Secrets & Lies

Chapter Forty-Seven

Edward

The day Lucy was born was perhaps one of the happiest days of my life. The moment the doctor placed her in my arms and she cried, I felt a love I could not imagine possible. There wasn't a single thing I wouldn't do for her. I loved her... perhaps more than I ever loved Rosalie. She was the reason I worked so hard, why I woke up every morning, why I kept fighting to keep moving forward.

That never changed when I found she wasn't mine. My love for her didn't lessen, not even when I took Jaime and Noah under my wing as well. Although they were the children of the man who had caused me and the woman I loved so much pain, my love for them never faltered. And it never will.

Then came Beau...

Beau.

It felt surreal when Bella told me she was pregnant. I didn't fully believe it until that first ultrasound where I heard his heart beat for the first time. It became much more real when Bella's belly grew swollen, whenever I placed my hand over it and felt the soft kick.

The moment Beau was born, I felt as if the doctor had handed me a piece of my own heart in a tiny human form. He was red and swollen, crying in hysterics until he was in my arms. His weight grounded me to the earth. His cries lessened to small whimpers and eventually, he calmed and he peaked a look at me, and the moment I caught glimpse of those dark green eyes, my chest clenched so tightly I could hardly breathe.

I was holding my son.

My son.

A small part of me and Bella.

I walked him over where Bella waited impatiently, still covered in sweat and exhausted from the birth, but yet so fucking beautiful.

She cried as I laid him on her chest, pulling back the small blanket to take a better look at him.

"Look at him," she cried softly, tracing her finger along his cheek. "He's so beautiful."

He was. Although his eyes could still change color, I could still see some of Bella's features in him. A trait both Jaime and Noah also inherited. They looked so much like their mother. The small button nose, the heart shaped face. The only thing I saw from me was his dark, copper hair.

I laid my chin against her shoulder, looking down at my son and the woman I loved.

"Thank you, Bella," I said, my voice heavy with emotion. "Thank you... for everything. For this."

Her smile faltered for a fraction of a second. That's when I saw her. The small hint of guilt that crept in every now and then. Whenever we had a happy moment, whenever I said thank you or I love you.

Ever since the last time I spoke with Emmett, I was set on making things right with Bella. I didn't want to be yet another person in her life that had lied and kept things from her, I didn't want her to think that was the kind of life she was bound to live. I wanted her to know she could trust me, that she would never have to be afraid of me keeping things from her. I just needed the right moment.

It couldn't be while she was pregnant. I could hardly imagine how her guilt might have been taking a toll on her and I didn't want to risk the shock of her finding out that I knew to affect her even more.

I often think back to the moment I heard her say it in her sleep... and the way I felt... or didn't feel.

It was after our first kiss, after we knew of the possibility of Lucy being Emmett's daughter and the first time Bella came apart for me.

We were in my bed. The same bed I had shared with Rosalie and having Bella lay there with me, in my arms, it made sleep elude me. All for the wrong reasons. It wasn't me being concious of having another woman in my bed when my wife had been found dead. It was the joy I felt for having Bella. For the love I didn't know then that I felt for her.