Ruin Maketh Me

41 - Crossing boundaries

     My stomach drops agonisingly, and a kaleidoscope of colours stampede across my vision before I can so much as blink. The sense of falling rips through my helpless limbs, and I land on a carpeted floor with a muffled thump like a sack of potatoes. Nausea swims through my body, threatening to spill the contents of my stomach onto the floor, but I clench my jaw and it inches away slowly. My eyes blink open and a spacious room rises solidly around me. The whole floor is covered in a rippling Red Sea, and the thick burgundy curtains are drawn so that only a thin slice of reddening light can slip through. Sitting behind the mahogany desk, half-lit by fading light is Julius Kade.
He's wearing the same scarlet bathrobe I saw him in that night weeks ago, but this time, the cloth is thrown open carelessly so that his flawlessly smooth chest is exposed to the dim room starkly. His long raven-wing black hair is loose and trailing behind him like a bridal train, and even in the darkening room, his eyes glow a brilliant blood-red. The surface of my skin cools, and a shiver runs up and down my limbs. He's just as inhumanely beautiful as the first day I saw him, so much so that it's evident he can't be human. It's a vampiric, demonic allure that can't be ignored.
     His long, pale fingers dance across the surface of his table, but he doesn't stand, doesn't utter a single sound, just simply stares at me. I raise my head, my eyes catch his, and I can't stand. I'm drowning in the pooling blood in his eyes, it sucks me in like a whirlpool, the different shades of red- this must be how people die by the look of an eye. Thick black lashes flutter down, veil the red, and I'm released from his hold again. Legs trembling, I stand up in front of his scrutiny.
     "Master Kade."
     Two simple words, and his lips tip up slightly, though the smile does not reach his eyes.
"Sit on my lap." He commands, sliding the chair back a fraction.
My mind tangles into a mess of thoughts and astonishment, "Pardon me?"
He pats his knee and looks at me domineeringly, "Sit on my lap."
A numbing dizziness drills throng my head. He wants me to sit on his lap? Is he serious? But the hardness in his eyes tells me he's serious in his command, and he's not giving me a chance to refuse. He won't take no for an answer. My legs shuffle forwards slowly, around the table, towards him. As if trying to make it easier to me, he splays his arms, almost in invitation. Heat burns up my neck to my cheeks, and I slowly slide onto his legs, gripping the table edge. The firmness and rising heat of his muscles press against my thighs and ass, and even though I'm not quite balanced, I don't shuffle backwards. This position... it's too intimate. I haven't even done this with Jacques or any of the customers. Shit.
His strong hands grasps my waist and pulls me backwards, across his thighs. The heat of Julius Kade's unyielding abdomen kisses my back, and I'm enveloped in his scent of charcoal and ripe cherries. Damn, there's something sexual about this even though he isn't hard. It's too personal, just the prospect of knowing his thing is next to my butt... It's awkward as hell. My face blazes like a bonfire, what does he mean by this?
     "He likes putting that woman on his lap." He mutters lowly above me, hands dancing around my waist to my front.
     I hold back a trembling breath. Woman? Who? Is that why he's holding me like this, like a doll in his lap?
     "I do admit," He says, voice like molten chocolate, "It feels good."
     Words stick in my throat like cereal crumbs. What am I supposed to say in this situation? Ay, it feels good or please set me down? Neither seems quite suitable when he's obviously talking to himself. His arms press closer and wrap around my body like a seatbelt strap, and although they're daring, they're tentative as well. This must be an experiment for him and me, both.
     "Human." He calls in my ear, his muscles shifting as his head tilts downwards, "What do you think love is?"
     An icy arrow of surprise thrusts its way through my chest, "Love?" A sense of hilarity gurgles through my throat, "You've asked the wrong person."
     I lean back against his solid chest. Did I ever love before? There were so many sacrifices of the body, love became a worn out thing, a worthless thing, but at the same time, a priceless thing. You couldn't be in the business with love in your heart. You'd be shredded to pieces every time you fucked, because that's how they treated you, as a piece of meat, an orifice.
     "Tell me." He urges without desperation.
"Tell me what discomforts you."
Maybe that's it, he bought Ralphus when he didn't know what love is. He tried to taste something of that romantic sweetness from the nights of sex, but failed. Of course he'd fail. If I could laugh, I would. See, I even have something in common with this bastard, and now he expects me to teach him how to love.
"Human." His hands tighten around my middle.
"I don't know," I sigh, "I suppose it's a warm feeling in your heart. You see that person and your heart becomes so full, it feels like it's about to burst. Perhaps it's like they're always in the light, they're always shining so brightly, so beautifully it's unbelievable. You want to understand them, you want to share their pain and sorrow so that you can cherish them. Yes,
