice , it may help you.i feel so bad for all the students who are at home right now , they must be struggling.Aren't you a student?
me: yeah , i still have school[bites into cake and frowns]and i have so much work that hasn't even been looked at. i have five essays to hand in , all my class work and homework...i am not having fun.But i will have to do it eventually. Other students must have it harder, they have more classes and content.especially the younger children, i wish them the best.
we spoke a bit about how to manage tasks and work and then we went onto balancing mental health with work
me: i think , every week , at least once , everyone should do a relaxing activity for at least an hour. it can be meditating or painting or drawing or running or whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed. Personally , i love sleeping! if you were to see me at home when i have no schedules , it is just watching netflix or dramas and sleeping.
iu: hahaha , i really liked drawing.
snow stops playing with her toy and brings me a tennis ball. i throw it around and she catches it a few times.
me:i think one lucky thing i have , is snow. When i am scared or upset , she can tell.
iu: really? is there a incident that has happened to you , that made you really thankful for snow?
me: there are many...ummm...the other day - can i say this?i will just say it - i took snow for a walk towards the han river and there were three photographers following me. i was not feeling great , but i stopped by a convenience store and tied her leash to a bike railing. i bent down and said to her 'if they come here bark once" , then i laughed at myself for thinking she would do it...BUT SHE DID IT!!! one of the photographers came in and i was sooooooo shocked at snow understanding and doing what i said!then when i came out fo the store i untied her and let her walk freely , cause she normally just minds her own business either way.But she senses i was not feeling good and stayed by my feet , all the way until we got back home and they could get past us and then she began walking two metres ahead of me, cause she knew i was feeling better.
iu: she must be a super genius!
Me: she really is! I love her so much, she knows how to look after me when I am not feeling well or upset
Iu:do you think that overtime , your mental health has gotten better?
me: well , interesting question.i don't know how to answer that.[laughs awkwardly].How about you?
iu: i think i became much better these past few years. Once i got control of my own life , focused on wellbeing and got the support i needed ...it much better.
wow...must be nice...i guess .I smiled awkwardly
iu: 2020 was such a crazily unexpected year.From corona to all the things that happened in the industry.i miss tours so much
we spoke about tours for a bit before we began trying to meditate.it turned too funny because we couldn't focus at all.then we filmed the closing segment and pretended to go to sleep, to complete the concept of 'sleepover'.then we got up and got changed to go home, it was just past midnight
Once I got home , I just sanitised all my items with a spray , washed my hands, got changed and threw myself on my bed.I was so tired from these past few days that I couldn't even begin to get through my school work
15th January 2021 - BJH and the stress of school
I was woken up at around 6am by yoona , who came in with a panic that I had not woken up yet.I rushed to get changed and she said "wear something fairly formal but also casually fashionable"
Snow went with her trainer for a vet appointment
I was driven to the studio, the same one I have been in for what feels like years , which was transformed into a new design again.I went in and had my hair and makeup done and then I filmed the introduction
Director: what do you think you are filming today? With who? With what concept?
Me: I'm not sure...is it like a sit down interview?is it a idol? Or model? Or actor? I am so lost
The director introduced the guest , which was the legendary director/producer/screen writer Bong Joon Ho.
He came out wearing black trousers and a blue T-shirt and I was awestruck.we greeted each other and I told him about how much I admired his work, then He explained the main concept for today
BJH: today , I really wanted to just sit Down with you, and talk about working in a global industry and its effects. We both work very globally and have been recognised, fortunately, in various different global institutions.I have been recognised in the film industry.Whilst, you have been recognised in the business ,fashion and music industry.We both come from a Korean background and have faced much in our path to getting to where we are and I really wanted to talk about that
Me: I am honoured for you to see me in that light and I would love to talk about our various experiences in the global industry. But honestly speaking, I am very honoured and surprised that you came onto the show, when I Submitted your name to the producers of the show I just kind of put it there assuming that you were probably not going to be able to come because I'm not like someone that famous but thank you so much for taking time out of your schedule to come and see me you really made my day.
Director: before we begin off because this is a show meant for entertainment not just interviews we were hoping you guys replace some games in order to win prizes and choose various topics, topics that you would each like to talk about.
We played various games and We each won three chance cards. On top of that we both won the option to order two drinks and I won the ability to choose what to order for food.
I ordered food from a local restaurant , for us and the staff members.by the time the large order arrived, we had received our "diamond Starbucks Frappuccino's" and were beginning to use our chance cards.he started off with a question : "what were some instances where you had the distinct feeling of being an outsider?"
He spoke a bit about imposter syndrome and his experience in an after event and then it moved onto me
Me: well...I have only been to one after party and it was eventful, to say the least. I spoke to the only person I knew there and then went to get a cup of lemonade and then a glass wine cup was thrown across the room towards my area! It was not aimed at me , but to this other person besides me , I was shocked but before I could do anything ,one of my guards had enough , he then lifted me up and carried me out of the event through a back exit.
