Loving him is so wrong!

Chapter thirty-three

Alana
Sitting on the beach and looking at the water after what happened today is relaxing. Seeing the video Chandler showed me was heart breaking and I can't front and say that I wasn't hurt. I wanted so bad to go and catch a flight to kick Monica's ass but it's not worth it. I just decided to break up with Terrence instead. Shit I've only been engaged for what a day and look at what happened. I started laughing to myself and then my mind went to Chandler. I love him I can't lie. I'm emotionally invested into him and I feel closer to him than I do Terrence and that's the truth. I never connected with someone as much as I do with Chandler but I cant help wonder if he's actually the one or am I scared of moving past him.
"Hey missy let me talk to you." My mom said sitting down next to me.
"Wassup mama?"
"What the hell happened?"
"Terrence kissed Monica so I'm done."
My mom nodded her head and just sat there. I know she's going to lecture me but right now I don't want to hear it. I'm good being single and working on myself.
"You sure did give up quickly. But if it was Chandler you would stick around and just cry about it. Why did you say yes if you wasn't ready?"
I sat there and thought about it. Why did I say yes? I mean I was happy at that moment. I mean he made me happy but I don't think I wanted him as a man. He was different from Chandler and I love that about him but shit everyone was right I was just stringing him along. I was selfish and was showing him off to Chandler that I was serious about moving on from him.
"I love him ma that's why I said yes."
"You wasn't in love with him Alana and it's messed up that you played on his feelings like that."
"I wasn't playing on his feelings mama I love him I know I do. I wanted to be his wife in that moment I was happy then he went and kissed that stupid as bitch of a friend you got." I said
I'm so done with this conversation. I love my mom but she will lecture me until the end of the world but even then she will still lecture me in the afterlife.
"Watch your mouth I'm not Zara you not going to cuss at me. And did you not hear yourself say in that moment. Honey if you was in love with him it wouldn't have to have been a moment it would have been how you felt from the beginning but you didn't. But you knew that you wasn't done with Chandler I told your ass while you was pregnant that you shouldn't have been with him but you ignored me. It was your hormones that had you in your feelings cause the moment Avery was born you went back and fucked Chandler and ended up pregnant again. You might have liked the man but that was about it."
My mama got up from the sand and walked back to the house mumbling shit under her breath. I looked over at Zara who was sleeping the whole time and shook her.
"You believe that shit?" I asked Zara
"You know she's right about everything she said though. She did tell you to not move so fast with Terrence but you did now look at what happened."
"Ugh y'all starting to get on my nerves."
I got up and grabbed a sleeping Avery and walked back to my room. I ran a bath for him and washed him the best I could without waking him. After his bath I laid him down and decided to feed him when he wakes up.  I plopped down in the bed and just looked around. I couldn't help but feel sad about what happened but I'm so pissed off. He didn't have to kiss that bitch back and the fact that she made a move on him is just infuriating.
"Hey mamas" Chandler said while walking in the room with a sleeping Mariah.
"Hey." I said sadly
"What's wrong with you?"
I just shook my head at him as I felt myself about to cry. He grabbed me and pulled me into him. I laid my head in his chest and just cried. I don't know why I'm crying to him but I couldn't help it.
"Ssh ssh baby it's okay. What's wrong talk to me baby?" Chandler said
"Why couldn't you just divorce her in the beginning? This all would have been so much easier if you just had stopped playing games!" I screamed
"Why are you mad at me?"
"Because Chandler if you had divorced her like you said you were the first time I wouldn't have met Terrence. I wouldn't have to have gone through what I'm feeling right now!"
"And that is?"
"HEARTBROKEN! I feel lost i don't know if I made the right decision." I said
"Oh my fucking- you don't love him you just feel guilty. Alana I wasn't playing games with you I thought I was making the right decision the first time. I should have left you're right. I'm sorry" chandler said
He pulled my face closer to his but I pushed away. How the hell is he going to tell me how I felt about Terrence.
"No no kissing me right now I don't need that. And stop telling me how I feel about people."
"Alana I'm not telling you how to think. I'm telling you the fucking truth! You didn't even love him."
"Yes I did."
"Sure you did. If you were in love with him you wouldn't have let me continue to have sex with you or let me move in if you were ready to be with him. You wanna talk about me playing games but baby you was also playing your own game with me. One minute you was so in love with me the next you weren't. So how was I supposed to just leave my wife for you when you was stringing me along too."