     —Because you looked like you needed a home to return to—
     That's the right word. You want to treasure them, shelter them so that they don't have to suffer all the bad things in the world. You want to make them happy and content. I suppose you'd want to beat up anyone who'd hurt them and make them suffer tens or hundreds times worse. You'd become jealous if they looked at someone else too much for too long, and it'd be unbearable if they wanted to go to someone else. You'd be possessive sometimes, I guess, you'd want to share parts of yourself with them and them with you.
—Prisoner? You're not my prisoner, you're free to go anywhere you like—
But you don't want to keep them too constrained, you want them to feel happy when they're with you, because seeing them unhappy hurts you." My words run dry, "That's my idea of love, Master."
The warm rustle of breath spirals in and out above my head.
"Do you love Sir Ralphus then?" He asks slowly.
The air gushes out of me, "No." I reply faintly, "Why would I..."
"Don't you think he's beautiful?"
My throat tightens, "Anyone would."
"I heard he's been taking you to his training sessions. You always treat him like a human baby when you tend to him."
A blankness spreads over my mind, "You saw that?"
He remains silent, and my thoughts tangle into knots and knots and further knots. Why would he think such a thing? Ralphus and me, Ralphus and me, Ralphus and me, we're... We're not friends. We're comrades? Not quiet. Not quiet this, not quiet that, not quiet anything.
    "He's here, your knight in shining armour."
"Gentleness," Julius says deeply, "What is gentleness? As a human, you know about this surely."
"As a human?" My words come out sour and bitter, "I think anyone would know what gentleness is. It's the ability to hold back and be kind. Say, for example, if someone vastly important gave you a vase that's the only one of its kind in the world, and you couldn't use magic to piece it together. You would treat it gently and carefully wouldn't you?"
A long breath brushes past my head, "There's nothing that can't be replaced."
My heart twinges painfully. How can he not understand something as simple as that?
"Do you think Sir Ralphus can be replaced?"
His steady breath falters, "There's no one in Mal that's as strong as him at his age."
The fire scorches the deep, deep pit within me and threatens to spill over, "I'm not talking about whether his strength can be replaced, I'm talking about whether him as an entity in this vast world can be replaced. There's more to a person than just strength."
Julius's muscles adjust and twist, and his complicated gaze from that first night plays back into my mind.
     "You love Sir Ralphus, don't you." The words slip out of my mouth before I can even process the sounds and every syllable.
     He doesn't make a sound, but his long fingers grip my waist familiarly. A shiver travels up my spine, and he spins me around towards him. Julius's crimson eyes are smouldering and dark, unlike the mild cherry red sweetness of his eyes in the dreams. And before I can even measure them in my mind, words tumble from my mouth like water from a pitcher again, "You were gentle in the dreams."
     The colour of his eyes intensifies, and without a moment's hesitation, he grips my jaw tightly and leans down. His velvet soft lips capture mine hungrily and in a moment, all the liberal slowness and exploration in the dreams are shredded to pieces. He pushes my over the table edge, scattering pens and papers all over the floor with a crash, and sucks on my lips with the desperation of a dying man. A tumult of pain and ache pulse through my lips and waist, but he digs deeper and deeper with his tongue. He sweeps through my mouth, against my teeth and intertwines with my tongue again and again. A jolt runs through my limbs, and my fingers dig into his back. The redness of his eyes threaten to devour me, and my muscles become weak and jelly-like against the hard surface of the table. He lets go of my mouth with a vicious nip, chest heaving against mine, and plasters his smooth hands against my cheeks. The red of his eyes deepens and shifts, and he suddenly leans against me and nibbles my nose.
     "Shit!" A curse leaks from my mouth but is drowned out again by Julius's swollen lips.
      He plants a direct kiss on my pulsing lips and presses his nose against mine heatedly. Then cradling the back of my heart, he falls back to the depths of caressing my mouth and lips with his wet tongue. Over and over, he paints my mouth with his saliva in close precision, even in the dark of the room when the light has faded, he finds the untouched corners of my mouth and digs in as if this is all that he needs to eat. Delicious shivers course through my body, and as I catch Julius's burning eyes fixed on me, no longer absorbed in an illusion, a buzz ignites in my blood, travels to my numb brain, and everything explodes into white.

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AN: Hope the kissing isn't too off putting, I've never kissed anyone before so if I get anything wrong, please forgive me. A very strange Julius - Cynder heart to heart in this chapter.