The Times We've Had

Lavender

3rd person~

"B-6!" The announcer calling out the bingo ball numbers says loudly.

"0-72! And remember folks tonight's grand prize is a brand new patio set from Monroe's Furniture Emporium!"

The handler stamps a red circle onto her bingo sheet.

"Come on. You missed 0-72." She says to Lila.

"Pay attention. I want that patio set."

Lila looks completely bored and miserably stamps a blue circle onto her sheet.

"I-29!"

"You're gonna get crow's feet if you keep scowling like that." The handler points out.

"Do you really think Five and Liana are the best assassins the Commission's ever produced?" Lila asks.

"Come on, I'm just buttering them up, honey." The handler reassures her.

"Why not ask me to kill the board?" Lila practically whines.

"Because I have much bigger plans for you." The handler replies.

"Trust me."

"You don't think I can handle it." Lila accuses her mother.

"Of course you can." The handler whispers back.

"Then what's the problem?" Lila asks.

"You know, I would kill for an assignment like that."

"In any coup, you need a scapegoat, all right?" The handler says quietly.

"We need deniability."

"You and me both."

"G-47" The announcer says.

"G-47.." The handler looks for the number.

"Damn it." She sighs and taps her glasses nervously.

~~~~~~~~

(Translated to english ✨)

The handler walks into the steam room with the two also naked swedes.

"All the new age remedies out there, but nothing beats a schvitz when it comes to stress." She sits onto a bench.

"My job can be stressful, sure. But I can't imagine what it must be like for you boys."

"Do we know you?" One of the swede says.

"No." She replies.

"But I know all about you."

She chuckles and stands up.

"However, seems you've run into some problems on this job."

"Just a snag." He responds.

"You lost your brother. I'd call that more than a snag." She remarks.

The second swede gets up and walks over to her.

She grabs and squeezes his penis.

He grunts in pain.

"What if I can give you the location of the knife hurling dolt responsible for blowing up your beloved brother?

"Who are you?" The other swede asks.

"Somebody you're going to want to know." The handler states.

"Unarm my wiener." The swede she's gripping onto says quietly.

She releases his penis and he exhales in relief and she winks at him.

"Go on." The other swede says holding Diego's knife.

"I'll give you the exact location of the on you're looking for, Diego. The rest.. I leave up to your imaginations." She explains her offer.

"What's in it for you?" He asks.

"Let's just say his little game of "Hide the Sausage" with my daughter needs a swift end." She scoops some more water out of a bucket and pours it onto the hot stones.

"I just have one request."

"Don't hurt the little ones." She pats his cheeks with the large spoon before inhaling the steam deeply.

"Lavender."

She hands him the spoon and she leaves.

~~~~~~~~

Liana and Five walk up to a large hotel, she pulls out the invitation and looks at it for a moment before walking towards it with Five.

They get to the elevator and Five presses the button, the elevator dings and opens and they walk in.

He presses the floor number and they stand shoulder to shoulder.

They both sigh.

The doors start to close but are stopped by Diego's hand.

"Wait up." He walks into the elevator.

"Hold it." Allison says walking in.

"Hey everyone." Klaus walks in with a flask.

Vanya walks in after him.

Luther walks in squeezing in between Five and Liana.

"Good. We're all here." Five smiles as the doors close.

They all stand in silence as the elevator bings going up a floor.

Luther grunts softly and sighs.

Allison is the first one hit with the horrid stench.

Then the rest of them start to smell it.

Allison covers her nose with her blouse.

"Oh, Jesus." Liana says gagging and covers her mouth and nose while scrunching up her face.

"Oh, my God." Vanya squeezes her nose.

"Luther!" Klaus groans.

"Sorry I'm nervous." Luther says.

The elevator dings and the doors open letting them out of the gas chamber.

They all walk into the tiki lounge.

"All right, when Dad gets here, we'll do the all the talking, okay?" Liana sits down onto a chair.

"I've got a few questions for him myself." Diego replies.

"Hey, we don't wanna scare him off, all right?" Five shuts him down.

"He might be able to help us stop doomsday, get us home."

"No, Five, we need to figure out why he's planning to kill the president." Diego says sternly.

"This is a matter of life and death, you idiot. We don't have time to talk about your whole saving the president pipe dream." Liana spits at him.

"Okay, yeah, maybe we should take turns talking. Yeah?" Vanya suggests.

"Here, whoever has got this conch shell gets to talk." She holds up a conch shell.

"Vanya, we don't have time for a debate, okay?" Five replies.

"Maybe I should lead. We all know I'm a much better public speaker than the rest of you." Allison grabs the conch shell.

"Okay, Daddy's girl." Diego remarks.

"Oh, jealous, Number Two?" She makes a snarky smile.

"Hey, no more numbers." He responds walking up to her.

"No more bullshit. We're Team Zero."

"We're all Team Zero."

"Uh, Diego." Luther speaks up.

"You don't have the conch."

Diego grabs the conch and throws it at a wall.

"Classic." Allison sighs.

Reginald Hargreeves bursts through the doors behind them and walks in.