Star Wars Texts

execute order 69

Cody:  did you get the orders?

Rex:  yup

Cody:  are you ready to do this?

Rex:  nope

Cody:  well, good soldiers follow orders

Rex:  unfortunately

Rex:  are ya ready, troopers?

Clones:  aye, aye captain!

Rex:  I can't hear you

Clones:  aye, aye captain!

Rex:  ugh I'm gonna regret this

Rex:  alright guys, execute order 69

Cody:  this is where the fun begins

*a few moments later*

Anakin:  uh rex where is your shirt

Rex:  what's a shirt

Anakin:  you know, the thing you where on your body

Rex:  oh, don't worry about that, anakin

Anakin:  ???

Anakin:  I don't mind you calling me by my name Rex, but isn't that a little unusual for you?

Rex:  ugh I can't do this anymore

Anakin:  what're you talking about

Rex:  you know what?  I'm gonna go eat some ice cream and think about all my life regrets

*a little later*

Anakin:  hey obi wan, were the clones acting a bit weird today?

Obi wan:  oh you have no idea

Anakin:  why?  What happened to you?

Obi wan:  Cody turned on some music and all the clones threw off their helmets and armor. They started dancing like a bunch of strippers

Anakin:  ...

Anakin:  what

Obi wan:  apparently they were following an order they received called order 69

Anakin:  what does it call for

Obi wan:  seducing the nearest Jedi

Anakin:  oh

Anakin:  well that explains a lot

Obi wan:  what happened to you

Anakin:  I think Rex attempted to follow the order but he sort of ran away from me crying

Obi wan:  well, some troopers have an easier time following orders than others

Anakin:  or maybe the entire galaxy has a crush on you

Obi wan:  no one has a crush on me Anakin

Anakin:  oh really?  There's Vos and-

Obi wan:  okay fine, that one is obvious

Anakin:  let me finish.  Vos, Cody, probably Fisto, satine, dooku

Obi wan:  dooku?!

Anakin:  yeah man.  He literally complements your lightsaber skills every single time we face him.  And he always talks about how you have "room for improvement"

Obi wan:  Anakin that's just creepy

Anakin:  that's the life of the hot one

Obi wan:  enough of this nonsense.  We need to check up on the other Jedi and how they are dealing with this strange order

Fisto:  omg did you guys hear about order 69.  The clones took over my swim class.  They kept asking me to teach them how to do breaststroke

Obi wan:  oh, I'm sorry to hear that

Aayla:  it's a bit weird isn't it. 

Ahsoka:  lucky for me, I'm young enough to avoid all this.  But it's been a lot of fun watching

Mace:  how come no clones have approached me

Anakin:  i think they're scared of you

Mace:  fair enough

Aayla:  yeah I don't think any clones are in the mood to get decapitated

Yeah I made my own version of order 69 cause I saw some really weird and messed up stuff on the internet that I decided I wasn't going to use for this book.  Hope you guys enjoyed this cringy chapter.