Secrets & Lies

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Warning! Scenes depicting violence ahead!

Bella

"Bella? Bella!"

I snap out of my trance and look away from the beautiful view of a Seattle morning beyond the window. Dr. Wyatt is still sitting across from me, looking at me with an expecting look.

"What happened?" I asked, clenching my arm over my chest.

Every day, the hole in my chest felt like it was getting bigger and bigger, and the only thing that kept me from falling apart was holding on for dear life. So I keep my arm over my chest. It's the only thing keeping me together.

"I asked if you've been sleeping," he said. "I know last time I saw you, you were having troubles sleeping."

Sleep... I wish.

"Not much," I admit. "Every time I close my eyes I see her... but it got worse two nights ago."

"Tell me about it."

I sigh, hugging myself tighter as the memory flooded back. It's been two weeks and sleep seems more like a luxury. After that first day when I saw Rosalie, she's been haunting to me at night, so much so, I can't sleep. She haunts me in my nightmares. Sometimes I'm in the middle of the woods as her screams echo through the darkness, or she's standing before me covered in blood, looking at me with a cold expression.

"Rita made me some tea that helped me fall asleep... But then... I woke up in the middle of the night and there she was, standing at the foot of my bed watching me. I couldn't move. I couldn't scream. I felt this heavy weight pinning me down on the bed and after what felt like an eternity, I could finally move and breathe... and she was gone."

"Sleep paralysis," he said as he wrote it down on his notebook.

"At this rate I'm lucky if I get two hours of sleep."

"Why do you think you're seeing her? Why now after all this time?"

"I-I don't know and frankly I don't care, I just..." I pause, trying to hold back the tears but I can't. "I want it... to stop. I want the pain to stop, I want the dreams to stop... I want sleep and I want peace..."

Dr. Wyatt tosses his notebook aside and leans forward. "Bella, there is no shame in medication. It can help you sleep and it can help you feel better-"

"It will only numb me. My boys have been through so much the last thing they need is a mother that's barely there."

Dr. Wyatt sighs, rubbing his hands together and says, "Then let me go back to my previous question, why do you think this is happening now? Why not sooner?"

I shrug, curling into a ball on the couch.

"Bella, it's not a coincidence that this happened the night you found out about Edward."

I wince at the sound of his name. I can't think about him without feeling pain, without sinking deeper into this dark pit I can't crawl out of. I've tried these last two weeks to forget about him, but it's like he's been engraved deep in my head. He refuses to leave. The simple idea of him refuses to set me free.

"I saw how hurt you were after Emmett, after everything you found out about his affairs and the child he had, but that is nothing compared to how you are now. Something about Edward's betrayal has made it hurt so much, you can barely keep yourself together. Why is that, Bella?"

"I thought I had finally found someone I could trust," I answer, looking back at the view. "It seems like I have a bad judge of character."

Dr. Wyatt shakes his head slowly. "That's not why, Bella. And deep down, you know that's not why."