Star Wars Texts

starbucks

Clone wars season 5 spoiler I guess...? I'm sure y'all have seen it already, but just in case...

*obi wan enters a Starbucks on coruscant*

Obi wan: hello everyone! I'll just have my regular

Ahsoka: coming right up, sir

Obi wan: Ahsoka! What are you doing working here?

Ahsoka: well I need a way to make money and survive. Leaving the Jedi kinda left me on my own

Obi wan: oh that's right, sorry we couldn't help you much financially. We blew all of our money on green cupcakes and balloons when it was yoda's birthday

Ahsoka: oh I remember that! Those cupcakes were nasty though. What was in them?

Obi wan: broccoli

Ahsoka: eek

Ahsoka: anyways, here's your unicorn frappe

Obi wan: thanks Ahsoka

Obi wan: hold on, you spelled my name wrong! It says Mopey Juan Baloney

Ahsoka: sorry master, i get paid double for every time I spell someone's name wrong

Obi wan: well thats bound to make an angry customer. Especially a bunch of Jedi

Obi wan: hmmmmm

Obi wan: I have an idea. How about I host a party at the Jedi temple and hire some starbucks catering. You can spell all of the Jedi's name wrong and it'll be hilarious!

Ahsoka: oh I'm so down for that

Ahsoka: why do you want to go against the Jedi, though?

Obi wan: they said they won't fund my robes anymore so that pissed me off. I mean, where else am I supposed to put my robes before a fight? Leave it on the ship? I don't think so

Ahsoka: ...

Ahsoka: whatever, I'm in

*at the Jedi temple*

Mace: it's very kind of you obi wan to throw a party for national sacrifice a pillow pet day

Obi wan: oh the pleasure is all mine, mace

Obi wan: please, help yourself to some refreshments

Mace: don't mind if I do

*they go to the Starbucks stand*

Mace: oh hello, citizen. I see you are now a Starbucks employee

Ahsoka: yes I am, what would you like?

Mace: a cappuccino please, extra bitter

Ahsoka: gotcha

Ahsoka: here you go

Mace: thanks. Wait. Why is my name erase windu

Ahsoka: sorry, company policy

Mace: obi wan, what kind of rude services have you hired?

Obi wan: hehe all part of the plan

*mace stomps off*

Ahsoka and Obi wan: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Ahsoka: obi wan, I thought revenge wasn't the Jedi way?

Obi wan: shhh it's okay in some occasions hehehehe

Obi wan: oh here comes Yoda

Yoda: hello, padawan, a drink, I'd like

Ahsoka: yes master

*gives Yoda a drink*

Yoda: my name, not broda is. Like it, I do

Mace: AAAAHHHHH

Mace: who put a chili pepper in my coffee!

Anakin:  heeeheeehehehahahahahah

Mace:  it's like you don't even want to be a Jedi master

Anakin:  I'm over it by now.  I've learned to accept that it's not gonna happen

Mace:  have you?

Anakin:  no

Ahsoka:  sup master

Anakin:  AHSOKA

*anakin + Ahsoka reunion hug that we've all been dying for*

Ahsoka:  pick your poison, Anakin

Anakin:  I'm not much of a coffee drinker, just give me something with caramel in it

Ahsoka:  coming right up

Anakin:  this says tanakin skypuncher

Anakin:  I'll let it slide.  It's one of your nicer nicknames anyways

Ahsoka:  you know where's the best place to get a tan?

Anakin:  where?

Ahsoka:  tatooine 😎

*anakin gasps*

Anakin:  you did not

* thirty minutes later*

Obi wan:  looks like everyone got their drinks Ahsoka, well done messing up their names

Aayla:  I can't believe I got cryla

Kit:  I got tit fister

Plo:  I got glow raccoon

Luminara:  I got broominara

Aayla:  well, it is your turn to sweep the floors

Obi wan:  hahaha my revenge is complete

Vos:  I got Winlan Boss!

Obi wan:  what?!  Ahsoka, you were supposed to give him something more insulting than that!

Ahsoka:  but he's a nice guy!  He bought me a cheeseburger when I left the order

Obi wan:  ugh fine

Vos:  woah, why are there are a bunch of slashed up pillow pets everywhere

Anakin:  it's national sacrifice a pillow pet day!  There was no way I was gonna pass up the opportunity to destroy something

Obi wan:  what a stupid holiday

Mace:  you're the one who threw a party for it

It's one of those days when you're feeling salty about the Jedi order 🙃