The Breaking Point (Complete)-Shawmila

Let's Pretend

My beautiful Shawn… my proud Portuguese protector, has cut off his most defining feature in what I can only assume is some kind of attempt to change the inside by changing the outside. It's obvious from the way that it's been shaved that this wasn't a planned trip to the barbers shop and he's obviously self conscious about it because he hasn't raised his eyes from the floor since I pulled down the hood.

Lifting my hand I slowly run it over his head. His eyes lift immediately to meet mine, I say nothing and I never once break our gaze as I continue to stroke his head, hoping that somehow it will soothe his obviously battered soul.

How much of this am I responsible for?

I'm not arrogant enough to think that a man like Shawn would be brought crashing to his knees simply by my betrayal but I know at best I unsteadied the ship.

My attempt to help him onto an even keel starts tonight

"Mila…" My nickname escapes his lips so naturally that I wonder how I ever thought I'd be able to live without hearing it. I can tell he's struggling to find the words to explain the situation to me so I decide to take the lead… as has always been our way.

"It's a good job you had a guard on that or you really would be bald and not in the good way either. It's not too short though, I can tidy it up if you like and with a little bit of gel you could have spikes… it'll be cute"

"I don't want to be cute" The emptiness of Shawns voice will haunt my dreams for a long time to come, but I'm being 'Big, Brave Mila' so I smile at him and joke…

"That's a conversation you should have had with God before he made you, because believe me, there's not a thing you can do about it now"

Again I reach down and take a hold of his damaged hand and a warmth spreads through me that has always been reserved only for the feel of Shawns skin on mine

"I'll go and get the first aid box, wait here ok, I'll be right back"

Once I've located it I head back into the living area and sit down next to Shawn, not too close so he feels uncomfortable but close enough that I can tend to his hand. Taking hold of it I start to clean the dried blood with the damp cloth.

Since saying my name he's fallen back into his own silent world so I go for an ice breaker

"Aren't you going to tell me that I should see the other guy?"

It's possible I've just seen a hint of a smile on Shawn's beatiful face but I can't be sure

"…Tell me the other guy wasn't Niall"

His whole body goes solid as he looks into my eyes

"The other guy definitely wasn't Niall, in fact it wasn't a person at all, just some inanimate object, I might owe Justin's uncle some mo ey though"

I smile in relief before broaching the subject of tonight

"But you and Niall talked, right?"

"What did he tell you?"

I know honesty is the only policy if I stand any chance of regaining his trust