The Breaking Point (Complete)-Shawmila

One Day We Will Have Forever

Lying on the sofa next to Shawn I couldn't feel more torn because today has been one of the most emotionally draining days of my entire life.

My first encounter with Kendell had been little more than a reminder of the pain I was responsible for and the fact that I could still do the right thing, the problem was that after my recent confrontations with Shawn I wasn't sure I agreed with Kendell when she said the right thing for me to do was to leave.

My second encounter was with Hailey and it was a million times more painful and difficult. It wasn't so much what she said that convinced me that I had to go, it was the vacant look on her face, the haunted eyes that had bled tears at a situation that I was more than a little bit responsible for that had finally convinced me that all I could do to spare people more suffering was to get as far away from them as possible.

I never wanted to leave Shawn, not the first time when I left for California to persue my dream, or the second time when I left after seeing him seemingly so happy with Hailey or even today but somehow it always seemed like the right thing to do, and as Shawn kisses the top of my head softly whilst wrapping his arms tightly around me I feel a darkness drawing in. The way he holds me tighter than he ever has before tells me that he feels it too.

Squeezing his fingers which are laced between my own I swing my legs around and sit up on the edge of his couch, I feel him moving behind me as he brings himself up to sit next to me

"Mila what is it?"

His voice is quiet, like he's asking a question that he already knows the answer to

"Today has been surreal"

"All of it or just us?"

"All of it. It feels like a dream… some parts have been more like a nightmare, but this… us, lying together like this, I couldn't have dreamt it, even in my wildest dreams"

He smiles at me and then his eyes drop to his knees

"Are you sorry?"

I ask the question not wanting to know the answer, if he says that he's sorry for what we've done he will destroy me in a way that I will never recover from, but pressing his lips to mine our foreheads meet as he whispers

"I will never ever be sorry for a second I spend with you"

I know he means it and my heart bursts with happiness whilst at the same time it is broken by the truth.

This can't last, not now at the moment anyways, not yet

The way Shawn can't break physical contact tells me he knows the truth as well as I do

"Mila…"

The way he says my name makes me want to kiss him just so he can't speak. I know what's coming and I can't bare it. I want to stop him from ever speaking again. I know the truth, I just can't bare to hear it from him. I've just found him again… please God, please don't take him from me.

My mouth is so dry I don't even try to talk. I just look into his eyes so he knows that I'm listening to anything he has to say to me

"I love you"

The tears I know are destined to fall for the final time today make their presence felt but I fight to hold them back for as long as possible.