BJH: woah!
Me: there was always a reason as to why I never went to after parties or social events; 1 , I hate parties for events I couldn't care less about , 2, I don't have any close friends who go to them or are willing to be with me ,3, most of them are too dramatic ,4, I find them too stressful. That one time I did go , was because a fan told me that gems really think I should go to those events , but when I went ...it didn't end well.
BJH: did you feel as if you were unaccepted there?
Me: partially, although I didn't experience much , In and out by the time I got in.but there have been situations where I can tell people who are at that gathering don't really want me there.I can't say the name of them , but it was pretty obvious...this one example, was when I was at a fashion show , this was before my fame reached this level, and the head designer of the brand started talking about me in English to everyone there.they said " what is this fat nobody doing here in my building?she can't even speak English!oh she is the customer for the customisation? What's with all the weirdos she brought with her?" He was late to the meeting and didn't even say hello to me , then said that.me and my staff were in utter shock, so were their staff.
BJH: was it a really big event?
Me: for me it was . I saved up my money then and was hoping to buy my first haute couture dress , this brand was fairly unknown in comparison to the key brands the general public know of today ...but I organised the appointment and everything myself ...then I got there , they designer was late and said that.
BJH: how did you respond?
Me: I was at the highest level of anger as soon as the designer said that , and my friend who was with me at the time grabbed my hand in an attempt to calm me . But I didn't say anything and once the designer faked a smile and brought his hand out for a handshake , I got up and stared at the hand that was in front of me .I responded in the language of the country I was in, which was also that persons mother tongue language, and said " I looked forward to working with you, but now it seems like you will be the only looking forward to something , the date of your court trial"
BJH: you sued him?That sounds so cool though , i need that line for a show or film!
Me: yeah as soon as I left the building my lawyers were on it , I was fortunate that one of my staff was recording the situation for my YouTube channel, just before they said that thing.the thing is , if they just spoke badly about me , I would care, but they called my staff "weirdos" and so I had no hesitation to destroy the dignity they had. i didn't sue them for money, i just asked for a hand written apology to each staff that was with me there.
BJH: I wish you could tell me what the brand is
Me: I don't feel the need to publicise it , so long as they live in fear of knowing how stupid, ignorant and offensive their actions were , I'm fine.funnily enough , they always invite me to fashion week ...but that will never happen.
i got to play my chance card and i asked " what is one instance where you felt as though you reached your success?".He answered it by talking about Parasite and his works, we engaged in a conversation about that and then i was asked for my answer
me: my success?my biggest success is probably my debut, because everything was done to prevent it and i still managed to do it.but also, i think when i got a billboard nomination , the grammy wins last year and the nominations this year, that was a more direct sign of success.a lot of my professional success is associated with the grammys and other awards shows , but i think that the sold out stadium tour was a bigger success that i personally felt proud of.But also , a lot of success that i hold as an egotistical point , it the success BTS accomplished, honestly speaking , i care more for them than i do for me.but i don't know...work-wise , i cant tell you clear pinpoints(although i don't think i have reached my peak yet) but in my personal life its a bit more complicated
BJH: well personal success is big too. i will use my second chance card for that.what events do you determine as successful , in your personal life?i would say my marriage and the birth of my son.
i saw staff leaving , probably to get the arriving order.
me: i think the staff are getting the food, but i will answer before we set up. My personal life...[sighs] that is very hard. maybe , the memories i have with my grandmother? or meeting my closest friends?But , i don't think i have reached a conclusive decision on whether my personal life is a success or failure...maybe it is just a failure with glimmers of a false success.
we got the food out onto the table and began eating through it whilst i used my second chance card to ask "what goes on behind the creative process of your work?". we spoke about that for about 30 minutes, before he used his last chance card to ask his last question
BJH: this is a question i have for you , because i am a genuine fan of you work and i think you have done so much for the korean cultural world and for korea itself, my question is : "do you think your life has ended up where you expected it to be and are you happy with the path you are on?" i will answer the question first, whilst you think about it, then you can answer.
he spoke for a bit about his life goals and which he had accomplished before it moved to me.
me: i - ahh...this is such a unexplainable question.has my life ended up where i expected it to the? absolutely not, i kind of though i would end up failing everything and having to go through the path that others wanted for me.am i happy with the path i am on? depends...proffesionally, yes i am...but personally, in my heart, that's very very debatable..
