All Over Again

chapter thirty two

His pov

Stumbling out of her room with my hands in my hair, I stare pleadingly at her begging for forgiveness but the door is shut on my face and I cuss loudly as I kick the wall behind me.
I didn't deserve her forgiveness ,not now ,not ever but my selfish ass knew it wouldn't survive without her.

I did it once before, doubted her, that's the reason why we here today but then being the idiot I am ,I did it again and this time I hurt her, hell, I shouldn't have even been angry she's not mine anymore. Though I want her to be so badly and somehow I know that this isn't going to work, pretending to not care ,acting as strangers, I killed that when I questioned about her whereabouts today. Nothing's going to be the same again I crossed that line now.

I'll be lucky if she doesn't quit and leave after my behaviour.

I think back to what I did today. How I lost controll ,how I scared her and hurt her....how I became him. I hate that I've brought back those memories for her.

God! Those memories.
That asshole when I find him I'm gonna kill him. He laid his hands on her ,hurt her,scarred her, I don't even want to think about all the other things he could have done. I shudder as the thoughts pass my mind.

Her sobs fill my ears and I fall against the wall, my own eyes burning.

I sit there for an hour listening as she proberly cries herself to sleep and when I can't take the punishment anymore I walk to the kitchen sitting on the barstool and resting my head on the counter.

My mind swirls with the events of today and I think back to how freaked out I was when Henry had told me he couldn't find Alexseya at the spot she was supposed to be. I had immediately sent out two more of my guys to look for her and they had found her cracked phone on the opposite sidewalk, that was the breaking point for me and although I had appeared calm to the people I called to track her, my room was a total different thing. If I had to go up there now I'll proberly step on the broken mirror or the shreaded bedside table, a result of my fear that she had been hurt or kidnapped or worse.

Sounds of whimpers and screams broke my thoughts and I scrambled to my sockclad feet and run as fast as I could stumbling around the corner and slipping along the hallway hitting my knee as I go down hard, I cuss loudly but when her screams begin to echo in my ears I push the tingling, uncomfortable pain to the back of my mind and find myself infront of her room door. Without hesitation I grab the doorknob and attempt to turn it only to find it locked.

I stumble back with the realization that she felt unsafe here ,with me, unsafe enough to lock the door but her whimpers had me raming myself against the door. It creaked at first and when I went in for the second time the door flung open and I stumbled in, just in time to see Alexseya shoot up in her bed visibly shaking and I stalked slowly to her. Her eyes danced quickly across the room before they landed on me and stopped, she scooted further up the bed and I think she just took another piece of me when she did that. She was afraid of me amd I caused that. I clenched my jaw and slowly lowered down on the bed in front of her. She sat with her arms around her knees that were pulled to her chest and she was shaking while watching me closly.

I sighed reaching out my hand to her but when she eyed my hand warily I dropped it back down. I leveled my head and looked her in the eye.

"It was a dream Seya. Please ,I won't hurt you, I didn't mean to earlier. I was angry I'm sorry. Please I didnt want to remind you of him. God!when I find him I'm gonna kill him. "

I clench my jaw again and tilt my head back in hopes of keeping control I can't lose it again, not in front of her. I look back to see her slowly relaxing and I offer her a small smile which she doesn't return.