do-over

xx ; angel

Adrian was here, right? Did he say something?

My arms gave up on me, falling back onto the bed. I felt my breathing labor and my vision start darkening again when I felt something on my lips.

Without hesitation I bit into it, only retching as food entered my system.

Too hungry, too hungry...

"Goddammit! Eat the food!" Adrian's voice sounded a little warbly. I groaned and doubled over - well, curled up on my side. He tried to make me eat again and I did. I shoved his hand away blindly after I got the one piece down.

Wait... please..

I was going to throw up.

I bit into the cheese again, head whirling, feeling uncomfortably light.

It took me a while to swallow, I felt so sick that just the thought of swallowing anything was revolting.

"Jax... please.." His voice still sounded warbly. A few seconds later he sat me up and I cracked my eyes open enough to see a soda bottle at my lips. Most of it spilled on my face but I did get some down.

Sugar good..

I hummed mentally, unsure of what was going on.

Vibin vibin...

Adrian was offering me more food but sitting up was making me nauseous, so I just shook my head and laid back down.

"Bread..?" I coughed out, and immediately regretted it. I groaned loudly, experiencing too many sensations, most of them being pain.

Adrian cane back with a whole loaf of wheat bread (my favorite to eat when this shit happened) and a wash cloth. He cleaned up my face and neck gently.

I chomped a bit of the crust off and sucked on the piece for a while.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but my mind was clearing, so it must have been at least half-an-hour.

"Jesus fuck," I had just finished the piece of bread. Halfway through that piece Adrian had taken it from me and put butter on it. Didn't make it easier to eat but he really was sneaking protein in there. I was sitting up, hands on my head and head between my knees. "Why did I fall asleep? I told you not to fucking fall asleep," I grumbled to myself. "Never fall asleep," I looked up to find Adrian kneeling beside the bed. "Fuck."

"Are you okay?!" He asked, probably for the millionth time, but for the first time for me.

"Hmm?" I squeezed my head between my hands again, pushing hard to "relieve the headache" if that was possible. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep. I could have eaten..."

"What happened, Jax?" Adrian seemed extremely worried, making me feel guilty.

"Low blood sugar," I groaned out, looking up now for the soda. I grabbed it and started chugging it. "Mmm, nope," I set it back down and wiped my mouth. Stupid! If you're not gonna eat you can't have sugar! I always avoided eating and then ate sweets to fix the blood sugar.. It never helped anything... "Stupid, stupid, stupid..." I looked up at the kitchen. I wanted alcohol..

Was this bad?

Was I slipping again..?

Of course I was...

I couldn't do that... I couldn't ruin my relationship..

I looked down at my hand in confusion as something wet fell on it. Tears?

"Jax can you please talk to me?" Adrian climbed onto the bed now, sitting diagonal to me, facing me.

"I.." My face wrinkled in discomfort. "More food.." I went to stand and Adrian dragged me back forcefully before he stood.