i looked up as i began to figure out how to continue speaking
me: well...i think that i am always having a life crisis over what the future holds, my life and the world that we live in. Its almost stupid, how much i think and think and think and then overwhelm myself with knowledge ,that the average human probably shouldn't have...But, my i think i have something which many don't, that is luck...i think that every hour of every day i just thank fate and destiny for allowing me to meet the people that i have, especially the BTS members. i never say this to them because i am bad at handling emotions, but the amount of gratitude i have for them in inexplainable.Not necessarily because of their career or anything like that, but just gratitude over the fact that i know them.The seven members are so uniquely amazing and kind and caring and intelligent, that it blows my brains...i also know that, if i had not met them, i would not be here today[breathes in heavily, realties the atmosphere has changed]...did not mean for it to get so deep, but that question is quite introspective, we should edit that part out , hahahaha
BJH: hahaha, i have noticed that with you, you are so introspective that you know all the strengths and weaknesses of yourself.But also, you are eterospective, that you have managed to find out the ways in which the world works.To the viewers who are watching this, when we had a break earlier on to rearrange the table and set, diamond spoke to me about parasite and why she liked it.As she explained , she spoke about some things that even producers on the film hadn't noticed and then related it to the overall message/theme of the show, which just blew my mind.
me: thank you so much for saying that, but i didn't know those things myself, it was your film that made me realise those messages.You should applaud me, you should applaud yourself for making a film that makes someone like me, someone who is extremely unaware of things and quite stupid(frankly speaking), understand such difficult and complex topics.
BJH: im flattered.What are you going to use your last chance card for?
me: oh , great question...earlier on , we were talking about various social issues and other issues [ i tried avoiding saying anything political because as an idol, i am meant to have no public opinions), which you have spoke about in your films and i have spoke about through music and fashion...do you think, that these issues that we are so concerned about, will ever change for the better?
BJH: oh wow, that is probably the best question i have received, in a very long time... the issues that we talk about are deeply engraved in human society and our behaviours, that we may not see the end of it in our lifetime.But , i do believe most issues have a ending to it, but it just varies as to how and when we will see the solution.what do you think?
me: well , i can say much about political issues, because i am not a politician [even though i have an obsessive curiosity and natural demand to know about political issues]. but for social issues, i think that with the younger generations, they are more aware...but also, they are more exposed to these issues and with modern changes, there are newer issues emerging at unimaginable speeds, that we just cannot deal with efficiently.Certain issues, you will see the changes erupting one by one...but also , through studying history, i have noticed that no issue truly ends, it just adapts and changes to fit the societal/cultural/political changes in the world.whilst there may be less of that issues, or a less public overview of that issue, it will still exist, maybe in less numbers or with a lowered threat.this is one of those things that i overthink about all the time, i probably shouldn't , but i just naturally do.
BJH: that is a very pessimistic overview of the topic
Me : I wish it was a pessimistic overview, but unfortunately it is a realistic overview. However , anything is possible because humans are unpredictable...the only predictable thing about humans is how unpredictable they truly are...so who knows what will happen.
We wrapped up the shoot and filmed the closing segment before getting up to leave.I spoke a bit to him about parasite and it's deeper meanings on our way out and we got into a pretty deep conversation about capitalism. He had to leave after that for a meeting with a production company , but he gifted me with a signed script from all the key actors and actresses from the film and his signature.I gave him a signed album , which is worth nothing in comparison to the script , but I hoped he would like the songs
I took the script with me to my meeting at the office, which was not a good one.something I had been actively working against had been accepted to go ahead after a vote from a few executives, I was not in a good mood. The next three meetings were just ordinary , but the conclusion of the first meeting was still on my mind.
By around 5pm, I was in the recording booth with a few producers and songwriters. At around 9 pm , they had all left and i wanted to go up to the dance room (to get a few dance clips from the computer there, before leaving ). but when I went up the stairs, it looked like hell had unleashed on the corridor.
There were a few cameras around and a few staff running back and forth between rooms
Me: why are there strings blocking the corridor? [ a loud scream erupts from the dance room] AHH!
I notice a staff member and ask them what's going on , they were filming run bts
Me: ahhhh, I see .how do I get through the corridor then? I need to go to that dance room to get a few files from the computer
The staff said I could go in , but I would have to go through the strings.
I hesitated before realising I had no choice I threw my back over the top of the strings that were blocking the corridor (ifyk the episode , yk) and then threw my shoes over.I began slithering my way through the strings and before getting to the other side and putting on my shoes again.
