Star Wars Texts

obi wan hate club

Maul:  I have created this club so that we can all talk about how much we hate obi wan

Maul:  and the blue milkshakes are on the snack table

Savage:  *slurp* these milkshakes are so delicious

Maul:  I know right?  I got them from Dex's diner.  That guy has taste

Rako hardeen:  the cookies are especially good

Sidious:  enough you idiots, when does the meeting start

Maul:  it starts when I say it starts you wrinkled bitch

Sidious:  this is why you were such an incompetent apprentice

Maul:  guys, who wants to start a sidious hate club?

Savage:  me

Maul:  alright I'll put it on the list.  But now starts the I hate obi wan meeting.  First, let's go around in a circle and say why we hate obi wan

Maul:  I'll go first

Maul:  he chopped me in half

Rako:  I thought I killed him but then the Jedi said sike and arrested me

Cad bane:  he keeps ruining my heists

Deathsticks dealer:  he made me go home and rethink my life.  It was a sad day

Savage:  he made a hole in my shirt

Maul:  ???

Maul:  brother, why are you so stupid.  Didn't obi wan slice off you arm?

Savage:  oh yeah.  When he did that, he made a hole in my shirt

Maul:  idiot

Sidious:  obi wan keeps beating up my apprentices

Maul:  wow so you actually care

Sidious:  I was going to get rid of you anyways, but I didn't expect you fail your first mission.  Loser

Maul:  listen up old man, if you don't cough up your own ribs and die already, I'll be glad to kill you myself

Grievous:  I coughed up a rib once

Rako:  ewwwww

Cad bane:  literally nobody asked you, grievous

Savage:  why do you hate obi wan, anyways?

Grievous:  he won't let me add his lightsaber to my collection

Grievous:  and he doesn't die

Maul:  true, that bastard just keeps on living

Deathsticks dealer:  I am suddenly grateful that I decided not to pick a fight with obi wan

Savage:  you should be, you never know when he's going to ruin one of your nice shirts

Maul:  okay who's next?  Hondo you're up

Hondo:  what?

Maul:  why do you hate obi wan?

Hondo:  oh I don't hate obi wan, he is one of my closest friends!

Maul: ...

Maul:  then why are you here?

Hondo:  for the blue milkshakes of course!  They are world class

Hondo:  and they are made by the famous dexter jettster, a friend of obi wan's!

*savage spits out the milkshake*

Cad bane:  will you mind the direction you spit in?  You got that stuff all over my face!!

Savage:  the drink is blue, your skin is blue, I see no difference

Cad bane:  I'll have you know my skin is navy blue and this blasted milkshake is the color of my baby cousin's butT

Maul:  why would you look at your baby cousin's butt

Cad bane:  it was my turn to change the diaper

Anakin:  hello hello!

Hondo:  ah!  My second favorite Jedi!  How are you my friend?

Anakin:  heyy nice to see you hondo

Anakin:  so I heard there's cookies and milkshakes here, I'd like one

Maul:  sorry buddy, those are reserved for members of the I hate obi wan club.  I'm pretty sure you don't fall under that category

Anakin:  uhh sure I hate obi wan

Anakin:  I had a dream once he chopped of my legs and burned me alive.  And I was all like I HATE YOUUU

Maul:  that's really specific.  But I guess I can let you into the club, even if you only hated him in a dream

Anakin:  yaayyyy cookies!!