Overwhelmed

sparkly cane

I have no idea how much I actually sleep. The night is a mess of terrifying dreams, half conscious tears, and waking to his still sleeping body. His parents come back at some point as do mine, but I don't notice much. 

Around lunch time, my dad comes in and tells me I need to come home for a little while. Although I don't really want to, I don't fight. I'm too exhausted. He makes me a sandwich while my mom brushes out my hair.

"Babe, your phone has been going off all day. Especially from a- uh- 'green bitch' I guess. I didn't know if you wanted to check it." 

"Thank you," I whisper, opening my phone.

GeorgeNotHere
sapdaddy: ayeeeee you guys wanna join the vc? george and i are streaming

georgie: oh i see how it is. don't respond
clay?

sapdaddy: y/n?? clay?? where are y'all?
oooooh could it be?!

green bitch: not right now guys

georgie: ohhhhhh not right NOW, huh? ;) ;)

sapdaddy: I think we all know what's going on.

green bitch: seriously guys. y/n is busy.

georgie: doing what?

sapdaddy: you mean, doing who?

georgie: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH sippy cup for the win

green bitch: i'm being serious. stop

georgie: oooooh protective ;)

green bitch: answer my call idiots.

sapdaddy: we're streaming!

green bitch: mute yourself and answer

a few minutes later...

sapdaddy: sorry moo. I hope everything gets better soon.

georgie: yeah, i'm so sorry. we didn't realize you were actually busy

Well, I guess they know what's going on then. I'm glad Clay took care of it, though. The last thing I want to do right now is tell more people about Thomas. My eyes need a break from crying. "Y/n, we need to go to the hospital again. I'm sorry, but something's happening and they thought you should be there," my mom says, massaging my back until I relax.

"Okay. I'm ready. Let's go." The ride back to the hospital doesn't take long, but by the time we arrive, i've chewed my cheek bloody from nerves. The doctor isn't too pleased with the number of people in the room, but he continues anyway. 

"We're attempting to wake him up with a series of electric waves which should stimulate his brain. If this doesn't work, there isn't much else we can try other than just waiting." The process is fairly simply, but there's no response. Not so much as a twitch. Tom's parents are sobbing, hugging each other for dear life, but my eyes are dry.

I've cried all my tears.

It's up to you Tom.

"I'm gonna take a walk," I state, leaving the room. This area isn't very familiar to me since my house is about thirty minutes away, but I don't really care where I end up. Eventually, I stop and sit against a random brick building, hoping to catch my breath. 

"You okay girly?" I hear a voice call. My first instinct is to get up and run, but I realize it came from a small old lady who's walking with a sparkly cane. I decide to trust her... if she kills me, there are worse ways to die.

"Yeah... I'm okay."

"You sure don't look okay? Is it a boy?.. or girl?" I giggle a little.

"No, no. Well, I mean kinda. Not like that, though."

"Well, tell me how it is then," she says, sitting on the pavement beside me. I didn't expect her to sit down, especially since she needs a cane to walk. I guess she notices my confused glance because she motions to her cane and says, "Oh, this old thing? Eh, it's just for decor. I'm a young soul. Still move like a twenty year old! Now... tell me."

I don't know why, but I feel inclined to trust this woman with my entire heart. I tell her all about Thomas and our friendship. When I begin telling her about their attempt at waking him up, the tears finally come. 

She just listens the entire time, only interrupting once to hand me a tissue. Once I'm done, she leans over and pulls me into her arms. "Oh hunny. You're so strong and I am so proud of you. Just remember that you will get through this. I can't promise that it'll go the way you'd like it to, but I know that no matter what, you have to keep going."

"Thank you," I whisper, tears still streaming down my flushed cheeks. I sigh. "I should probably go back and check on him now. Just in case they got it to work. I accidently forgot to bring my phone, so my parents have likely been calling me."

"Okay dear... I love you. Have a good life. Don't let this stop you," And with that, we part ways. I retrace my steps until I reach the busier part of the city then just ask for directions. It only takes me about fifteen minutes to get back to the hospital. Once inside, I check in and walk back to his room.

My parents are waiting for me in the seats outside of his doorway. My dad has been crying for sure, but I can never tell with my mom. "Y/n! We were so worried! Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I-i just panicked. I needed a little space... but I think I'm okay now."

"Moo, after you left... they tried again," my mom starts.

"Did it work?! Is he awake?!" I question, already leaning toward the door.

"Y/n. He- uh- didn't react well... And he went into cardiac arrest... They couldn't save him. I'm so sorry moo." It's like every ounce of life has been dragged out of my body with him. I don't really trust my legs to hold me up anymore, so I sit on the floor.

No. That isn't possible. It had to work. They're just playing with me. Haha, very funny guys. You can tell me it's fake anytime...

"Moo? Come here honey," my dad whispers, opening his arms. I turn away from him. Not right now. 

"I-i.... but he- nothing? They couldn't do anything..." I mumble. Nothing matters to me anymore. Thomas was my whole life and now he's gone. My heart is being stabbed over and over as memory after memory hits me. Each one is a dagger, attacking my body with a new kind of pain.

"Let's go home, y/n. You need some sleep." I oblige, having no energy to fight back. I won't sleep tonight. I won't sleep tomorrow night. I don't think I'll sleep ever. Not with the image of his lifeless body laying on a table in my head. 

When we get home, I lay on my bed which my parents left when I moved out and stare at the ceiling. I'm not sure how long I stay like that before my mom walks in and sets my phone on the bedside table. I guess someone brought it to her from Tom's room. 

She begins to walk out, but stops. "Babe, I don't want to rush you, so I'm going to give you all the time you need... But his funeral is on Wednesday and his parents want to know if you're interested in saying anything. 

"I'll- uh- think about it."

"Okay dear. Just let me know when you're ready. Your dad and I will be downstairs." She starts leaving again, but stops just in the doorway. "There's dinner in the kitchen whenever you want."

"I'm not hungry, but thank you."

And that's where it began.

To be continued...