The Runaways

Chaptet Fifty-Four - Midnight Walks and Talks

Warren

I was unable to sleep. No matter how much I tossed and turned, no matter what trick I tried, stretching each muscle group one by one, clearing your mind, deep breathing exercises, nothing worked. I was exhausted yet wide awake. It was almost physically painful. It was so frustrating, I was so angry but yet too exhausted to act on it. I lied awake for hours before I finally decided to go get some fresh air.

I stepped out of the house and walked outside. I usually went on walks when I couldn't sleep. They always got my frustration out so the insomnia would be more bearable. My favorite thing to do was to look up at they sky and look for stars. I've gotten so good at it I can usually tell where I'm facing by finding the big and Little Dipper. I learned pretty quickly to enjoy night walks like this. It always seems so different at night, the atmosphere almost feels other worldly. Maybe it's nostalgia from all the summer nights I spent sitting in my back yard in the grass reading until my flashlight batteries went out or until the bugs got too bad.

I stopped going on my midnight walks for awhile after Norah was born. Instead of walking around aimlessly around outside at night I just would quietly walk into her room and sit with her while she slept. It started out when she was a newborn and couldn't sleep through the night, whenever I couldn't sleep I just decided to go in and prepare for her to wake up and start crying so she didn't wake up Cleveland or my ex-wife. Then it slowly turned into me just checking in on her to make sure she was sleeping fine and just to be with her. It especially came in handy when she started getting older when nightmares started to become an issue. Eventually every night when I put her to bed after I would read with her and make her get ready for bed she would always ask me to come in and check on her to make sure she didn't have any nightmares. So when she was taken from me I resorted back to what I did before Norah was born. Just walking around at night. Most of the time on these walks I tried to just think about my surroundings but almost every single time it ended up with me thinking back to Norah and how much I miss her.

Despite how hard it got raising her after my ex-wife left, I still miss her fighting with me over everything. I still miss having her yell at me telling me that I can't brush her hair as well as her mother did or I can't play with her as well as her mother did. I miss her refusing to eat whatever I would make her because she wanted her mother to make it instead. Sure hearing her scream at me telling me she hated me for a whole two week period hurt a lot I knew she didn't understand her own feelings. I knew it wasn't fair to her that she had to deal with the loss of a mother at only five years old. I remember having to tell her after three days of looking everywhere's for my ex-wife. Three days of looking for a note some sort of message a reason why. I still haven't been given a reason. I can't express how hard it was having to come up with an answer when Norah asked me 'Does Mommy not love me anymore?'. How are you supposed to answer a question like that when you yourself don't even know the answer.

I don't know how long I had been walking for by the time I circled back and was headed towards the house. I was still tired, exhausted, I wanted to go to sleep so badly. Hopefully when I laid back down I'd be able to fall asleep. I really need to get back on track to finding Norah and I can't do that without getting any sleep. Just as I was getting closer to the house I started to hear sniffling and crying sounds. I wanted to just bash my head into a wall knowing that this would most likely just end up with me not sleeping when I hoped to but someone was obviously having a hard time so I kept on walking to see what was going on.

When I got close enough to the house I could see Corban sitting right outside the doorstep with his head buried in his knees. He had his arms wrapped around his legs with one hand holding onto his glasses as he cried. I felt my heart sink as I walked over to him. The closer I got the more I could hear how upset he was, just a lot of sobbing and sniffling. I felt awkward and didn't know what to do, as far as I was aware Corban probably didn't even know I was standing there. I could walk away and not deal with having to calm down a crying hormonal teenager, I'm horrible at dealing with crying people that aren't Cleveland. After twelve years I've just gotten used to Cleveland crying over little things but not someone I barely know. Hell when I started dating my ex-wife it took me a while to figure out how to deal with her expressing any negative emotion. I guess I've always had this problem, my guess it's because I lacked a normal childhood and didn't develop emotionally until around college, it's probably why I've had many of my teachers describe me as 'unnaturally emotionally void' as a child.

I sighed quietly and stepped closer to Corban. I was tired and exhausted and wanted to try falling asleep but I had to treat him how I hope someone will treat Norah.

"Corban...?"

His head immediately shot up  as he jumped. He looked surprised to see me standing there. Corban then immediately started rubbing his eyes and wiping away all his tears, "Oh hi um... sorry. Did I wake you up?"

"No, I wasn't able to sleep so I went and walked around. Are you... okay? What's going on?" I asked as I bent down to get to his level.

Corban kept rubbing his eyes which were red, puffy, and irritated from all the crying. His blue eyes were darting around in every direction as he avoided eye contact, "I uh... I just had a bad dream..."

"Do you want to talk about it..?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"It was— you know about all the s-stuff I went through with the S-Syndicates and... I just..." Corban's voice was straining as I could hear him trying to hold back from crying again, "I woke up and I just... I-I really wanted my Dad..."

"Corban it's okay, you're allowed to cry buddy." I said as I put my hand on his shoulder, "The more you hold it in the worst your going to feel."

Corban then started sobbing again. He covered his face with his hands as he rested his arms on his legs. I felt responsible for the breakdown he was having, I asked him to relive his trauma for me so I could get an idea on how to save my daughter and now he was bawling his eyes out in the middle of the night. I shifted so that I was sitting and not bent down on my knees and I just kept my hand on his shoulder since that's really all I knew what to do. Occasionally I'd throw in a pat or two, I didn't know how to comfort him. I wanted to but I felt so awkward doing it, I barely know him.

"I just... I miss my Dad so much..." Corban sobbed, "He promised m-me we'd see each other again... and sometimes I'm afraid that he g-got killed, or h-he died... I just want to see him again..."

I didn't know how to respond to him, I didn't know what to say to make him feel better because I was having the exact same problem but in the opposite scenario. Instead I just decided to put my arm around him and pull him into a hug. I was unsure if it was the correct thing to do but Corban responded to it well. He just wrapped his arms around me and cried into my shoulder. I just sat there with him for a moment, I think this hug was something I needed too. It reminded me of the way Norah hugs me.

"I'm so sorry Corban. I'm sure he's out there somewhere still looking for you, I'm sure he misses you just as much as you miss him. I know exactly how he must feel, I promise you he hasn't forgotten about you." I muttered.

Corban just nodded as he kept crying and holding onto me.

"I know you don't know me very well but, if you help me find my daughter, I can try and help you find your Dad..?" I asked in an unsure tone. I wouldn't mind if Corban hung around with me longer than the rest but I don't know how he'd feel about leaving his friends.

"Really..?" Corban sniffled.

"Yeah." I said, "you've already helped me so much already. You deserve to see your Dad again too."

I felt Corban hold onto me tighter as he cried, "...Thank you..."

"You're the one I need to thank Corban, you don't need to do that."

"N-no ones... ever offered to help me find my dad again..." Corban cried, "Please... I want to go with you..."

"You're fine with leaving your friends?" I asked.

"I just want my dad... that's all I want." Corban sniffled.

"Okay. We leave as soon as everyone is ready in the morning."