Catharsis

*11*

"We are not that close, really. I think you speak more with her than me!" I giggled nervously. "Just be yourself, Tae, and there's nothing not to love about it! Stop being nervous, I am pretty convinced she likes you already!" I added, remembering her confession that day. 

"Really, hyung? Really, really? Are you sure? Did she say anything about me?" Tae jumped at my side, bombarding me with questions.

"Stop being a baby and just go for it! You don't want to make her wait, right?" I fussed, pushing his face away from me.

"Thank you, Hoseokie! I am really confident now, I am ready to blow her mind! If the rollercoaster doesn't do that first!" We both chuckled, then Tae went on his way. So a date at the amusement park, huh? But I didn't really find it amusing, neither the location, nor the date itself. 

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The first couple of hours felt like forever, not having any idea about what could possibly go on between them and making a million scenarios in my head. The worse part is that I couldn't understand why I was so worked up over this.

I was pacing back and forth in my room. The sun appeared from behind the clouds and shone a ray of light on my concerned expression. A sudden idea popped in my mind. It was such good weather and such a shame not getting out the house. I might as well go for a walk and just coincidentally end up at the amusement park. 

I changed my clothes rapidly and rushed through the door. They might not even be there anymore or if they are, I might never meet them, but if there is even a tiny little chance, I was ready to seize it. 

To get to the fairground you had to cross a park. As I was speeding up I almost missed the two familiar silhouettes. There they were, a few meters away from me. Luck was on my side and there was a wide tree that could give me cover. It would be just too weird if they would notice  me. 

I watched them in silence as they were sat close to each other, laughing and smiling. Taehyung was playing with a strand of Ha-Neul's hair and looked at her with the warmest gaze in the world, while she was excitedly telling him how much fun she's had. Yes, I could hear everything loud and clear. They looked like a match made in heaven. I felt uncomfortable watching them, but I thought it must be because I wasn't meant to spy on them.

That's when Tae moved his other hand and placed it on her face, gently stroking it. Ha-Neul looked at him startled, then he said something that I hoped I misheard. My heart stopped in place and been replaced with a throbbing pain. 

"I am in love with you, Ha-Neul. I think I loved you from the first second I've met you." His voice was piercing through me as he continued to caress Ha-Neul cheek. "Thank you for sharing with me a piece of yourself and your time. It would make me really happy if you can gift me your  entire collection."

There was a moment of silence before she said anything, but she never left Tae out of her sight, as if she didn't trust him and wanted to make sure he's not lying. They were both staring into each other souls. Ha-Neul moved her left hand towards Tae's face and stroked it a couple of times before speaking. 

"I really like you, Tae! It's like you're my soulmate, you make me so happy! When I'm with you all I do is smile! But I will only end up hurting you. I am not ready to love again and you deserve someone to give you their full heart. Mine is broken." she said with a sad smile.

"I can't imagine how you could do any harm to me, but if there is something in your past that you need to fix, I understand. I will be here for you as you put the pieces together." he said with a soft deep voice.

"Don't say that, you need to move on... I might never be able to heal!" she revolted. 

"Then why don't you let me help? A broken heart can be mended only with love!" he added feeling hopeful.

"I can't be selfish and drag you into this. Plus in a relationship you need to focus only on loving the other person, not babysitting or hoping one day they will return the feelings. I can't allow you to sacrifice yourself and it would be such a waste of your precious time." she said sternly.

"Ha-Neul, what happened to you? You look like you're all happy-go-lucky, but you are a wreck inside!" Tae asked confused. 

"I loved too much until I lost myself... So now there's no love left, not even for myself. And it terrifies me to start over again!" she replied being on the verge of tears. 

"What are you talking about? All I see in you is love. Ever since I met you that's all you do, spreading love. Keep some for yourself, will you?" He continued with a serious expression "I want you, Ha-Neul! I don't mind waiting for things that are hard to find and are worth keeping. I will accept you don't want me by your side as more than a friend while you fight your demons. Knowing how you are, you'll be more distressed knowing I might struggle because of that. You just care too much about others and it's so frustrating that you don't give a damn about you!"

Ha-neul was crying hard. She looked like she would break anytime, just like a porcelain doll if not handled with care. No matter how much I wanted to engulf her in my arms and never let go, I had no right to, I wasn't even supposed to know about this. Instead, I watched Taehyung do what I couldn't. 

I forced my body to move away from the scene, I invaded their privacy more than enough. And I don't think I can stand watching anymore. I didn't even want to know what will happen when she stops crying. 

She will likely accept Taehyung. He was so mature and obviously cared so much about her. How can I compete with that, I asked myself. How can I do something meaningful that would change her world? Would she even let me in?