Are we friends yet?

My Sweety Pumpkin

This chapter is still in May's pov although the title speaks Chanyeol's pov.
In the earlier chapters when Chanyeol said that he wanted to know more about May, clearly he hasn't discovered everything. This chapter is like another important discovery for him. Thus, it is called My Sweety Pumpkin.

~*~

Conflicted by my secret hesitancy to invite him to come inside once we were in front of my house, I told him that I was fine.

He'd been holding my hand since we were at the bus and I would blame myself if later he wasn't sure to leave me alone, so I emphasized, "Don't worry about me." Then, I continued. "Thanks."

"Thank me later," he told with a weak smile. But I couldn't smile at his attempt to lit up the mood.

When he let go off my hand, I knew that I had ruined the day.

Next, he told me that he would ride my bicycle if I wanted it back. "Just let me know," he punctuated and whirled around, leaving.

I looked at his figure before I walked inside, reaching my room, claiming the place that was solely mine.

His sweet words had left their trace against my temples. As I saw my reflection in the mirror, I looked at my eyes and remembered him leaning to kiss me.

I shook my head and aimed to shut off the fresh memory that left a thorn in my heart. I wanted to sleep-- an exact escape a loser like me deserved.

~*~

Him: The boys are coming. Guess, I will see you tomorrow? But let me know if you want your bike today.

Me: Ok.

Him: (｡•ㅅ•｡)♡

What happened recently influenced me to question if I was really ready with a romantic relationship because although he brought me much happiness before he let me call him a boyfriend, I started to doubt myself if I could bring happiness for him after I could call myself his girlfriend.

Nothing was his fault but I had been feeling horrible to think that he blamed himself, so I snuggled to my mother in her bed when that thought crawled in my head the night after I broke in tears in front of him.

"Why are you gaming?" I remembered asking as I looked at the screen of her tab; she was playing Candy Crush on the level 487 on my account, a few levels higher than the last time I played it months prior.

"Your dad was watching news and you know what it means."

They had different political views and my mother preferred to be quiet about it, but I understood if it gradually got her. When she failed the level and found out that she didn't have any lives left and had to wait for 30 minutes to get one live, she didn't hesitate to show her disappointment. Then, she said, "Your dad told that you didn't go to store today."

When I told that I went to a friend's house, my heart beat faster.

"Who?"

"My classmates' friend. You don't know him."

She didn't elaborate her question because I didn't give a chance. When I told her that we could cheat to earn lives, she looked interested. At the same time, I made it clear that his beautiful name would never be out in the open, much less telling her that he was more than my classmates' friend.

~*~

Him: Are you at store? Where should I bring your bike?

I had been staring at my phone. I felt that if it wasn't because of my bicycle, we wouldn't have exchanged messages. And the chat was idle which I assumed that it was the reason why we hadn't been talking, either-- because we might be unable to handle pause and silence.

I glanced at the time. It was a few minutes after 10.

Did he just wake up?

I could've just asked, but I refrained from doing that.

I typed: I'm still at home until lunch. 

He didn't reply, but I was certain that we would meet again when I decided to undo my ponytail  and comb my hair with the thought of possibilities that could happen when finally we met. Nobody had made me feel like this.

My eyes felt glazed as I stared blankly, so I blinked. Then, I faced my reflection. He liked it when I let my hair fall on my shoulders. As I was tying my hair, I needed to dislodge the pain in my throat.

I practised my smile when I wanted to cry.

I miss you, Chanyeol. But I don't know if I'm ready to meet you.

But of course, it didn't leave my mouth the moment I opened the gates for him.

"I will never doubt your love for riding bike. If it isn't because of it, you wouldn't go to my house by bike."

I appreciated his effort to make it less awkward. I smiled when he let me see his smile. But I looked away when he seemed to think of something to say.

After a few seconds, I looked up again because  what I heard was only silence.

This was exactly what I feared. I was afraid I couldn't bring myself to act like nothing happened when he had been trying.

"Are you cold?" Then, in the end I said.

"I'm good."

"Come."

And he nodded, walking close behind me. He got himself a pair of slippers before I showed. 

When I was back from the kitchen with two mugs, steam come off of it, he was seated in the largest sofa.

"We don't have many choices, so matcha?" I set the mugs on the coffee table. His smile was big. He moved a little bit to allow me to sit beside him.

"Feeling better?" I had expected that question. I nodded as I was staring at the mugs in front of us. He nudged my knee with his. “So. What was going on with you if you said it wasn't my fault?”

He didn't want to waste his time and I was still uncertain.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him staring at me.

"I don't even know how I should explain this. But I was honest when I said that it wasn't because of you."

"It won't make me stop wishing you to tell me what happened that day. Wasn't it supposed to be a happy day?"

“You really shouldn’t be so bothered."

"How can you say that I shouldn't be bothered? You were crying when you were with me." I finally met his eyes. "Please?"

"I was afraid, I still am. That's what happened." In the end, I confirmed what I had kept for myself with the words on my lips.

"Afraid?"

"Making my mom worry is the last thing I want. But I... You know? She wouldn't be pleased to know... what I did in your room with you..." I was so shy to talk more and he seemed to understand, so I stopped.

"I will never do something that you don't want." He stopped when I immediately searched for his eyes. "It's not that-- I mean... I know when to stop and you know how to stop me. You’ve been doing the best that you can as a daughter, you know? Don't worry so much. You won't disappoint her. Believe me."

"How do you have so much faith that I won't disappoint her?"

He answered me with a smile. Then, he got the mugs for both of us and quietly we had our drinks.

"Because it's you." In that moment, it was still hard to feel as sure of that as he did, but something about his softest gaze made me want to trust myself. I wanted to try.

He aligned his mug to mine on the coffee table before enveloping my hand with his. When we locked eyes again, the worrisome was like a distant memory. It was warm, but it had nothing to do with our drinks.

"Chanyeol," I called.

“Hm?”

I was aware of how for the past three days, I made him feel bad. I hesitated, but in a pause of breath, I knew that I should decide,  "To make up for it, let's go on another date."