I went into the dance room and saw Jin doing something with the ping pong table, yoongi doing something with sweets with jungkook and namjoon throwing cards at the wall
Me: I am so confused
I silently went to the computer, which was opposite where they were shooting, and airdropped the files I wanted onto my phone .to airdrop them all would take about ten minutes . I decided to watch them
one staff member noticed me in the background waiting for the files to transfer to my phone, but apart from them , no one else saw me.Not until Jungkook saw me as he was going to the other dance room , for the other activities. he smiled at me, aware that he couldn't talk to me because he was in the middle of a shoot.i smiled back, he couldn't see though because i was wearing a face mask, so i waved.once the files were in my phone, i turned off the computer and left.
i walked back to the corridor, texting someone on my phone, i saw the strings again.
me: what has my life come to?
some of the staff on the other side saw me and asked if i wanted any help.
me: no its fine, i will make it to that side, dont worry.
i threw my bag, phone and shoes over the strings and onto their side, before i stealthily climes through the strings.
i made it onto the other side, put on my shoes , grabbed my stuff. i was about to leave, just when i saw jungkook on the other side of the strings.
he saw me too and guessed what he had to do. i hid behind the cameras and watched him.he meade through on the first go.as soon as he was on the other side, his cameramen told him he had to go get another camera because the batters were out on then he was holding.Jungkook said he would go upstairs with me and wait for the cameraman there.we began walking upstairs
jungkook: were you downloading files from the computer?
me: yeah , i wanted to go through the practise shots from the new project im working one.
jungkook: what is the new project?
me: oh , basically im releasing a new dance video each week on sundays.
jungkook: what kind of dance video?
me: like i find a dance video i like online and remake it.when do you guys finish the shoot?
jungkook: whenever we finish the tasks, but jimin hyung, taehyung hyung and i are going somewhere after this. where are you going?
me: im meeting up with jennie unnie and irene unnie, the model one , not the red velvet one , because we have an event at chanel to go to.
jungkook: your going to chanel? the flagship store , right? Could you stop by the chrome hearts store in cheonnamdong and pick up a package i was meant to get today. i dont think i will finish in time and i really wanted to get that package. i will send the confirmation email to you, could you do it for me please?it's the cheonnamdong store
me: yeah of course, its on my way there anyway, I'm going to the flagship Chanel store and it is literally a street away from there .I will drop it off at your house once I am done with that schedule
Jk: okay sure thank you!!
I was driven to Cheonam dong after that and I grabbed jungkook a package from the chrome hearts store.it was my first time there, but I fell in love with the new products and the displays that they had, I'd I ever have time I want to come here and do some shopping.
I put his package in the car and then walked over to the Chanel store, I went in with yoona and we were guided up to the highest floor.with all flagship luxury stores, there is always one floor that is inaccessible to the general public, it is only to be used for the top clients of the brand , where they can come for personalised shopping experiences
I went in and saw jennie and Irene there already.I greeted them both and then the company managers came out, we spoke a bit about the new collect with them, jennie and Irene spoke to them about the products they liked the most and wanted to promote online and I just sat back for a while and listened.
Jennie and Irene had a few items they wanted to buy and they were out before me , I stayed behind a bit.I had a meeting with the managers of Chanel Korea and chanel Asia , then I looked around the store, which was closed for me . I looked at a few cardigans and blazers, but it just made me miserable because I kept overthinking about my body.I grew visibly upset and so I just bought a jumper and a necklace , they I hurriedly left the store.
I was driven to bts' dorm after that, I knocked before being let inside by hoseok hyung .namjoon was sitting on the sofa, Jin was in his room and I couldn't see anyone else.
Hoseok: the youngest ones are out right now, they finished their tasks late.yoongi hyung is at a physiotherapist session .jungkook told me you were dropping by.
Me: I see, yeah , I'm just going to drop this off in his room then.oh and I saw a necklace at Chanel that I thought you would really like[hands him the bag].
Hoseok: ah really, thanks!!oh I love this so much! How did the meeting go?
Me: [sighs] the one with jennie unnie and Irene unnie was aggravating, I kind of got sick of the whole event by the first few minutes, because the Chanel staff were just looking for compliments about the products rather than genuine criticism and ways to improv their brand/products, which is hilarious because other designers I admire, prefer Critisism rather than having their ambassadors kissing their asses...but anyway, The after that was far more interesting . The head of Chanel Asia flew in to meet me and was staying for the next month whilst we get this deal going, unless they mess up like last time
Hoseok: you seemed like you had fun with those two, hahahah
Me: I genuinely like them so much as friends, but the thing is with the fashion industry , is that if you become a brand representative of a friend of the house or a muse , you can never voice your genuine opinions against the collections.let's be real some collections in the fashion industry are shit , utter shit , a fucking child could have made better outfits , right?[he nods ] but people don't speak out on it anymore because they want to remain on the good side of the brands in order to profit off of it themselves, and that annoys me so much.Karl lagerfled , who named me his muse a while before his death, surprisingly liked me and no one knew why. He liked me for my ruthless honesty, he liked that I would say what was good or bad and genuinely explain it
Hoseok: that's why you are successful , isn't it ?
Me: I guess, it's also why I am so alone
I opened the door to jungkook a room and put the bag that held his items on top of his bed.I closed the door and headed towards the front door with hoseok.
I briefly spoke to him about which collections we thought have been disappointing and then I left to go home after that.
my schedule is only going to be busier from tomorrow