Shit he's right. Ugh can everyone stop telling me the truth for one day. I rolled my eyes at him and went into the bathroom I was done with the conversation. I mean Terrence is everything I wanted Chandler to be which is one reason why I was attracted to him. He was so beautiful and his heart was so big. He knew how to make me laugh and he can cook his ass off but I wasn't in love yet. Shit I am just like Chandler if not I'm worse. Snapping me out of my thoughts I heard my phone ring.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Umm I just called to hear your voice one more time." Terrence said into the phone
"Oh."
"Listen Alana baby. I don't know why I kissed her but I'm sorry. In a way me and her are in the same boat maybe that's why I did it."
"How are y'all in the same boat?"
"We're watching the people we love fall in love with each other all over again right in front of us. Alana I see how you look at him and how he stares at you. I can see the love you have from him radiate from your body every time y'all come in contact if each other. I see how in any situation you check on him first before you even think to check on me. I get it he's your first love but you don't have to be with him."
"Terrence I'm single. I'm with nobody but myself and it was wrong to be with you knowing that I wasn't over him and I'm so sorry for that. I want you to know that I truly love you though."
"And I love you too baby but I don't think this is the end for us maybe a pause but not the end."
"Well I don't know but we'll see. Right now though I'm single and I'm not looking. Maybe I'll even become celibate."
We both laughed into the phone. Who am I kidding I'm not going to ever stop having sex.
"Yeah okay. I wanna see you not have sex but when you do decide to have sex. Call me."
"Maybe I'll call you or maybe I'll get a dildo." I laughed into the phone again making Terrence laugh too.
"Mhmm anyways I just wanted to call you and apologize. I love you."
"I love you too."
I hung up the phone and just sat there again thinking about what he said. I couldn't help but to smile a little from him telling me that he still has hope for us in the future. I mean I don't know but I wouldn't deny it if it happens. I got into the shower and just kept on thinking about everything. Maybe I should just stop thinking about everything and just go with the damn flow. I heard the door open to the bathroom and I rolled my eyes already knowing who it was.
"Can I join you?" Chandler asked
"Only if you promise to eat me out and then leave." I said turning to face him. Chandler looked at me and laughed and I laughed too. He looked up in the air like he was thinking then took off his clothes. I moved over in the shower and he picked me up and went right into it.
"You got yourself a deal. Besides I miss the smell of you." He said before putting his head right back into my pussy.
I closed my eyes and relaxed my body and enjoyed this moment. Everyone is fucking right I'm not done with Chandler. After my shower I decided to take a nap and have a little me time. Chandler took the kids out to his room to play and I slowly drifted off to sleep. Yup me time equals sleep.
Four hours later I jumped out of the bed and ran to see where Chandler was. I heard a bunch of talking and laughing downstairs but I didn't hear Chandler so I ran to his room. I saw that he and Mariah were sleeping and Avery was laying in Chandler's arms just babbling away. I grabbed Avery and pulled the covers over Chandler and kissed him.
"Come here fat man. How's mama baby boy. I love you I love you. Come on let's go downstairs and see what's all the noise is downstairs." I said as I kissed all over him making him laugh.
I walked downstairs and stopped in my tracks. I was taken aback by how fine this man was standing in front of me. He's tall standing at about 6'6,he has dark black hair, beautiful brown eyes that just hypnotizes you, tattoos covered most of his body and he wasn't super muscular but he had some. He reminded me a little bit of David Beckham just without the British accent and his hair is black. Shit who the hell is this? I looked at Zara who looked at me and shook her head at me. She already saw it in my eyes but i was just admiring him. That's it.
"Aaaah here she is the one I've been waiting to see." He said in a deep voice
"Hi." I said looking up at him he's now standing right in front of me. I can smell his cologne.
"You don't remember me do you?" He said grabbing my hand and kissing it.
"I'm afraid I don't."
"Well I'm-" he was stopped by a fist to his face. I saw Chandler staring at him like he was scum on this earth.
"Chandler what the fuck?" I screamed at him
"Dad are you kidding me right now?" Zara yelled
"I told you the last time I saw you that if you ever came face to face with me again i was going to kick your ass!" Chandler yelled at the guy on the floor. My dad came running up to Chandler and they started arguing as he pushed him to the door. It all started to click in my head.
"Uncle Levi." I said as I helped him up off the floor.
"Yes. And i see some people never change. Alana would you mind pouring me a drink?"
I saw Chandler shake his head at me but I ignored him. I walked to the kitchen with Levi and made him a drink. Oh boy.