Ruin Maketh Me

92 - Found you~

I towel off the remaining water, watching Ralph's lithe body shift and curl and stretch as he pulls a shirt over himself. It's still the same movements, something animalistic, something too smooth and full of power to be human, but it's fundamentally different from his Shadow. There's moderation in his every change, a nature that Shadow wouldn't have ever understood.
Where to now?
Some of the after-sex euphoria has worn off. And still, I don't feel like any of us are on the right track. Is there even a right track? I was never one to care much for morals, what use were they when you were starving and bone-tired? But that was back then. Something about our current state is wrong. Is it truly right for me to love so many? I'm binding together separate entities to one another against a will that resides inherent within them, no matter how selfless their expressions.
And yet, I do love them, all of them, and that's the truth.
Let it go.
"What did you all talk about?"
Ralph looks up and smiles soundlessly to himself, "That elf, he's quite serious."
I laugh sharp and abrupt, look down at my lap, button up my shirt. I can somewhat imagine the exchange now - from one side of the room to the other: 'Do you love him?', 'Yes', 'I'm not convinced'...
"When this magic warp is over, would you like to come home with me to Mal? You'll love it, the orchard, the castle..." His voice trails off into a red-tinted nostalgia.
I stare back at him for a long moment and flop back onto the bed, "Yeah, that'd be nice, but Julius?"
"He won't be a problem." His voice takes a sharp turn.
Tugging the towel above me, I twist onto my side, staring towards his tall figure, "What in all hell happened yesterday?" The towel falls limply to the sheets, "Where is he?"
A silence strings out between us. He bends, shadows drawing over his features until they sharpen like knife points.
"We fought. He's resting."
I raise a brow but say nothing other than, "Ok." Even though everything's flipping into a tumult within my head. With how he is, Julius wouldn't stay in his room even if he's hurt, not with this many 'guests', not when I've come back. All this time, they've been defensive about this situation.
     "The magic warp didn't originate from yesterday's fight. No one perished."
     Massaging my temples, I struggle upwards, mind's eye going to the image of Julius's door again and again. If Julius had died, Ralphus should've died alongside him, that is, if what Set said was true.
     "Where's Set? I haven't seen her around at all." My fingers thrum against the wooden headboard, "Now that I think about it, I haven't seen Zus either."
     Thud, thud, thud.
     Ralph's footsteps clack towards me softly against the hard floor, and his hand lands gently on my shoulder.
     "They were hurt in the crossfire yesterday, but since Lilith's here, they're recovering well."
     "Is that so?" I say hollowly, a strange wave of disturbance crossing over my heart.
     Could it be... One of them- the Otherworlder? I want to see. I want to meet them, not for a way to go back, yes, just to meet them, just out of curiosity. But Set, let it not be Set, not her, Zus or anyone else, I don't care but Se—
     "What are you worrying about?"
     "I suppose," I sigh, gripping Ralph's arm, "We all need to have another talk together."
     "We've all agreed to being in a marital bond," He strokes the back of my head, "But it's all up to you."
     I lean back against his arm and stare up at the blank ceiling, his white strands tickling the edge of my vision. Marital bond? Marriage, being together, family, unity, completion.
     "To me, this doesn't seem real."
     "I'm real, they're real," Ralph's arms tighten around me, "You're real."
'This is true, this was never a dream.We'll be forever together.' Sol's voice rings, a lullaby intertwined with the ocean depths of Ralph's voice.
     Laughing, I grasp onto his shirt, "Yeah, I know, it all feels real. But happiness has come too fast. And now," My voice chokes in my throat, "I'm unsure."
    He stares me in the eye, gaze crashing tenderly over me, "You're afraid?"
    I stare back at him, mouth numb, an unknown surrender falling over everything, "Yes. I'm scared. It's all come too fast, and now I don't know whether I'm allowed to accept it or not." My lips twitch upwards into something resembling a smile, "It doesn't belong to me, or at least, it doesn't feel like it should be mine."
     My head crashes into his chest, and he holds me tight, hands caressing my back, chin to my shoulder.
'We belong to you. I have your name carved into my soul, so you'll never lose me, there's no where left for me to go.'
     "There's no need to be scared. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere, not unless you tell me to leave, and even then, I'll try to stay, so don't flinch away, don't run. You hear me?" His fingers brush past my ear and hold back so he can see my face, "You'll always have me."
     His face swirls solid and true before me, and my fingers tremble as they alight upon his soft flesh.
     "Thank you, again."
     A wave of melancholy washes foreign and obtrusive against the shore of my mind.
     Clear speech splits into thousands of pieces - indistinct objects, half-formed sentiments, tender violence, an echo hollow, 'Who is it that you're thanking again? Who?'
     'Who else can it be?'
     Sol doesn't reply and nor do I.
     Ralph pulls me down onto the bed again, against his chest, painting these freshened sheets with the imprint of our bodies.
     "Tell me about all the things you want to do." A whisper of temptation sneaks into my ear, "And when this is all passed and gone, I can take you wherever you want. I told you I'd give you a tour of this Island, should we do that first?"
     I brush his fringe from his sparkling eyes, "I promised you, didn't I?"
     A shadow of confusing origin descends over the regained light, "You did a good job, cutting off Declan's hand, it should've been my job. You shouldn't have had to suffer like that."
The lazy spinning of my mind jolts to a halt, "Cut off his hand?"
     "Yes." Ralph's eyes don't lose a fraction of their seriousness, "Tomorrow, before the Order of Light comes for the inspection, I'll get rid of him, what do you think? And you'd never need to worry about him again."
     Hand, hand, hand... The word still rebounds against the walls of my head.
Red, sweat, blood, kill, man, Pit shifting, alien hands grasping out, across the membrane, beyond the threshold, hold it at bay, no longer at bay, hateful, so hateful, need, need, need, need, need, completion, redemption, retribution, he needs to pay
"...need him."
His fingers clench sharp and sudden around my shoulder, "What was it?"
I blink, distorted, broken images flashing away, "I need him."
     "For what?" Ralph's tone softens consciously, grip melting.
     "I need him to get these rings off o—
     A sharp tinge of frustration, anger, disproportionate will for violence tears my voice from my throat.
     "What do you think you're doing?" Muffled as it is through the door, there's still no doubt that it's Sol, coldness fracturing into a heat approaching uncontainable.
      "Julius Kade is the Otherworlder isn't he?" The unmistakable voice of Leonard courses through the crack of the door.
     Ralph shoots up from beside me and makes it to the door in a few long strides, "I'll be back soon, please stay here." He casts back, a gentle demon.
     Nothingness.
     I crawl up, step lightly in his footsteps to the door. Again, it's Julius. Julius, Julius, Julius, just what in all hell are they all thinking? Just what in all hell happened yesterday to render this palace of a mansion into nothing but dust and rubble?
     "He's the Otherworlder isn't he?"
     Holding my breath, I stick my ears to the wood.
     "Nonsense." Sol shoots Leonard down immediately.
     "No, I don't think it's nonsense." Eirwen's voice ignites outside.
     "There's no need for you to know."
     "I'm afraid I don't want to be charged with capital punishment!" Leonard shouts.
     "Stop! Don't go th—
     Bang. The sound of doors exploding open burst through the walls.
     Before I can process anything, my fingers close around the door handle, and I pull through, charging into the corridor.
     Leonard, Ralph, Sol and Eirwen all stand littered throughout the long walkway, but the doors to Julius's room have been thrown open and standing at the far end, before the opening, is Julius Kade.
     His lustrous black hair has grown longer and now swings faintly wavy at the root of his legs, and that face, and those eyes, those blood-tainted things, they're bloodier still in the red illumination. A spotlight, and we're all puppets on a stage. His face of moonshine swings oppressive around us, his eyes sharper than ever, red lips downturned in the way that cuts a strain through my gut.
     "What is all this?" His voice, still the same, perhaps, even colder.
     Leonard blanches, stumbles back.
     He was wrong. Julius isn't the Otherworlder. He can't be, he's not changed at all.
     Not at all.
     His eyes alight on me. They widen, but again, that's subtle, barely perceptible unless studied by someone like me.
     "You're... back."
     Warmth closes around me, and Ralph's arm presses against mine.
     "Cynder, you should've stayed in the room."
     Julius's head tilts, black waterfall changing course over his balanced shoulders, "Cynder?"
     AND EVERYTHING CHANGES.
     The way he stands, the way he looks at me, the way he tucks his chin, stands up rod straight yet without a touch of lazy confidence, the way his chest barely lifts when he breathes, the way his lips curl into an extremely faint smile, the way his eyes narrow, even the way his hair falls over his forehead—
     He takes a step forward, and the way his leg shoots straight in front of him, the way his fingers fall by his sides, the way his knees curve and straighten, the way his hair barely moves in the air, they're the same.
     "Found you, kitten." And each bite of each word is, still, the same as Him.
     No.
     No.
     God, no.
     Why?
     Why?
     Jacques.

-

AN: Apologies for the short chapter, I made the dire mistake of binge-watching all of neon genesis Evangelion right before school, and now... I'm having an existential crisis. Can't think about anything else... Yeah, anyways, school is starting, but I'll still try to update at the same speed!